my 2020 fic writer wrap-up!!

this is going to be incredibly long (a total of 1.1k lmao) so imma put a cut here, but basically thank you for being here all throughout my 2020! i appreciate you all very much <3

fav kind of fic to write:

i love writing about mutual pining slow burn process of getting together but i have NEVER WRITTEN ONE IN MY LIFE so i hope to change that in 2021

in 2020 i discovered??? humour??? so i enjoy writing about that and when people tell me i’ve succeeded in making them laugh it’s all 😳😳😳 for me

hardest fic to write but also most proud of:

to write you a song was a fic i struggled with from all of april to june which is very long?? to me??? considering i usually sit down and write things in one seating. fully fleshed ideas don’t usually take me thaaaaaat long to crunch out, but for some reason i struggled bad with this bc I really didn’t know where i was going w it lol

LA LA LAND gets an honorary mention of it’s own simply because it was 44k, and it took me all of july-september, but it’s something i still am proud of! to show how difficult it was to write/plot here’s the spreadsheet i had to use to keep track of the scenes and the chapters djkgfsjdfkjhgd

Shout out to kiroiimye , sweet , sirius and krypt for keeping my sanity intact

easiest fic to write:

this genshin impact fic: The Land Favoured by the Wind but its because ive been thinking about this idea for more than a month lol so the actual writing and editing took me less than 3 hours

there were several others too, bc ideas then to hook themselves to me then refuse to let go fjshlfgdfsg

fav fic to write:

Most definitely this sakuatsu monstrosity here by the name of Miya Atsumu's unwavering love for Sakusa Kiyoomi and an unholy amount of terrible food analogies that should not have the right to Exist lol, I only came up with the idea of Atsumu asking Osamu how to make friends bc I was friendship pining for someone at the time and then proceeded to write the entirety of it in a feverish daze! It’s as of rn my top hit / kudoed / bookmarked fic on ao3 and man, thanks for liking this as much as i did :’D

writing sequence:

i have to write from start to finish lmao i cant move on if the fic isnt chronological? the only exception was la la land bc it was too long and i had help from the spreadsheet so i alr knew where i was going i just had to write it down dfhdsfksfksdfhjg

deleting works:

the only fics i remember deleting are both first chapters of a multichap, bc i dont like having unfinished pieces on ao3, and far less if im not sure if ill finish them/if i dont know where im going w it!

if it’s dark history of shit 15 year old me wrote imma keep it there! it is an archive after all. go on, judge my fics from 5 years ago ahahahaha

best writing advice:

not a general thing and might just apply tome, but i tend to write in very convoluted ways and squish a lot in my sentences, or add to many unnecessary commas, so i received advice recently about being more mindful of the pacing and it’s helped me a lot!

worst writing advice:

none at the top of my head djgfkdsjfh if it’s bs to me i just forget it entirelyyyy

collab:

@actuallyasweetpotato​ (also aforementioned sweet) and i did a thing for bokuaka week!!!! you can find it here:  under my breath and into your scarf

wips:

9 unfinished zine pieces, 3 commissions, 1 exchange piece, about 10 or so other things

fav story of another writer:

favourite things 

manly man falls for manliest man krbk fic!!!

gently, like a winter wind iwaoi birthday fic

sunchaser krbk fic

JUNO atsuhina fic

best review:

dude i cried

and shoutout to tien , sirius for fan art, fan comics, fan animatics of fics ive written, and shoutout to akemiiiii for this song they wrote i am eternaally grateful

worst review:

no negativity today!

prequel/sequel to other people’s fics:

none at the top of my head hm, but if anything probably any of kiro skk stuff 

do i reread my stuff:

yes, but only if they’re old enough for me to go “it’s okay even if i dont like it bc this is old”

published:

hopefully! even though i do take part in zines and i guess they already have been published in a broad sense

fav/least fav chara to write:

no one at the top of my head! it’s instinctive for me to go ahead and think about character motives whenever i come across them, so if i ever write about someone, i usually just put my spin/interpretation of a character in a way that i can comprehend. the pros of this is i can write about many people, and the downside is that these characterisations can come off as out of character to anyone who doesn’t agree w me hehe

deadlines or goals:

if it’s a oneshot that’s under 3k i usually aim to have it done within 24 hours of beginning the fic. even tho i rarely succeed, having that as a goal usually pushes me to get it done faster than i would have if i had no goal altogether! if it’s anything long i aim for 1k a day, tho rn all my deadlines are zine deadlines and on top of that there’s uni, so to say im not stressing about writing would be a lie LOL

fav writers: (am too shy to tag but i swear these people are literal gods)

chonideno (mag): tumblr | twitter | ao3

batman (teesta): twitter | ao3

maplefudge (raei): tumblr | twitter | ao3

trope never written, would like to try:

aforementioned SLOWBURN MUTUAL PINING ANGST W A HAPPY ENDING GETTING TOGETHER!!!

but also royalty au

trope you will never write:

haha loads

how long have you been a writer:

began writing around may of 2014!! it was a horrible piece but im glad i started somewhere

influences:

chonideno/mag is one! maggie stiefvater who wrote the raven boys is also one, among many others

hardest part of writing: 

writing action? writing things that are happening right now, describing people talking, eating

easiest part of writing:

descriptions of people, places, feelings. internal monologues, the like

best part of writing:

sharing how i perceive the world w other people, and discovering other people agree

wip sneak peek:

cw: hanahaki, falling out of love

this was written in a friend’s dms lmao this is why i sound like this

something unique i bring to all my stories

i had a revelation the other day after talking to all my friends and realised i have really pretentious titles

IF YOU’RE HERE

did you know the wc of this thing is 1k words? idk why you stuck through all of that but thank you. i’ll keep writing in 2021, and all the years after that, and i hope i’ll find you doing things you love too :)

Questions 1, 2, skip a few, 99 100! ANSWER THEM ALL!!!!!!

LETS DO THIS

99 gay-ish asks

how tall are you?5 SOMETHING

what is your body type?SLENDERMAN

what is your favorite part about your body?THE T

is your current hair color your natural hair color?YES

are you more outgoing or more shy?SHY

are you more femme or butch?ITS COMPLICATED, BUT, BUTCH

are you tol or smol?APPARENTLY IM TWINK. NOT SURE WHERE THAT IS ON THIS SCALE

wine mom or vodka aunt?NO

weird habit?I EAT BREAKFAST FOOD AT ANY HOUR

favorite meme?VIBE CHECK, IM SMUG ABOUT MY URL

do you sing in the shower?NO BUT I USED TO. JUST SHY ABOUT ROOMMATES. I DO IN MY CAR

ever used a bow and arrow?NO, BUT MY BROTHER DESIGNED AND BUILT ONE, GOT IN TROUBLE FOR MAKING A WEAPON

are/were you a theatre kid?IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE WHERE IM ALLOWED TO HAVE AN EGO, YES

have you ever seen a broadway musical?NO

do you think musicals are cheesy?NO I THINK THEYRE JUST A MEDIUM OF ART

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?NO WEIRDLY

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?IDK THEM

last movie you watched?PROBABLY MEGEAMIND

behind the camera or in front of it?BEHIND. BUT BOTH IS GOOD

favorite tv show?AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER

meaning behind your urlTHE ACTUAL REASON IS IT REMINDS ME I CAN TRUST MY INTUITION

reason you joined tumblrA CRUSH WROTE IN MY YEARBOOK I SHOULD GET IT. DONT WRITE THAT IN PEOPLES YEARBOOKS

who’s your closest tumblr friend?THE PERSON ASKING ME 99 QUESTIONS

what’s something most people love that you hate?TACOS AT WORK. THEYRE POPULAR OF COURSE. I MAY NOT KNOW MY TACOS, BUT PLAIN RAW CABBAGE ON THEM MAKES ME DOUBT

have you ever taken narcotics?NO

have you had sex?NO

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?I DONT GET CAUGHT!!!! IM SO SNEAKY… AND TRAUMATIZED. I ONLY GOT CAUGHT WHEN PEOPLE WERE LIKE, HUNTING ME. NOT FAIR. ALSO HOW DO YOU “GET CAUGHT” FOR DOING NORMAL THINGS LIKE READING AND HAVING CLOTHES

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?PROBABLY THE REASSURING CHRISTIAN VALUES THINGS I TOLD MY PARENTS TO GET MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IT WAS THE FUNNIEST BECAUSE FOR SOMEONE INCONVENIENTLY TRUTHFUL, THAT WAS SOME PRETTY HARDCORE LYING IN A RIDICULOUS SITUATION, AND THE WORST BECAUSE WHAT A HORRIBLE THING TO HAVE TO DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE BECAUSE I WAS SO CONVINCING BECAUSE I MIXED IT WITH THE TRUTH I COULD SINCERELY EXPRESS

describe your passion without mentioning it.HEY GUYS IM WRITING CHAPTER 1 AGAIN I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT THIS TIME

describe your best friend.WARM STRONG RESILIENT UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING KINDLY HONEST CREATIVE TALENTED BRAVE HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL ORIGINAL NURTURING SELF CONFIDENT

give us one thing about you that no one knows.NO ONE KNOWS THE GRITTY DETAILS OF SOME SAD MOMENTS IN MY PAST. DID YOU KNOW I HATE THE SMELL OF HOSPITAL FOOD FROM WHEN I VISITED A FAMILY MEMBER IN A PSYCH WARD

how do you feel right now?GOOD, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO TO BED THOUGH

what is your biggest fear?BREAKING SELF HARM STREAK

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?SING A SONG EARTH WIND AND FIRE

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?LEAVING MY PARENTS. ITS TAKEN ME AGES TO UNLEARN SO MUCH SELF-DEFEATING STUFF

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?MOSTLY EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BUT IM CHILL

something you fantasize about.ACTUALLY DANCING TO MUSIC I LIKE. I NEVER LEARNED HOW TO DANCE BUT I WANT TO SFM

last time you cried and whyTHAT PREACHER GUY IN LUCIFER. IT SUCKED BUT IM SO BLOWN AWAY BY LUCIFERS ANGRY YELLING AT THE SKY. WHAT A GIANT MOOD

what was the last thing that made you laugh?MY SISTER ASKING ME WHAT DILF MEANT

do you really, truly miss someone right now?NO. IF I MISS SOMEONE, ITS A SIGN THEY WERE A BAG OF DICKS TO ME AND MESSED UP MY INNER CLARITY

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?YOU

the last time you felt broken?WHEN MY TWO FRIENDS AT THE TIME GANGED UP ON ME AND ABANDONED ME AT A NOT PRETTY TIME IN MY LIFE. I COULDNT EAT WHICH AND I STILL STRUGGLE WITH EATING, I NEVER USED TO

are you starting to realize anything?THAT IF I RELY ON MY LIFE EXPERIENCE, ILL EXPECT TO FAIL AND SABOTAGE MYSELF, AND INSTEAD I NEED TO TAKE RISKS AND PUT FAITH IN MY FUTURE.

are you more dominant or more submissive?THERES EVIDENCE FOR BOTH, BUT I THINK THE LATTER IS JUST FROM ABUSE AND GIRL RULES

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)WASH YOUR HANDS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?AROUND MY AGE THERE IS SOME UNDERSTANDING

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.IM NOT IN LOVE I DONT EVEN HAVE A CRUSH. I MAY HAVE A SQUISH

do you have any kinks?MAYBE SO

first thing you notice in a person?HOW THEY HANDLE STRESS AND PROBLEMS, IF THEY BLAME/GET ANGRY, OR IF THEY ARE COMPASSIONATE AND PATIENT. LOOKING FOR RED FLAGS

how can someone win your heart?FOOD. CHEESECAKE WAS A POWER MOVE. BONDING… OVER FOOD. I HAVE HAPPY MEMORIES ATTACHED TO BEVERAGES.

been rejected by a crush?YES

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?YES

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?NO

is trust a big issue for you?YES

did you hang out with the person you like recently?NO

is confidence cute?YES, SELF LOVE LOOKS GOOD ON PEOPLE

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?GOOD FOR THEM. I DONT LIKE ANYONE RIGHT NOW

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?NO. GIGGLING LIKE A LUNATIC IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF MY LIFE AND YOU NEED TO KEEP UP

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?IF THEYRE FEELINGS, PROBABLY, BECAUSE IM TRANSPARENT

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?IVE HAD MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED FOR MY FTM TRANSITION

do you want to get marriedYEAH WHEN IM FIFTY THEN ILL GET A BUNCH OF DOGS AND CATS AND CHICKENS

worst thing you’ve ever done?APPARENTLY IVE BORROWED BOOKS AND NEVER RETURNED THEM

three things that turn you on.IM GOING THRU PUBERTY 2, TEENAGE BOY EDITION, IT DOESNT TAKE MUCH

who do you hate?I DONT LIKE SUCH SIMPLE CATEGORIES, BUT I START TO FEEL HATRED WITH REPEATED CRUELTY/WHEN SOMEONE REFUSES TO HEAR ME

favorite term of endearment?MY FRIEND

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?I DIDNT REALLY HAVE TVS/POP CULTURE GROWING UP LIKE MOST PEOPLE, PROBABLY FOUND IT IN CREATIVE WRITING

intimidating girls or kind girls?KIND

what do you look for in a possible partner?EQUALITY

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?YES

are you good at flirting?PERHAPS. WHEN IM NOT THINKING ABOUT IT

who was the first person you came out to?I DONT ACTUALLY REMEMBER. A HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND. IT WAS A STRESSFUL COMPLICATED TIME, MY WORLD WAS UPSIDE DOWN, IT WAS GRADUAL

do you have any friends who are wlw?PROBABLY

is your crush wlw?IDK

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?A DOUCHE CANOE UNFORTUNATELY

write a short love poem to your crush/self?DEAR PERSON,THANK YOU FOR THE CHEESECAKEIT WAS SO GOODBUT ONLY BECAUSE IT WAS FROM YOU

do you fall in love easily?NO. I WISH I DID. I COULD USE THE HIGH TO GET STUFF DONE

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?I HATE TALKING ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL HUMILIATED AND ASHAMED, SO I JUST DONT. I ALSO HATE TALKING ABOUT SELF HARM BECAUSE I NEVER KNOW HOW. AM I GOING TO TRIGGER PEOPLE? AND IT IS SHROUDED IN SHAME AND FEAR.

are you good at hiding your feelings?YES, WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY MAKE AN EFFORT TO

are you a forgiving person?NO. I USED TO BE ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, AND GREW UP FORGIVING ABUSIVE CYCLES, IT WAS SO UNHEALTHY. NOW I FEEL LIKE A CROW HOLDING GRUDGES FOR CENTURIES, AND I DONT WANT TO BE BITTER EITHER – I OFTEN FEEL BAD FOR NOT FORGIVING, EVEN IF ITS JUST FORGIVENESS FOR MY OWN SAKE. BUT ITS A NEW DEVELOPMENT THAT IM ALLOWING MYSELF TO FEEL ANGRY, BE TRUTHFUL ABOUT BEING WRONGED, WANT JUSTICE FOR MYSELF. AND MAYBE SOME THINGS SHOULDNT BE FORGIVEN.

what is your “type?”I DONT KNOW. I RECENTLY STARTED GROWING SOME SELF WORTH, AND I DONT THINK THE PEOPLE IVE SOUGHT OUT TO RELIVE MY PAIN COUNTS

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?LAST ONE

tall girls or short girls?BOTH IS GOOD

hugs or kisses?HUGS

twirl her around or get twirled?I WANNA TWIRL PEOPLE

tummy kisses or thigh kisses?BOTH

hairline kisses or neck kisses?NECK

play with her hair or stroke her tummy?PLAYING WITH HAIR

making out or soft kisses?MAKING OUT

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?WAIST

how confident are you in your sexuality?I THINK PEOPLE WOULD ASSUME IM NOT. IM SHY, AND MY NERDY CHRISTIAN VIBE ISNT GOING ANYWHERE. IM ALSO JUST BEGINNING TO LIVE AS MYSELF AND IM RELEARNING EVERYTHING. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO REALLY KNOWING MYSELF IM CONFIDENT

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?NO. I WILL START CRANKING OUT ART AND FOCUS LESS THAN USUAL

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?YES

how old were you when you realized you were into girls?20ISH BUT THE SIGNS WERE THERE LONG BEFORE

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?I GOT MY EMBARRASSMENT GLANDS REMOVED REMEMBER

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?I DONT KNOW MANY BUT IM HAPPY FOR THE CANON MARCELINE AND BUBBLEGUM

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?MY SISTER PROJECTING ABOUT HER LIFE. WE HAVE CONSERVATIVE MISOGYNIST PARENTS BUT WE ARE VERY DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND IT DID NOT AFFECT US IN THE SAME WAY

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?I FEEL LIKE IM FORGETTING SOMETHING NICE A STRANGER SAID ONCE

what is love to you?NOT SOMETHING YOU DISPENSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE. ITS A WAY OF LIVING – IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF, YOU LOVE OTHER PEOPLE, AND YOU LOVE THE WORLD AROUND YOU AND TAKE CARE OF IT. ITS NEITHER FAWNING NOR CONTROL – ITS ACCEPTANCE

ask me anything.YOU DIDNT ASK ME ANYTHING SO IM JUST GOING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. IVE BEEN EATING POPCORN CHICKEN WITH HONEY

So. This is a master post about my grandma. Some of this has already been talked about here but I posted this on my private fb and wanted to keep it here too.

.

Okay.. so. This is gonna be a long and detailed one.

Ive never had a space where I could vent about my grandma to more than just people close to me without being blamed or her finding out. The only family I have on here is my mom and im hiding this post from her for various reasons. I understand if many of you can't read all the way through this because its gonna be a lot. I just want the people around me to have a better grasp on exactly why im so depressed.

Before I start im gonna add a trigger list because there is a LOT and im probably going to be very emotional typing this. A lot of it ive never spoken about publicly.

So for a list of TW:

Emotional, physical, sexual, and animal abuse, r*pe, p*dophelia, racism, su*cide, hospitals, ableism, be******ty mention, fatshaming, weight mention, f slur.

.

.

.

.

Okay. Im going to start at when I moved in with her. She tricked my mother into signing over custody of me when I was 10. When I was 9 years old I was forced into a mental hospital after being heavily overdosed on medications meant for adults to the point I was "sitting upside down in my chairs unresponsive and talking about tranquilizers" which i have no memory of. The hospital was probably the worst experience in my entire life and I was almost murdered by one of the older kids. After getting out of there I moved in with my grandma.

Throughout my life shes said and done so many horrible things to me. She would always yell and scream about the smallest mistakes. She used to pick me up by my hair. She was just fucking horrible to me.

Around the age of 10-11 when I started going through puberty she would always make fun of the way my genitals looked. She would ask me to stretch my labia out and move it around. Specifically she would ask me to "show me your bat wings". It was fucking disgusting but as a child I thought it was just haha funny joke.

For a while I thought I just imagined that until my mom brought it up to me and how she CAUGHT HER saying that to me multiple times. So I had confirmation that I wasn't just imagining it. I once confronted her about it and she immediately started crying (ive only seen her cry 3 times in my entire life) and told me if I ever said that again she would tell everyone in my family that I was a "prostitute" and would make everyone in my family hate me, and that it was my mother who did that to me.

My mom lived with me and my grandma for a few years but eventually moved out on her own because she couldn't handle my grandmas abuse.

My grandma dated my moms r*pist, which was my moms uncle, and told my mom she never got r*ped, and said my mom only fucked him for "attention and cigarettes". My mom was 12 at the time.

My grandma told me at 15 that the "only reason you think you're trans is because you got diddled as a kid"

My grandma called me a whore when I started becoming sexually active despite her having her first child at 16.

She once told me I was "just like my father" who is a sex offender and abused me as a child. I was also forced to give my at-the-time step brothers head when I was 3-5 and was taught that it was okay.

My grandma has called me every possible name in the book. Anytime she does something wrong its automatically my fault. She told me she would believe that im trans when I showed her my dick (at 16).

Shes incredibly rude and racist, says she hates how she can't understand Asian people. She's said the n word. She's made so many "jokes" about how "aggressive" Black people are. When my cousin found out he had Black in him she said, and I quote, "I always knew he had a n***r ass" which fucking disgusted me. Shes scoffed at my mother for limping. She scoffs at anyone disabled. Always says "you wouldn't catch me looking like that in public." She would tell my mom she was faking her pain. And coincidentally of all 4 of her kids, one was born with physical deformities. she says thats not the reason why, but she gave her up for adoption. She yells at anyone standing in her way who isn't aware. She is incredibly rude when she speaks to people to the point its embarrassing.

When I hung myself earlier this year and a friend came to pick me up she was yelling at me like "Oh so you went and tattled on me didnt you? Did you say oh boo hoo shes so abusiveeee!!" As I had literally just laid passed out in the snow from hanging myself.

When she found out I hung myself she bitched about how I had her snow boots and how she would have had to climb up the hill to find my fucking body as if it were a chore. She asked me if I wanted to be cremated out of nowhere and when I said no she replied "good I didn't want to have to pick your piercings out of your dead body" when I told her she made me want to kill myself she laughed at me and said "well then you'll never survive" my first suicide attempt was at 12 years old. A few weeks ago I started carving at my throat in front of her because im so desperate for her to LISTEN to me for 5 FUCKING SECONDS. I have legitimately cried on my knees and begged her to treat me like a person time and time again. She laughs at me and turns it around to my issues. She guilt trips me and makes me think everything is my fault. She calls me disgusting for having 1 or 2 shirts on the floor. She told me to MY FACE she will never see me as trans. Misgenders me, misgenders my friends. I jokingly told her one of my cis friends was trans, and when she left she asked me "does he really have a penis?" ABOUT A WHOLE ASS CIS WOMAN. She told me she ran over and killed a dog with a broken leg to "put it out of its misery" she would always use glue traps and I told her not to tell me about it so she waits until were in public and says "yknow whenever I catch a live mouse on one of the traps I throw it into a plastic bag and then go do the litter box to suffocate it". Shes threatened to make me pay the hospital bill when I called 911 because she was unconscious. She says horrible things to me EVERY FUCKIJG DAY. She's always making everying my fault all the time and sits and smiles while I'm sobbing and pouring my heart out because im tired of the abuse. Im so fucking tired. It goes on and on and on every day of my life. I literally slit my throat in front of her and she only stopped being mean for about a week. Im so depressed and mentally ill and this is beating on me every moment of my fucking life.

In not done but im shaking and need to stop typing for now

Edit: some other notable things, when my grandpa disowned me and stopped speaking to me for over a year she told me it was probably because of how disgusting I was. And "nobody wants to be around that".

She will ask me specific random questions about specific friends and if I dont know the answer or I forgot, she goes on a tangent about how terrible of a friend I am.

When I was cutting her hair she kept telling me I was doing it wrong, so I did it her way and she hated it and told me she's glad I didn't pursue hair because im terrible at it.

When my cat was dying she originally refused to take him to the vet because he was "just gonna die anyways so I might as well let him", then gave up her cat to the vet because she was peeing but didn't wanna take responsibility for that so she lied to them and said she showed up at her door and didn't tell them her age or even her name and that was so fucking cruel.

When she starts laughing at me sometimes she'll talk to me in a whiny "baby voice" and be like awwww, waaa im so abusedddd *mocks me crying*.

And she always talks in a tone that sounds pissed off and seems confused when I feel like I'm being scolded.

She gets in my face and puts her finger in my face and backs me into corners sometimes and then when I smack her hand out of my face she says she'll put me in jail for abuse.

Oh yea and simetimes when she gets mad at me she'll be like "ok GIRL" in the middle of me talking. Like its annoying and uncalled for.

I cant believe I forgot this holy shit. Years ago (was a minor here as well) I was attacked by my neighbors dog and it knocked me down and when I got home my grandma was accusing me of be******ty and said she was "watching it fuck me" and I was so fucking disgusted and hurt.. I try to block that from my memory because it was my third dog attack and I was traumatized.

She also regularly calls her brother a F@ggot. He is the only lgbt family member (he's gay) that i have.

She regularly fatshames people while only a few feet from them. And will whisper to me about how disgusting they look.

She asks for all of my friends deadnames and gets mad when I dont answer.

"I can't be abusive because I give you a home. I could have let social services take you."

"I cant be racist because my ex husband is Black"

"You must be living in a fantasy world where you make up shit that ive done."

"Id be depressed if I stayed in bed all day too."

"I need to learn to have lower expectations for you."

"I'm starting to resent you. So ill be taking 200$ a month for rent." (She has stopped this thankfully)(edit #2, she started taking it again im gonna be here forever lmao)

When I was underweight she would say things like "you look like an aids patient." And "Are you trying to look like your mother?"

"You're a hoarder"

Emptying the cliptray on the new phone. ....

1. Comments • 10,034 Add a public comment... Marla Luster Devil baby scores. Mankind n all of creation takes a L. 9 hours ago Kalia's Funtime Who else saw the mom look at the daughter eat the popcorn 11 months ago 3.2K unicorn 4ever I find it so heart warming at how Harry still let her eat the popcorn 5 days ago 333 TheLovelylove Whats so funny is how long it went on,lol 1 week ago 640 karltp3 He's the only one in the family who isnt up his own arse. I am totally anti royal but I do like Harry as he acts like an everyday person 1 month ago 635 Jeffrey Wyatt Trump woulda built a whole wall between him n the baby for eating his popcorn 🤔 1 month ago (edited) 525 ø Eman Hafeez ø So i know they just got married yesterday but like can you have kids now 11 months ago 1.7K Someone Enoemos ø Eman Hafeez ø literally my reaction 😂 11 months ago 27 Life In The Miniature ø Eman Hafeez ø I'm mean think about their honeymoon 11 months ago 3 2. https://youtu.be/WJvWEsX3FFA 3. 4 Possibilities for the Meaning of LIFE 1,427,954 views Strange Mysteries 2,090,547 subscribers Published on Jan 23, 2017 If you believe all those heart-warming memes your lonely aunt shares on Facebook, you might think that the meaning of life is to just enjoy it, to obey god. to live, to laugh, to love. Oh please, someone choke me to death right now will you? Narration provided by JaM Advertising New Mexico www.tasteofjam.comThe idea that life has been made to be observed relates to the concept of the simulated universe, and at its heart, it claims that the purpose of life as we know it has been decided by a higher power. But it isn't God.The problem with the last entry on simulation theory is that it doesn't give meaning to the life which supposedly created our virtual world. Even if you accept that your place in the universe is insignificant, this doesn't mean that you don't matter. A more satisfying idea regarding the meaning of life is that everyone and everything has a specific purpose, and if you think about this idea biologically and statistically, it kinda rings true. Category Entertainment Up nextAutoplay 17:22 Why does the universe 4. The United States FBI worried about protecting Prince Harry from having popcorn stolen. Or so obvious to be some comment or involvment on this matter. You're the horrible Illuminati ruling the world really. So horrible. You are hell itself and the devil! 5. F B I Don’t worry guys... we took care of that theif... Timeout was brutal 5 months ago (edited) 1.7K Mz0hld 4242 😂 4 months ago 16 ALR 2006 😂😂😂😂 4 months ago 9 gari leonard 😑 4 months ago 3 Kirami MMO Shouldn't the MI5 or MI6 do the job 4 months ago 20 Seven Eleven Poor kid 4 months ago 2 Legendary Zorotard She could have easily poisoned him. 4 months ago 14 yang jeongin LMAO!!!! 😂😂 4 months ago Lindy Su Oh my 4 months ago Meow Meow** 😂😂😂😂😂😂 4 months ago Jeon WonwooandParkJiminareverynice I HELLO AGAINNNN FBI,WE MET AGAIN,I saw you in the top scariest game thing 4 months ago 2 Lupita VM SIEMPRE I can't with this 😂😂😂😂😂😂 lol 4 months ago 1 Marcelo Quinonez F B I I hope she sat in the corner 4 months ago 1 F B I Marcelo Quinonez oh yeah, she couldn’t even look back or that’s an extra five min 4 months ago 3 Sophia_ Joker ☠️☠️☠️👏👏👏👏 4 months ago Just1n Ne0h Omg MI6 is not gonna like this 😂😂 4 months ago 2 Emilea Hubbard F B I Haha 4 months ago Donald J. Trump *thief 3 months ago 2 _________ 😂🤣🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣 3 months ago Giannis Trimis Lol im from Greece and im a thief you can't catch me only Antetokoumpo can 3 months ago 2 Fantastic Fontenots F B I lol 3 months ago Gabi Brandon 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 3 months ago Axeliaa __ Thank you, you did what was right. She is a monster. 2 months ago LaKeisha Wallace Lmbo 2 months ago Aeronaux You spelled "thief" wrong 2 months ago 1 Devoted Cetacean Oh good. 2 months ago Marla Luster The United States FBI worried about protecting Prince Harry from having popcorn stolen. Or so obvious to be some comment or involvment on this matter. You're the horrible Illuminati ruling the world really. So horrible. You are hell itself and the devil! 1 second ago 6. The United States is hell itself and the devil! So very horrible n trying to rule the world n learn someone this way here is the eternal one true god a person is to know n bow to! 7. https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCxvN1ijDZJ_SyYZbpj2ODow 8. US Military 42,404 HOME VIDEOS PLAYLISTS US Is Sending A message challenge potential to China,Four B 52 Bomber Flights Through the China Seas Uploads 3:14 China has deploying first stealth amphibious assault drone boat in the world to south china sea 4.2K views1 day ago 2:54 The US Navy sends a double aircraft carrier message to Iran 9.4K views2 days ago 10:07 US pushing Philippines to Rockets deal that will make waves in South China Sea 39K views1 week ago 9. This society n government is the devil n it is covertly attacking me to assert that im supposed to be less than because a person is supposed to be defined by this order here which is supposed to be the one true eternal god!!!!! It is horrible n disgusting here!!! It is a false reality ruled by the devil n it asserts some people are inferior to others n that some should have n some not!!!!!!!!!!! This order birthing people into this rule to be at the mercy of it n to be the losers since it is not believed here that everyone should be okay!!!! It is hell n some people are not really people but are the devil and those that are the devil are supposed to be superior!!!!! It is so horrible n disgusting here n its asserted as the eternal truth!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This society n so called country hiding what it really is is vicious n completely n totally sick as shit!!!!! It is attacking the crap out of me, someone that should be not possible to exist here because i dont agree w the things here asserted as true!!!!!! Someone not agreeing is supposed to be inferior here!!! Very dangerous, very horrible, disgusting here!!!!!! It is hell!!!!! 10. Inequality is not okay! It is evil and worshiped as just what is as part of the rule of the devil! Very horrible, dangerous n disgusting here!!!!!!! 11. https://youtu.be/NgGo3Gw9SVc 12. Inequality is not okay! It is evil and worshiped as just what is as part of the rule of the devil! Very horrible, dangerous n disgusting here!!!!!!! I am attacked covertly for saying this is not what should be n is a false reality n for saying it is the rule of the devil!!!! 13. (their occurrences, their selves not in their bodies) 14. https://youtu.be/IlXjoPtTGT8 15. Lion Sees His Adoptive Dad After 7 Years - Truly Heart-warming 18,602,147 views TopRealm 170,916 subscribers Published on Apr 12, 2018 Lion Sees His Adoptive Dad After 7 Years - Truly Heart-warming. Beautiful video of a lion seeing its owner after a long time of being separated. Animals seeing their owner after years of time. Lions sees its adoptive dad after being separated for 7 years. Truly amazing. Best animal video ever! Submit your footage to my channel: Want to submit your own clips for a future videos if so get in contact with us: [email protected] DISCLAIMER: By submitting videos to TopRealm YouTube Channel, you acknowledge that you grant TopRealm a perpetual non-exclusive world-wide license (not ownership) to display, promote, monetize, or modify your video for commercial use. Where I Stream: www.twitch.tv/joerealm Follow me: www.twitter.com/TopRealm Business email: [email protected] Music: LAKEY INSPIRED Moving On https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHM0N... https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOmy... https://soundcloud.com/lakeyinspired 16. nextAutoplay 3:40 Mother cow clearly asks man to rescue her newborn calf Rumble Viral 10M views 6:23 8 Ways to Know Your Dog Loves You WOW LIFE 914K views 3:08 The Coolest Roll Of The Year – You Have To Try It! 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A Cyber Security Student - 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4vbxdwjoz_g 2 months ago 35 Marla Luster Devil race, please leave the animals alone!!!!! It isnt okay you are asserting some people are inferior to others!!!!!! The animals cannot act like you are okay!!!!!!!!! They cannot be a part of this way of things here!!!!!!!!!!!!! The animals n land n any of the things that are natural n neutral etc -- none of those things can say what this present order of the world is saying n asserting, it is asserting that some people (their occurrences, their selves not in their bodies) are inferior to others n some people (their occurrences here) are to be not okay n are to be arranged for to be struggling to live or not able to live in this territory claimed for some to be served by the way of things to be okay n others not!!!! It is so very disgusting n horrible here!!! Really inequality is horrible and NOT JUST WHAT IS TRUE as is asserted by this present order of the world with its hub in the United States! It is the Illuminati, which is really the devil!!! The people okay by this order as others are not are the devil!!!! The animals are not on your side they cannot be!!! Really what you are asserting is not true and eternal as you are asserting it is here!!!!! LEAVE THE ANIMALS ALONE!!!!! THEY SHOULD NOT BE KILLED FOR YOUR TRYING TO PRETEND THEY COULD BE AMIABLE TOWARD YOU WHO IS SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS ARE THE TRUTH AND THE ONE TRUE GOD!!!!!!!! 5 minutes ago Joseph S-D When I saw my old cat for the first time in 2 years he just looked at me like, Who dafuk dis guy? 8 months ago 874 scottjulie27 That is so cute. :))) However, you can tell that the lions are very strong animals - even if they are just giving a lot of affection. 3 days ago (edited) 8 YASH PATEL Animals are so honest in comparison of human beings 2 months ago 488 Shaian Albert I'm not crying, you're crying 😢. Youtube why you put this on my recommended bro 2 weeks ago 79 Mr. Unboxing Friends all left me but my cat always stayed with me when im lonley and crying... 4 weeks ago 67 JoelBK I left my dog for 2 weeks and when I came back she started licking me for 10 minutes then cried then slept with me at my feet 4 months ago (edited) 1.1K Fernweh The lion.... is a lioness 1 month ago 104 ßéršerK4040 Kyù Something your ex wouldn't do if you met after a month, and she's human. 3 weeks ago 52 Tellestus 0 I'm so happy to see you after 7 years! Now let me chew on you😉 2 weeks ago 55 Terry Dale When an animal like this chooses not to kill you but to accept you. It's an amazing privilege 1 month ago 44 Pip Hacker animality is far better then humanity' these days😴 8 months ago 4.9K Srikar P B Roses are Red Violets are blue I can't stop crying Neither can you .... 1 week ago 17 Yolly Saunders It's truly amazing, after 7 years he still recognized him. They really formed a bond that last forever. 3 months ago 5 Sambo Jambo The TALKING and the Music I could have Done WITHOUT. Just the Sound of the Lion Purring and Dog noises would have been MORE Than Enough....... Really 1 month ago 21 Ed Welthrope Stop talking 3 months ago 298 Mariam Gift Indeed, Animals do have true friendship than human beings 😚 1 month ago 40 Rich Brake Are you kidding me? An animal's memory is more accurate than Humans' memory. very true 2 months ago 18. Homeless n poor people n struggling people not able to have a pet!!! REALLY THE ANIMALS SHOULDNT BE PUT IN A POSITION WHERE THERES SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE THIS IS OKAY N NORMAL, SOMETHING THEY WOULD NOT SAY OR SOMETHING THEY WOULD NOT BE A PART OF!!!! THIS SOCIETY ASSERTING ITS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY AS WHAT IT WAS HERE WHERE IT WAS SOME PEOPLE TO BE POOR ETC N NOT DOING OKAY!!!! IT IS VERY DISGUSTING N HORRIBLE BERE, THIS SOCIETY N ORDER OF TGE WORLD ATTACKING PEOPLE COVERTLY TO ASSERT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INFERIOR N NOT WHO SHOULD BE OKAY AS OTHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SUPPORT THIS ORDER!!!!!! THE PEOPLE SUPPORTING THE ORDER ARE REALLY THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 19. Homeless n poor people n struggling people not able to have a pet!!! REALLY THE ANIMALS SHOULDNT BE PUT IN A POSITION WHERE THEYRE SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE THIS IS OKAY N NORMAL, SOMETHING THEY WOULD NOT SAY OR SOMETHING THEY WOULD NOT BE A PART OF WHERE SOME PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INFERIOR TO OTHERS!!!! THIS SOCIETY ASSERTING ITS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY AS WHAT IT WAS HERE WHERE IT WAS SOME PEOPLE TO BE POOR ETC N NOT DOING OKAY!!!! IT IS VERY DISGUSTING N HORRIBLE BERE, THIS SOCIETY N ORDER OF TGE WORLD ATTACKING PEOPLE COVERTLY TO ASSERT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE INFERIOR N NOT WHO SHOULD BE OKAY AS OTHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SUPPORT THIS ORDER!!!!!! THE PEOPLE SUPPORTING THE ORDER ARE REALLY THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20. Devil race, please leave the animals alone!!!!! It isnt okay you are asserting some people are inferior to others!!!!!! The animals cannot act like you are okay!!!!!!!!! They cannot be a part of this way of things here!!!!!!!!!!!!! The animals n land n any of the things that are natural n neutral etc -- none of those things can say what this present order of the world is saying n asserting, it is asserting that some people (their occurrences, their selves not in their bodies) are inferior to others n some people (their occurrences here) are to be not okay n are to be arranged for to be struggling to live or not able to live in this territory claimed for some to be served by the way of things to be okay n others not!!!! It is so very disgusting n horrible here!!! Really inequality is horrible and NOT JUST WHAT IS TRUE as is asserted by this present order of the world with its hub in the United States! It is the Illuminati, which is really the devil!!! The people okay by this order as others are not are the devil!!!! The animals are not on your side they cannot be!!! Really what you are asserting is not true and eternal as you are asserting it is here!!!!! LEAVE THE ANIMALS ALONE!!!!! THEY SHOULD NOT BE KILLED FOR YOUR TRYING TO PRETEND THEY COULD BE AMIABLE TOWARD YOU WHO IS SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS ARE THE TRUTH AND THE ONE TRUE GOD!!!!!!!!