#(i was stupid to think that my life could be normal || askbox memes.) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

askmeanythingmeme · 4 years

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Text prompts, team! Go crazy, be creative, have fun.

[text] Today I asked my mother to buy me smaller condoms by mistake, instead of smaller tampons. If she pitifully looks at your crotch the next time you come over, don’t be confused.

[text] You yelled at the kitchen sponge and asked for the Krabby Patty secret formula. I’m pretty sure you were drunk.

[text] I just finished watching Alice in Wonderland for the third time in a row. I’m starting it again. I’m eating cocoa puffs. I’m a grown man. If you’re ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that you could be me.

[text] It’s been twelve hours and I think I’m officially ready to enter into the slutty stage of the break up phase.

[text] The last time I heard someone say ‘YOLO,’ I ended up getting arrested for pole dancing in the middle of a shopping mall. Too soon.

[text] On a scale of 1 to I should go prepare a grave for [him/her] in the woods, how’re you handling the break up?

[text] So anyway, the moral of that story is that they actually have a tiny jail in malls.

[text] I caught him masturbating to the Mario Bros. theme song. I’m marrying him.

[text] I just remember a disco ball flashing in the bathroom as I finger-banged a drag queen’s cleavage.

[text] You ran around town with nothing but my sister’s barbie doll taped to your junk.

[text] FUCK. FUCK. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T USE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH. IT’S NOT SAFE.

[text] You know how I sent you that selfie of me peeing on a cop car? Burn your phone. And if the cops stop by your door, I have a twin named Miguel.

[text] THE BABY IS CRYING THE MICROWAVE’S ON FIRE AND THE DOG IS DRAGGING HIS NEUTERED BALLS ACROSS THE FLOOR. BABYSITTING IS EASY, THEY SAID.

[text] On the plus side I started dissolving vitamins into my morning bottle of whiskey.

[text] Please tell me you don’t know why the dean came to me asking why there was blood in our dorm.

[text] WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! THE SKY IS GREEN, THE GRASS IS BLUE, AND THE TRESS ARE JUST BLOWING THROUGH THE LEAVES!

[text] You told them the TV just grew wings, unbolted itself from the window and threw itself at the ground, and then started to cry because you believed your own story and thought it committed suicide. I’m pretty sure the police were justified in drug testing you.

[text] Hyyypothetically, if you happened to run out of toilet paper and the only other people in the bathroom were the two people having sex in the next stall over, would you act like you didn’t know what was going on and just ask, or politely wait until you heard the chick swallow?

[text] I am literally ashamed of what I would do for a Klondike bar.

[text] His grandmother ripped off her clothes and started belly dancing. I couldn’t look away. I blacked out and woke up in a fetal position.

[text] MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE WILL BE DONE RIGHT, DAMMIT. IT WILL BE DRUNK AND MEANINGFUL.

[text] I remember my bellybutton getting licked, your toe getting sucked and your ex-boyfriend doing better at deep-throating a banana than both of the gay guys in our class. What happens in the back of the bus stays in the back of the bus.

[text] I just caught two people fucking in a bathroom stall. At my church. While there was a sex addicts support group going on. Maybe I’m wrong, but this seems a little counterproductive.

[text] She climbed on top of me and made out with me and then yelled at me when I got a hard-on. Bitch, nachos turn me on.

[text] If she was stupid enough to believe that you’re a student at Harvard, she deserves what she gets if she dates you.

[text] She told me she’d flash me if I tried to be happy. I thought she was joking so I laughed. Best mistake of my life.

[text] Don’t worry, if we end up getting chased by a murderer, we’ll just split up. Whoever he runs after, sucks for them. That means you’ve got like, at least a 50% chance of survival if you come camping.

[text] She called me a fuck twit today. I’m counting it as progress.

[text] The Trojan Horse shoved itself through the city wall, broke open, released a ton of little guys into the city and ruined everyone’s day. Explain to me how Trojan seemed like a good name for a condom brand.

[text] If you listened to the voicemail you got from me about how much I love [insert name here] … I totally didn’t mean you. I definitely meant this other person I know.

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mana-sputachu · 7 years

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Pregnancy meme, but this time with XiaoJin ♥

I forgot i had this in my askbox, waiting for a reply.Oh boy… i admit that XiaoJin is one of my otp that… don’t always inspire me fankids, lol. But i have some scenarios in my mind, one where Jin is stillthe Zaibatsu boss (just less idiod and finally back to his sanity), and anotherone where he just has a normal work after having left the Zaibatsu and theMishima shit behind him. But i’ll go with the first one, just to give them aneasier life… and because i’ll risk to stay here for HOURS.

Reaction: Jinwouldn’t believe it a first. Like, I ALWAYS USE PROTECTION, HOW DID ITHAPPENED. He would be so scared, maybe he passes out after going crazy, lol.Xiao is already so done with him.

1 month: Jin isstill scared AF and sometimes he wonder if it’s just a dream. Luckily he doesn’thave to worry about the money, so he can focus on looking for parenting books,books about babies, and maybe some advice. Too bad the only people around himaren’t exactly… the best when it comes to babies. I mean, he could ask toMarshall, but then he would remember what kind of person Forest his (and how hekeep flirting around Xiao), and… no, just no. He could ask Lei or Lars, butnone of them has kids. And then there’s Howarang that gives him unrequested(and totally nonsense) advice that Jin prefers to ignore.And don’t even think about Nina… or Kazuya.

Food cravings: Everything.EVERYTHING. Like a vacuum, Xiao will eat everything she can find near her.

Mood swings: Xiaowould have a lot of moodswings, from being happy to cry like a baby watchingbaby animals video. But also Jin has moodswings that follows Xiao’s, andbecause he’s still scared and SURE I’LL BE WORSE THAN KAZUYA, I CAN’T BE AFATHER. They will both cry curled on the sofa.

Sonogram: “..sothat’s really a baby?” “Of course it’s a baby, what do you think it was? Akidney stone?” “Omg it’s a baby, MY BABY OMG ;___;”He’s a huge softie, under all those grumpy faces. Xiao just looks at himsmiling.

Baby kicking: Jinwould look in awe at Xiao’s belly, hands still on it, smiling like the biggoofball he is. “This baby will be a great martial artist.” Xiao nods proudly.

Water broke: Jinwould be at the Zaibatsu when Miharu or Julia (i have this hc of her and Xiaobeing friends, don’t judge me) call him saying that Xiao’s water broke. Beingthe perfectionist he his, he has already set a plan months before, like keep asuitcase with some clothes and other useful things in his office (another oneis in their apartment), the best path to the hospital so he won’t lose too muchtime, Miharu or Julia that would update him via phone. But being also a veryanxious person he would scream like a banshe while doing it. Lars would justlook at him worried that his nephew may die of anxiety before seeing hisfirstborn.

At the hospital: Everyoneis here, Hwoarang (making stupid jokes), Lei, Miharu, Julia, and Jin can hearXiao screaming like a banshee and cursing at everyone, especially at himbecause FUCK YOU THIS IS YOUR FAULT IF I’M GIVING BIRTH TO A COW, THIS IS HURTTO MUCH, JIN KAZAMA I HATE YOU FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!Lars has to keep him there and reassure him that no, she will not kill you, she’sjust… nervous. Just a bit. Jin finally calms down. Punching Hwoarang in theface always help him feeling better.

Its a…: Female

Name: Jun, likeJin’s mom. Xiao chose the name without saying anything to him, as surprise. Ifit was a male, she would have chose Wang, like her grandpa.

Parents reaction:For the first time in forever, everyone would see Jin smiling and happy,keeping her baby in his arms, crying because she’s so small and OMG I DON’TWANT TO HURT HER. Xiao is tired and happy, but the poor thing would want tosleep for hours.

TY!

#tekken #tekken 7 #jin kazama #ling xiaoyu #xiaojin #pregnancy meme #text post #askkrisachan

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whitegladiolus · 6 years

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these are extremely embarrassing but i LIKE THEM okay an otp askbox meme i’m just answering all of bc i am feeling soooooo soft for mornmore rn god my pal don’t judge me for this one okay

this set

Who kisses the other on the nose and the one receiving the kiss blushes? g-man to morming... i think probably very small or like stupid displays of affection offset him a lot vs like open and flagrant sexy talk or whatever... one’s Embarrassing and the other is just Oh We’re Gonna Fuck That’s Nice and he’s used to that vs just someone being like sweet w/ him lol

Who sits on their partner’s lap as they wrap their arms around their partners neck? again g-man bc he is a waif and morning is a big strapping young lad with the arms of an angel

Who kisses the inside of their partner’s palm before reassuring them everything is going to be okay? morning.................... he’s nice.............. but also like feasibly what problem would g ever fucking have

Who initiates the forehead touch™? Good Luck Bitch He Has Horns but it’s gotta be g bc morning’s too considerate of it to bother trying

Where do they first say “I love you”? i think they’re both to emotionally repressed for that but if i had to hazard a guess: a) hell b) somewhere extremely mundane like g’s fuckin “living” room (living is in quotes bc it is debatable whether or not what he does constitutes as living)

Who wraps their arms around their partner who is cooking? morning is the only one of em that can cook but if g tries he’s getting an elbow to gut He’s Busy

Who breaks out the first aid kit when the other gets a paper cut? morning’s so stupidly powerful he could like spit and bring somebody back to life like... he just gotta touch ppl... i think he subconsciously heals him anymore

Who cuddles up to the other on the couch? a hearty mix of both, imo

was stricken for the record for being too embarrassing for me to even think about

Who picks up the other fireman style in a playful way? this can literally only go one way

Who brings the blanket to wrap them both up in it? being the only person with any sense of how to care for oneself: morning

Who falls asleep on who? What is their reaction when the other falls sleep on them? slightly uneven mix of both favoring g-man just bc morning is toooooo wound up around ppl, like just a lot of nervous energy, so rxn mixed btwn: Oh This Is Nice and Thank God ☀️☀️. reverse wise... who’s to say... not me... i like to think he gets a lil thrill each time morning does smth that’s like Normal For People Who Are Together To Do Without Making It A Production in my heart gman is a romantic

the thought of ppl holding each other is so fucking... it’s too much... it’s like the one hill i can’t climb in terms of mortification. have i thought about it. yes. am i going to share that. no.

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