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posts-from-employee-427 · 2 years

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So what if no one’s waiting for you? It means nobody has to deal with how you’ve changed, and besides that, you’ve been gone for so long there’s no telling if they would just feel abandoned and want nothing to do with you. No, what you need is to get out, and make a place for yourself. Maybe you can be the one waiting for a certain someone.

...

You're right.

There's not any real add on to this. You're just right. Anything that could've been waiting for me here realistically would be gone or unrepairable by now. And I haven't exactly... been the best person in the world. Or been in the best mental state.

...What happened to me?? I mean sure I was never great by any means. For as long as I can remember I've been stubborn and a bad influence and impulsive and a million other things but not like this. Never like this. Did I lose myself? Did I lose some part of me? When did I become so...

...

I may not know how. But I know it happened. At some point along the way of choices and resets and a million ways to wave off boredom, something must have finally gotten to me. I feel awful. I'm looking back on myself and I can't even see why I'm doing what I'm doing. It's not even my usual stubborn asshole attitude, it's worse. It feels inhumane. I feel like I let myself become less human and I didn't even realize it. Good god I've been awful, I-

I. Don't have the time to dwindle on it all do I? I guess I do but it wouldn't be worth much, huh.

The only thing I can really do worth my time is try to undo this yeah? To figure out how the hell I got to this point and try to undo it? Otherwise I'm just going to keep doing things that make me hate myself more than I already do. And lose more of whatever humanities left in me in the process.

I don't know of there's a way out. I don't even know if there is an out. What if it's like. Some weird simulation inside a simulation bullshit. Like the Matrix or something. I have no way of knowing.

But what I do know is that I've the office a place for myself before. It's possible, I know it is. Because it's still the office. Even if there's a million security cameras and office workers and hundreds of endings with no reset, there's still ways. Because it's still the office.

The rules may be strict this time, but that just means I have to get a bit creative with how I bend them. No boarded up broom closet door has ever stopped me from clipping through the walls, right?

I'm getting ahead of myself. If I want to make this place any sort of bearable, I have to start at the core problem. Which, unfortunately, is me. I'm not one for the whole 'working on yourself' thing, but I swear it has never been this bad. I'm only now realizing how awful it got. How worse it could get if I don't do something.

There's a lot of things I'm not ready to accept about myself, and a lot of things I'm not ready to accept in general. It's just been such a long time since I've been honest with myself. I want to be myself again.

Accepting I need to fix some things would be a good start, I think.

#(hii hello i have not abandoned you people. School started monday and i need a bit to get back into the groove)#(that being said i wanna return to some Hijinks and Goofs)#(maybe even some Gay Stanley moments (if i think youve earned it(meaning if i feel like it(meaning if i think of fun prompts that work))))#(because trying to write agnsty shit and deal with school life is easier said than done. )#(i also hve just grown tired of Asshole Era Stanley. wqnna do something different with him and changing my arc plans accordingly)#(not a ret con per say more just Character Growth Speedrun Any%)#(as you can probably tell from this post)#(we were close to getting to here antways just pushing it a bjt faster.)#(things are looking up :))#(h...he. here.re.r here in dulo*gets shot*)#not employee 427 in the tags #(psst. shout out to uh. the 2-4 people who figured out this was happening like. A Long While ago. i hope to make the payoff worth it soon.)

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