#@ tokidokifish i think we talked about this!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tokidokifish · 7 years

Text

i went on another rant about fanfiction with @audrey-scorne and since there’s no point in my suffering if i can’t share it with others, here it is.

it’s not as long but i’m still gonna cut it. there’s... kind of a lot of talk about abortion, for one thing. it’s also a lil nsfw.

tokidokifish: wanna hear about another bad fic i read

audreyscorne: Only always

tokidokifish: so you know i'm not into a/b/o

tokidokifish: but i read a lot of fanfic and if a summary doesn't sound immediately awful i'll give it a read

audreyscorne: hoo boy, one of those huh

tokidokifish: oh yes

tokidokifish: and being Not Into That, i've noticed there are two, like, specific categories of a/b/o fanfic

tokidokifish: one being "essentially everything's the same but people fall into these categories and maybe there's mpreg because i can't conceptualize my fave characters being trans"

tokidokifish: and the other being "holy fuck i am way too into this idea, here is a world built around people being a/b/o, with significant differences in culture to accommodate shit like heats and ABSOLUTELY mpreg"

tokidokifish: this was the latter

audreyscorne: Oh no

tokidokifish: and it's a man from uncle fic. movie version, probably because people who were fans of the show were writing fic before all this bullshit became popular.

audreyscorne: A whole world based on bad studies of captive wolves.

tokidokifish: and weird sexism, but we'll get there

tokidokifish: so napoleon is an omega, and apparently when he was younger he really objected to the idea of the "traditional omega" (which weirdly involves them barefoot in a kitchen, which, okay, but also specifically mentions them wearing "sack dresses" or something of that extent, which makes me wonder, like... was that a part of early 20th century sexism that i just missed out on? is that a big part of a/b/o sexism that i'm just not aware of because i don't do this to myself very often? i don't know, it was weird)

tokidokifish: anyhow, napoleon acts out by sleeping with everyone and then gets pregnant and has an abortion because oh my god, of course

tokidokifish: now, please be aware that this fic was tagged with abortion, and i assumed this was it

audreyscorne: Oh. Oh

tokidokifish: then he goes on suppressants, which i DO know are a big part of a/b/o culture because i do do this to myself TOO often, and yada yada yada we get to the events of the movie and he hooks up with illya, who is an alpha, and goes off his supplements, and ends up like going into heat in the middle of a mission and i... swear to god this happens in the fic, because of course i couldn't make this shit up, but illya Must Fuck Him and this being a/b/o, it's got... fucking... knots, and they end up being extracted STILL CONNECTED, and oh my god would you BELIEVE this isn't even the worst part of this fic?

audreyscorne: I am covering my mouth aghast right now

audreyscorne: You are practicing a very specific and scary form of anthropology

audreyscorne: Thank you for your service

audreyscorne: In the trenches

tokidokifish: it's a form of self-flagellation, probably

audreyscorne: Medieval Catholic monks had nothing on you

tokidokifish: anyhow, illya has to go on a mission alone and napoleon realizes he's pregnant, again, and he wants to keep it this time, but he doesn't tell anyone because he wants to tell illya first

tokidokifish: but because apparently uncle can't just NOT include the fact they extracted two of their agents like actively fucking in the post-mission reports, it gets back to the cia, and they call napoleon back in, because he literally fucking belongs to them, and they force him to terminate the pregnancy

audreyscorne: Bad

audreyscorne: Bad bad no

tokidokifish: hey, guess what, it's not over yet

tokidokifish: so napoleon deals with this Badly, which isn't something i have a problem with because of course he fucking would, you awful goddamn gremlin author, you, but he STILL DOES NOT TELL ANYONE even after illya comes back and their relationship fucking implodes because it's kind of hard to make things work when one half of said relationship is silently suffering from serious trauma they refuse to divulge.

tokidokifish: please be aware that the author tags for "miscommunication" and blames ILLYA for it, which.... come on

audreyscorne: Uhhhh

tokidokifish: anyhow, their partnership suffers, because of course it does, and eventually waverly finds it all out when they're like "hey, so fucking something's wrong with napoleon", and then eventually ILLYA finds out and he and gaby start filling their off time with planning to kill napoleon's cia handler, and he finds out and flips out and in response, i SHIT YOU NOT, decides to dissolve their partnership and go back to the cia

tokidokifish: which illya is understandably a Little Upset About

tokidokifish: specifically pointing out that the cia hurt napoleon and "killed [their] child", which napoleon gets upset about because it wasn't a child, it was a fetus, which, yeah, is a distinction that one would make if they had personally decided to get an abortion, but i think once someone decides to KEEP a baby it officially probably graduates to baby status

audreyscorne: Boy, abortion is definitely a thing the author Gets and is Good At Writing About

tokidokifish: y e a h

tokidokifish: anyhow, napoleon goes back to the cia, and then he disappears. illya is tasked with uncle into hunting him down, and he does, finding napoleon in south america, f u c k i n g pregnant

tokidokifish: by a dude he seduced as part of a mission, not illya

audreyscorne: Of course, narrative rule of three

tokidokifish: so illya is like "yes, i was sent to find you, but now we can go back home and uncle can protect you" and as napoleon is a reasonable person who makes good choices in this fanfic, he responds by tying illya up and fucking bouncing

tokidokifish: and he disappears into europe, where illya tracks him down AGAIN on his own, but it's just to share like fucking... longing, or something, i have the fic open but i do not care enough to remember why this scene happened, all i remember is that illya promises he won't tell anyone about napoleon and napoleon responds by fucking bouncing, AGAIN

tokidokifish: and so it goes until illya shows up fucking SEVENTEEN YEARS after napoleon's twins were born and only then do they hook up again, and i guess the fic ends... happily?

tokidokifish: fucking what?

audreyscorne: It was either that ending or a third abortion and the author flipped a coin

tokidokifish: ignoring the utter incomprehensibility of napoleon's behavior and how completely fucking unnecessary so much of that goddamn fic was, they were together for like MAYBE a few months, and are apparently so fucking in love they have no fucking problem just lingering for SEVENTEEN YEARS after separating to hook up again

tokidokifish: WHY

tokidokifish: how the fuck do you think these things WORK

tokidokifish: what the fuck is your goddamn fetish for abortion

audreyscorne: Oh, it's Dramatic

audreyscorne: Sexual assault not edgy enough anymore? Worry not, shitty writers

tokidokifish: sounds about right, honestly

tokidokifish: fucking GOD

tokidokifish: oh i'm remembering now, they hooked up seventeen years later because illya couldn't leave the kgb while his mother was still alive in russia. i shit you not, the seventeen years was WAITING FOR HIS MOTHER TO DIE.

audreyscorne: True Love

tokidokifish: because their love was strong enough to last seventeen years, but not strong enough to get illya to just move his mother out of fucking russia and leave the kgb. holy FUCKING shit.

tokidokifish: i fucking hate it

audreyscorne: It's bad!

#fish reads bad fanfiction

9 notes · View notes

tokidokifish · 7 years

Text

speaking of terrible things i’ve read, i was talking to @mum-feather about an awful, awful, awful series of fanfics i had read through in morbid curiosity, but i only vaguely remembered the finer details of the horribleness, so i went back and found a conversation i had with @audrey-scorne about it and decided to post it if anyone else wants to go on the wild fucking ride. i’m putting it behind a cut because it is LONG. i go into DETAIL. pls enjoy.

tokidokifish I'M STILL ALL SALTY ABOUT THIS FANFIC I READ

audreyscorne how dare they honestly

tokidokifish you don't underSTAND

audreyscorne how bad are we talking here

tokidokifish i'd say "acceptably written" but i feel like the author's idea of steve rogers is DEEPLY flawed and it was almost entirely about him so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ like the premise of the whole thing is that steve and tony were married but had gotten divorced

audreyscorne oh great

tokidokifish so i figured it was going to be all about them learning to bridge their differences and fall back in love, right? it was fucking not about that

audreyscorne Bitter Gay Superhero Divorce Settlement a good time for all

tokidokifish like first of all, there's no fucking indication steve considered going to counselling or fucking ANYTHING for his broken marriage

tokidokifish he just springs it on tony to the point he fucking *has sex* with him, knowing that tony is thinking of it as something more than he is, because he's already decided to divorce him but isn't going to deny himself one last roll in the hay with tony stark

tokidokifish which is like fifteen fucking kinds of gross

audreyscorne eeeeuuuuuugh totally a cap move Steve "One Last Hatefuck" Rogers

tokidokifish and like a spur-of-the-moment sort of divorce would work in a story that was going to work to a sort of "oh we really can make this work" sort of conclusion, but in this it was like what?? the fuck?? and it's got peter parker as their son biologically tony's through a surrogate

audreyscorne oh let me guess nasty gay custody battle

tokidokifish in the past, apparently

tokidokifish SORT OF?

tokidokifish it's indicated that tony's lawyers eviscerated cap, but they also end up with a joint custody agreement that tony indicates he MADE his lawyers give to steve, so the only way it could've gotten that serious is if steve was trying for sole custody or something? fuck if i know honestly that's one of the least of this series' problems it gets SO MUCH FUCKING WORSE so the whole reason steve divorced tony is because he didn't want to have peter deal with them fighting (again, with no indication he ever even considered counselling or anything before going straight to divorce)

audreyscorne that is... uh

tokidokifish and they end up with the aforementioned joint custody agreement, which is an every other week thing and apparently when he doesn't have peter steve just completely shuts the fuck down and spends all his time moping about not having his kid

audreyscorne UM

tokidokifish and i guess feeling righteous that even though he still has feelings for tony and he knows tony still has feelings for him (mostly because tony keeps desperately trying to rekindle their relationship to the point he still wears his ring), he refuses to even consider getting back together because it's "better for peter" that they're divorced

audreyscorne this is really giving me "my understanding of divorce and parenthood is entirely based on tv" vibes for the sake of the gay angst, no doubt

tokidokifish god, it's so awful

audreyscorne Bad Job

tokidokifish and it's made pretty obvious that cap is depressed/struggling with ptsd (somewhat, at first, VERY MUCH at the end, i still haven't gotten to the really bad part), but like... the idea that he isn't surrounded by people that would help him is insane? like fucking sam wilson alone does this shit FOR A LIVING. and he gets emotionally manipulative in really disgusting ways - not on purpose, obviously, but it reminded me so much of my mother at her worst that it makes my skin crawl like one summer peter has an internship and wants to just stay with tony because it would be more convenient

tokidokifish and he ends up getting in a fight with cap and saying some mean shit and cap (god, i'm closing my eyes just typing this) starts crying and runs to his bedroom until he can get himself under control he cries a lot

tokidokifish like i'm all for dudes showing emotion but he cries like i cry which is to say: fucking immediately and at the smallest shit anyhow, steve throws himself DIRECTLY into this fic's staple which is what i will call Martyr Mode because he's now convinced himself that peter will never come back and even after peter comes to apologize for the things he says, he goes full on "no, no, i understand, it's okay, you don't want to see me anymore, whatever makes you happy" mode

tokidokifish even after tony realizes something went wrong and goes up to comfort steve because he is like the only fucking sensible adult in this situation, steve continues acting this way until peter rescinds his decision this is when they convince him to see a therapist, and a new cycle of bullshit begins

audreyscorne fuckin YIKES What a shitshow

tokidokifish he gets a therapy dog and moves to maine and seems to actually start having a life of his own, holy shit this is the point where i thought "okay, he's gonna get better and he and tony are gonna work shit out" i was incredibly wrong

tokidokifish once he moved out of the city, tony finally moved on with his life and started seeing another dude this is fifteen years after they got divorced, by the way

tokidokifish and they come up to drop peter off at steve's house and tony and steve end up alone together and tony has finally just had enough and tells steve that he's going to marry his new boyfriend and he's going to cut off contact with steve as well, which like... i entirely endorse but even in this situation, with what is obviously a great boyfriend, tony says he'll drop it all and come back to steve in a fucking HEARTBEAT if he asks cue Martyr Mode tony does not come back more fucking power to him, really

audreyscorne truly terrible

tokidokifish believe it or not, i still haven't gotten to what i consider the worst part of this mess

audreyscorne GOD

tokidokifish other things happen, and it becomes obvious that peter has grown up to resent steve despite the earlier closeness - i mean the author calls him a douche when he finally snaps and rips steve a new one, but i can't really blame him for being upset when he had to watch one of his dads pine for FIFTEEN YEARS while the other one pretended nothing affected him and moped pretty much constantly and clearly did not pay any particular attention to his son's interests, because they were technology based and he clearly thought that was Tony's Job - one of peter's complaints when he was younger was that cap kept making him do things he wasn't interested in doing and cap acknowledges that he had noticed signs that peter wasn't enjoying himself but just assumed they were some teenage thing fucking nice, cap

tokidokifish anyhow, the worst part of all of this is that steve eventually just goes back into the army and gets drafted into a super black ops program and goes around killing supposedly bad people and even after it's pointed out they have no real way of knowing that these people are actually bad, indicates he doesn't care the penultimate chapter sees him both doing drugs to operate somewhat normally in a civilian environment, because his ptsd is fucking through the fucking roof at this point. and contemplating suicide the last chapter is tagged with steve rogers/tony stark despite the fact the first line is about tony fucking dying

tokidokifish a letter is sent to steve after his death, which one of steve's black ops friends burns without steve actually reading, which he's fine with

tokidokifish and then he runs into peter, who doesn't recognize him, but still has a shitload of resentment for steve and then it ends fuck me

audreyscorne Bad Bad Bad Bad

tokidokifish i had to tell SOMEONE i could not keep the resentment within me

tokidokifish fucking DON'T TAG THE SHIP if they're gonna spend the entire series broken up and miserable until one of them FUCKING DIES while the other one disappears into black ops anonymity because apparently none of the multiple friends that would and HAD follow him into fucking battle were willing to make enough of an effort to help him before he disappeared up his own martyr asshole

tokidokifish like it mentions natasha maybe TWICE

tokidokifish fuck me this person wrote this after winter soldier!

audreyscorne yeah like literally everything with cap seems pretty Wrong

tokidokifish the point is: how does someone watch winter soldier and think "wow, this is a group of friends that would totally let cap just disappear into depression?" jfc they wanted to write steve rogers being miserable and they weren't gonna let anything stop them

tokidokifish which, fine, you do you, but don't fucking drag tony into this and then fucking tag it with the ship

audreyscorne a very ugly exercise

tokidokifish thank you for allowing me to rant about this awful fanfic

audreyscorne but of course this is one of our friendship's foundational activities

#fish reads bad fanfiction

8 notes · View notes