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vaqro-a · 1 year

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how does your muse carry emotions?

rules: please repost, don’t reblog! bold and italicize what applies accordingly.

tagging : @crem8 , @anomalex , @rammattra , @deadlockin , @elaison , @austerulous , @chronal-anomaly .

tagged by : @tlacehualli .

ANGER

jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going nonverbal, vocalizations, stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, curling lip upwards, baring teeth, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, tighter movements, passive-aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts, pacing, going still, anger boils over in the heat of the moment but cools down quickly afterwards, anger brews slowly but lingers longer, will act out of impulse when angry, will stew on their anger and plot revenge, holds grudges, forgives easily, forgives but never forgets.

JOY

easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing/giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy.

SORROW

crying, bottling it up, seeking distractions, wallowing, meditating and processing, avoidance, seeking out comfort, withdrawing, swallowing thickly, talking it out, internalizing it, sad smiles, depression naps, using alcohol, using drugs, seeking out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better

SHAME

blushing, looking away, rubbing at the back of the head, running a hand through hair, clearing throat, covering the face, laughing nervously, laughing it off, overthinking, letting it go, self-deprecating humor, deflecting, getting irritated, smiling, withdraws, crossing arms over the stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate

GUILT

avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashing out, internalizing, apologizing, deflecting, communicating, withdrawing, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepting fault easily, punishing themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, over-active guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, shuts off empathy to cope, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others.

FEAR

trembling, crying, sarcasm/sass to cope, humor to cope, rambles, going quiet, going nonverbal, getting angry, fidgeting, freezing up, impatience, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at the lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewelry/clothing/hair, pacing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyzes, talk to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn.

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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krayat · 1 year

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* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ author. ❫ ››› ㅤ we are bees then﹐ our honey is language .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ promotion. ❫ ››› ㅤ come﹐ little bees﹐ the flowers have your breakfast ready .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ announcement. ❫ ››› ㅤ we must dissent from apathy﹐ we must dissent from the fear .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ prompt. ❫ ››› ㅤ doves and pigeons can also be trained to send messages .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ anonymous. ❫ ››› ㅤ who is this stranger﹐ who comes in the darkness ?

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ euphuism. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤi am make - believe. this is an archive. it hurts to be a story .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ episteme. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤanger travels through me﹐ pushes aside everything else in my heart .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ visuals. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤburial by fire is the last mercy: decay is for the living .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ imagery. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤi build a life and i tear it apart﹐ and the sun keeps shining .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ thesis. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤwho am i when i feel ? what dies in me when i am me ?

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤbut would you know yourself if you weren’t burning .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ behavior. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthey made you a weapon and told you to find peace .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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trigger warning for : attempted murder, death, supernatural elements, unreality, blood, grief. if you come across any other subject you would like to be tagged, dm me. you can read below the cut, or access the gdocs over here. this work is purely fictional and has no intention to mirror any real life events.

you open your eyes, and you are immediately blinded. you wince and turn away from the source of all that light, blinking the black spots away. once your vision is clear for good, you are able to take in your surroundings.

it is the desert.

the same desert you avoid thinking about in too much detail, the same one you remember from your childhood. bathed in sunlight, drowned in moonlight, or drenched in blood. somehow, in your nightmares, you always return to this same desert. that is not the unusual part; what draws your attention is the high noon sun. usually, when coming back to this crossroad, it is the moon that greets you, along with the stench of blood. however, as you sit up and reach for your hat, your hands are dry.

this ocean of arid ground and thistles, undulating in mirage-like waves of heat and covered by a cloudless blue sky is empty of all noise. even the wind doesn’t greet you by tousling your hair or your serape. no noises from animals. nothing in the infinite land beyond the horizon is visible until you turn west.

that's where you see him.

the figure in black, with his back to you. at first, it seems credible to think it’s him. el deadeye. at this point in your life, you have met him a total of twice, and in both of them, you were on the brink between life and —

pain erupts from your abdomen, easily breaking through skin and muscle, just where reinforced armor meets a simple dark gray shirt.your lungs immediately seize in shock, and your throat convulses.red spills from the new hole in your gut the same way it escapes through the corner of your mouth. you barely have a moment to stumble back, hands coming to cover the wound, your pistol meeting the ground. when you lift your eyes —

but just as he approaches, ready to call the name he gave you some twenty-five years ago, the mirage wanes — the figure changes. gone are the hat and the riding boots. in its place, gloves and leather, wide shoulders and long legs, and a rather distinct black wool beanie. you know this person better than the palm of your hand and almost as well as you know your own gun.

gabriel reyes.

you halt your steps, eyes wide. your mouth opens, but you hesitate to say his name; it's been six years since you did.

it feels wrong to name your dead

the man shuffles before turning, robbing you of the chance to say anything at all. "so you’ve made it." the same voice, the same californian accent that you spent nights trying to imitate [ isn't imitation a form of flattery? ], the same hands hidden in his pockets, the same perpetual frown that ate away at your anxieties when you first [ or second ] sold your soul to the devil. it freezes you, the way the mere presence of him reverberates through your body and drains you of any reaction.

you look like you’ve seen a ghost, ingrate.

at long last, your brain conjures something to say—not the smartest or even the most sane, but your lips are dry and you never had much of a filter anyways, so everything you have is: "is this heaven?" and at least it comes out even, no mutters or startles, unlike your heart, which gallops inside your chest.

that’s met with a snort and a smile, which became more and more rare as the days went by in those last few years before the end. the sight of it jars you; "if it were, we'd be eating my abuela's posole on her front porch." and you laugh, nervously at first, but not caring enough to mention that you wouldn’t be eating any posole made with chicken. not even grandma reyes’.

instead, you fiddle with your stetson, still in your hands. "what are you doing out here?"

gabriel shrugs with his whole body, eyes diverging to look around, "same as you, i'd figure.” before he curls his mouth in disdain. “what exactly are you doing here, pendejo?"

multimillion-dollar question. what are you doing here in the desert? the job is done; echo is with sombra by now, and the two are working out a way to send an incredibly expensive, omnic-like robot that was stolen from the military out to europe. what matters is that mina’s dream is still alive. you could have [ should have ] gone with them, but you took another path for your life; claiming to have unfinished business you needed to attend to, but in reality, you just wanted to watch the sunset [ or more ].

ana amari was supposed to be dead, killed by widowmaker — whom you have been privately hunting on his own behalf all these years. it was supposed to be a final act of kindness [ of vengeance ] for the woman who had been like a second mother to you. but it was just another lie to add to the ever-growing tally of lies overwatch told you.

she was alive; the two of you had just spent a night together. drinking, talking — as if time hasn’t passed, as if her death meant nothing, as if you were still some young man too easily impressed by the force of nature that she was [ and continues to be ]. ana attempted to have you consider, accept the call and go help the world. it is a nice road, the one she urges you to take, but is it the right one? you came to egypt with questions and it seems you are going to leave with no answers.

"searching, i’d say," you whisper, rotating the hat in your grasp, "but i ain’t got no idea what i’m looking for anymore." you sigh as you pull your heart back over your head, “i don't even know who i am." outlaw, vigilante, gunslinger, journalist, entrepreneur, soldier, agent, or ghost? which one of them can best define you?

"how many times do i have to tell you this, cassidy?" gabe shakes his head, crossing the open path to you in quick and determined strides, saying, "it doesn’t matter the names people call you behind your back. it is the deed that makes the man." those dark brown eyes stare deep into yours for a moment before he continues on his way, headed east. you cannot look away.

it is always the same thing: he looks you in the eyes, and you are the one scared at what you find there, not the other way around. this is the same hard stare that had you agreeing to spend a lifetime of servitude instead of a lifetime in jail. but it doesn’t work this time.

"yeah, but my deeds just made things worse!" you call it — all bravado. grasping at straws, begging at the shell of a man you once held in the highest regard to give you a reason to stay, but there is nothing. [ the realization comes later, when there is only rubble and smoke ], and you are almost physically chasing the man just to have him look at you again. "i’m a fraud; i’m phony! ana believes in me," you used to believe in me too, "but these people, they need a hero."

gabriel turns just once, his snarl near animalesque in its voracity: "then be the goddamn hero! isn’t that what you always wanted?" the hero of the tale, the cowboy riding off into the sunset. but you shake your head, taking two steps forward before you stop. [ you cannot keep chasing ghosts, or you are going to become one yourself, charmer. ]

your vision blurs, but this time it is not the sun but tears. "you don't understand, i ain't even supposed to be here!" you rebut, arms wide as you try to force him to see the desert for what it is.

he meets your emotional whirlwind with the rock-steady calm he always did: "that’s right. you came all this way to find something that isn’t out here.” gabriel gives you a pointed glare, "don't you see? this isn't about you, it’s about them."

about overwatch. about their makeshift family, their friends, and their allies. about the truth of what happened. but most importantly: this is about the people who need help and you being one of the people who can help. no reward, no recognition, no trophies. the world needs all the help it can get right now, and his guilt can’t be in the way of it.

but it's not going to be easy. especially here, in this place of reckoning. you shudder, suddenly remembering that this is a dream.

this is the desert.

you are on the floor. you can feel the blood of your life gushing through your fingers, drowning the ground beneath you.like this, you cannot breathe. you realize you're going to die.on your back. in the desert. maybe you are already dead, and this has been nothing but a dream within a dream. you died when you were eleven years old. there is no man in black to put you on a path you cannot walk away from. but then you raise your eyes just enough to see a man in black with his back to you, spewing angry words into a microphone in his ear. he is carrying a shotgun. RPNT. repent. you manage to look him in the eyes and — ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤa white owl looks down on you from ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤits branch; its beak is bone-white, and ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤits eyes are almost sanguine; you have ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤnever seen an owl like this. the owl does ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤnot hoot or nor does it chirp, as if noticing ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤyour perplexity. the owl laughs, and ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤa shrill sound of metal grinding against ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤmetal and melting on hell's fires—and one word croaks through the blood in your throat. feeble, weak, disbelieving, "gabe?"

"but i can’t go back," you whisper, hiding your defeated gaze under your hat. gabriel continues on his way, farther and farther away from you. going back means admitting you failed the people you loved. going back means facing his death. it's half the reason you're chasing the spider, or why you want echo to be an active member: your own repentance.

the last thing you hear before you lose consciousness is that strident laughter again, and the shotgun aims at your forehead. RPNT. [ you cannot repent if you are dead. ]

"i don’t know if you’ve got a choice, mijo." that was a special one. a private thing, reserved for moments of doubt or the weary hours after a mission. a name that meant too much for either of them to accept freely and fully. but it was never denied.

your hand moves to your pistol, which quickly lights up. just one bullet. you shoot. the mask breaks.

gabriel looks over his shoulder one last time. how have you never noticed the tired lines and the deep shadows under his eyes? how entertained have you been by your own hollow tale of greatness?

death looks at you with his face bare before he dissolves in a cloud of black. your arm drops to your side, gun in hand. a real cowboy dies with his gun in hand or not at all. but you are not going to die. you have a lot to repent for.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ"no man can walk out on his own story."

#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ euphuism. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤi am shouting at the empty and always running .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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WHO ARE YOU IN THIS HAUNTED HOUSE STORY?

THE FATHER :ㅤㅤyou’ve made mistakes.ㅤㅤyou see them play out on an endless and nauseating loop whenever you close your eyes.ㅤㅤif you could just interfere !ㅤㅤsomehow pass on what knowledge you now possess to the person you were then.ㅤㅤof course,ㅤnow you know,ㅤyou know,ㅤYOU KNOW.ㅤㅤbut what’s done is done,ㅤleaving you behind,ㅤholding the shards of what you broke in your bleeding and calloused hands.ㅤㅤthey look at you differently now,ㅤso you smile bigger and hope it reaches your eyes.ㅤㅤit’s okay though,ㅤbecause you’re going to make it better,ㅤyou have to.ㅤㅤand god knows you can’t be wrong again,ㅤyou simply won’t allow it,ㅤcan’t even entertain the idea.ㅤㅤwhen doubt creeps in,ㅤyou’ll stamp it down.ㅤㅤwhen things begin to go wrong,ㅤyou’ll turn a blind eye.ㅤㅤthere isn’t room inside of you to hold any more wrong.

tagged by : stolen from @divinitywept . tagging : @deathsighs , @pravica , @76es , @femtaile , @vanctua .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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why do you hurt?

YOU SWALLOW PAIN & FOLD AROUND IT :ㅤㅤyou have always hurt.ㅤㅤyou hold it carefully,ㅤand twisted in such a way that other people don't have to see it.ㅤㅤyou don't choke on it.ㅤㅤyou don't drown.ㅤㅤyou just have it,ㅤthe way some people have freckles,ㅤthis is a thing that lives in your bones.ㅤㅤyou fold instead of fighting because you know how to make yourself small,ㅤtuck away the places where they have clawed at,ㅤswallow the bruises so you seem clean.ㅤㅤnobody needs to see it.ㅤㅤyou will live through this on your own.ㅤㅤyou know what you need,ㅤand relief isn't it.ㅤㅤthis doesn't mean you cannot reach out --- it means it is not in your nature to do so.ㅤㅤyou should.ㅤㅤhiding does not mean you won't be seen.

tagged by : stolen from @tlacehualli .

tagging : @chronal-anomaly , @travilleur , @masteredfear , @femtaile .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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[hands] [other]

SEND ME A WORD AND LEARN ABOUT MY MUSE'S PHYSICAL FEATURES . also sent by @veqva .

cole cassidy has proportionate hands to a man of his general stature and lifestyle. his hands were never either too big or too small. his fingers are long, each knuckle knobbly and scarred and calloused, but they are in no way thin. the skin of his palms is often sweaty, especially when he wears gloves of any kind [ and he does so as to keep his fingerprints off his gun and the gunpowder off his fingers ]; skin is dry otherwise, filled with scars from previous scruffles and the handling of sharp objects in his youth.

his nails are short and gently curved, but he doesn’t manicure them otherwise; the undersides are clean from debris and dirt, but the nail beds are ruined by his anxiety driven habit of pulling at his cuticles. the only moments he ever cares about the state of his nails are when he needs to be either jerome mcginnis, the tradesman of a nice canadian family, or jeffrey wayne, the young socialite adopted by a rich family — both would be expected by society to have have well kept nails and their hands soft.

his hands also shake from time to time — never when holding a gun or any kind of weapon, but the alcohol and the cigars from a young age coupled with insomnia make them tremble at times. it used to be much worse when he was young [ pre - deadlock, especially, but wholly pre - overwatch ], the anemia and irregular meals causing a depletion in blood oxygenation and the impression of cold under his skin. he is also beginning to notice small signs of osteoarthritis in some knuckles and his wrist [ along some other places in his body ].

it is interesting to note that for all he can change himself in name and appearance as to both survive and work, his hands are one aspect he can not be so easily modified. he carries his stories there, all of them. these are the fingers which joel morricone uses to write his articles and columns, which jeff and jerome shake hands, the same ones cole cassidy and maverick logann kill people. these are the hands that choked his sister, and there is no running away from that. his hands tell the truth his mouth can not speak.

and since we are already on the topic of his hands, we may as well speak of his prosthetic arm.

for years, cassidy has been secretly assigned to spy on doctor mina liao and her classified project, as to ensure neither were compromised — be it against liao or in favor of a second omnic crisis. spending so much time together, mina and cole developed a secret romance. after the catastrophe that was the mission in rialto, cassidy was sent to oslo more and more often — going weeks and sometimes months by mina’s side in and out of the watchpoint. it coincided that, in one of these visits to the watchpoint, talon invaded and set off a bomb in the building, much like what happened in rome. this time, cassidy wasn’t so lucky as to not be in the direct blast zone of the explosion. debris and equipment pinned him down, and his rescue’s success depended on his arm being amputated in the field.

afterward, he stayed under the care, among others [ albeit in dwindling numbers at this point ], of doctor angela ziegler / @veqva, who oversaw his recovery. a second amputation was needed for the fitting of a new arm. he went through the initial steps of physiotherapy in zurich but didn’t stay for the final fitting for the arm overwatch had developed for him. lost and grieving, cassidy made his way back to the deadlock gorge. eventually, with ashe’s help and knowledge in cyber mechanics, he designed and found a trustworthy medic for the procedure.

ashe could have arranged a clinic or hospital for the procedure, but their status as outlaws made things a lot more difficult. factored in as well the fact cassidy could be recognized in some way as the blackwatch agent involved in the fallout in italy years prior [ it also matters that cole was not in the mindset to accept things without pain. he opted for a riskier procedure because it was less of a risk to ashe and deadlock, and because it would hurt a lot ]. so they recurred to a ripperdoc, a type of medic able to perform away from the scrutiny of legal establishments, at a better price. it is not always guaranteed a painless procedure, and complications may rise. as a consequence, his remaining limb is riddled with scars and suffers from phantom pain on occasion. it is not only worse because the initial port and cyberization were made by overwatch.

the result is a stylized model that is unique to him. chrome plates with a clunkier appearance than the usual streamlines and elegance found in other prosthetics. the arm is slightly bigger than his flesh hand due to an error in calculating, but it maintains the same overall level of productivity. the skull is an aesthetic touch, bright blue eyes powered by an internal battery.

the limb is also designed with boosted strength, speed, and resilience. it never grows tired, and it doesn’t feel pain — while keeping tactile prowess. it is able lot sustain a lot more damage than flesh and bone, the titanium skeleton under the chrome plates strong enough to bash someone’s head in. therefore, while having no built-in weapons or mechanisms, the prosthesis is still quite a force to be reckoned with.

a great advantage of his arm compared to common models is the power injection. while yes, the prosthetic is connecto him through cybernetic nanites, as courtesy of overwatch, the limb itself is motorized. it counts with hydraulic mechanisms and servos that run near silently but provide him all the necessary fine motor skills in his elbow, wrist, and each finger. which means he is relatively safe from EMP blasts and other types of electrical outages.

not to say cassidy doesn’t have fiber and plastic models. they are crucial when he needs to not be recognized. he has a simple plastic white arm and the same one in red. he also counts on a very fragile, rarely used model that is covered in synthetic skin. it is nearly impossible to distinguish between his two and when he is wearing it. he bought the first two models under an alias, and they were relatively easy to install and switch out despite the lack of cross compatibility between them and his original prosthesis. the synthskin arm he bought after a large bounty, in japan. it is relatively new and, again, not used often.

the mismatched weight, however, often affects his gait. his left hip and shoulder are the most affected, which also affects his already damaged knee in attempts of compensation. when able, especially now that he is once more with overwatch, he showers and sleeps with it off so as to not exacerbate his joints further.

#tlacehualli #* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ thesis. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤnothing of me is original : i am the combined effort of everyone i've ever known .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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which tragic death would you suffer?

THE UNFINISHED :ㅤㅤyou die,ㅤhand outstretched towards the sky,ㅤas if to say I'M NOT DONE YET. ㅤㅤthere are so many things you still have to do,ㅤso many goals you still have to reach.ㅤㅤyou've spent your entire life working towards them,ㅤand doing nothing else,ㅤonly to die before knowing what accomplishment feels like.ㅤㅤthey'll say your death was a pity,ㅤthat you had such a bright future ahead of you.ㅤㅤit is one you'll never get to see.

tagged by : @femtaile .

tagging : @tlacehualli , @yunhuntress , @deadlockin , @pravica , @chronal-anomaly .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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what does your heart look like?

AN OPEN DOOR, A BURNING HEARTH :ㅤㅤyour chest is wide open,ㅤand your heart is a home.ㅤㅤothers are welcomed in readily and asked to stay.ㅤㅤyou are comfort and love,ㅤeverything you were never given but so desperately want to provide for others.ㅤㅤyou have built this welcoming hearth with your own two hands and won’t see anyone else left out in the cold.ㅤㅤbe careful to not burn yourself out trying to keep everyone else warm.

tagged by : @femtaile .

tagging : @offenseonly , @freedomsbounty , @76es , @deathmarked .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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Which Tragic Character From Ancient Greek Literature Are You?

PATROCLUS : ㅤㅤyou are patroclus, ㅤfrom the iliad by homer, ㅤdoomed by fate to be stuck in a love story that has no place on the battlefield. ㅤㅤalthough you always have the best intentions, ㅤYOU HAVE TO REALIZE YOU CANNOT SAVE EVERYONE. ㅤㅤyour unwavering loyalty means you often lose yourself in the process of putting others first. ㅤㅤtake a deep breath, ㅤremember who you are, ㅤand that you are deserving of the same love you try to put out. ㅤㅤyou are kind,ㅤ you are strong, ㅤand you give and you give but it is never enough to protect those you love. ㅤㅤin the end, ㅤit's not even enough to protect yourself.

tagged by :ㅤnobody . tagging :ㅤ@wormregards [ daniel ] ,ㅤ@76es ,ㅤ@divinitywept ,ㅤ@crem8 ,ㅤ@tlacehualli .

#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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what is holding you back?

THE INABILITY TO SEE THE GOOD IN YOURSELF, ㅤTHEREFORE RELYING ON OTHERS TO PROVIDE IT FOR YOU : ㅤㅤyour heart is so full for the people you love.ㅤㅤ it's sweet,ㅤ but you've now forgotten how to care for yourself. ㅤㅤyou only seem to see great things in the people around you. ㅤㅤthey're wonderful, ㅤand you . . . ㅤ YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'RE SEEING IN YOURSELF, ㅤRIGHT ?ㅤㅤ you need to be reminded that you're enough. ㅤㅤthat you're talented.ㅤㅤ that you're worthy.ㅤㅤ that's partly the reason why you reach out so much. ㅤㅤyou need to hear it from the lips of someone " better " than you. ㅤㅤbut afterwards, ㅤit makes you feel even more guilty and upset.ㅤㅤ you feel like your actions are self absorbed. ㅤㅤyou're aiming for perfection because you see it in others. ㅤㅤyou're failing to see the flaws in everyone else. ㅤㅤI PROMISE, ㅤYOU'RE NO MONSTER. ㅤㅤi could say this again and again, ㅤbut will you believe me when i say you need to find it out for yourself ?

tagged by :ㅤ@tlacehualli . tagging : ㅤ@crem8 ,ㅤ@motife [ your pick ] ,ㅤ@amplifying ,ㅤ@cranedre ,ㅤ@deathsighs .

#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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are you a soldier, a poet, or a king?

THE SOLDIER :

There will come a soldier / Who carries a mighty sword / He will tear your city down ㅤ- - - ㅤThe Oh Hellos .

righteousness. ㅤㅤstrength. ㅤㅤviolence. ㅤㅤyou see a door and break through it. ㅤㅤYOU WONDER ,ㅤSOMETIMES ,ㅤIF ANGER IS THE ONLY THING YOU CAN FEEL.ㅤㅤremember : ㅤㅤlove is passion too. ㅤㅤyou made your own rules and will follow them to death. ㅤㅤyou try and forget that there is only one rule, ㅤand that it is "FIGHT". ㅤㅤYOU ARE TIRED OF FIGHTING. ㅤㅤyou try to forget that,ㅤ too,ㅤ and keep going. ㅤㅤyou dream of quiet. ㅤㅤYOUR LOVE IS WHERE YOU HEAL. ㅤㅤgod knows you deserve to ㅤ[ really,ㅤyou deserve to. ]

tagged by :ㅤnobody . tagging :ㅤ@tlacehualli ,ㅤ@chronal-anomaly ,ㅤ@76es ,ㅤ@veqva ,ㅤ@parieur .

#i was expecting this one BUT STILL #you're tired of fighting / you dream of quiet #but also love as passion ( as fire ) - - - as what throws him into The Conflict #but love is what will heal him too #i am going to combust #* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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WHAT FLAVOR IS YOUR SOUL?

CINAMMON : ㅤ ㅤ oh, ㅤchild of spice, ㅤyou are bound to the core of the earth.ㅤㅤ can you feel the heartbeat of nature pulsing through your veins. ㅤㅤyou are the mouthful of autumn that scorched through your throat. ㅤㅤyou are the pepper of life that wakes up the weary. ㅤㅤthe foolish and shaking will attempt to dilute you with sickening sugar, ㅤdo not let them. ㅤㅤyour spark is what keeps us alive, ㅤmy dear. ㅤㅤkeep burning, ㅤlittle star. ㅤㅤyou see the beauty and the light, ㅤbut oh, ㅤyou have been fed poison and refuse to drop it onto other's tongues. ㅤㅤbe wild. ㅤㅤI know what your heart is chanting. ㅤㅤrun. ㅤㅤrun. ㅤㅤrun.ㅤㅤ run dear, ㅤfind your story. ㅤdo not trade your spirit for safety. ㅤㅤyou are a child of the earth, ㅤforever seeking, ㅤforever dancing.

tagged by : ㅤnobody, stolen from @dpsdiff .

tagging : ㅤ@crem8 ,ㅤ@bllakcat ,ㅤ@femtaile [ widow ] ,ㅤ@divinitywept, ㅤ@tlacehualli .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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Meta + becoming Overwatch's leader

META PROMPTS & QUESTIONS / always accepting .

In the western monomyth of a hero’s journey, there are three important steps for the establishment of the protagonist as the savior of their / the call to adventure - - -

Its refusal, and, finally, the belly of the whale. The first two explain themselves quite obviously: the call to adventure takes the unknown individual from the normal, daily, and inconsequential life; therefore, the hero cannot exist in a vacuum. The story cannot take its course without the hero. except the hero will not promptly accept the change of course in their common world. This may be from a sense of duty or obligation, fear, insecurity, or a sense of inadequacy, among others. The hero needs a reason that surpasses the individual and disregards his selfish desires. This is where we find the belly of the whale: the abandonment of the self, the acceptance of their role in the story as something bigger than they could ever conceive.

it’s not about you, it's about them.

In the context of Cassidy’s own journey, those three initial aspects are quite clear, among others, and could be further dismembered [adapting Vogler’s (2007) writing on the monomyth aspects] into five categories. As it is, the steps are:

THE STATUS QUO: There is Cole Cassidy, deluded by the events of 5–6 years prior, filled with guilt, working as a bounty hunter and mercenary. In his off hours, he writes a weekly column under the guise of Joel Morricone and tries to find Ana Amari’s assumed killer, The Widowmaker. He has not been in contact with his old people; his loved ones are either scattered or dead. In many ways, he is a ghost himself — he is a ghost of himself. an outlaw, a bandit for hire, a man with no name.

MEETING WITH THE MENTOR: This takes an interesting form. While on his own self-appointed mission to retrieve and reactivate Echo, he receives a letter from Ana Amari, whom he judged dead. She is asking him to visit her in Cairo. He is also attacked by Reaper, and he discovers that Gabriel Reyes is also alive — and working actively for Talon. These two encounters are important because the mentor figure provides the hero the tools, knowledge and reassurance needed for their quest. Beyond that, however, by meeting his two mentors in different ethos, the hero is faced with a bifurcation of his road: apotheosis versus damnation. It is crucial to remember that Cassidy feels both victim and executioner in the ways Overwatch fell — the way Gabriel fell, most of all.

THE (RE)CALL TO ADVENTURE: Faced with Winston’s recall of Overwatch, the path taken by many of his peers was to accept it in some way or form—but not Cole. He refuses the idea of returning, conforming to the idea that things are not going to be what they once were, and, beyond that, maybe the time for overwatch is long past. He is doing everything he can, whenever he can, to ensure that justice prevails when it cannot, but reinstating overwatch appears to be a sure way to fall back into old habits. However, THIS REFUSAL OF THE CALL is interspersed with his wish to return Echo to the world and allow Mina Liao’s last wish to come into fruition; it is safe to say, then, that his reluctance to join the new team is less about Overwatch falling into old traps and more to do with his own guilt about the way things ended. Cole Cassidy thinks himself cursed and not worth a second chance.

and finally, as explained before: THE BELLY OF THE WHALE. Cole steps in and accepts Ana’s idea to recruit new members for the team. This decision happens specifically after once more encountering his soul sister, Fareeha Amari. This is where he realizes he cannot let her continue on her path alone, and the needs of the team speak above his own. He could take his things and return to his life as it was before, but he cannot abandon the story now. In a way, his meeting with Reaper helps cement this too. A necessity to repair the hurts left by the old days, so things for the new era can go right.

Now, the abandonment of the self is nothing new for someone like the cowboy. I have made explicit this fact here a few times now. Cole sheds identities and grows them less like simple aliases, but really akin to extension of his core, but they don’t represent him wholly individually — as an individual. So, in theory, taking on a new role at the stage of this adventure should be easy, correct?

Except that it is not. Because this new role is taken not for the sake of survival, or the necessity that a job may delegate. The new self, The Leader, needs to be a selfless decision. Story progresses and we see him inevitably accept his place as the head of these new recruits, and their acceptance of him as their leader. Which is not unexpected, given all the people Cole is sent to recruit have a military background to some capacity. FAREEHA, BAPTISTE, ZARYA, HANA. they recognize in him an older figure, someone with experience that will not lead them astray.

It is a huge responsibility. Not his first time as a leader, though. Cole has led the Deadlock Rebels alongside Ashe for two years — he founded the gang with her, Julian and Frankie after all. What frightens him is not the fact he has people under his care and guidance. It is that he could fail them. Like he failed his own team, failed Gabriel, failed Ashe, failed Mina.

The Hero now finds himself IN THE ROAD OF TRIALS and it is entirely up to him which road to take, and how to face the trials he will find on the way.

#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ thesis. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤnothing of me is original : i am the combined effort of everyone i've ever known .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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WHICH TAROT CARD ARE YOU?

THE WORLD : ㅤ ㅤ power is a heady thing. ㅤdo you have what it takes to control it ? ㅤㅤyou thought you did, ㅤfor a long time as you gained more and more. ㅤㅤpower only begets more power,ㅤ after all. ㅤㅤmind your breaking point,ㅤ mind your load,ㅤ mind how high you’ve climbed up the ladder ; ㅤ it’s against regulation to stand on the top rung. ㅤㅤyou could get hurt up there. ㅤㅤyou could fall. ㅤㅤi’m not sure that i could catch you, ㅤso high above the rest of us. ㅤㅤdon’t look down. ㅤㅤmind the ceiling fan.

tagged by :ㅤ @austerulous . tagging :ㅤ @mrjane ,ㅤ@divinitywept , ㅤ@str7fe ,ㅤ@motife [ junkrat ] ,ㅤ@tlacehualli .

#dash games.#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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𝟎𝟔. 𝐉𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 !

✰ ⸻ 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐓 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒 ! ༄ㅤ/ㅤalways accepting . / @femtaile .

is your muse a lucky person ? do things randomly tend to go their way without much effort, or do they have to work for bad luck ?

now, the cowboy wouldn't consider himself a lucky person; after all, survival has nothing to do with luck. It took skill, both active and passive, for him to reach where he is on the road. it took a lot of hard work, and a lot of playing his cards right. However considering the path with his life took to get where he is now, he would consider himself quite lucky in the way things did go wrong a lot of the time and he did suffer quite a bit he lost his family early on, had to work as a child in gruesome environments such as factories and farms; he broke away from the from the only people he ever called true friends. blackwatch was considered by many around him a true lucky point in his life. the fact it took him from a life of crime and immorality into something he could call noble. it doesn't end well, though, does it?

when was the moment in your muses life that they had to grow up, a situation where they just knew it was time for them to mature ? perhaps a traumatic event, maybe even an exciting one !

as the fourth child of a happy and stable family, cole was never expected to grow up so quickly; he could do things at his own time, at his own pace: he could fail and he could succeed and no matter what he would be loved by his parents and his siblings. The truck time That changed when his lands were stolen by omega corporation and his family was butchered in front of that night scarred him deeply; in the span of hours, he became an orphan, alone in the southwestern desert, having to fend for himself in the worst ways possible.

cole found work in places no child should be working [ not that any child should be working ]. his first job, at the pork factory, was especially traumatizing. this is where he had to process remains and discard entrails — living and breathing dead bodies cut open and disemboweled. for someone who grew up to that point respecting animal life [ the ranch was small, the livestock raised respectfully ]. the shock of saying those bodies in a similar manner to the ones of his family only added to the toll. from there the cowboy became more and more cynical and jaunted — less willing to trust people.

julian, someone who came to meet at the ace valentine megafarm was the exception, at least at first. they became inseparable friends and, eventually, each other's first love. Julian would eventually betray him to save his own neck from certain death. cole never forgave him. ashe would come a little later after julian, showing him that family is something you can choose. the three of them, alongside a hacker called frankie formed the deadlock rebels. It was a good time while it lasted. then, he would spent fifteen years serving blackwatch.

so it is safe to say that in a short span of life [ seventeen years, though the most of his trauma happened from eleven onward ] cole had to go from that happy – if naive – child to a hardened, cynical men. a killer. a mercenary. a soldier. a bounty hunter. he never had the opportunity to access what happened to him in anything but a dissociated way; he can't frame himself within the parameters of his old name and that is not a coincidence, but truly a consequence of his life experiences: that he refers to himself only as Cole Cassidy.

has your muse found their happiness in life ? their purpose ? if so, when and how did that happen ?

He has had his moments of happiness, though brief and sparse, in life since the incident at the ranch when he was eleven. for all he reserves his criticism for overwatch [ especially at the end ], he cannot deny those fifteen years were his happiest. he had a family among those ranks: GABRIEL REYES, ANA AMARI AND HER DAUGHTER FAREEHA, ANGELA ZIEGLER, AMELIE AND GERARD LACROIX, GENJI SHIMADA, LENA OXTON — just to mention a few names. however, as it is known, that moment in his life came to an end in a long and torturous process that left him feeling empty inside. then, as a bounty hunter and mercenary [ a man on the run from many things ]. It's not that he didn't want it, it is simply that he didn't think himself for deserving of that feeling.

DOESN'T DETAIN HIM FROM REACHING FOR THAT SUNSET. this idea [ an archetypal notion of the lonesome hero riding off to sunset, symbolizing he has prevailed over the antagonist ] he has that will find his happiness when he is done working, even though he believes, deep down, he will never stop until he dies — the hero cannot exist within the vacuum, after all. be it the epic or the tragedy, the hero rarely lives on to the end of his own story [ doesnt keep him from accepting the call ]. so he entertains himself with the fantasy he will buy himself a farm, raise some livestock and grow his own food; he may even have a family. it is less of a plan and more of a distant daydream. whatever happens, happens.

what gives your muse confidence, what makes them optimistic ? or are they pessimistic ? what makes their life purposeful ?

The cowboy's confidence relies and foremost on his own abilities. he is fully aware of what he is capable of, as he is entirely aware of how far he can take a bluff. it doesn't make him particularly optimistic toward any outcome — simply that given opportunity, he can go down fighting a good fight. he has no deep purpose in life, especially as of the time around recall. he wants to find widowmaker, he wants to free echo, but thats about the end of it. ANA'S LETTER PROVES, HOWEVER, THAT HE SEEKS A HIGHER PURPOSE. the hero fights not for himself, but for those he considers dear to him and / or swore to protect.

#femtaile #* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .#* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

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vaqro-a · 1 year

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[ finally a ] tag dump //

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ author. ❫ ››› ㅤ we are bees then﹐ our honey is language .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ promotion. ❫ ››› ㅤ come﹐ little bees﹐ the flowers have your breakfast ready .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ announcement. ❫ ››› ㅤ we must dissent from apathy﹐ we must dissent from the fear .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ prompt. ❫ ››› ㅤ doves and pigeons can also be trained to send messages .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ anonymous. ❫ ››› ㅤ who is this stranger﹐ who comes in the darkness ?

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ continuum. ❫ ››› ㅤ time doesn’t erase the demons we don’t see .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ euphuism. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤi am shouting at the empty and always running .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ episteme. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤyou strike a match on yourself to keep others warm .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ visuals. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤi ain't good﹐ i ain't bad﹐and i sure as hell ain't ugly .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ imagery. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe graveyard shift has a certain quality to it .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ thesis. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤnothing of me is original : i am the combined effort of everyone i've ever known .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ theory. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤthe revelation of a submerged self .

* ⊹ 。*´ ❪ behavior. ❫ㅤ ››› ㅤpretend to be a cynic﹐ but i am really a dreamer .

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