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off-in-the-moors · 4 years

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TRC rewrite: Main characters

Why? Because The Raven Cycle is a mess. From the setting, through characters and to the plot, everything is a mess on a foundations of good ideas. It feels like Margaret took three to four different drafts, stitched them together and switched around events, e.g. things that should be in book 1 are in book 3, etc.

So, here is my attempted to rewrite the Gangsey.

Blue

curly, damaged, black hair kept short; brown eyes and light brown skin

short and stocky, with a big eyes; untamed, arched eyebrows; and round nose

1/4 black, 3/4 white (Maura is 1/2 black, and Artemus is welsh)

her father, Artemus, was a history professor, focusing on British Isle (especially Wales)

when she was 14, her father's ghost appeared on Saint Mark's Eve, he suddenly died few months, leaving Blue devastated

was very close with her dad, didn't forgive her mother for not trying to save Artemus

straightens and clips down her hair to make it resemble hers dad's

owns a pink switch blade, which was once red, she stole from her father's stuff, uses it mostly to cut plants

knows a lot about plants, helps cultivated and collect them for the family business

interested in and actively looks for paranormal (magic, cryptids, you name it), interest seeded by her parents

went to public school, but after middle school was pulled out for homeschooling

works two part-time jobs, as a waitress at Nino's and a dog-walker, to have her own money

a psychic but her power makes it impossible to work as one

makes and remakes her own clothes, isn't good at it but she loves it

loves knitting sweaters for her friends and family

wears colorful, often clashing outfits with a lots of accessories

loves color blue, always has something blue in her outfit, even if only as an accent color

vegetarian

knows Adam from middle school, keeps warm relations with him (introduced her to his friends)

spends her Sundays with her family (e.g. hitch-hiking with her mother, helping with Calla, making sweater and clothes with Persephone, painting nails with Orla)

know few phrases in Estonian, thanks to Persephone

opinioned, independent and bold

environmentalist

Gansey

tousled, always preciously styled, brown hair; dark brown eyes, light skin

average but quite square built (looks stiff), straight nose, shadows and bags under eyes, often has pieces of mint leaves stuck it teeth

the shortest guy of the Gangsey

born with a silver spoon in his mouth

at ten, almost died from wasp stinks but survived thanks to "Glendower", obsessed with finding him ever since

insomniac, his grands and health suffers from it

was in the rowing team, until he slept through training and hit team-mate with a oar

has the power to commend people, but it's weak

loves mint-flavor things, borders on obsession

owns five different types of mint plants (Ronan named them)

makes mistakes in his research and normal day to day actions from lack of sleep, needs help of others

his mom buys him clothes

doesn't understand the value of money, mostly throws it around and leads people with no need to return it

needs glasses but often losses them (even worse with contacts), in the beginning of the story he's on his seventh pair

doesn't have friends outside the "Gangsey"

awkward about feelings and crushes, can't deal with them

has slit ADHD, needs to do something with his hands

perfectionist, fixes mistakes of others, brushes problems off

good at social interactions but horrible at maintaining relationships

after his grands suffered too much and his search for Glendower effected his school life, his parents cut him off from finances as a punishment

with Adam's help, found a job as a cashier at a grocery store, actually loves it

needs time to remember people's names

Ronan

curly, dark brown (almost black) hair, always shaven; blue eyes, pale skin (burns easily)

tall (tallest of the Gangsey) and quite muscular, angular face, narrow eyes, multiple scars on arms and few on face (oddly proud of them)

he's a copy of his own father, Niall Lynch (looks like a younger version of him)

shaved his head and got tattoos, after he discovered he's a copy, to resemble Niall as little as possible

dresses in what his father would never wear

has only one real tattoo, a Celtic cross on the back of his neck base, the rest of his back is dreamt up

the dream tattoo always changes, reflecting Ronan's mental/emotional state, but always has motifs of wings/feathers and branches twisting into Celtic knots

tried to stop dreaming up stuff multiple times, but it caused him headache and nausea, eventually ending in physical harm, went the dream "gets out"

confused about who or what he is

self-destructive, has no regards for his own safety

has a very strain relationship with Declan, envies his "realness"

vegan, loves animals and hates people who harm them

loves speed and racing, oddly proud of his speeding-tickets

believes for a long time, only Kavinsky understands him, but their "friendship" is complicated

doesn't allow anyone to touch Chainsaw (dream creatures are very personal to a dreamer)

tries to figure out what HE likes, and find his OWN path (even if it means craving it out)

touched starved

loves nature, can spend hours outside just sitting and thinking

acts and speaks before thinking, got himself in trouble for that many times (gets physical quiet often)

helps in the family "dream trade" business, doesn't want any of his creations near him, Chainsaw is the only exception

feels drawn to Cabeswaters, but he preferably would just burn it

knows Irish, speaks it when frustrated

before Niall's death, trained tennis and played on bagpipes (uilleann pipes), but stopped after his father's murder hates boxing

Adam

short, self-cut, light red-ish brown hair; grey eyes, tan skin with a lot of moles and freckles

skinny, deep-set eyes and a downturned lips

has only a backpack of his own stuff and a bike

deals with Gansey's antics only for a chance to escape his father and his living situation

lives with Gansey, Ronan and Noah in Monmouth

prioritises his education over his friendship with "Gangsey"

very frugal, keeps a "change jar"

mostly wears his wash-out Coca-Cola t-shirt, he bought with his first pay

the most sceptical about magic, still very cautious of it

hates loud sounds and physical contact

hates taking money from people and having money spend on him, but he knows he needs it

has three part-time jobs, including his favourite at the garage

loves cars, dreams about buying his own one day

afraid of heights and flying, childhood trauma

opportunist

highly values his independence

never refuses food

sacrificed his "hands and eyes" to Cabeswater, not only to wake the Ley Lines but also to escape his former life for good, seeing it as the only way (partly tricked by the forest)

deaf on the left ear but hears Cabeswater whispering to him through it

actively "fights" with Cabeswater for control (his way or the high way)

owns a old Nokia phone, only bought it to stay in contact with Gansey knows how to sew and dress a wound

Noah

messy, pale blond hair; light blue eyes, pale skin with a dark spot on the left side of his face

faded and lean; small, lively eye; bright, wide smile

kept him pretty much the same, but also add

sarcastic with a dry (and sometimes dark) sense of humor

"I'm the oldest one, so you should listen to me sometimes."

his Aglionby uniform always looks crinkled and dirty

doesn't remember most of his "living life"

gets his memories back from seeing/visiting people/places he knew

his emotional state effects his corporal form, e.g. strong negative emoticons make him less visible

music helps him stay visible

still loves Blink-182 (Ronan pirated him all their albums, including those he missed)

misses skateboarding, swimming, spending time with his old friends and family, and filling the weather

doesn't remember his death, only the pain

likes to wander around Henrietta

likes anything glitter, reminds him of his sisters

gave Adam permission to take his old Mustang, "If you can bring it to live, Parrish."

his disappearance is still a talked subject in Aglionby

sometimes mumbles or swears something no one understand, took Gangsey time to figured out it was polish

+ Bonus

Chainsaw

Ronan's first dream creature (or at the time Ronan believes so)

quite small for a raven

senses Ronan's emotions, always tries to comfort him by burying into his neck or "grooming" him

can speak single works but they sound very corrupted, e.g. "kerah" is a corrupted version of "cara" (irish for "friend")

at the beginning called Ronan Greywaren, but with time it change to "creātor" (creator), "somniator" (dreamer) and finally "cara" (friend), reflecting Ronan's own view of himself

likes to collect and bring Ronan small things, e.g. pen caps, leaves or pieces of newspapers

gets close only to people Ronan likes and/or trusts

If you have any questions or opinions to share, please send me an ask.

Thank you, for your attention :)

#the raven cycle #TRC #anti raven cycle #anti trc #anti maggie stiefvater #trc rewrite #Richard Campbell Gansey III #blue sargent #adam parrish #ronan lynch #noah czerny

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emjenenla · 6 years

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Something in the air's not right today [A Raven Cycle Fanfic]

Part One | Part Two

Gansey is not having a good day. Set somewhere in the vicinity of BLLB and TRK.

Trigger warnings for panic attacks and a brief mention of child abuse.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Raven Cycle. Title from “Papercut” by Linkin Park.

Gansey woke up to Ronan kicking the frame of his bed. He rolled over and squinted at the other boy who was nothing more than a blur of color. “What, Ronan? If you’re waking me to tell me that you’ve dreamed up five million baby crows, I swear-”

“Actually,” the Ronan-shaped blob said. “I was going to ask if we’re skipping out of class today.”

“What?” Gansey squinted at him, trying to get Ronan’s face to come into focus. It didn’t work, and he fumbled across the bed for his glasses. “Why would we be skipping--oh-” He trailed off as he finally got his glasses on and saw the clock. Classes started in twenty minutes; he’d slept through his alarm.

He had also fallen asleep maybe two hours before after hours spent working on the Henrietta model and even more hours of tossing and turning on his bed. He was exhausted and the fragile feeling that had been chasing him for weeks had taken up full-time residence in his chest. Before Aglionby, this would have been the kind of day he would have just called quits on before it even began. At his previous boarding schools, spread out across the world wherever his search took him, he gave himself a day or two a month where he could simply call in sick if he hadn’t been able to sleep or felt like he’d have a panic attack if something brushed up against him in the hallway.

It was different now. At those other schools he’d been well-liked but hadn’t had any real friends. He had never stuck around in one place long enough to form connections with anyone, so there had been no one to notice whether Gansey went to class or stayed home and curled up in his bed. That couldn’t happen now. There were people looking at him now. Ronan already declared his intentions to never attend school again at least once a day. If Gansey skipped out even once he’d lose all the leverage he had to keep Ronan going. It didn’t matter that Gansey’s deal with Child meant that Ronan could never set foot in Aglionby again and still receive a diploma, Gansey fully intended to make sure Ronan learned something in his senior year, even if it was just so Gansey felt a little less like a horrible person for bribing his headmaster.

And then there was Adam. He and Adam weren’t fighting, and Gansey was so incredibly thankful for it, but he also knew that just because they weren’t fighting right now didn’t mean they wouldn’t start again. Things hadn’t really changed; Gansey still didn’t understand why half the things he’d ever done or said were bad. If--when? --they started fighting again, it would be Gansey’s fault. Gansey was trying to forestall the re-opening of hostilities by not doing anything that might make Adam angry, which was really difficult when Gansey didn’t understand why half the things he’d done upset Adam.

Regardless of his confusion, he knew that he shouldn’t be skipping out of school when Adam Parrish might find out about it. Adam would go to school while burning up with a fever--Gansey had seen it happen multiple times--so he would no doubt object to Gansey skipping out of school when there was nothing technically wrong with him. If a hospital-level fever wasn’t a valid excuse to miss school, then practically no sleep and the very real possibility that you were going to freak out and not be able to breathe at some point during the day weren’t either.

So long story short, he was definitely going to school today, even if his eyes were scratchy, his head hurt, and he already felt just a little panicky for no reason at all. He missed those days when it hadn’t mattered to anyone what he did, when he hadn’t been the one who cared for everyone with nothing in return. It was lonely to take care of yourself when no one else did, but at least he hadn’t had to feel guilty about doing it.

“Gansey?” Ronan asked. “Have you finally decided to do something that’s actually fun?”

“Of course not,” Gansey said realizing a second too late what he’d just agreed to. His stomach twisted. That would just be more ammunition for the next time he started worrying that Ronan secretly hated him.

Gansey swung his legs over the side of the bed and got up. “I’ll be ready to go in five minutes,” he said, gathering up a clean uniform and heading for the kitchen/bathroom.

There would be no time for a shower. The thought unsettled Gansey more than he wanted to admit. He’d showered every morning before school since he was twelve and it felt wrong not to do it now, like he was finally allowing his mask to slip, and that couldn’t happen. The flawless mask of Richard Campbell Gansey III was the only thing protecting the fragile, strung-out real Gansey; the seventeen-year-old boy who knew he was going to be dead by the end of April but couldn’t tell anyone.

Gansey ran a brush through his dirty hair and tried to calm himself down. So what if he didn’t get a shower this morning? It wasn’t a big deal. People probably wouldn’t even notice; he’d showered yesterday, after all. Plus, he’d read once that it was actually healthier not to wash your hair every day, and some people’s hair got so unruly when they washed it that they had to wait until the next day to go anywhere important.

It wasn’t something to be upset about, but Gansey couldn’t stop worrying about it. He put in his contacts, brushed his teeth and tried to make his hair and uniform look even more perfect than usual before bolting out of the kitchen/bathroom to collect his backpack and Ronan.

~~~~

They arrived at Aglionby just as the five minute bell was ringing. Gansey hurried across campus with his head down. He felt like everyone was looking at him, like everyone could tell he’d woken up twenty minutes ago and hadn’t had time to shower. He knew that was ridiculous--everyone else was on the verge of being late too--but he couldn’t shake the feeling. By the time he got to his first period class, his chest was tight, and his hands were shaking.

No, no, no. He told himself. This couldn’t happen. He was here so now he had to make it through the day. He had a quiz in Chemistry which was going to require all his focus because he had never been good in science. There was also a debate on who was to blame for the start of WWI in history and he would be expected to participate with the same enthusiasm he had when talking about Glendower and ancient Welsh history even though he’d tried to explain that he didn’t like modern history multiple times.

Gansey took a deep, slow breath fighting against the tension in his chest as the teacher came in. All he had to do was get through the day, then he could go back to Monmouth Manufacturing and sleep. Everything would be fine. It had to be.

~~~~

Everything was fine until fourth period, right before lunch. It was history class, right in the middle of the debate. One of the students on the opposite side had pulled out the old, tired elementary school explanation of blaming the Archduke of Austria for starting the whole war. The other boy obviously hadn’t prepared because he’d called the Archduke “that one duke guy who got offed.”

Even though Gansey had little interest in who had started WWI, he would not allow that simplistic view to stand. “Actually,” he said. “That’s not quite accurate.” He wanted to go on any explain how the Archduke hadn’t actually been as important as he’d been made out to be and that his death had been used mostly as an excuse to start fighting, but suddenly he couldn’t remember the man’s name either. He’d known it a moment before, he could still feel is poking at the edges of his consciousness, but he couldn’t pull it out into the open.

The hard pressure which had been threatening him all day closed in around him and he couldn’t breathe. Everyone else who had prepared for class knew what that duke’s name was. Gansey looked like an idiot for not knowing, even more so for attempting to rebuff the other boy when he didn’t know the information himself. Mr. Morris probably thought Gansey hadn’t prepared either, if Gansey looked his direction, the teacher would probably be looking at him with disappointment.

Gansey tried to calm himself down. He’d barely slept last night, and memory problems were a symptom of sleep deprivation; there was nothing to freak out about. He tried to page through his notes to find the name, but his hands were shaking too much. He could barely think.

“Mr. Gansey?” Mr. Morris’s voice cut through his rising panic. “Is everything alright?”

“May I be excused?” Gansey gasped, refusing to acknowledge the concern in Mr. Morris’s voice. Everyone was staring at him, wondering what was wrong. Any minute now someone was going to realize that he hadn’t slept and hadn’t showered and was freaking out about forgetting a fact that didn’t even matter to him. Any minute someone was going to realize that Gansey was falling apart and that couldn’t happen because once someone did then Gansey couldn’t pretend he wasn’t anymore, and he couldn’t fall apart because if he did what would happen to Ronan and AdamandBlueandNoah?

He didn’t even really wait for Mr. Morris’s response because he didn’t think he’d be able to hear it. He simply gathered his books and fled before anything worse could happen.

~~~~

Gansey was a master of finding places to breakdown where no one would find him. Today’s spot was behind the Humanities building, next to a perfectly sculpted bush which hid him from anyone walking by on the path which lead to the Science building.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, hands clenched in his hair, trying to breathe. He wanted to berate himself for panicking over something so stupid, but he knew forgetting that name was just the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak. This was always going to happen from the instant he’d decided to come to school today, it had only been a matter of what set it off.

What he berated himself over was that this was happening at all. He was Richard Gansey III, everything in his life had been privileged and he had never wanted for anything. There was absolutely no reason for this to happen to him; nothing really horrible had ever happened to him. His father hadn’t been murdered like Ronan’s. He wasn’t trapped in the place he’d been born by money like Blue was. His parents hadn’t beaten him like Adam’s father had. He wasn’t dead like Noah. Gansey was just snot nosed rich kid who had been stung to death by a couple hundred bees and then came back to life; that was nothing compared to what the others had suffered. So what if he was going to really die in a couple months? At least he knew it was coming so he could get things in order and make sure he didn’t leave things on a bad note with anyone; most people didn’t get that chance. It was terribly privileged of Gansey to think he deserved more leniency than he’d already received.

He sat on the grass as fourth period came to an end and lunch period began. Slowly, very slowly, he regained his ability to breathe. He didn’t move until the bell announcing lunch was ending in five minutes rang. He hadn’t eaten at all today, and he probably should have gone to lunch, but he did not want to walk into the commons and face everyone else. Instead he picked himself up and went to a bathroom to fix his hair and clothes before heading for his sixth period class.

~~~~

He made it through the rest of the day in a sleep deprived, slightly panicky haze. After classes ended, Ronan left with Adam and Gansey went to take care of a couple meetings. When those were done he was halfway to the Pig before he realized that he probably should go apologize to Mr. Morris.

The history teacher was just locking the door to his office when Gansey climbed the stairs to the office floor of the Humanities building. He turned at the sound of Gansey’s shoes on the creaky wood floor. “Oh, hello, Mr. Gansey,” he said.

“Hello, Mr. Morris,” Gansey said. “I just wanted to apologize for the scene I made in fourth period. I didn’t mean to disrupt class.”

Mr. Morris gave him an odd look like he couldn’t believe Gansey came all the way up just to apologize. Gansey felt the same tension he did when he messed up around Adam. Of course, he came to apologize, he wasn’t so destroyed by his family’s money that he hadn’t learned when it was polite to apologize. He’d interrupted the debate and probably made Mr. Morris look like a bad teacher, since Gansey had a reputation for being the best history student in the school.

“Also,” Gansey went on, wondering if maybe this was why Mr. Morris was looking at him like this. “I do know that the Archduke of Austria who was assassinated on June 28, 1914 was named Franz Ferdinand. What I was going to tell Kensington was that-”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris interrupted, and Gansey froze. Mr. Morris never called him by his first name.

“Yes?” he asked, trying to ignore the way his throat was threatening to close up.

“Why are you apologizing?” Mr. Morris asked sounding genuinely confused.

“I interrupted your class,” Gansey said trying desperately to figure out where he’d gone wrong in this conversation. He’d thought he was doing it right. “I shouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t have anything intelligent to say; that’s your number one rule in debates. And then I just walked out of class and didn’t come back.”

“Richard,” Mr. Morris repeated. He sounded so unbearably sad that Gansey sort of wanted to run. He wasn’t sure what was going on anymore. “I don’t care about the debate. Are you okay? You seemed pretty upset.”

Gansey was only getting more tense, not less so. He could have handled continued confusion about what he was doing wrong, but he wasn’t sure how long he could stand up to someone outright asking him if he was okay when he knew for certain that he wasn’t. “I’m fine,” he said.

Mr. Morris didn’t look like he believed him. “You know, Richard, I don’t care if you forgot Franz Ferdinand’s name. We all have brain farts sometimes and you contributed a lot of other important insights to the debate. You’ll get full credit for it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“But I should have known,” Gansey said. “I did know; I just couldn’t remember.” Okay, maybe he was a little more upset about the actual history debate incident than he’d thought he was. Realizing that only made him want to escape even more.

“Then I don’t see what there is to be upset about,” Mr. Morris said. His voice was so gentle and soothing it was sickening. Gansey wanted to say that Ronan or Adam deserved this so much more than Gansey did.

“There was no reason,” Gansey admitted, hoping that he’d finally be allowed to escape.

“Alright,” Mr. Morris said and for a second Gansey thought the conversation was over, but then Mr. Morris said, “Then is there something else bothering you?”

Yes, I’m going to be dead by April 24th. Gansey thought, but he couldn’t just say that, no matter how much he wanted to. That was his struggle and he needed to bear it alone. It would help no one if Gansey used his swiftly ending life as an excuse to dump his problems onto others.

“There’s nothing else wrong,” Gansey said with all the finality he’d learned from the numerous politicians in his family. “I just wanted to apologize for causing a fuss.”

Then he turned and fled, ignoring Mr. Morris calling after him.

~~~~

The Pig started the first time Gansey turned the key, which made him pathetically grateful. He pulled out of the parking lot, refusing to admit that he’d probably have burst into tears if the car hadn’t started. The car had started so there was no reason to think about what might have happened if it hadn’t.

There was also no reason to think about his conversation with Mr. Morris. He couldn’t let himself think about what might have happened if he’d told the teacher the truth. He knew the most people only indulged the more fantastical aspects of his quest for Glendower. Gansey and Mr. Morris had discussed the Welsh King on numerous occasions since Gansey had begun attending Aglionby, and Gansey knew that while the history teacher found the depth of Gansey’s knowledge impressive, he didn’t really believe Gansey would find Glendower around Henrietta. Mr. Morris definitely wouldn’t believe Gansey if he tried to explain about souls on St. Mark’s Eve. It was better than he hadn’t tried to speak.

In that way, Gansey pointedly did not think about everything that had gone wrong today for the entire drive back to Monmouth. He also didn’t think about how not thinking about something required so much mental energy it was basically the same as thinking about the thing. Instead he tried to think about how Ronan and Adam would probably be off doing who knows what until Adam had to work, how Blue would be walking dogs and how Noah was rarely around anymore. Monmouth would be empty for a couple hours until Ronan found his way back. Gansey should not have felt thankful for that, but all he could think about was how he’d have a couple hours to sleep and hopefully put himself back together before he had to interact with people again.

He was so looking forward to his soft bed and sleep that it took him a couple minutes to realize that Adam’s Hondayota was parked next to Ronan’s BMW in front of Monmouth. His stomach sinking, Gansey parked the Pig next to the other two cars and just sat, gripping the wheel for a few minutes trying to gather himself. They weren’t supposed to be here. He was supposed to be able to snatch a couple hours of sleep and feel better. This day wasn’t supposed to keep dragging on.

He thought about simply putting the Pig into gear, driving away, finding a shady park and trying to sleep in the Camaro, but they’d no doubt already seen and heard him pull up. If he left now he’d have to explain why he had and he didn’t think he could come up with a lie good enough for that. With a heavy sigh, he turned the Camaro off, gathered his bag and headed slowly up the steps into the factory.

As he reached the top of the stairs, he realized there were more voices than just Adam and Ronan’s. He pushed the door open to see that Blue was there and so was Noah, corporeal for the first time in at least a week. They all looked up when Gansey came in, big smiles on their faces. “Hi, Gansey!” Noah said with a wave. “We’re going to have a movie night! Well, movie afternoon as the case may be, but whatever.”

Gansey stared at them, trying to bury his disappointment and pull up one of his masks from somewhere. He needed to act normal, it would be so much simpler to just go along with this than to try to whine about how he was tired.

It took him too long to respond. “Gansey?” Adam asked.

Gansey opened his mouth intending to say something that would diffuse the tension building up in the room, but what came out was, “Why aren’t you at work?”

Adam jerked back, eyes widening in surprise. “I don’t work until late tonight,” he said, eyes darting around like he was trying to find out what was going on. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, there’s not,” Gansey said, horribly aware that his tone of voice was too sharp, completely wrong for the words he was saying. He threw his bag onto the bed with more force than strictly necessary. His school things spilled across the bed and all he could think about was how that was another thing he was going to have to deal with. “There’s nothing wrong with that,” he went on in that horrible, wrong voice. “It’s not like you could have told me you had plans, but I guess my life revolves around you people anyway, so what does it matter.”

Noah’s eyes got huge for one moment before he melted away into nothingness, fleeing the situation. Ronan’s face twisted. “Now, what the-” he began but Blue held up a hand to stop him and shockingly he actually listened.

“We didn’t mean it like that, Gansey,” she said. “But you seem kind of upset. Did something happen today?”

“No!” Gansey shot back. “Nothing happened today! Everything’s splendid, thank you very much!”

Blue opened her mouth to respond, but Gansey turned away, talking over her. “I’m going to take a shower,” he said, fighting to stay calm. “You all can carry on with whatever you were doing.” He snatched up some clothes and stalked into the kitchen/bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

He’d been standing under the warm water for five minutes when he finally began to calm down enough to realize what he’d just done. He hadn’t gotten truly angry at one of his friends since his argument with Adam outside the hospital and look how that had turned out.

His chest tightened again. He’d just snapped at all his friends for something that there was no reason to get angry about. They’d all stopped by numerous times without telling him and it had never bothered him. Now he’d made Noah disappear when Noah had been around so infrequently recently, and he’d yelled at Blue and Adam.

He’d yelled at Adam.

Panic overwhelmed him. He’d always known he’d eventually mess up his fragile peace treaty with Adam, but he hadn’t thought he would happen this way. He’d thought it would happen during a casual conversation and he’d be left spending the next six months trying to figure out what exactly he’d said that had been so wrong. He hadn’t expected that he’d ruin it by forgetting the thin edge he was walking on and simply yelling at Adam. He couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid.

He crumpled to the floor of the shower stall, curled into a ball, water pounding down onto his back and neck, and gave into his second panic attack of the day. He’d ruined it. He’d so loved Adam not always being angry at him, and now he’d gone and ruined it. He’d hoped to have more time to enjoy it before it all fell apart again.

He huddled in the shower choking out gasp-sobs until he was the hot water ran out and he was too exhausted to panic anymore. He was so tired he wanted to just lie down on the floor of the shower and sleep. Instead he hauled himself up and got out. He dressed slowly and prepared to face the damage he’d done. He pointedly did not look in the mirror; he did not want to know what he looked like.

Ronan, Blue and Adam were all still there, which Gansey was a little surprised by; he’d expected at least Adam to have marched out in a fit of rage. They were watching what looked like a kid’s movie which Blue paused when she heard the kitchen/bathroom door open.

All four of them looked at each other for a couple minutes until Gansey couldn’t take it anymore and dropped his gaze. “I’m sorry about before,” he said quietly. “I have no excuse.”

Actually, there were numerous excuses, but trying to use one would probably only make Adam angrier. Gansey just wanted to do whatever he needed to do to get through the worst of Adam’s anger as quickly as possible.

There was another long pause, then someone got up and walked over. Gansey didn’t look up and was therefore surprised when a stack of clothes was forced into his arms. “Take your contacts out and put these on,” Adam said gently. “You look really tired.”

Slowly, almost afraid to see, Gansey lifted his head. Adam was looking at him not with rage or disgust but with open concern. It was as confusing as his conversation with Mr. Morris had been, but this time, Gansey knew better than to try to figure out what was going on. He looked back down at the clothes. There was a pair of his pajama pants and his favorite yellow sweater. He was touched; he didn’t realize that his friends stopped mocking his clothes long enough to notice that he even had a favorite sweater, let alone to figure out which one it was.

“Okay,” he said, in a near whisper, because he had no idea what was going on and he was too tired to figure out. He went back into the kitchen/bathroom, stripped out of the after-school clothes he’d just put on and changed into the soft, comfortable things that Adam had given him. Then he took out his contacts, which felt amazing because his eyes were irritated from the shower water and crying. He slid his glasses on and headed back out into the main room.

Blue smiled at him from the couch. Adam and Ronan were sitting on the floor in front of her. Bizarrely, she had one foot planted securely on the side of Ronan’s face and she was holding him a leg’s-length away. Gansey decided he didn’t want to know.

“Come sit down, Gansey,” Blue said, patting the couch next to her. Gansey wondered if they should be sharing a couch when they still didn’t know what Adam would think of them being together, but he was too tired to think of a logical excuse not to. He crossed the room and dropped down next to her.

“I really am sorry for snapping at you,” he said. “And for scaring Noah away. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“Gansey, it’s fine,” Blue said patting his leg. “You’re allowed to be frustrated every now and then; we’re not going to hate you forever because of it. And Noah will turn up again; he’s not going to vanish into the ether just because you had a bad day.”

Gansey wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but thankfully he didn’t have to because Ronan used that moment to bat Blue’s foot away from his face and snatch the remote from her. He pointed it at the TV like it was a weapon. “Alright, now that that’s all take care of, let’s get back to this movie.”

The movie was a good one, but one Gansey had watched a million times as a kid. Slowly he listed to the side until he collapsed against the couch’s armrest, mostly on his side. Blue hauled his legs onto the couch, so his feet were pressing against her thigh and then he was really lying down. Gansey’s eyes sank closed and someone took his glasses off, so they wouldn’t be crushed. Someone else dumped the comforter from his bed onto him and then he was warm and comfortable and safe. He felt himself start to drift off.

Blue rubbed his foot gently. “Go to sleep, Gansey,” she said. “We’re going to order pizza soon; we’ll wake you when it gets here.”

Gansey hummed in acknowledgment and finally, finally fell asleep.

Hopefully, you enjoyed. I may write a sequel in the Gangsey’s POVs if people like this and if I feel like writing it.

Emjen

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trb-reacts · 6 years

Text

The Raven Boys, Chapter 12

Adam wasn’t waiting by the bank of mailboxes in the morning.

Oh no. Please tell me Adam was fine and wasn’t caught. Tell me no one hurt our sweet, elegant boy.

Actually, more properly, he’d used it as a place to turn around and head back the way he’d come. […] At the sight of Gansey’s Aglionby sweater, Adam’s father had charged out, firing on all cylinders.

Lol, oh, Gansey, turn around and head back the way he’d come. I’m also just very afraid for Adam though. If Adam’s father reacts this way to Gansey in his Aglionby sweater, just how exactly does Adam’s father react to Adam attending Aglionby?

For weeks after that, Ronan had called Gansey “the S.R.F.,” where the S stood for Soft, the R stood for Rich, and the F for something else.

Lol, something else, huh?

His watch said he had eighteen minutes to make the fifteen-minute drive to school.

It’s okay, Gansey, I’ve done 10 minute walks within 5 minutes, because I always leave the house too late and have no sense of time. I managed, though, and made it on time, with 2 minutes of lateness. Yay me.

Noah had let him leave his journal behind at Nino’s after all, and its absence was surprisingly unsettling.

I’m sorry, Gansey, but how old are you? Noah let you leave your journal behind? Have a sense of responsibility, would you, tho I would admit that I would be exceedingly upset if I lost my journal full of my writings.

And Dick Gansey II had let his son know that if he couldn’t hack it in a private school, Gansey was cut out of the will.

He’d said it nicely, though, over a plate of fettuccine.

Oh, the rich people’s version of B+?? You only got a B+?? Only Asians get the threat of a beating (semi-kidding), while rich people get the threat of a fortune taken away with they get below a B. I wonder which one is worse.

He felt the old fear creeping slowly out of his lungs.

Don’t panic. You were wrong about Ronan last night. You have to stop this. Death isn’t as close as you think.

… I would like to be reassuring and tell Gansey he’s right, except Whelk’s friend did die when they went on their quest to search for the king. And I mean, a beating and death is not that far apart for Adam, is it? I’m concerned, especially with this unexpected radio silence.

Adam must’ve taken his bike, he must’ve had work, he must’ve had errands to run and forgotten to tell him. The rutted drive down to the neighborhood was still empty. Come on, Adam. Wiping his palms on his slacks, he put his hands back on the steering wheel and headed for the school.

Gansey, I’m admittedly a little disappointed in you. School > friend? I mean, I get it, I’m a student crazy about my grade too and most of the time, the worse case scenario isn’t usually actually what happens, though, Gansey? You called him out last night, knowing that consequences would be bad if Adam was caught. You called him, asked him for a favor from one friend to another, and Adam granted it, gave it to you without much more than a second thought for his own wellbeing, because you asked. And now you leave your wait for Adam, without knowing what happened to him at all? You coulda at least went by Adam’s home to see if he is there and then walk in late to class, though I admittedly don’t know how well rich boarding schools take walking in late to class.

Ronan was head of class in Latin. He studied joylessly but relentlessly, as if his life depended on it. Directly behind him was Adam, Aglionby’s star pupil, otherwise at the top of every class that he took. Like Ronan, Adam studied relentlessly, because his future life did depend on it.

He studied joylessly but relentlessly, as if his life depended on it. Oh, me in every single one of my classes. Joyless and relentless, because my future life depends on it. Not the star pupil like Adam, though I try.

I’m also getting the Ronan/Adam vibe again. Adam, top in every single one of his class except for Latin, the only class that Ronan tries and therefore excels at. I wonder if Adam gets infuriated by Ronan, the way Ronan doesn’t care about anything including his own talent and intelligence, but shines so brightly when he does try like a light flickering to life at night.

…. Would it be a stretch if I add ‘and Adam is helpless drawn by it, like moth to flame.’? Probably, but I don’t care. Ronan probably won’t burn Adam much tho. Probably. Hopefully.

He’d originally resigned himself to taking Latin in order to translate historical texts for Glendower research, but Ronan’s proficiency at the language robbed Gansey’s study of any urgency.

I’m so both amazed by Gansey’s dedication to his reasearch to even consider learning an entire other language (i understand how tough learning another language could be, since I suck at it, even without considering reading and writing formal text in another foreign language) and amused by Gansey’s typical student laziness. I don’t need to take it? Great, not gonna bother then, thank you very much.

Ronan hissed, “Where’s Parrish?”

Oh, no. Adam!! Also, Ronan cares~

Behind Gansey, someone punched his shoulder blade and said, Gansey boy! as they trotted by. Gansey halfheartedly lifted three fingers, the signal of the rowing team.

Gansey boy! Lol. Also, Gansey’s in the rowing team? He is popular.

A few months earlier, Gansey had offered to buy Adam a cell phone, and by so doing had launched the longest fight they’d ever had, a week of silence that had resolved itself only when Ronan did something more offensive than either of them could accomplish.

I’m so… I don’t know. I understand why Adam would be like, fuck you, I’m not a charity case, but at the same time… sometimes when you see your friend struggling, it physically hurts to have the means to help and just not be allowed to help. Gansey should say stuff like, “Oh, it’ll be easier to help me contact you, which would aid us in our quest. Also, think of this as me investing in you. You can pay me back for the phone later.’ Or just… sell Adam one of his old phone for cheap, idk.

This reminds me of *spoiler if you haven’t read The Foxhole Court* Andrew buying Neil a phone and Neil looking at it like it’s the devil the first time around. Though, to be fair, Neil and Adam are in different circumstance here.

Also, I’m so amused by this: a week of silence that had resolved itself only when Ronan did something more offensive than either of them could accomplish. Glad to see Ronan’s antagonistic nature has its perks. No one can seem offensive when in comparison to me!

Thank you, Ronan, thank you.

“Lynch!” the call came again. “I’m going to fuck you up.”

Wow, that’s… a very strong sentiment. Also, wow, I just noticed but Ronan’s last name is Lynch. Lynch, as in, *give me a second to google the formal definition*

lynch /verb/:

(of a mob) kill (someone), especially by hanging, for an alleged offense with or without a legal trial.

synonyms: execute illegally, hang, kill; informal string up

“he was lynched by the mob”

Lynch, with all those good feels here. The word lynch reminds of of martyrs and I wonder why I feel like Ronan would be the martyr, despite his strong personality implying/faking that he would be the one doing the lynching.

Gansey contemplated if he could give Ronan a curfew. Or if he should quit rowing to spend more time with him on Fridays — he knew that was when Ronan got into trouble with the BMW. Maybe he could convince Ronan to …

Gansey boy!: the Mom Friend of the group.

Gansey asked, “Why are you carrying that bag? Oh my God, you have that bird in there, don’t you.”

Whoops, I forgot about the raven. How could I forget about Chain Saw!!

“If you get caught with that thing —” But Gansey couldn’t think of a suitable threat. What was the punishment for smuggling a live bird into classes? He wasn’t certain there was precedent.

Ronan, breaking boundaries and making history left and right. I feel like Ronan is the type that prompts people to make new, weirdly specific rules like, “Guys, please, place your hand over the bleaker and gently wave a bit towards you. By heavens, don’t stick it under your nose and sniff like you would with drugs and most of all, I can’t believe I have to say this, but Do Not Drink It! It’s not edible, do you hear me, and definitely do not miss your mouth and accidentally splash it all over your eyes and then knock everyone’s bleaker over and spill the contents all over someone else’s eyes! This is a Safe Zone, you hear me, and we’re gonna Keep It That Way.”

“If it dies in your bag, I forbid you to throw it out in a classroom.” “She,” Ronan corrected. “It’s a she.”

I love how Ronan corrected the impersonal ‘it’ to a ‘she’. Oh, Ronan is such a softie underneath everything.

Though there was no reason to think Whelk cared about their conversation, Gansey had the strange idea that the lifted piece of chalk in Whelk’s hand was because of them, that the Latin teacher had stopped writing merely to listen in. Adam’s suspicion really was beginning to rub off on him.

Um, Gansey dear, actuallly, Adam’s suspicion is very well founded and also, just listen to your gut instincts. Your guts Knows, alright, it Knows, Gansey.

Ronan caught Whelk’s eye and held it in an unfriendly sort of way.

Oh, I love Ronan. Stare ‘em down, Ronan, stare ‘em down.

Because he despised everyone, Ronan wasn’t a good judge of character, but Gansey had to agree that there was something discomfiting about Whelk. A few times, Gansey had tried to hold a conversation with him about Roman history, knowing full well the effect an enthusiastic academic conversation could have on an otherwise listless grade. But Whelk was too young to be a mentor and too old to be a peer, and Gansey couldn’t find an angle.

If Gansey finds it discomfiting every time he can’t find an angle to talk to someone, he would not like my awkward little life or attempts at small talks. I’ll need to know you for a full three months before I can comfortably greet you without thinking ‘Am I overstepping my boundary? Can I greet them and acknowledge them outside of where we met? Do they even remember me or find my greetings too bothersome?’ Yeah, I have lots of anxiety about lots of stuff.

Also, Gansey’s such a nerd that he finds it weird when he can’t nerd out with someone who is supposedly a fellow nerd.

Ronan kept staring at Whelk. He was good at staring. There was something about his stare that took something from the other person.

Me, covering my mouth with a hand, tear brimming my eyes as I reenact the ‘you’re doing amazing, sweetie’ meme. Probably shouldn’t be encouraging him, heavens knows Ronan doesn’t need more encouragement, but I love it when Ronan acts so... him.

And: there was something about his stare that took something from the other person. I love it!

Gansey would’ve basked once more in the odds of Ronan of finding a raven, but at the moment, with Adam missing, his quest didn’t feel like magic; it felt like years spent piecing together coincidences, and all he had made from it was a strange cloth — too heavy to carry, too light to do any good at all.

Oh, love it. Some doubts from Gansey on his quest, the what-if my faith isn’t really faith, but rather delusions? What if there really isn’t magic and these coincidence (fate, magic) really are just coincidental events that a mad man strung together thinking that they had any correlation or significance at all?

Also, I love the metaphor with a cloth!! Too heavy to carry, too light to do any good at all; I spent too much time and energy and faith on it to abandon it now, and yet what had all the time and energy and faith invested really given me in return? Only strings of nothings connected by the thin, nebulous thread of ‘coincidences’.

"You seem to have an extremely large bag today, Mr. Lynch," Whelk said. "You know what they say about men with large bags," Ronan replied. "Ostendes tuum et ostendam meus?" Gansey had no idea what Ronan had just said, but he was certain from Ronan’s smirk that it wasn’t entirely polite.

So, when faced with untranslated babbles of unknown because I’m not cultured enough to be fluent in more than one language, I can never resist finding out what they mean by turning to the trusty google translate.

Before that, let me guess what he says without translating the Latin phrase and then maybe we can compare my guess to what he actually said.

Guess 1: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have large baggages,” because symbolism is so my thing. Except Ronan’s Latin phrase ends in a question mark and I think symbolism about bags and baggages is more of my thing than Ronan’s.

Guess 2: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have huge dicks,” because I can imagine Ronan making a dick joke here, except that’s also not a question. Ronan, what did you say????

Okay, I’m gonna cheat.

Final Guess: “You know what they say about men with large bags. They have huge dicks, amiright?” There, I got the question mark in there now. Totally showed that stupid question mark.

Answer: Ostendes tuum et ostendam meus? = You show me yours and I will show

... I’m not entirely sure what that means, so here’s another two guesses, this time on what this translated Lain phrase mean. Gee, Ronan, I like you, but you’re driving me nuts.

Guess 1: I’m totally right and it’s a dick joke. “You show me your, erm, jewels, and I’ll show you mine.” I like this one because I inappropriately like random oblique dick jokes in Latin, but also because it means Ronan is maybe not entirely straight so my ship with him and Adam might actually be able to leave the port.

Guess 2: I’m sadly wrong and Ronan is a bright diamond, meaning he’s not only shiny and awesome, but also damn sharp. (Actually diamonds aren’t the sharpest, I’m thinking about... hardness. Diamond’s the hardest of all rocks, I think, and I just compared Ronan to a diamond, so I’ll just leave that here.) Ronan is onto Whelk and he knows that Whelk’s been keeping an eye on them, so Ronan is saying, “You show me your cards, your secrets, and I might impart mine as well, including telling you about what’s in my ‘extremely large bag’.” (I really needa stop making dick jokes.)

Anyway, the second guess unfortunately sounds more plausible, though Ronan’s smirk seem to imply a bit more of the first guess. Yeah, I don’t know. Tell me if there’s an official interpretation of this or if I misunderstood?

"Being a shit in Latin isn’t the way to an A," Gansey said.

Ronan’s smile was golden. "It was last year."

Ronan’s smile was golden!! *cries* Oh, my son!! I love him so much.

Adam never showed.

And the somber reminder came back. I really, really hope Adam is okay. I miss him, and I’m sure the boys do too.

#the raven boys #the raven cycle #trc #trb #chapter 12 #this one is ridiculously long

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