I don't even go to dunes world but that video of Anthony running around madly onstage while gazing adoringly at frank with like the dopiest smile is absolutely bonkers are you guys alright

Doesn't this man have a wife

3/1/2021 4:03pm

here we go again gyahaha oi oi its been far too long since ive posted anything. srsly 2 years already? oh boy.. so many things have happend since then. even just typign this all out wouldnt be able to capture everything. itd just be some huge text block that no one would want to read. yawnn , but ofc i know this isnt why i should choose to write here in the first place. mayb i can start off where i am in the first place. currently feeling and thinking? rather wish i could stop thinking. was just scrolling thro all these old posts and i @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ its hard to read, am i embarassed of how much i got lost in my own feelings?  anyways, been out here all moved and. oh god.. feels like this doesnt matter wat i write.. like its gonna be some giant encylopedia book that nobody is ever going to bother reading. i mean srsly videos make it infitntely easier and FASTEr to learn things, stories, memes, other ppls experiecnes yada yada. i guess theres still some aesthtic feel and the abilitty go in over drive in depth detail about experiences by IM GOING TO WRITE BUY wrting/ texting. watever u wanan call it.  look at me just ranting and venting already. feh watever.. the more this block of space filsl up the more i want to stop. asuihjdnasdaauh kinda dont want to be friends with any1. dont want to deal with any1. dont want to trust or b elieve any1. everytime i go bck to my hometown to visit my grandparents it almost demands my opinion about everything i srsly feel about my actual family. i hear so many lies and interprattions of relationships within my ‘family’ that were never true. and out of these lies expectations of how i should FEEL and react when i have never been as close to any1 as they say they had. i hate thinking about anything my family. wat the hell did they ever knwo about me. dont drag me into your politics ur making up to set urself up. no bodys going to tell the truth around here?? anyway.. i turned 25, still no car. had 2 jobs durign this pandemic. recently moved, still have1 job. used to walk everywhere. carry my own stuff during rain or night wherever i wanrted to go. still trying to earn as much as i can to be able to provide for my self. i never want to have to live back at my hometown again. i want my freedom.. to exist, to express and to live according to what i believe in.  and among society and my peers and literally every1 around me i seem to be placed at the very bottom. i used to feel like all i needed was my friends but i cant seem trust any1. but with wat even, i guess really just how i really feel i guess. always trying to do things the right way. i will not be forced or manipulated or lied to how i should live ever. it feels liek i cant trust any1 and that nobodys givign me the right answers.  i detest the relationship i have with my mother. i can understand and appreicate the effort my grandparents have tried to provide for me knowing they tried their best to take care of my mother and give most support to my sibligns and just watever other family memebrs @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ u expect me to be happy like i had some kind of equal life and bare minimum all these other ppl who came from real families???? I TRY MY ABSOLUTE HARDEST TO KEEP THE FUTURE BRIGHT FOR OTHERS AND CHEERFUL AND FUN AND DO WATS RIGHT AND SHOW GENUINE KINDNESS only to be rediculed and made fun of by others.. wat do they know, wat did they ever know, wat will they ever know. fabricate your own stories .. your own false opinions and judgments.. i tried my best to get close to ppl .. and not once did i ever try to intentionally hurt anyone..i mgetting so angry just thinking about eveyrthing . whats so wrong about me wanting to be by myself.. r u going to shame me for not wanting to do this for other ppls sake anymore???? leave me far alone.  sigh and this is wat i mean about how much i havent even been able to explain. anyways, going to go find things that bring genuine smile and laughter, if i can feel better i could lift others up who are feeling depressed or are in some kinda of pain