sometimes i'm totally fine and then i'll think about india's reaction to felix's death.

this is purely based on my own headcanons and my interpretation of india as a character so feel free to disengage entirely, i just needed to write it down. i think that india and felix were close friends before they ever became lovers. there isn't a lot of evidence to back this up but there is a level of comfort and familiarity and consistency with the two of them that would suggest they have a bond that extends beyond just mere sexual intimacy and attraction. she respects him for who he is, for his quirks and charms and yes, even his flaws. she understands him, can relate to him, is aware of the pressure and the pedestal that he's been placed upon.

india was the girl born into privilege, who was given everything from a young age not only because she was wealthy but because she was beautiful. i think she shared this burden with felix --- both of them yearned for a deeper connection, to find a sense of clarity and purpose. she is spoiled and entitled and a princess in every sense of the word but she isn't cruel. her heart is easily bruised and although defiant in nature, she craves the idealisation of belonging. she never wanted to solely belong to a world of materialistic aristocracy, she wanted to belong to him. to experience genuine love with someone who knew what it was already like to have everything else in the world handed to you on a silver platter. she wanted the kind of love with felix that wasn't easily obtained. true love. the kind of love money or privilege or status couldn't buy. something that would forever be just theirs.

the night of felix's death, i don't think it was their first rendezvous in the maze. yes, they were a little drunk and intoxicated but they were also giddy and laughing and holding hands. they knew what they were about to get up to and they were revelling in it together. that sense of familiarity is echoed in this scene; with each other, with the location, with the utter excitement both are experiencing as a result. there's also something to be noted about the way that they escaped together. they wanted to be alone, to detach themselves from the suffocating confines of oliver's party inside of the saltburn estate. it wasn't just about sex for them. it was about being alone, just the two of them, in their own private domain where they could give each other pleasure and intimacy and a taste of the connection they were craving. to me, this decision on their part made a statement: it wasn't just a quickie, it hinted a lot more about the precious, sacred nature of their relationship.

although not included in the canon event of the movie, there's an alternate reality where my portrayal of india would have gone up to felix's bed and slept there the night of the party. she would have waited on him even though they were interrupted, fallen asleep and would have woken the following morning to her worst nightmare come true. grief, up until that day, was a foreign concept to india --- a girl who had never lost anything of importance. while she worshipped felix the same way that everyone else did, it wasn't as straight forward as simple infatuation. in truth, it didn't start out that way for her. india first fell in love with felix while they were friends, before they ever became lovers. she loved him for the man that he was. the vivacious, fun, gorgeous, silly, wondrous creation. he was a dear friend first and foremost, someone who she wanted to protect, to cherish and to hopefully be with in the end. the loss of felix in her life represented more than just the loss of love. it stole away a part of herself that she'll never be able to retain, a part of herself that he awakened within her. she'll never forgive herself for leaving him in the maze and for not going back to check on him. life, inevitably, is never the same without felix river catton.

Providing In-Depth Horoscope and Personality Analysis for May 10 Birthdays

They are not forceful or risky individuals, but rather they are unfaltering and firm: their fearlessness is solid. They will foster thanks to their own encounters and those of others. They are delayed to simply decide, and their perspective is consistently pragmatic and strong. Your brain is very free. They slowly ascend to the highest point of their beliefs, and that is the point at which they quit considering just themselves. The lacking person on this birthday is exceptionally pompous, dictatorial, and undeniably challenging to please. Notwithstanding that, his huge childishness empowers him to make material progress. With respect to the calling, they are magnificent in proficient cooking, horticulture, cultivating, and land. They additionally well as developers, vocalists, or specialists. Defect: They generally must have the final word. They are obstinate, unflinching, and imperious of character, qualities that become more unmistakable with age and industriousness. Loaded up with nobility and pride, they can be dependent upon risky interests and explosions of outrage. They are not liberated from the sensation of jealousy. What undermines them: They might go through deterrents and afflictions in their lives that influence their arrangements. What would it be advisable for them to desire? To assume command over her exotic nature, which is communicated with incredible power. Sicknesses: You can capitulate to mental despondency, and your body can show an inclination to heart conditions. Over the long run they can accomplish a decent position or have a decent profession, regardless of whether they come from a less fortunate foundation. Providing In-Depth Horoscope and Personality Analysis for May 10 Birthdays 

 Assuming your birthday is on May 10, your zodiac sign is Taurus May 10 - character and character character: dauntless, flawless, curious, wild, adversary, saved; calling: physicist, review or, dressmaker; colors: olive, blue, dim; stone: diopside; creature: indulgent person; plant: poinsettia; fortunate numbers: 22,25,34,35,45,57 very fortunate number: 5 Occasions and observances - May 10 Pastorate Day Mother's Day in: El Salvador, Joined Middle Easterner Emirates, Guatemala, India, Malaysia, Mexico, Oman, Pakistan, US, Qatar, Singapore, Chile. World Day of transient birds World Lupus Day. Spain: Pastorate Day May 10 Superstar Birthday. Who was conceived that very day as you? 1900: Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin, English American cosmologist and astrophysicist (d. 1979). 1901: John Desmond Bernal, Irish-English crystallographer and physicist (d. 1971). 1901: Max Lorenz, German tenor (d. 1975). 1902: Anatole Litvak, Ukrainian-American producer, maker and screenwriter (d. 1974). 1902: David O. Selznick, American movie maker and chief (d. 1965). 1905: Mდ¡rkos Vamvakდ¡ris, artist lyricist, bouzouki player and Greek Rebetician performer (d. 1972). 1906: Benjamin Cid, Chilean legal advisor (f. 1990). 1909: Arturo Moreno, Spanish sketch artist and artist (f. 1993). 1913: Geoffrey Stagg, Spanish Hispanicist (d. 2004). 1915: Denis Thatcher, English military and finance manager, spouse of Margaret Thatcher (d. 2003). 1916: Milton Babbitt, American writer and instructor (d. 2011). 1918: Diva Diniz Correa, Brazilian zoologist (f. 1993). 1919: Eugenio Suდ¡rez, Spanish columnist and money manager (f. 2014). 1921: Luis Ciges, Spanish entertainer (f. 2002). 1922: Nancy Walker, American entertainer, artist and chief (d. 1992). 1923: Heydar Aliyev, Azerbaijani general and lawmaker, third Leader of Azerbaijan (d. 2003). 1923: Otar Korkia, Georgian b-ball player and mentor (d. 2005). 1925: Jaime Campmany, Spanish columnist and author (f. 2005). 1925: Juanita Martდ­nez, entertainer and Argentine vedette (d. 2001). 1925: Nდ©stor Rossi, Argentine footballer (d. 2007). 1926: Hugo Banzer Suდ¡rez, Bolivian military and despot (f. 2002). 1928: Arnold Rდ¼დ¼tel, Estonian legislator and agronomist, Leader of Estonia. 1928: Lothar Schmid, German chess player (d. 2013). 1929: George Coe, American entertainer and maker (d. 2015). 1929: Antonine Maillet, Canadian author and writer. 1930: George E. Smith, American physicist and specialist, Nobel laureate in material science. 1931: დ‰ttore Scola, Italian movie producer and screenwriter (d. 2016). 1932: Rodolfo Zapata, Argentine vocalist and humorist. 1935: Larry Williams, American vocalist, lyricist, piano player and maker (d. 1980). 1937: Tamara Press, Ukrainian disk hurler and competitor. 1938: Manuel Santana, Spanish tennis player. 1940: Arthur Alexander, American vocalist and lyricist of nation and soul (d. 1993). 1940: Wayne Dyer, American author and teacher (d. 2015). 1940: Vicente Miera, Spanish soccer mentor. 1941: Eric Barney, Argentine competitor had some expertise in shaft vault. 1942: Jim Calhoun, American b-ball player and mentor. 1942: Carl Douglas, Jamaican vocalist and musician. 1942: Fernando Gallardo, Chilean entertainer (f. 2004). 1943: Lucinda Worsthorne, English author, photographic artist, TV host and maker. 1944: Jim Abrahams, American movie producer, maker and screenwriter. 1944: Juan Josდ© Lucas Gimდ©nez, Spanish lawmaker. 1944: Marie-France Pisier, French entertainer, chief and screenwriter (d. 2011). 1945: Rafael Ribდ³, Spanish legislator, leader of Iniciativa per Catalunya. 1946: Donovan, English vocalist, musician, guitarist, maker and entertainer. 1946: Graham Gouldman, English guitarist and author. 1946: Maureen Lipman, English entertainer. 1948: Meg Encourage, American entertainer. 1949: Miuccia Prada, Italian style originator. 1952: Kikki Danielsson, Swedish vocalist. 1952: Vanderlei Luxemburg, Brazilian footballer and administrator. 1953: Salvador Domდ­nguez, Spanish performer, of the band Los Canarios y Los Pekenikes. 1953: Tito Santana, American expert grappler. 1954: Jorge Rossi, Argentine TV moderator (d. 2012). 1955: Imprint David Chapman, American resident, killer of English artist John Lennon. 1956: Vladislav Listyev, Russian columnist (d. 1995). 1957: Sid Awful, bassist and English artist, of the troublemaker band Sex Guns (d. 1979). 1958: John Bonello, Maltese footballer. 1958: Rick Santorum, American government official and legal counselor. 1958: Yu Suzuki, Japanese computer game maker. 1959: Danny Schayes, American ball player. 1960: Bono (Paul Hewson), Irish artist, lyricist, performer, money manager, giver and lobbyist, head of the band U2. 1960: Merlene Ottey, Jamaican-Slovenian sprinter. 1961: Danny Carey, American drummer, of the band Device. 1962: დ?ngel Mateo Charris, Spanish painter. 1963: Lisa Nowak, American space explorer. 1965: Linda Evangelista, Canadian model. 1965: Rony Seikaly, Lebanese-American ball player and radio moderator. 1967: Youthful MC, American rapper. 1968: Darren Matthews, English grappler. 1968: Al Murray, joke artist and English TV moderator. 1969: Dennis Bergkamp, Dutch footballer and chief. 1969: John Scalzi, American sci-fi essayist and blogger. 1970: Gabriela Montero, Venezuelan musician. 1970: David Weir, English footballer and chief. 1971: Monisha Kaltenborn, Indo-Swiss legal advisor and money manager. 1971: Craig Mack, American rapper and maker. 1972: Radosვ‚aw Majdan, Clean footballer. 1972: Rodrigo Ruiz, Chilean soccer player. 1972: Christian Wდ¶rns, German footballer. 1973: Joshua Falcon, Australian tennis player. 1973: Aviv Geffen, Israeli artist, lyricist, guitarist and maker. 1973: Rდ¼ვ?tდ¼ Reდ§ber, Turkish footballer. 1974: Sylvain Wiltord, French footballer. 1974: An Or more, American rapper, of the band Spirits of Naughtiness. 1975: Hდ©lio Castroneves, Brazilian engine hustling driver. 1976: Claudio Flores, Uruguayan soccer player. 1977: Henri Camara, Senegalese footballer. 1977: Scratch Heidfeld, German motorsport driver. 1977: Hugo Silva, Spanish entertainer. 1977: Juanma Castano, notable Spanish columnist. 1978: Bruno Cheyrou, French footballer. 1978: Reinaldo Navia, Chilean soccer player. 1978: Kenan Thompson, American entertainer. 1978: Antonio დ?lvarez, Venezuelan baseball player, artist and legislator. 1979: Alfredo Canario, Venezuelan baseball player and artist. 1980: Carlos Bueno, Uruguayan footballer. 1981: Belდ©n Arjona, Spanish pop-rock craftsman. 1981: Samuel Dalembert, Haitian-Canadian ball player. 1981: Humberto Suazo, Chilean soccer player. 1983: Gustav Fridolin, Swedish lawmaker and writer, Swedish Clergyman of Schooling. 1984: Edward Mujica, Venezuelan baseball player. 1984: Santiago Ramundo, Argentine artist, entertainer and legal advisor. 1984: Edward Mujica, Venezuelan baseball player. 1985: Jon Schofield, English canoeist. 1985: Odette Yustman, American entertainer. 1986: Emilio Izaguirre, Honduran soccer player. 1987: Wilson Chandler, American ball player. 1987: Carla Cardona, Mexican entertainer and model. 1987: Emmanuel Emenike, Nigerian footballer. 1988: Adam Lallana, English footballer. 1989: Lindsey Shaw, American entertainer. 1990: Salvador Pდ©rez, Venezuelan baseball player. 1992: Charice Pempengco, Filipino artist, musician and entertainer. 1993: Tდ­mea Babos, Hungarian tennis player. 1993: Halston Savvy, American entertainer. 1994: Nam Tae-hyun, South Korean artist. 1995: Missy Franklin, American swimmer. 1995: Gabriella Papadakis, French artist. 1996: Tyus Jones, American ball player. 1996: Kateვ?ina Siniakovდ¡, Czech tennis player.

RWRB Study Guide: Chapter 10

Hi y’all! I’m going through Casey McQuiston’s Red, White & Royal Blue and defining/explaining references! Feel free to follow along, or block the tag #rwrbStudyGuide if you’re not interested!

Earl Grey (267): Earl Grey tea is an incredibly common caffeinated tea. It is the base of a London fog.

Hamilton to Laurens, “you should not have taken advantage of my sensibility to steal into my affections without my consent” (267): This quote is from an April 1779 letter and is immediately followed by “But, as you have done it, and as we are generally indulgent to those we love, I shall not scruple to pardon the fraud you have committed, on one condition; that for my sake, of not your own, you will always continue to merit the partiality, which you have so artfully instilled into me”. Essentially, “you were rude to me, but I love you so much I forgive you as long as you look after yourself”. Just before it, Hamilton’s like “you taught me what it means to love”. (You can find it here)

Pyramus and Thisbe (268): The pair of lovers whose story inspired Romeo and Juliet, they were separated and could only talk through a wall between their houses (I’ve written a very in-depth analysis of this myth, which you can find here).

Dulles International to Heathrow (268): Dulles International is the airport in Washington, DC, and Heathrow is the classy airport in London.

John Cusack (270): An American actor largely known for his roles in the 1980s. This line in particular likely references Say Anything..., a romantic comedy known in part for a scene where Cusack’s character stands outside a girl’s window and plays music from a boombox.

Y’all had to marry your cousins (270): A reference to the royal tradition of only marrying other royals, which led to a whole lot of inbreeding.

Consummation (275): To consummate a marriage is to have sex for the first time, therefore making it “official”. 

Wilde’s complete works (276): Oscar Wilde is an Irish author famous for writing satires and also defining gay culture in the late 1800s. 

Fit of pique (277): If someone does something in a fit of pique, they do it spontaneously and out of anger at being wronged.

Mr. Darcy brooding at Pemberley (278): In Austen’s Pride and Prejudice (spoilers, though it’s been out for 207 years), after Elizabeth rejects Darcy’s first marriage proposal (which is essentially “your family sucks but you’re hot; marry me”), he goes back to the house his family owns and thinks about it and misses her.

Anmer Hall (278): A house owned by the Crown in Norfolk, England; it is currently home to Prince William, Duke of Cambridge.

Mel and Sue (280): A comedy duo and hosts of The Great British Bake Off. Sue was outed in 2002, but claims that “being a lesbian is only about the 47th most interesting thing about me”.

South Kensington (284): A district of West London known for its high density of museums and cultural landmarks.

Prince Consort Road (284): Prince Consort Road is a street in London named after Prince Albert, consort to Queen Victoria. A consort is a royal’s spouse or partner (hence Alex laughing at the idea of his being a prince’s consort)

Ferris Bueller/ Sloane (284-285): Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is a popular movie from the 1980s about Ferris, who skips school for a day of wild shenanigans in Chicago. Sloane is his girlfriend who’s roped in for the ride. 

Victoria and Albert Museum* (285): The Victoria and Albert Museum, often abbreviated “V&A”, is the world’s largest museum of applied and decorative art and design. (you can explore their collections here)

Renaissance City (285): Room 50a of the V&A is full of Renaissance sculptures. (photo here) 

Seated Buddha in black stone (285): The V&A has a bunch of Buddha sculptures, but this one is the only one I saw that’s in black stone.

John the Baptist nude and in bronze (285): Possibly this piece from 1881 by French sculptor Auguste Rodin and is in the V&A’s collection.

Tipu’s Tiger (285): A nearly life-sized semi-automaton that shows a tiger mauling a man in European clothes. The tiger makes growling sounds and the man screams and waves his hand when a handle on the side is turned; it also contains a small pipe organ on the inside and was created to show the power that the Tipu Sultan of India held over invading Brits. The “give it back” that Catherine argues for is officially called repatriation, it would mean that (Western) museums have to give back stolen objects; British museums are famously bad at doing this. (see Tipu’s Tiger here)

Westminster (286): Westminster Abbey, a church in London where royals are crowned and buried. It is covered with intricate carvings and beautiful stained glass.

The Great Bed of Ware (286): A bed made by Hans Vredeman de Vries from the 1590s; it is ten feet wide and made of oak. (see it here)

Twelfth Night (286): A Shakespeare comedy full of chaos that includes a woman cross-dressing, then her twin brother being mistaken for her. 

Epocoene (286): A 1609 play that includes a boy dressing as a woman to dupe a man into giving his son an acceptable inheritance. 

Don Juan (286): A Spanish figure known for his powers for wooing women; the first text published about him was in the 1630s.

Florence (287): Florence is a city known for its art; it was the cultural center of the Italian renaissance. 

Gothic choir screen in the V&A’s Renaissance City (287): This Roodloft, or choir screen, carved by Coenraed van Norenberch is in the back of the Renaissance City in the V&A. It’s a stunning piece; the link above has great pictures and a more in-depth description than I could give.

Zephyr statue by Francavilla (287): You can see this statue here; it was one of thirteen statues commissioned for the garden of a villa near Florence. According to Greek mythology, Zephyr (the west wind) was married to Chloris, goddess of flowers.

Narcissus (by Cioli) (287): This statue may have once been the centerpiece to a fountain with Narcissus looking into an actual pool; it depicts him in the moment he sees and is mesmerised by his reflection.

Pluto stealing Proserpina (287): Likely the statue “The Rape of Proserpina” by Vincenzo de' Rossi. I couldn’t find it on the V&A’s site, but there’s more info here.

Jason with the Golden Fleece (287): This is a sculpture of a very naked Jason, the Greek hero who stole the golden fleece. He was helped by its owner’s daughter, who was in love with him, but whom he later abandoned. You can see the statue here.

Samson Slaying a Philistine (287): You can see this statue here. Henry does a pretty good job of explaining the incredible history behind it; all I have to add from my (limited) research is that it is remarkable in part for the fact that there is no one point on it that draws the eye-- it demands to be looked at completely or not at all.

Victoria and sodomy laws (288): Queen Victoria famously instituted a whole lot of anti-sodomy laws.

Viau on James/George (288): A 1623 poem by Théophile de Viau:

“Apollo with his songs

Debauched young Hyacinthus

Just as Corydon fucked Amyntas,

So Caesar did not spurn boys.

One man fucks Monsieur le Grand de Bellegarde [a friend of Viau],

Another fucks the Comte de Tonnerre.

And it is well known that the King of England

Fucks the Duke of Buckingham.”

“Christ had John, and I have George” (288): This is an actual thing that James I/VI said to the heads of the church. Here’s the full quote, from wikipedia (emphasis is my own): “I, James, am neither a god nor an angel, but a man like any other. Therefore I act like a man and confess to loving those dear to me more than other men. You may be sure that I love the Earl of Buckingham more than anyone else, and more than you who are here, assembled. I wish to speak in my own behalf and not to have it thought to be a defect, for Jesus Christ did the same, and therefore I cannot be blamed. Christ had John, and I have George.”

George iii (289): George III was the king against whom the American colonies revolted. He was deeply religious and instituted laws declaring that royals could not marry without the approval of the court.

Convent church of Santa Chiara in Florence (290): This church is no longer a church, but the altar chapel is in an alcove in the V&A. It is the only Italian Renaissance chapel outside of Italy. (you can see photos of it here and here)

Santa Chiara and Saint Francis of Assisi (290): Saint Francis of Assisi founded a few different monastic orders and is one of the most celebrated saints; Saint Clare of Assisi founded a women’s monastic order and wrote the first set of monastic guidelines by a woman. 

Blessed Mother (290): Mary, the mother of Jesus, one of the holiest figures in Catholicism. 

“Come, hijo mío, de la miel, porque es Buena, and the honeycomb sweet to thy taste”** (290): “My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste. So shall the knowledge of wisdom be unto thy soul: when thou hast found it, then there shall be a reward, and thy expectation shall not be cut off” -- Proverbs 24:13-14, King James Version (yes, that King James. He translated the Bible to make the church stop hating him). 

David and Jonathan (290): An aggressively gay couple from the Bible who have been presented as friends for centuries. Jonathan was a prince and David a shepherd, but God promised that David would be king one day. Rather than argue this or hate David for it, Jonathan welcomed David into his household and loved him despite the prophecy that he would one day usurp him. Following Jonathan’s death, David took in Jonathan’s son and looked after him. 

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen (291): Many Christian prayers end with “in the name of the Father, the son, and of the Holy Spirit, amen”. It’s a way of celebrating the god who gives you all of the good things in your life while also giving up control to them. 

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A fill in from chapter 1, as requested by someone on AO3: 

Deputy Chief of Staff (Zahra’s position, 23): The Deputy Chief of Staff is the top aide to the president’s top aide, and is responsible for ensuring that everything runs smoothly within the bureaucracy of the White House. 

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*This museum puts out books called “maker’s guides” that teach you how to make pieces based on things in their collections; they’re super duper cool.

**I’m not a theologian, but I am a pastor’s kid, and just... this gets me. This whole bit, but this Proverb especially. Like obviously there’s the “oh we’re kissing and I’m thinking about honey tasting sweet”, but verse 14 coming in with the “when you’ve found what’s right, you will be rewarded with the confidence of that rightness and you will have hope”? Just kill me outright next time. Don’t make me google my own murder weapon.

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If there’s anything I missed or that you’d like more on, please let me know! And if you’d like to/are able, please consider buying me a ko-fi? I know not everyone can, and that’s fine, but these things take a lot of time/work and I’d really appreciate it!

—–-

Chapter 1 // Chapter 9 // Chapter 11 

what is your true role in the story?

— the supporter.

oh gentle comrade, you know what it takes to make others shine. you live your life assisting others to reach their goals, but many say you are lackluster and unnecessary. but alas, do we need the stars any less for their dim light helps the moon glow brighter! you are warm inside and out, perhaps made of sunshine one might ask? but I can see you are as weary and worn as the hero you so desperately cling to. your purpose is to serve? Is it not? it's those moments of undying loyalty that make your bones ring true with honor. "I am right beside you," you whisper, for unlike the ones who lie through their teeth you will be with your ally through joy, through heart ache, through death. it is a difficult thing to gain your trust back if one has shattered it though, you are forgiving yes? you give many chances, but alas, one can only look away from a wrong doing so long. you can't exactly turn your other cheek as once wrings a blade through your middle. you are made of a steadfast heartbeat and a tired, knowing smile. you bring solace to the aching, and comfort to the wronged. but what happens when your protagonist loses? what happens when your valiant heroes fail you? will you pick up a sword and vanquish their enemy or will you wait patiently for yet another savior to appear and save the day? one must live long enough to see their heroes die. but are you brave enough to take their place? the only strings that bind you to your oaths of subservience are your own doubts. "am I good enough?" they whisper in your ears. you answer that yourself love. for the only difference between the paladin and the stable boy are mettle. it is not the question of can you be a hero. it is simply, will you be?

tagged by the incredible: @ourpretender ! tagging: anyone who would like to.

what does love feel like to you?

fear

the tap of a nervous foot against the floor. those butterflies in the pit of your stomach. a dry throat. heavy limbs. you want them so badly that it hurts, but fear keeps you frozen to the floor; what ifs and hypotheticals run rampant through your head. it's a chain around your neck, love, and it's your choice to let it choke you or break it. / winnie sanderson.

what does love feel like to you?

everything

nothing matters but this. not you. not them. this moment, this love that you've built, that is what matters. it is all that there is. you will do anything to keep it this way; no matter what line you have to cross, who you have to step over. the ends justify the means, after all; and for you, this is everything. they are everything. / india rossi.

tagged by: @felixferitas & @ourpretender thank you loves ! tagging: anyone who would like to.