I cannot even begin to express how satisfying and yet downright terrifying it was to see Rozemyne absolutely TEAR into Sigiswald the first opportunity she got alone with him- like holy shit?? She had some GUTS to do that fully understanding how quickly she could lose her head for it in any other instance... and the fact that half of her reason if not most being because she was (of course) in no way going to leave her home; her family; and Ferdinand in their current state due to the whims of royalty.

Not to be that guy and absolutely ruin someones day, but I can't stop thinking about Ferdinand's management of his emotions. Like specifically before he had met Rozemyne. We know that a noble's hidden room is a lot of things; a workshop and private space but also very often talked about in the sense of a safe isolated space for nobles to drop the act and get emotional if they have to. We also know that due to all the times that Rozemyne ended up crying in her own (and sometimes Ferdinands) hidden room that the usage of a simple heal is all it takes to remove any indication that the person was crying just moments before.

[P4V8 ch "Successors"] ( I'm fairly certain there was more than one occasion of him healing her puffy eyes but I could be misremembering sjsj ) Now, its likely that I'm maybe reading a little too into this, but Ferdinand knew this little detail. He's the one who initiates the healing spell on her eyes to reduce the puffiness and help restore her to a more sensible looking state with ease. Why? Because maybe he had to do this for himself in the past as well? I mean he was so alone due to Veronica's ostracization and relentless torment, that he couldn't trust anything or anyone unless they were name-sworn to him. And this is a society where even a well adjusted noble still has to hide their emotions and mask their intentions/desires to protect themselves with the occasional vent in their hidden room. He was well and truly emotionally alone. So just how many times did Ferdinand escape to his hidden room just to suffer all on his own? He had no one to lean on, his dad dies when he is still arguably young and he has no mother to speak of. His siblings were all blood relatives of the very woman who despised and wanted him dead. Not to mention this was the height of the Veronica factions power; nobody was ever going to take his side when he was their heads 'enemy'

I'd like to think that as he grew up and distanced himself from Veronica's influence and the political struggles of the noble scene, that he found himself needing to isolate and vent far less than when he was a kid. But at least with Rozemyne in the picture he starts to drop the mask even if just a bit; therefore not bottling everything up like he once used to.

Still... It's really sad to think that it was probably likely that there were at least a few times that as a kid he had no choice but to cry all alone. If he even allowed himself that much you know?

Of course that last prepub update ends RIGHT THERE, of course it does why wouldnt it oh my god

Oh my god it's happening

Rozemynes finally being confronted about her (from a nobles perspective) unusually close relationship with Ferdinand despite both being engaged and I'm losing my mind because I know she has never really given it any thought till now- but now??? She's going to have to start deciding what's more important to her; how nobles view her or her concern for Ferdinands wellbeing.

And we all know there's no way her concern for him doesn't come out on-top because well, she said it to him herself- royals and country be damned, whatever it takes, she'd help him in a heartbeat if he asked her because... he's family to her.

To add on to all of this, the fact that she is now forced to consider this situation means she will inevitably be revaluating her relationship to Ferdinand and what it means that he is her closest most trusted noble ally, even if she in Rozemyne fashion does not see it in a romantic sense, everyone else around her will and that makes me a little worried for Ferdinands wellbeing now because rumours spread in unexpected ways...

I am. so. so. nervous for the next bookworm update asjhdkas

how am I supposed to c o p e after that last part

Since I'm finally not sick anymore and free from that at last- I've been thinking of taking on some bookworm doodle requests!

So feel free to shoot through some character names or whatever for me to draw!

I cannot put into words how much this part hurts to read.

Ferdinand finished one of Rozemynes songs under the guise of a gift for Detlinde but Rozemyne already figured out that it was a song of him being homesick... And then we get dealt this blow?? Ferdinand is so homesick after finally learning that he was indeed loved and valued as family back in Ehrenfest... Damn this was just a killer blow to my heart truly

anshshs man I.....really want to make little like art shorts for AOAB but I have way too many ideas aaaaaaa

aaaaaa so I may have injured my dominant hands wrist from work and I still have a shift to get through tomorrow eughgh so I may have to rest first before I can tackle more sketches...