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dissident-vedder · 3 years

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- breaking the girl ( 𝐀. 𝐊. )

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the first and last time they kissed.

INSPIRATIONS - breaking the girl by rhcp and @fanficy-prompts

THIS FIC CONTAINS death (SUICIDE), swearing, sadness/depression.

A/N - layout by @adoresobs!

keeping your head down, the rain beat down on the red raincoat you slipped on that morning, the usually sunny l.a. sky now a dark gray, a cool breeze brushing against your crimson cheeks. your school things were most likely getting wet, but at some point, you stopped caring, much like many other things you once cherished, which now seemed bleak in your reddened eyes. everything was covered in a constant cover of gray, your optimistic outlook on life now turning into those of your mother’s. why hadn’t you said yes to going to jessica’s? why were you the one to find your mother face down in a pool of her own blood? why did she have to take her own life in such a horrendous way? why hadn’t you noticed before?

you shoulders hung with the weight of your guilt despite your family and multiple psychiatrists telling you that you had done nothing wrong. they told you your mother was at fault for not telling you, for not getting the help she needed and deserved, for leaving you behind to live with your grandmother. how you hated to look into your grandmother’s eyes since the day it happened. she tried to be strong for you, you could tell, but once you looked at her, she burst into tears. every time she looked at you, she saw her daughter. your mother’s eyes were your own, and each day she saw the life be sucked out of them much like she saw within your mother’s. she was afraid of losing you too, making appointments with a therapist in order for you to talk about your thoughts, your feelings, but each time, you just brought over a drawing. one that was done in simple India Ink, the graphite of a pencil not dark enough to show your true emotions. you refused to talk, afraid that if you opened your mouth, you would talk about everything and would never shut up.

the more drawings you gave, the more and more the therapist noticed how darker and more obscene they got.

your world was dead.

you envied your aunts, uncles, and cousins for still having their mom, hated the way that your school friends would talk about their parents, how they father gave them this and how their mother gave them that. after christmas break, everyone began talking animatedly about what they received for christmas, whether it was money, a new rotary telephone (one girl got a canary yellow one, just like she wanted), or new clothes. one of your classmates turned to you, “what did your parents give you for christmas?”

how were you going to tell them that your mother committed suicide and your father was an alcoholic who walked out of your life years ago? you just laid your head on your arms, wanting the teacher to begin the lesson so you didn’t have to bear the embarrassment of people bugging you about the presents. yes, you did get presents from your family in order to get your mind of your mom, but it was sort of alright until one of your aunts gave you a perfume bottle, and upon closer inspection, you noticed that it was your mother’s signature scent.

you had run to your room, tears leaving wet tracks on your cheeks, sobs racking through your body as thoughts of your mom brought back painful pangs in your chest, your heart beating wildly against your ribcage. a copy of maya angelou’s i know why the caged bird sings sat on your night table, driving you insane at the orange cover, the black bird in mid-flight. picking it up, you chucked it at the wall, the bookmark flying out from its designated spot. the caged bird doesn’t sing, you thought. the caged bird dies.

for years this continued, the book still on the exact spot it had landed when you threw it, collecting dust as your room stayed in pristine condition. if it weren’t for your family coming over to help you, it would be a pigsty by now. somehow, however, you were able to control your emotions a little better, making the days seem a little easier and more bearable to go through, and the thoughts of your mother’s dead body were pushed to the back of your mind.

in your sophomore year of high school, you had met anthony, a charismatic senior with a crooked smile and a trick up his sleeve. on days where you were not able to control your emotions as well, he held you, letting you cry into the crevice where his shoulder and neck meet, his hands cradling your head and rubbing your back. he managed to make you talk after years of being known as the mute, his little jokes and twisted tales able to rise a small out of your once glued lips. something about him made you feel warm inside. people always said that the person you loved the most will make butterflies come alive in your belly, but you realized that wasn’t the truth for you. every time you thought about or spoke to anthony, your heart swelled even more, leaving you with a euphoric feeling as you held on to either him or the sweatshirt he gave you on an unusually cold day. perhaps it was his nonchalant demeanor or his cocky attitude, or even the musky, vanilla smell that was characteristically him, but every part of you fell in love with him and his existence. he was an angel come to life.

it was his graduation day when he first kissed you. once caps were thrown and pictures were taken, he ran up to you, grabbed your cheeks, and planted his lips on yours. his lips were so soft, in contrast to the muscular body he hid beneath the button-up shirt he wore, you melted into his arms, pressing yourself against him, grabbing on to the lapels of his shirt. you had waited for this day for what? three weeks? six months? a year? no matter how long, you felt all your nerves release as he pulled away, staring at you with such love and adoration, it looked like he was staring at a goddess come to life.

your breaths mingled, brushing softly over the soft skin of your lips, minty as you brought him back in, deprived of something you longed for for a while. this was a seal of your relationship. at some point, you began to wonder if you were just another one of anthony’s playthings, ready to be thrown out the second he got bored of you.

the sun shone brightly on the two of you, a moment of celebration only you two could see.

it was a december when he broke up with you. it was in the year of what? 1995? '96? you didn’t remember, and didn’t want to remember, as your heart continued to break as those last moments replayed in your head like a broken record.

you had been there for him through everything.

when the band was first formed, their first record, their first live national tv performance, hillel’s death, anthony’s sobriety. everything. yet he deemed you no longer important in his life as he broke your heart. somehow, despite your tear-streaked face, he continued to say that he no longer loved you, that he had fallen in love with another. he had kissed you one last time that day. held you close, hands on your cheeks, warming them even more, and you could feel it. there was no more passion left. it seemed like to him, you were an obligation, a setback in life. no longer did his heart beat for you. how could he have fallen in love with another when you had given him everything you had? your virginity, your heart, your mind, your love.

he just took it for himself and now. . . you were being thrown to the streets. god, you didn’t go to college, had no job, no money of your own, purely depending on him, and he gladly supported you through the years, giving you an allowance basically. you had to move in with your grandmother again as you took up classes at the local community college in cyber. . . something. again, you stopped caring about the world. what had you done in order for him to fall out of love with you? you were supportive of his decision, supportive of him when he was going through withdrawal symptoms when he stopped taking drugs, there by his side again when he relapsed, warning him of the consequences and reminding him of his hard work years prior.

laying down on the bed, you took a deep breath as your hand was placed over your heart, imagining the broken pieces still trying to keep you alive. with anthony, the once gray world turned bright again, optimism making every day more bearable until you no longer had to bear it.

underneath you sat the sheets that anthony once slept under, holding you close to his body as the two of you had your usual late-night talks, talking about the future, about one day marrying each other, having children, grandchildren, and growing old together. now, these sheets held tears and broken promises whispered long ago, long when you were still young and a new optimistic.

i know why the caged bird sings stares at you from the floor.

the caged bird does not sing. the caged bird dies.

TAGLIST:

@stateofloveandvedder @state-of-love-and-lust @honeysympathy @grossgold @sea-sxns @d-arknecessities @sideways-falling

#anthony kiedis #anthony kiedis x reader #anthony kiedis imagine #imagine anthony kiedis #fairfax high school!anthony kiedis #1980s!anthony kiedis #1990s!anthony kiedis #rhcp #Red Hot Chili Peppers

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synuniverse-blog · 7 years

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Here are the 5 sneakers releasing this weekend we thought you should know about. As always there are a ton more sneakers dropping. Comment at the bottom if there is a pair you think we should have highlighted.

1.Jordan Retro 6 “Alternative” $190

Eian: I’m a fan of Jordan 6’s, not that I have tons of pairs but these are cool because they give you kind of the Bugs Bunny feel to them with the white leather and tan suede. These could be a steal. I don’t think these are sneakers for right now because of the snow but you could get them now and wear them once it gets warm with some shorts and a tee.

Eric: These are alright, and 6s are alright. I only have one pair (great story, great steal but I’ll save that for another time). Eian makes great points, it definitely gives that Bugs Bunny feel that came out a couple of years ago and they probably go good with shorts but Jordan Brand has done that already. I’m feeling uninspired by this latest retro release from JB. I’m not ready to roll out my rating of “S.T.” for these but if Jordan Brand continues to be lazy like this, I’m throwing the “S.T.” at them. So, needless to say I’m recommending a pass on these uninspiring Jordan 6s.

2. CONCEPTS X NEW BALANCE 990V2 “TYRIAN” $200

Eian : Man do I love a good ol’ collaboration, these right here believe or not is maybe one of my favorites this weekend. They give you that Prince “Purple Rain” feel. Time for my dancing shoes. And if you know me you know I am definitely a dancer (wink wink). The dark purple suede does it for me seriously. It’s like you can wear these with anything black or blue jeans. On top of the look I think everyone in the world knows how comfortable New Balance are. The icing on the cake for this collab is the pretty cool bottom lace lock with this marble feel that has the Concepts name on it.

Eric: These are sick! I absolutely love these however I am not paying $200 for a pair of New Balance. I know, this is a collab and Concepts is dope shop but like I said, not paying $200 for New Balance. Yo, I loved reading Eian’s review of them though. I could tell bro is really feeling these. All those descriptors. Got him talking about Prince and making jokes about dancing, I’m sitting here like damn, he needs a pair of these. So go out and get a pair, especially if you like, dancing, Prince, and Game of Thrones!

3. NIKE AIR MAX 1 2017 RETRO (ANNIVERSARY BLUE)

Eian: Man o’ man what can I not say about these Air Max? These are almost like the holy grail of Air Max with the OG blue you can’t go wrong. If you are a fan of Air Max 1’s these are a must have. Jeans or shorts you can pull this off with any look you want. Being that this is Air Max month there will be tons of colorways coming out on a daily so if you only have one choice of Air Max you might want to hold off.

Eric: Check. Check. Check. The price is right. The colorway is right. The silhouette is right. I am getting these! I love Air Max 1s. I love them so much that I wear them down to the ground because I will just wear them everyday. Don’t listen to Eian, give your self more than one chance to get a pair of Air Max 1s this month. March 26th is Air Max Day (it’s a Nike holiday, just roll with it) and the 27th is my birthday so I want more than one pair of Air Max 1s these month. At $140 I think it’s a nice treat for yourself. I will throw you a little bone on how to dress these: with sweats, jeans, shorts, gray, blue, white, red, yellow, cargos, chinos, basically whatever you want because that is how versatile these sneakers are. These are my “MUST HAVES” of the week.

4. ASICS GEL-RESPECTOR (JAPANESE GARDENS – CARBON) (JAPANESE GARDENS -INDIA INK)

Eian: Ayeeeee, these are super cool. From the color way to the design with the two tone look of the soft pink and carbon grey, they’re a dope looking sneaker. The India ink is just as cool with the soft blue and dark blue. With these sneakers being suede you have to be careful because they will get super dirty real quick. On top of it all these are really comfortable sneakers as well for those city walks.

Eric: Argh, I wanted to pull out the “straight trash” on these because I didn’t check them out until right before I wrote this piece but I can’t. However, I’m not buying what Asics is selling here. They are alright. Also, I am a little disappointed that they don’t have the split tongue that I love so much on Asics. Feeling a little like that “Grinch” spirit Eian had last week is infecting me right now. Toss up for me on these.

5. Air Jordan XXX1 “Black Cat”

Eian : Not a huge fan of the these Jordan’s for casual wear, I think they are more for active basketball use. I like the simple black and white look and if I was baller I would totally cop these. I also just watched a quick video of Tinker* and his concept of how and why he designed them. His thought is, Jordan played at times like a black cat. He (Jordan) would play steady and when the time was right he would just pounce and attack to finish the game for the kill. Dope concept and pretty cool sneaker but not something I would get.

Eric: I love the XXXIs but perhaps because in my head I am a ballplayer (not so much in real life). I really want a pair of these. I tried them on and essentially, Eian was like, those are wack. Dude had a ton of critiques, they are too boxy, they look big on your feet. Ultimately, I passed on the pair that I tried on but I’ll go back. I’ll get a pair. As far as these are concerned, this is a very simple colorway that a designer cannot go wrong with. I cannot count how many times I have said to myself, “I need a pair of simple black kicks”. So, I am giving these a thumbs up. This is the simple and easy cop of the week for me. Very little risk involved.

Bonus Drop: Just want to shout out these sneakers that dropped yesterday at Footlocker and Puma. The Coogi x Puma collab is super dope. They pay homage to the late great B.I.G., these sneaker have the dope look of the famous Biggie picture with him counting cash with the Coogi sweater on. Rest in Power Biggie. Spread love the Brooklyn Way!

Sneaker Releases 3.11.17 Here are the 5 sneakers releasing this weekend we thought you should know about. As always there are a ton more sneakers dropping.

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