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resuslurker · 10 months

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I figured since I've just gotten a big push of new follows (thank you everyone) I'd reintroduce myself!

Hi! I'm a 31 year old male, bi sexual, in a polymerous relationship. I have been a resus fan since before I can remember and used to poke around this community a lot back in the old RH days, left after a mental health issue and needed some time to find myself away from the community, 7 years later I'm happy to be back.

Like I said, I am in a committed bi poly relationship and have a wonderful bf and gf for just under a year now so I am definitely not looking for any romantic connection here. We have great communication and trust though so my bf and gf know about my resus interests but we've agreed to set boundaries and keep our sex lives more in the vanilla realm so we can accommodate everyone's sexual needs and we each have a hall pass for kinky things as needed (there is little to no overlap in our kinks)

My interests- Defibs are certainly my primary focus when it comes to resus but I'm open to other aspects as well. Not a fan of blood, gore, or pregnancy I know some of those can be big hits here but they turn me off pretty hard. I'd say I'm about 50-50 maybe 60-40 in favor of Time Called conclusions, I like a little variety and I don't like fully knowing if the patient is going to make it or not, that's part of the drama and allure for me. I usually like a respectful amount of equipment, paddles, maybe a BvM, EKG, BP cuff all should be on hand I am a huge fan of m2m in person rps I am a fan of that middle ground between realistic and Hollywood. Give me normal looking shocks, but unnecessarily nude patients, dramatized language and doctors begging the patient to breathe. I have to know its fake but don't go so cartoony that I lose all the drama.

Will always be down for female patients Will usually be down to be the patient- especially for a female and male resus team Will inconsistently be down for male patients- most of the time I am but my comfort within my own bisexuality is still pretty new and it comes and goes

Aspects in women I like (quoting my gf here) Red Heads (not that I dislike any other hair color I just have a soft spot) Mediterranean women (Iberian, Italian, Greek, Jewish, North African, etc) Asian women Athletic women (not a certain type of athlete but athletic)

Aspects in men I like (again, quoting the gf) Blondes (more a specific turn on than with women) Athletic again Asian Men Nordic Men

General turn offs (this isn't to say I have any moral dislike of any of these people at the end of the day you do you, they just don't get my motor running in a sexual sense) Members of the trans community (I will fight for your rights as an ally any day of the week and love all of you, you will see no disrespect or hatred from me I have several close friends in the community- I simply do not find myself aroused) Severely overweight individuals (same deal, what you do with your body is up to you, no judgement just doesn't arouse me in any way) Smoking/Vaping (This one I might pass a little judgement on)

I also don't kink shame except for what I deem the unholy 3 -Scat -Piss - Furrys

If you're a fan of the above 3 DNI also Pedo's, underage, you know who you are DNI

I live in the Eastern Time Zone for the US (just for posting/rp line up reasons) I do work a 9-5 so I'm usually not available during the day though you may see me post there from time to time if I start scrolling during a quiet time at work.

Other quick things to know- I have RPed IRL with significant others very much enjoy it as a form of foreplay, I've found the stand alone RP to rather awkward I do not condone the trading of professional videos I also generally am not a fan of sexualizing non resus fetish media so I will not be posting any reblogs of pics or videos from OPandER, BioMed, RCD, RMP, or TV or movies and will only reblog amateur content or links to purchase professional videos.

#resus #resus community #resus writing #cpr #cpr resus #girl cpr #male defib #self defib #defib #defibrillator #defibrillation #male cpr #resuscitation

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lovelybackstage · 23 days

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✧⋆ ʀᴜʟᴇꜱ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʟᴏɢ. [ ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ꜰᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍ. ]

By the decree of propriety, I hereby declare that NSFW content shall be strictly prohibited. However, I do permit the subtlest of suggestive undertones, provided they are employed with discretion and restraint.

As a minor, I must insist that any allusions to mature themes be handled with the utmost care and sensitivity, lest they compromise my innocence. I entrust you, dear collaborator, to exercise your creative genius with a watchful eye towards decorum and a keen sense of propriety.

The enigmatic Love, a 21-year-old demipansexual with a heart that beats to its own rhythm. Her unique identity is a testament to the complexities of human connection, and I'm delighted to explore the realm of possibilities with her.

As we embark on this creative journey, I'd like to acknowledge your openness to shipping Love with anyone, and I appreciate the clarification on her demipansexual nature. It's essential to respect her boundaries and preferences, ensuring that any romantic endeavors are built on a foundation of genuine connection and mutual understanding.

I'm thrilled to hear that some roleplayers are open to collaboration and would like to plan future interactions or receive starter ideas. I'll make sure to reach out to you through DMs or the ask-box to discuss potential pairings and storylines. Please feel free to share your thoughts, and I'll do my best to craft a narrative that does justice to Love's captivating character.

As we begin this adventure, I'd like to propose a toast to Love's unique spirit and the boundless possibilities that await her. May our creative endeavors be filled with whimsy, wonder, and a deepening understanding of the human experience.

While we embark on this creative journey together, I want to assure you that I'm committed to maintaining a respectful and inclusive environment. No godmodding, no forceshipping, and no hate speech will be tolerated. We're in this to have fun and explore the complexities of human connection, not to harm or disrespect each other.

As friends, we should strive to uplift and support one another, rather than tearing each other down. If anyone fails to meet these expectations, I'll make sure to address the issue and maintain a safe and welcoming space for all.

Now, let's get back to the fun part! I'm excited to start exploring the possibilities with Love and see where our creative journey takes us. If you have any ideas or prompts, feel free to share them, and I'll do my best to craft an engaging and respectful narrative.

Let us not confuse the Muses, dear friend, for they are two distinct entities, each with their own realm of influence. The Muse, that divine spark of inspiration, does not equate with the mortal notion of mun, or mortal opinion.

tldr;

No nsfw! Suggestive material is a-okay, but please; keep it to a minimum!

Love is in her early twenties (21), and I do not mind shipping her with anyone. But please be aware, she's demipansexual (demisexual + pansexual), which means she won't date people she hasn't grown that much of a bond with her. I also encourage you to reach out to me through DMs or the ask-box to ship her with your muse!

I do NOT do pre-established relationships. You are welcome to slide into my DMs (or through reblogs if you cannot DM people just like me on every account I own lol) or the ask-box to plan (i'm not the best at planning!) the relationship and future interactions;; or you can send me a starter!

No godmodding, no forceshipping, no homophobic, no hate.

We're friends, not foes people. Treat people with respect or else the ask-box is closed.

Remember! Muse does NOT equal mun. Whatever she thinks of someone (depending on what they did in the past) does not reflect of my thinking.

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dear-eli · 2 years

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Drafting up a breakup letter to Eli. I can feel it on the horizon, just a matter of time. Might as well get some poetic phrasing out while I can.

Dear Eli,

The thing about our relationship is that it only works whenever the two of us are the only ones involved in it. And that is never going to fully be true, as long as Kacee and her jealousy are allowed to meddle and set restrictions, requirements, etc. on my relationship with you, enforced by ultimatums, coercion, and thinly-veiled threats. That shit isn't healthy, for ANYONE involved.

I am no good for you, and I never have been. From the very beginning, my relationship with you has always been a war of attrition - one I was always destined to lose. All I have done is cause you undue stress, and inadvertently, irrevocably damage your marriage. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to lose you, and I sure as hell don't want to just bend over yet again and let Kacee have her way. But I'm past the point of bending. I am breaking. I am broken. I can't do this anymore.

And it feels like cutting off a limb, or ripping my heart out of my chest, destroying my entire will to live, but I think I need to end it. Here and now. I wish I could say "we can still be friends," but even that seems impossible right now.

And I need you to know that, as much as I have tried to walk away or said that I'm done in the past, I do not take this lightly. (Actually, in retrospect, most of my "I'm done"s were really more about the situation itself, or the argument we were having, rather than our relationship as a whole - though I am fully aware that that's not how they were communicated, since that's not how they felt to me at the time. But I digress.)

I wasn't kidding when I said you've ruined me for all other men - and, frankly, almost all people regardless of gender. Our physical compatibility aside, you're also my best friend. You make me laugh even when I'm crying. Your arms are where I finally feel like I'm at home, and your skin contact is the best antidepressant I've ever encountered. I love you so fucking much, more than I know how to say. Sometimes I genuinely start to think that you were made for me, that's how perfectly aligned we are in almost everything. If soulmates exist, you are clearly one of mine.

But again: those things are only true when we are able to be alone together, when our relationship is able to be its own entity, without external forces exerting manipulation and control. And Kacee will never let that happen if she can help it. (To be clear: I'm talking about more of a live-and-let-live style of polyamory, not monogamy and/or "cowgirling" you. Not that I wouldn't be happy if I ever had you all to myself, but I could be equally as happy sharing you with someone else whom you love - as long as I, and my relationship with you, are treated with respect and consideration, instead of jealousy and contempt.)

I don't want to lose you. I never have. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive it. But it's become abundantly clear that I don't get to have you and keep you, either. I carved out a space for myself in your life but everything and everyone in it has flooded back in and forced me out. I don't want to go, but I can't stay with you.

Update 8/29/22:

And now you've done it again. I told you after our last blowup fight that if you were asked to leave my room and refused to do so, if you disrespected the boundaries of my personal space and my room like that again, or God forbid if you ever actually laid hands on me, that it would be over. And not only did you UNLOCK a door that was locked to KEEP YOU OUT, you came in and refused to leave and when I attempted to physically enforce my own fucking boundaries, you shoved me over, TWICE. Granted, it was onto my bed - which is all fine and good when I've consented to it, and at least it didn't cause me any actual physical harm. But I saw the rage in your eyes in that moment and the harm was done anyway. You destroyed what was left of my trust in that moment. And now, as much as I've bitched and moaned about wanting overnights with you, wanting to sleep next to you or even have the potential opportunity to be intimate with you... that's all fucking moot, because I no longer trust you. I no longer feel fucking safe with you in my room. I no longer feel fucking safe with you touching me. My only fucking comfort person in the whole world, and I can't even ask you for a fucking hug without being afraid of you now. Between that and the fucking venom in your voice when you told me to "pack [my] shit," whatever shreds of hope I might have had of being able to rebuild our relationship are fucking gone. It's over. You've made it crystal fucking clear that I am not wanted here anymore. I'm not fucking wanted anywhere. But I've seen what happens when I overstay my welcome in a place where I'm not wanted. I saw it at my dad's, I saw it twice at my mom's, I saw it with you and Kacee at the trailer. I really don't know why I expected it to be any different here.

I don't know what I ever expected to happen. Our relationship would never have worked out long-term anyway; our support needs are too incompatible. I need cities, mass transit, multiple potential places of employment. You need quiet, country, family. I need mental healthcare and education, to get back to a stable baseline of not feeling like a useless dysfunctional piece of shit, before I can even CONSIDER trying to learn sign language, because right now my brain can barely cope with English. And you need to reduce your stress and get your health issues to a manageable level before you can worry about anything like sign language, etc. And all I have done since I entered your life is manufacture more fucking stress for you, like you didn't already have too fucking much.

I can't do this anymore.

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resedacitrus · 2 years

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daniel larusso is not the real villain of the karate kid movies and here's why: a mega post because quite frankly, i am tired

fair warning, this is long and brings up some pretty self-explanatory points. nonetheless, i need to say these things because i have been in daniel's position multiple times and it drives me nuts when people say he somehow deserved what the cobras did to him! i'm well aware how dramatic i'm probably being but i honestly don't care. so happy reading!!!

before i start rambling, i just want to say something: i know the original "daniel is the real bully" video is a joke, and this is not about that nor is it about the people who jokingly use that phrase. this is for the obnoxious people who legitimately believe daniel is at fault for what he went through. also, i know johnny and the cobras were being terribly misled by kreese at this time! that doesn't justify their actions, rather it explains them.

1. the beach fight was JOHNNY'S fault, not daniel's!

daniel had been in california for a day. A DAY. when he met ali at the beach party, he knew absolutely NOTHING about her other than the fact that she was pretty and he wanted to pursue her. he didn't even know her name for crying out loud, how was he supposed to know her dating history?

johnny was the one who was territorial and jealous. johnny was the one who flew into a rage when he saw ali being happy with someone else. that's not to invalidate the heartbreak he felt and was still processing after ali dumped him, because those emotions were 100% real! (and not to mention, kreese was misleading him SEVERELY at this time) but johnny was the one who consciously chose to stir up trouble with ali and disrespect the clear boundary she had set.

daniel was nothing more than a bystander. he saw this nice sweet girl he liked being messed with and his first instinct was to help her. that's pretty gentlemanly if you ask me, and i'd hope a guy would help me out if i was being hassled by my angry ex. he didn't want trouble, he just wanted to diffuse the situation. he approached things calmly and nicely and JOHNNY was the one who decided to get physical. if daniel hadn't helped ali, and he'd just stood there, people would say he "had no balls" and he let ali get pushed around. but when he helps her, he "shouldn't have gotten involved". daniel didn't know who johnny was, or what johnny was capable of. all he saw was a bad situation and he wanted to help.

oh and one more thing, after daniel sucker-punches johnny, you can see him holding his fist but he also has a hand out for a shake whilst saying "ok man, now we're even!" daniel didn't want a rivalry. johnny did. daniel was simply defending ali and then himself. you're telling me you wouldn't fight back if some random guy was beating up on you? ok...sure...

2. the soccer tryouts incident with bobby...again, NOT daniel's fault!

how people manage to blame daniel for this one is laughable and embarrassing to me honestly. daniel was simply minding his own business, playing soccer and waiting to try out for the team. he probably saw soccer as an opportunity for him to find his place. as someone who has struggled to fit in and make friends for years, i totally get where he was at in this scene.

ali comes up and initiates a conversation with him and he smiles, despite having just gotten the crap beat out of him the previous night for interacting with her. he didn't want trouble, he just wanted to find connections with people.

it's JOHNNY AND THE COBRAS who ganged up on daniel. they were the ones who plotted against him. they were the ones who sent little hand signals to each other. daniel was in his own little world, kicking the ball around and not bothering anyone. BOBBY was the one who came after him, as we hear daniel loudly shout to the soccer coach.

"but daniel shouldn't have tackled and punched bobby!" nope. don't wanna hear it. if bobby didn't wanna get tackled and socked in the face, maybe he should have left well enough alone. if bobby didn't want daniel getting angry and fighting back, he should have left daniel alone. he picked the wrong hothead to mess with. again, daniel had every right to defend himself. if he hadn't, everyone would call him a pansy and make fun of him even more. the kid can't win!

this is why bullying victims don't speak up 🙈

3. the bike accident

do i even need to go into detail for this one? the cobras were 100% to blame here yet again. daniel was minding his own beeswax and they decided it would be appropriate to push him down a hill on his bike??? come on you snakes, give it a rest! daniel could have been severely injured here if not dead and i don't think anyone really acknowledges how scary that truly is.

let's put it in context: johnny and his gang were doing this to daniel over a girl. a girl! is a high school girlfriend really worth someone's safety and life? i don't think so!

4. the halloween fight. oh Lord.

this one is perhaps the most controversial since daniel did have a bit of a fault here. let me explain.

up to this point, and after the bike incident, the cobras had been leaving daniel alone. granted, daniel had been fleeing the scene any time he saw them and he avoided ali like the plague because he didn't want himself beaten up, but they really didn't bother him too much.

so i get it when people say daniel shouldn't have pulled the water prank. i really do.

but, think about it. wet clothes and hair and a ruined joint (all very fixable things!) are nothing compared to the amount of bruises, bleeding and torment the cobras had given daniel up to this point. the memories of this torture aren't exactly the easiest to get rid of, and you can't just dry them off with a towel. water is harmless. being beaten and bullied over a girl isn't.

daniel should have considered the outcomes before he did it, and i think one of his flaws is definitely his impulsiveness, but he had a right to give johnny a taste of his own medicine. even then, what he did to johnny isn't even an iota of what johnny did to him! so was medicine even served?

johnny flew into a murderous rage all over a harmless prank. johnny could have killed daniel that night and the producers confirmed that. if it weren't for mr. miyagi, daniel would have been dead or severely hurt and the cobras would have been facing charges. serious ones, at that. all over jealousy and over-protectiveness for a girl who didn't belong to them.

sure, daniel should have stayed away from johnny. he knew what johnny and the guys were capable of, and he wasn't stupid. he knew the potential risks. but johnny had no business overreacting the way he did. it was water, johnny. the kid didn't murder your family (or anything else that would warrant that type of reaction).

that's all i have to say, i think. in conclusion, yes daniel was a little punk. yes he was impulsive and it got him into trouble. however, johnny was the clear perpetrator here and none of what he did to daniel should ever be justified. 😁

#the karate kid #the karate kid (1984)#cobra kai #karate kid meta #cobra kai meta #daniel larusso #ralph macchio #johnny lawrence #billy zabka

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thoughts-on-bangtan · 2 years

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What are your thoughts on the ''namjoon's bf'' topic going around now with all the pics on ig and from before? Cause if joon is happily dating this person, I am so so happy for him but people always say not to take shipping to far and turn it into believing yet most people i saw talking about this genuinely think joon has a secret bf and keep talking about it and showing ''proof'' and it feels a bit iffy. Why is it okay when it's not 2 members of the group to ''believe'' and ''prove''?

My take on it is more or less the same as my take on shipping in general: don't overstep your boundaries. But in this case the boundaries are even more important to remember, especially if:

a) that really were his boyfriend, and

b) because it's a non-celebrity person.

Do I believe there is a real chance this could be a mysterious boyfriend? No. And I'm not saying that because I'm a namjinists but because Namjoon is an incredibly intelligent person who's been in this business for more than a decade and he knows how far he can go and what he can and can't show us. Much like they don't show us their families, except for the rare instance where Namjoon showed us selces he took with his mom years ago, or the time where JKs brother used to interact with us, I also don't think that if any of them were to have a partner outside of Bangtan (or in the case of the maknaes, even one within Bangtan), none of them would show that to us.

Not because he'd fear backlash on a more vile homophobic level (though I don't doubt that's part of it on more levels than just fan reaction), but rather because it just wouldn't be safe. It's been years since the tattoo artist incident and there are still people snooping around that girls life and trying to find some kind of way to connect her to JK, so imagine what were to happen with an actual partner instead of a "suspected" one? And yes, I know it likely wouldn't be as bad in Namjoon's case as it were if it were about one of the maknaes, but I doubt Namjoon would want to expose someone he loves to something like that.

Now, as for the jokes, here's the thing: at first it was funny, even I sometimes joked about it with Admin 2, but the joke has run its course and now it's slowly switching into, as you said, some people genuinely believing it and trying to prove it or something, which is plain weird, disrespectful and also very creepy. Also, the jokes themselves remind me of the Namjoon, his wife and their three kids jokes which have long stopped being funny as well. But when it comes to these kinds of things, ARMY have a tendency to be no jams. And that likely won't change.

At the end of the day, if some day in the future Namjoon were to tell us that people were right all along, I'd immediately congratulate him wholeheartedly, more love and power to him. But, as presented in my above reasoning, I doubt there's any merit to the jokes. It's far more likely that he's a friend, a staff member he's gotten friends with (like a manager or bodyguard, for instance), or even a family member. Whoever he is, I hope him, Namjoon and Namjoon's family (whom I assume are with them as well since I doubt they'd fly all the way to LA for the concert just to fly back the next day) are having a wonderful time.

From anon: Hello! talking about the members’ ig accounts…. do you think they’re honest about not knowing how to navigate them? 😅😅 for me it seems like they’re pretending and acting. overall, what do you think about it? why now?

I don’t see a reason for why we should doubt their words, or why we should question it. What does it matter anyway? And what would be the point of pretending? Sure there are reasons to believe with some of them that they’ve used IG in the past, but even if so, so what? Bangtan have been using twt since like 2011 (?) and yet when the update came where you had to go through the quote retwt option, they were clueless to the fact that they could click post without actually writing anything, so even if they’ve used IG before, that wouldn’t automatically mean they’d be pros at it. Most people I know have been using IG for a decade now and still struggle with their feeds and finding reason to post regularly. People would likely think they’ve never used IG before even if it isn’t true.

What do I think about them opening the accounts? I think it’s great. Especially with Namjoon it finally gave him the perfect platform to document his namjooning and to share it with us (to whichever extend he wants to). It came with great timing, seeing as they’re on break now, but if there’s some kind of grand ulterior motive it to the way some theorize there is, I don’t know and I don’t really care much either. Whatever it may be, I’m enjoying their pictures and cute interactions in the comments, the fact that Hobi diligently likes everyones pictures and tried to create a uniform style for his feed (even if he doesn’t seem entirely satisfied with it), how seemingly Yoongi and Jimin have just given up on the app (so far), that Tae can share his Vante photography, Seokjin sharing his meals with us (very socmed AU of him) and how JK has resorted to singing about his boredom in his IG stories.

How about instead of wondering, questioning and theorizing, we simply enjoy their posts? They’re on official downtime, their first vacation over the holidays in so many years, and they still choose to share glimpses of it with us, how about we’ll be grateful for that instead of trying to find some kind of scheme behind their sincerity?

#Namjoon #answered ask #BTS

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oh-katsuki · 2 years

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opinion anon: i fell out with this person quite a while ago a kinda messy situation that really fucked me up and she never really apologised for what she did and said before falling off the face of the earth for a couple of months. n recently i found out she’s been kinda coming back being buddy buddy with the mutual friends we had and they have no idea what happened but every time i see them interact or talk or meet up i get so viscerally angry but that makes me feel so selfish because i don’t want to dictate what people can and cannot do or who they can n cannot be friends with but it really grinds my gears that she’s acting like nothing happened n people still love her this got a bit long but yeah. should i say something or just get over it and if so. How do i stop being so angry

hi nonnie, welcome back <3

this is a really tough one. things like this are always so difficult to navigate, especially because it seems like you made the choice to respect the privacy of what went on between the two of you and it seems like that person might be taking advantage of that. I'm going to put my response below a cut but i'd like to say beforehand that this is just what works best for me, so take it with a grain of salt!

it can be really hard to deal with those lingering feelings of resentment, especially when the things that happened continue to go unresolved. finding closure in messy friendship breakups like that is a super tough thing to do.

honestly, i think it's important to keep in mind in this situation that you are not obligated to let this person back into your life. you're not obligated to give them any time just because your friends do, nor are you required to push your personal boundaries for the sake of avoiding conflict. you deserve to be able to dictate your own friendships just as much as your other friends can.

remember in this situation that the pain and resentment you're feeling are allowed, but not to let it consume you. it can be so so hard to keep a positive outlook in those types of situations but try to believe that the love you give is the love you receive. be kind, be graceful, but don't budge on your boundaries. you're allowed to have them.

feeling and letting go of anger are really one in the same. to move past a situation, you have to accept that it happened. but moving past anger does not mean forgetting. you don't ever have to give that person your time or trust again if you so choose.

all of that being said, if this person really makes you that uncomfortable, maybe it's time to consider telling your close friends that are seeing them again what happened. it doesn't have to be in a disrespectful or "bad-mouthy" way, but rather a means of expressing your discomfort with the person to the people you love. even something as simple as "i'd rather not be around them".

i had a really similar situation happen to me in high school and it took me a really long time to figure out why on earth someone would want to be around another person who hurt me so badly. but the reality of it is that people will make their own choices regardless. all you can do is communicate how you're feeling to the people around you.

so that's what i recommend you do.

if the case is that you're not really close friends with any of them anymore, but it still brings a bad taste to your mouth, try and think about how far you've come since that time. it's so hard because a lot of the time, the kind road is definitely not the easiest. but just know that in taking that path, you will heal and come out of it a better and more secure person.

letting go of that type of anger comes with feeling secure in who you are now. ground yourself in the people you have because they love you and you love them. ground yourself in what you know about yourself, about the past situation, and try to understand that all of those negative lingering emotions you're feeling are normal but will pass with time. you're allowed to feel upset over it still, but just know that those emotions and that anger are not you. try to focus on the good and remember that all you can control are your own actions. we are all just the actions we take, whether they are for ourselves or for others. remember that you have total control over those actions and reactions and make the choice that you think will make the future you proud to look back on.

i'm really not sure if this was coherent, as these types of things tend to be so multifaceted with so many different factors. if you decide to take away anything from this, let it be the last paragraph. remembering that has always helped me in these types of situations, even when i am feeling at my lowest and most icky. make the choice the you of tomorrow would be proud of.

i really hope things work out and I'm sending you so much strength. these types of experiences can feel so isolating, but just know that im in your corner. have a lovely night / day <3

#[ 🏩 – chatting ]#[ ♠️ – advice ]#i hated when i was in this situation #and im sorry you're dealing with it now #but make sure that you don't let your boundaries get trampled over #you deserve your space and i hope that whatever you choose to do leads you down the best and brightest path #this is also all VERY subjective #we're different people #but i hope that it helps regardless

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amusedyan · 5 years

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I'm loving your blog. So listen, I'd die for some Ouran content. Maybe a Kyoya falling for a guest at some Ootori party, she was brought along by some wealthy friend of hers and is not into the wealthy elite at all, something that bothers but intrigues Kyoya. I'd love to see him try to woo her, become protective of her, because she lives such a dangerous regular commoners life without body guards. Then try to save her from that life. How would he react to her misbehaving or being generally 1/2

Unhappy with the situation he’s put her in? Whether it’s him micromanaging every aspect of her life or him having actually locked her up in some corner of the Ootori manor? Personally, I always saw Kyoya as someone who enjoyed old-fashioned punishments. Like a spanking over the knee. But it’s totally up to you. I love where you took that Bakugo fic, so I trust you to take this where ever. Honestly, I’d just be so grateful if you had any Ouran content to offer. Again, love your work so far 2/2

Yay my first Ouran request! Thanks so much nonnie for requesting this, I love Kyoya- his deadpan humor and general attitude just give me so many ideas and make him such a great character! And those same traits make him terrifying as a yandere!

Bitter

You hated fancy parties.

You picked at your collar and tried not to look like you were bored out of your mind as all the rich people mingled and laughed discussed business over food and drinks more expensive than your family’s monthly grocery bill.

It was funny. You could write off your friend’s eccentric behavior, but in a group of rich people? Well, the bitterness crept back in and left a sour tang in your mouth.

You glanced down at your flute of champagne. It would be, what, your third? Reluctantly you returned it- you were a guest, getting blackout drunk was not on your shortlist of ‘great ideas for parties full of rich people’. So you just mingled politely, staying close to your friend.

“Mr. Ootori!” She declared happily, waving over a dark haired man with a calm smile and glasses. There’s half a moment of hesitation on his part before he approaches- you can’t blame him; a brief word with your friend turns into half an hour with her.

“Glad you could make it,” he offered dutifully, and oh that was interesting- he had that same look in his eyes you did- like he couldn’t stand his own kind. It had to be some kind of joke.

You found yourself smiling for the first time that night, and caught the way his eyes flashed at you for the briefest of seconds before it was gone.

Maybe you’d imagined it.

“I see you’ve made use of the plus one on your invitation.” He remarked, and your friend laughed and introduced you.

Ootori nodded and looked back at you with a raised eyebrow, “I don’t believe I’ve heard of you.” His tone was just detached enough that you couldn’t be sure if it was a joke or an insult.

“You wouldn’t- I’m not pedigreed.” You wished you could take a drink as a mic drop. Instead you just had to content yourself with your friend’s horrified look.

But Ootori just looked amused.

“Man people prefer mutts to purebreds,” he said in that same level tone.

As a person who’d had several mutts growing up, you could confirm that they were better. Less health problems.

He asked what your job was and you mentioned the field, notwanting to stray into talk about work. Work was work, and frankly here wasn’tthe place to talk about it. Thankfully Ootori accepted it and didn’t push,instead managing to draw you into aconversation that didn’t make you want to beat your own head in. It was nice.

Finally, he had to excuse himself and see to his otherduties as host, but before he left he caught your hand and brought it up to pressa gentle kiss there. It stopped you short, as did the small smile playing onhis lips.

“Until we meet again,” he promised cryptically, before goingoff to join his people.

Your friend was gawking at you.

You decided maybe one more glass of champagne wouldn’t hurtyou.

Two weeks after the Ootori party Kyoya Ootori himself walkedinto your favorite coffee shop, saw you and invited himself to sit at yourtable after taking his order. The man was far out of his element but didn’tseem in the least bit uncomfortable, exuding a calm confidence and sense ofcontrol that made clear why he was so good at his job.

(And yeah, you had gone the creepy route and looked him upon the internet, rather than just asking your friend; they might have gone toschool together once upon a time but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t misreadyour questions as interest and let him know about it on a lark.

Despite being the youngest Kyoya had managed to earn hisplace as heir of Ootori conglomerate. He was ruthless in business but one hellof philanthropist, setting up multiple scholarship programs for elite schoolsthat lower income students wouldn’t have access to, on top of the dozens ofother charities that the company donated to on the regular. And that was whatyou could track down in maybe 45 minutes)

“Pretty far from your side of town,” you observed, addinganother packet of sugar to your coffee.

“I had business in the area and needed a coffee.” You hummed and watched him watch you.

He was quiet for a minute and you took the time to drink your coffee. His was pure black, you’d heard him order it.

“You remind me of a friend I had.” He said suddenly, and you stayed quiet, although you were a little confused because he didn’t seem like the type to have friends. “She wasn’t impressed by money either.”

“Smart of her.”

He chuckled a little bit, no more than a huff.

“I’d like to take you out for dinner sometime.” Now that actually made you look at him properly. He hadn’t taken his eyes off you yet.

“Because I’m not interested in money?”

“Because I find your conversation relaxing and I’d like to think you feel the same way.”

It was a bit weird; you’d had maybe 20 minutes total of talking with this man. Technically those twenty minutes were enjoyable. Kyoya was blunt and composed and intelligent; you could appreciate that in a man.

“Alright.” You agreed, surprising yourself.

Kyoya’s smile unfolded into something a little more open. You wondered how often people saw this one.

You exchanged numbers and the promise of detail exchange later; you had to get back to work soon, and even though he didn’t say he needed to leave you were sure that he needed to get back too.

There were flowers on your desk at work the next day.

The bouquet was gorgeous; lavender roses and baby’s breath- you didn’t even know that lavender roses this nice were in season.

The card on the vase (a very nice, very expensive looking vase) confirmed your suspicions.

I saw these and thought of you.

-Ootori Kyoya

And you smiled because it was really thoughtful.

But…how did he know where you worked?

Ootori: Did you receive the flowers?

Me: Yes I did! They’re beautiful, thanks!

Me: How did you know where I worked?

Ootori: You told me at the party, remember?

Me: Ah, sorry, I must have forgotten!

Me: Thanks again, Ootori.

Ootori: Call me Kyoya, please.

You work out a good night for the both of you to go out. It took some shuffling on your part, but at least Kyoya seemed willing to work with you.

He meant what he said at least- he was serious about dinner.

And it was dinner at a really nice restaurant; one that had a really long wait list ordinarily and didn’t have a price on the menu.

Well, you get to break out your formal clothes again, and it was nice to watch the way Kyoya’s expression changed when you entered the dining area. The softening of his mask maybe.

“You look nice.” Was all he said about it, though, even as he stood up to pull out your chair for you.

“Thanks, so do you.” And he did. Kyoya could have worn anything and pulled it off, probably.

The server came by moments later with wine and glasses. That was nice at least, but again…

“You ordered for me?” You asked, smiling. He nodded.

“I thought it more convenient.”

Pushy, but whatever, he meant well.

Except…

The pushing didn’t stop.

It started with the wine, yeah, but it just got worse.

Kyoya didn’t understand how to not overstep his bounds, and he always looked amused when you started to point out that looking up your girlfriend’s home address was still creepy, even when the intent was to send you flowers. And he sent you a lot of flowers.

But no, Kyoya, having several bodyguards walk you home from work didn’t make you feel safe, especially when they weren’t allowed to talk to you.

And he just…he didn’t get it.

You wanted to break up with him, but the problem was Kyoya, when he wasn’t disrespecting your boundaries at least, was charming, intelligent, and honestly you liked him a lot. You just figured it was one of those things you would work out with him, or maybe it was new relationship jitters.

When Kyoya tried to give you a watch more expensive than your apartment, you finally, firmly, put your foot down.

“It’s too expensive,” you argued firmly.

“I already bought it.”

“Then return it, because I can’t possibly accept it.” It made you uncomfortable, how willing he was to drop so much money on you so fast.

“I can’t return it, it was personalized.” He said, frowning. And…okay, touching, but still…

You turned it over in your hand and blinked at the elegant writing

For my darling

“That’s…really sweet, Kyoya.”

He hugged you gently, awkwardly. You got the feeling he wasn’t used to initiating, but that was fine.

“I just want you to have the best.”

“I know.”

(Your first time with Kyoya is…wonderful. He worships you and breaks you apart gently and puts you back together with his touch. The whole time he looks at you like he’s having a religious experience, doesn’t break eye contact, doesn’t close his eyes.

For a minute you could have sworn he was crying)

Kyoya started inviting you to parties and events with him three months into your relationship.

The idle speculation and blank smiles from your time as a normal guest were gone, replaced with biting comments and passive aggression. It sucks, but it gave you an excuse to stay with Kyoya, and he didn’t seem to mind.

It was nice though, watching that dark look flash in his eyes when someone made a comment.

But he kept your hand in his and doted on you in his own way all evening.

You split away from him, briefly, to use the bathroom and check how you looked in the mirror. Not a hair was out of place and you didn’t look a thing like yourself.

On your way back, not 10 feet from your boyfriend, a guest flush with bourbon and bolstered by his friends inquired “how much the Ootori runt paid for you” because he’d “pay double”. You flushed with rage, but before you could get a word out Kyoya was the one to appear and drag you out of his sight.

“I could have handled it, Kyoya.” You promised, but he shook his head.He didn’t stop, handing over the tickets to get your coats. “The party isn’t over yet, don’t you still have business-”

“They don’t deserve to look at you,” he snarled, and it was with a vehemence you never would have expected from him, it startled you so bad.

“Kyoya-”

“No. We’re going home and they’re never going to see you again.”

Oh.

You took your coat, quiet, letting Kyoya guide you to his car and opened it for you, sliding into the backseat with you.

“Are you ashamed of me?” You asked quietly, watching him roll up the tinted divider between you and the driver.

Are you going to leave me? Went unasked. That fear just…it crippled you. He wouldn’t, would he? Just because his associates didn’t like you?

“Never.” He promised firmly, pulling you into his lap. You hesitated but moved to assist, curling up against him. “I would never be ashamed of you. You’re mine.” And those words were so cold, despite the warm look in his eyes.

“But you said-”

“They’ll never set eyes on you again because they don’t deserve to look at you. I’m going to take you home and you’re going to stay there where I can keep you safe and away from their filthy eyes. Alright, darling?”

His lips were on your neck, his whisper made your bones warm. But you shook your head no.

“Kyoya, it’s fine, people are going to be rude-”

“They don’t have a right to be that way to you, not when you’re mine.”

You laughed a little, trying to diffuse the tension, squirming, trying to get off his lap. Kyoya’s arms were iron around you though, holding you tight, so tight you couldn’t breathe.

“Let go of me, Kyoya,”

“No, we’re going home and I’m going to show you how much you’re worth.”

“As romantic as that sounds, I really have to get back to my place-”

Kyoya’s grip on your jaw was punishing, his nails digging in and bruising you for for sure.

“Shut up.”

“Kyoya-”

He kissed you harsh, it was biting and angry and you were sure that you tasted blood.

“You are mine. I’ve let you wander long enough, so be quiet and be good and everything will be fine. If you don’t then I will have to hurt you, do you understand?” When you didn’t answer right away he shook you.

“Understand?”

#ouran hshc #ouran host club #kyoya ootori #yandere ohshc #yandere kyoya

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cheekblush · 1 year

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not having any friends is truly heartbreaking

#i have no one to confide in or just simply hang out with #there's this concert i really wanted to attend but i have no one to go with and tickets are already sold out anyways #but the point is not having friends stops me from having fun experiences #sure you could argue that i could have fun experiences by myself but it's still not the same if you can't share it with someone #i went on a solo trip this summer and while it was liberating & enjoyable it was also incredibly lonely #i also went to a festival by myself & unfortunately it was horrible bc i got nauseous & it was scary being all alone #thankfully i got back to my hotel safely in the middle of the night but i definitely would've felt better & safer if i wasn't alone #i feel like i'm missing out on a lot of things bc i don't have friends & it's just so alienating bc i think smth is fundamentally wrong..#.. with me bc i don't have a single genuine friend while others have whole friend groups #this also makes me miss my ex best friend even more & i'm contemplating reaching out to her again...#i feel like a beaten dog that always comes back around no matter how badly i was treated bc i just want some love 😔 💔#like i was the one who ended things with my ex best friend bc i was tired of being treated like a doormat & constantly having my..#.. boundaries disrespected but now i'd rather have that back then have no friends at all which is awful i know 😭#my ex best friend also isn't a bad person but she hurt me a lot & at the end when things got really bad i think we were both not good for..#each other.. but now i'm reminiscing about all the wonderful things we experienced together & i miss it so much :(#we had so many things in common we went to so many concerts together & had so much fun & now i'm all by myself all the time 😔#the thing is also she was always a social butterfly & has many friends so i doubt she even misses me #i still didn't delete her from my contacts & i recently saw she finally fulfilled her dream of going to america #i feel like she is living her best life & i'm just here being miserable & lonely nothing has really improved for me #i wouldn't even be surprised if she's going to that concert i wanted to attend bc it's one of her favorite artists as well #i just feel so unlovable and alone in this world... i wish i could restart my whole life or disappear altogether tbh #sorry for the negativity if anyone reads this i'm just really upset..#i should stop making myself even more depressed i'm supposed to be studying anyways..#and tonight i'm attending our company's christmas party i hope i'll at least have a little fun there..#☁️

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everytragicsunrise · 3 years

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Older generation interview

My mother

Question: how did you first realize that your relationship was unhealthy?

Answer: my friends at the time had told me their concerns about that boyfriend and kinda opened my eyes to a few things that I hadn't noticed myself. They were the ones who instigated it initially.

Question: what was the hardest thing about leaving your bad relationship?

Answer: the hardest part was the shame I felt for dating him so long once the clarity of that person's character was revealed. But, uhm, I was also isolated in that relationship and didn't have anyone else to rely on. I just felt everything within myself and had no outlet.

Question: since you left what is a really positive improvement of yourself or your lifestyle that you are proud of?

Answer: it was a huge lifestyle change for me. I was able to go on vacations and travel or leave the house whenever I wanted to without worrying about leaving him alone in the house. Before I had so much stress about him ruining or taking something of mine.

Younger generation interview

Close friend

Question: how did you first realize that your relationship was unhealthy?

Answer: when I started notice him pushing boundaries and disrespecting me id say that's when I first noticed. You know things like gaslighting and all of the things you hear about as red flags. I just felt very trapped in what I was "allowed" to do and things would always end up my fault. He had no blame on him ever, and it was hurtful.

Question: what was the hardest thing about leaving your bad relationship?

Answer: the hardest part? That was probably the loneliness I felt after being apart from someone I'd spent so much of my day with. Not only is it just so difficult to deal with all of the chemical withdrawals but also I had this hope that things would get better. I had to let go of the idea that I could make it work or go back to him.

Question: since you left what is a really positive improvement of yourself or your lifestyle that you are proud of?

Answer: I do things for me now! I've found my own self worth rather than relying on someone else to determine that for me. I can know myself and prioritize myself and I've just felt very independent and good. In that relationship I was so stressed that I noticed my skin clear when I got out of it.

November 29th

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winterywitch · 7 years

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I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars

#kara's charas #w@tchtower grotto #mind the warnings!#misstooni

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