#-not being able to remember my axiomatic values on command | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

epochryphal · 2 years

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been wondering lately if my flavors of memory bad (emotions, conflicts, changes, life events, personal details) and memory good (scripts, vocabulary, spelling, positional locating via mental snapshot whether on a page or in a parking lot) are the autism or the being raised on memorizing bible verses for praise

#well seeing as how the autism is specifically always already traumatized right #the nature-nurture isn’t that different is it #but it does feel more resentful-making to think i got primed for sucking at relationality #the both assumed-will-come and Required and Unteachable soft skills #of… remembering people’s relationship history with you lmao. in actual history not in summary notes then memorized #i am definitely of the cannot reread chat histories persuasion though other than the roleplays and the jokes #because the emotional valence of an actual conversation is super gone #true i think for video footage too which is perhaps why i used to be so fascinated by rewatching home movies #trying to reconstruct memories i didn’t have #anyway. boy i bet this interacts with my experiences/understandings of attraction in a fun way #and i could probably dig up some interesting thoughts on spirituality and the present and myth and what parts of things stick with me #…actually i think it might be that i miss devoting focus to memorizing-embodying things and like. have been upset about-#-not being able to remember my axiomatic values on command #so it might actually be a fruitful exercise to turn those into some written format i memorize #huh. and here i’d been thinking that would be a bad approach and more isolating or something #journal bloggin #i Do want to like look into memory problems and autism (and ocd) and crip haxx #didn’t conceive of it as a memory problem til recently and it may still be more like a… saliency/registering thing #but i mean. i forget times i was Really Upset reaally fast #so it’s maybe more macro/micro forest/tree and my long-term memory being trees…

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