Another thing that is driving me fucking insane is that the only thing the current rise in the anti-zionist movement is in agreement upon is a ceasefire. I think that's good in terms of organizing around one immediate, actionable change, but god it's going to be a fucking shitshow when a ceasefire does occur because there seems to be very little consensus on what should happen long-term. Not surprising, considering a lot of people are new to the cause and that their passion stems from the obvious atrocity currently happening, not a deeper connection or investment. Just bonkers to see people who want one 'secular, democratic' state (not a lot of elaboration on what that means) and people who want two independent states and people who want one Palestinian state (sometimes secular, sometimes not) all calling themselves one movement... I mean, where is all this support going to be channeled in the years to come?

i feel like i don't fit in anywhere its wild. i dont make gifs anymore but when i did, i was just 'there' i went to conventions for these shows i made gifs for but made no friends cus when i went i still felt like i didnt belong. then i got into the bts fandom & everyones so inviting but since i dnt make anything im not known here or have followers of the same interests. i cant seem to find a place on twitter cus they're so fast paced and im not that talkative & tbh they seem younger most the time. im just never able to fit in anywhere and its kinda isolating when i have these interests and ppl seem to have so many friends in these fandoms. like im rlyyyy enjoying this show right now but even when i made a post about it, i cant seem to connect with people personally. maybe im not being more forward. i barely talk to my only 2 friends. my ex was the closest person with me & i dont share that little world with them anymore. i feel like i've lost myself. idk if this make sense *sigh* its just hard to see ppl connect with each other and i feel like no matter how much we have in common i dont belong here.

hi friend ♡

first of all, thank you for trusting me enough to send this. i like to hope my inbox feels like a safe space for anyone who needs a person to confide in or to just air their feelings out. i hope just by writing this all out, you feel a little bit lighter.

secondly, i relate to a lot of what you described. listen, i’ve been doing this fandom thing for a long time on and offline, so i’ve definitely been around the block of knowing where i feel like i fit in and where i don’t. and while i wouldn’t necessarily call myself shy, i’m very introverted. i absolutely understand not being the talkative type and ultimately letting just that fact alone be what dictates whether or not you form any friendships in whichever fandom you’re trying to make them in. you are right in the sense that sometimes you do have to push yourself and be a little more forward with it. conversation starting is daunting, but that’s how we get literally everywhere, right? it’s such a simple answer, but so scary too and that’s okay.

i think online fandom spaces—especially within the last few years as the “tumblr fandom” generation slowly migrated into “stan twitter” which is, like you said, mostly dominated by much younger people in comparison and definitely not the place i’d worry too much about not fitting into because it’s a hell scape and you’re so, SO much better off not being “known” on that site unless the subject’s fandom is very small, trust me—has refigured the way a lot of us with a classic case of wallflower syndrome navigate through the communities we try to find a place in. 

now it comes with an overwhelming need to “contribute” to the community in some way, shape, or form or you’re downright invisible. of course this isn’t true and i’m not sure exactly where this train of thought came from (maybe it’s the euphoria of going viral and building up a following, knowing people will interact with your posts no matter what it is just because you’re funny, creative, talented, etc.), but it’s definitely at the root of why some of us feel isolated in a fandom nowadays and that kind of experience isn’t healthy in my opinion. you’re just setting yourself up for failure (read: cancellation) and WHO in their right mind genuinely wants that kind of pressure in return for a little attention? not me! that’s why i always try to remind myself that my metaphorical place in a fandom doesn’t have to stem from whether or not i’m contributing anything so long as it’s more “i want to do this simply because i like to and it brings me joy” and less “i feel obligated to do this in order to feel seen”. i hope that makes sense. 

you literally do not need to bring anything to the table to be included. there is always a bigger percentage of people who just exist liking that thing than people who go out of their way to show it. neither type of fan is any less. you belong where ever YOU decide to be. it’s always up to you. 

as for the making friends part? i really do wish i had the secret formula to this that would solve this issue for everyone, myself included, but i’m still figuring it out. i haven’t really broken through the loneliness of this fandom yet, but i’m honestly not in a hurry either. i really like vibing on my own here. i’m speaking from experience when i say i have been in other fandoms where i was very known. very followed. very seen. very WATCHED. very influential if i wasn’t careful with my words. it felt like a job position i could lose at any moment if i made one wrong move or voiced one wrong opinion. while i had a lot of friends and met a lot of people in real life, shared a lot of amazing experiences and made a lot of memories, that kind of toxic environment i spent years in changed how i participate in a fandom now. i’m more reserved. i’m very comfortable not being known. i’m less eager for vocalize my every thought. i seemed to think the relative popularity amongst people i shared a fandom with was gonna keep me happy, but it really didn’t. and those friendships weren’t built to last because people just...turn on you so fast. 

so. my best advice for being in a fandom these days is to find your circle of people and when you do (which you WILL), for the love of god, keep it small and keep it close. it’s so much better. take those baby steps. reach out to people, start convos, compliment someone’s work or respond to their thoughts. a lot of us are truly just circling each other aimlessly, too shy to speak up first. it’s more universal than you think.

sorry for this long rambly response that probably wasn’t very helpful. but this message struck with me because i really empathize and i’m very sorry you’re feeling this way now. it won’t last forever, that i know for sure. <3