#(i asked that teacher to be my consultant because. uh. nobody else was willing or had the capacity to deal with me.) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hakugreenfinch · 3 months

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"you should absolutely go for a scholarship abroad" they dont know i spent 5 months studying abroad and during those 5 months only once did anyone that wasnt a teacher try talking to me and even she went "oh" when i said i was an international student and just. left

#hakuna matata #i had a... very weird day today.#i asked a teacher for a one on one discussion #she spent todays class talking about how we should go for a phd #and like... 'if you have a good thesis topic and your consultant endorses it and you know and are friends with every teacher etc #you should go for it!!'#which is like... cool cool.#but can i try it even if my topic is cringe my consultant barely knows what im talking about and im physically unable to talk to people?#(i asked that teacher to be my consultant because. uh. nobody else was willing or had the capacity to deal with me.)#'go study abroad its so much fun' it wasnt fun the first time. what if they send me to the wrong uni #THE WRONG TOWN AGAIN #i believe i do my best here but my spoons are limited and my interests arent high culture enough so its like im just wasting my time #i like doing this. i like being here. but nobody told me if im not super social i might as well wipe my ass with my masters degree #i did an hour long presentation on jojo and feminism. i was so excited to do it.#afterwards the only response i got was from a classmate telling me it was funny because it 'shocked the teacher'#do you even understand what im trying to do here. is everything i do a joke #i dont talk to my classmates because theyre mean and rude and they dont need me in their conversations anyway #but apparently i have to be buddies with everyone i see to get uh. a job i dont even want teaching at this uni.#i dont want to teach i dont want to talk to these people i have no idea when or how they make friends or what i want to do with my degree #im tired and frustrated and ive been crying and tearing up all day #anyway. i asked her for a one on one discussion. i need to talk to her without people that probably already make fun of me behind my back.

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