#'you know they're finding 25 isn't even a developed brain yet?' like. i knew it was a lie in the first place but i wanted to hope | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

l-e-g-i-o-n-losh · 8 months

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Sometimes i wonder if gaining weight would ever be viable or if it would double fuck my mystery joints to have to carry more (i have in the past been directly ordered by nurses to gain a little weight and prescribed supplements to do so but 1) they are spensive and 2) dad starts waxing fatphobic about "my health" when my ribs are still clearly visible) and then i get caught up in a completely theoretical dysphoria paradox loop about going to the trouble of finally getting top surgery only to gain weight and distribute fat right back to the bust and whether i would actually ever feel ok with my body under any circumstances. Idk.

I think about things like surgery and hrt a lot more than i have since we originally came out bc i feel like if I'm trying to shape my adult life into something i actually want to live then thats a huge component and I've already put it off a decade, but at the same time i still feel so stupid and anxious trying to look into it bc i dont even have regular healthcare and the state of our nation is so sucks and although i feel like i really know who I'm becoming or at least trying to i do NOT feel like i have enough cred to convince dad that i am capable of permanent adult life decisions, especially with how he doesn't even like the thought of me getting my ears pierced. He's always going to feel some degree of posession over my body and like its ok to manipulate me or stalk me or whatever if he "knows better" and its in my "best interest" and right now its not a problem bc we're a household and he gets a lot of managerial power anyways so it doesn't come up much but i always worry in the back of my mind what would happen if i ever did Really move out again.

He wants me to "act my age" and hit normal benchmarks like getting a job and dating and shit but like when am i Ever going to have time to work or meet people socially when I'm a 24/7 live in assistant and where am i going to get the PRIVACY to get to know somebody like that, even IF i wanted to, which i SHOULDN'T HAVE TO. He suggested arranging like zoom playdates for me once so i wouldn't get under socialized. That is NOT going to make me "normal" dude.

#songs that the hyades shall sing #idk sorry idk why im venting rn i just feel anxious and i dont have anywhere else to talk abt this stuff #hes so liberal panic prone abt trans regret especially bc of how he judges certain trans ppl in his personal life #and like he 'respects' me but also I'll 'always be his kid' including his sense of control #and we fucking. begged for blockers or something before we even knew what they were. desperately asked if there was a way for it Not to be #like that and got dismissed and then learned we were trans and found out blockers were real and it Didnt have to be like that and begged #AGAIN and were violently dysphoric and got hit with the 'but what if it's a phase' and 'i don't want you to regret changing your body'#and worst of all the 'well if you're fine with changing your body what grounds do you have to reject medication that will change your brain'#and 'you could always make changes as an adult when you're REALLY sure' (said with the No You Wont tone)#so we shut up and waited and it's been TEN YEARS and we ARE an adult and we've ALWAYS been sure. and he keeps bringing up the #'you know they're finding 25 isn't even a developed brain yet?' like. i knew it was a lie in the first place but i wanted to hope #but having all this pseudoscience culture war crap to back up his moving goalposts is just. i KNOW i can't and shouldn't have to wait for #his approval of my identity. but he's in all my medical shit and he pays for my bus fare so how would i even Try to get help #without having to prove something to him he can ultimately just decide not to believe

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ecassandrae · 7 years

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One Piece 875 thoughts

I'm currently abroad and didn't have much time not the right mindset to write anything yet - but I guess I should have, for a chapter like this, over which I'd rejoice over for weeks in normal circumstances.

Women are strong.

And by that I don't mean necessarily physically strong. But women can and will react and this saga is proving it by the day. I'll never get over the fact that the only female yonkou - though for a shounen manga a 25% of women involvement is not bad at all - is also the dumbest. The fact that Streusen manipulated quite probably from day one, the fact that she loses her temper to fits of rage. It's not something I appreciate. They fail to give depth to the character - hell, Señor Pink had a better development.

But Big Mom is not the only female character in this saga who, for the better or worse, changes things.

My girl Nami

One day I should really reflect on how I went from hating to her to loving her as I do, and shipping her with my other disliked character, Sanji. But that's for another post. What is easy to see now is how we went from Punk Hazard Nami who declares, though jokingly, yes, that she's not afraid of an enemy who's running away, to last chapter when she submitted - I hoped for longer - the pet of a yonkou to her will, to, well, the magnificence of this:

Oh, and not minding Sanji holding her as he is and him not going all heart-eyes over it, but that's too for another post.

Nami is not strong. She's not physically strong, she's not a man, to begin with. Keep in mind that Oda was that guy who never tried to sell the "but women can be just as strong as men", at the very beginning of the manga, with Kuina. I practiced kick-boxing, I was even pretty good at it. I stood a chance against most female opponents, and men, of approx my size and height. But when I faced a taller male opponent - which often happened, as I'm not super tall -, and such, heavier, I hold much less chances. It's natural. And Nami is a woman who is not a fighter, so she stands even less chances. But she's smart and that in the end fills the gap. She didn't use her charisma or her strength, she used her brains. And despite criticizing Oda repeatedly for often putting women on the wrong pedestal, it's worth mentioning that some of the smartest characters in OP, her, and Robin, are women. I always wondered, how can they defeat Mama? They can't. Not now, at least. They can slow her down. But to even do it physically would be impossible, Luffy showed it a couple of chapters ago trying to punch her back.

But what's more surprising is the courage. Had you been Nami, would you have gone? I for sure can't tell. One of the four most dangerous people in the world? But she did. She always pushed the others forward, even. Just in Dressrosa, two sagas ago, she even refused to get off the ship.

How should I feel about you?, Charlotte Pudding

This character's a mistery. She had that bit of a tendency of standing in the way of my otp - though not really, not anymore, I could never see Sanji returning her feelings. Ever. - and tried to kill him and his crew multiple times, but I like her. Like for characters like Doffy, you have to admit they're psycho b*****s and that you like precisely for that. Her ever representation, and the way that even after she's confessed her intentions we can't quite tell what she's thinking, make her interesting. And one can't deny that, again despite not being a fighter in the strict sense of the word, she was vital to this saga, for the worse, so far.

Now she loves Sanji, apparently. Truly, because he treated her like a decent human being - though she's not - and not a weapon/freak for the first time. But her feelings for him are a mess, currently, intertwined with the confusion of the current situation and the fact she, as he said, is lying to herself. She may like him and as such want to save him, but she's also, in her own way, wicked, and can't stand see him holding another woman.

A woman who she knows tried her best to save him- so from an external pov like hers it's not difficult to imagine they might be in love. And along with that, he envies his bonds, with the other members of the crew, bonds of trust and friendship that spell "family" more than her blood family ever did.

Call me a fanatic shipper, but it's difficult to ignore that she's getting angry here specifically because Sanji is holding Nami.

The point is: for better or worse, Pudding was and is central in this saga. Despite not ever being a fighter. You may like her or not, but one gotta appreciate when Oda gives women a chance to shine.

All the others: the Charlotte matriarchs

Starting from Mama herself, on whom rivers of words have been written - and unfortunately not much more, since her development is what is - , the Charlotte family doesn't grow thin on female key figures. Lola, of course, before we even knew anything about her lineage, Smoothie, who's freakingly scary, Amande, Galette, who are all fighters, and fight not in any way less brutally that their male counterparts - hello, Katakuri; but also those who are not, like Chiffon, and, I'd like to point out, not even pretty, who still refuse to stand idly by. In particular her: her goodbye with Bege was quite moving. She's a mother, she's not supposed to leave, but she did, to ensure that something good happens. She's not cold-hearted and scheming, though that doesn't mean she's good altogether: she still wanted her mother dead. And her reason for it was one of the most common in OP: abuse. But how good is it that she managed to escape that situation and find happiness again though in an arranged marriage?

Women in manga don't have to be just pretty, can we all agree on that? But they surely also don't have to be just "good". They're supposed to be in every way as admirable and despicable as males could be, and receive the same reaction for it: that's equality.

There are still some good ones though Reiju, Sora

To spend more words on Sora is unfortunately quite useless: she was good to a fault. That's pretty much it. And yeah, she was the umpteenth abused mother in OP, which doesn't make her less interesting, but overall less relevant. I don't think we'll see much more of her: but precisely as an abused mother in OP, her inner strenght are what echo here. Mothers who went that far to protect their children: Otohime, Belle-mère, Portgas D. Rouge. And it's also curious how heavily Sanji's circumstances echo with Ace's: Luffy was about to lose him to a self-sacrifice, like it happened for Ace; both Ace and Sanji grew up from a childhood of spite to find people who loved despite, or for, what they are; and both their mothers gave their lives for them. I think here Luffy's journey of saving was supposed to be the redemption for Marineford: he stated it wouldn't happen again, and it didn't.

Then, Reiju. She didn't appear in this chapter but for what the issue is, it's difficult to forget about her.

Everybody, both here and in the Japan, as she proved swiftly introducing herself in the top 20 of popularity. But what shouldn't be understated about her is that she too isn't perfect: she stated to have "committed terrible deeds", and she too is a victim of her father's manipulation and ambitions.

The point about women in this saga is that they are not supped to be pretty or caring or good anymore. They can be that, the opposite, and most importantly, various shades of that.

A bit late and well, general, cause I'm abroad right now and have too much on my mind. But in a normal occasion this would a chapter I'd celebrate over for weeks, so here goes. Besides, the app now allows me to format, and this makes so much more excited that is should.

Reiju is just that. Her goodness - and good looks - obviously stand in first place, but that's not all there is about her. And she, like Sanji - they truly are siblings - was ready to pay for it.

So. A women's honour. Women can be good and can be faulty, can be pretty and can be ugly, but can, most of all, not be just that. Not a hype chapter, that's for sure. But really appreciable on the long run.

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