i do not have the screenshots i need to make the post i want to make but i’m going to ramble abt this for a second because i’m thinking abt it now.

this line is in direct conversation imo with the “this isn’t you” “it should be” line in the dungeon (that i don’t have a screenshot handy for rn). whether or not he actually believes what he says here is irrelevant because in order to do the ritual it needs to be true. and i do think to some extent he believes it because well. he’s astarion. but at the same time you can look at dialogue astarion has with durge where he makes it clear he thinks whatever is happening to them wrt to the urges and bhaal is wrong, and see that it is not so cut and dry as he wants it to seem. (at least for a romanced durge who resists the urges, which is the only route i’ve played so far! and again i don’t have my screenshots. this is a failure of a meta post LOL)

i think honestly a lot of what’s going on for astarion in this part of the game is less about how he actually feels and more about how he Needs to feel in order for the ritual to be a viable option. if he acknowledges, at any point, that what cazador has done is wrong on a broad scale he will also have to acknowledge that he is going to become cazador and deal with the emotional fallout of That and, well. that’s not something he necessarily wants to consider at this point. not to say i don’t think he feels like what cazador did was wrong only because it happened to him, i do think he does, but even if he didn’t it wouldn’t matter. it Has to be true or his whole plan falls apart. it doesn’t matter if it’s who he is or how he actually feels because it should be.

also like. being back in baldur’s gate makes him revert to the behavior and feelings that are familiar despite any progress he may have made up until this point. and the behavior he has the strongest reinforcement history for it cruelty. of course he’s cruel to the other spawn, of course he feels no remorse for planning to sacrifice them for his own gain - that’s what has kept him alive to this point. pity and care have only ever been punished, and it was a little easier to feel those things when the context and environment were different but here and now? back in the place where it all happened? it’s nearly impossible. of course he’s cruel and heartless and awful, anything else will (according to his mind and also his entire central nervous system that has been trained this way for centuries) get him tortured or killed.

anyway. all of this to say he’s horrible and i love the way they gave his cruelty substance and motivation and layers. even when he’s cruel for the sake of being cruel there’s an underlying Reason there that doesn’t make it okay but Does make it so much more fun and interesting. and i love that he is genuinely just awful. even spawn!astarion is still an asshole and that’s beautiful to me.