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I made us a new system blog. it's a main blog so we can follow and like posts from there. @onionsystem
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new and magnificent beasts will arise from the muck. trust me on this one
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i wish people who have never dated anyone a very pleasant morning <3
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we're here now!
I made us a new system blog. it's a main blog so we can follow and like posts from there. @onionsystem
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I made us a new system blog. it's a main blog so we can follow and like posts from there. @onionsystem
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yeah. hi. if you want to find me, go to @lucagrumbles because I don't really post on this blog anymore.
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thinking about how as a kid I lost a stuffed cat that I brought EVERYWHERE but couldn't recall when or where it went missing, even while being questioned right after. that's happened to a lot of comfort items over the years.
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god I truly don't know what I'd do without emilia. a lot of the time, not even my partner can get me to eat breakfast (I seriously struggle to recognize when I'm hungry) but the second she senses I should eat but don't plan to, she shoves her way through to the front. today she made me coffee and some pretty damn good scrambled eggs. its lovepost about alters time.
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here's some bullshit I just clued into about myself. I have a lot of similarity to an online "friend" we had at 16/17. name, pronouns, black hair (in the inner world), even my interest in true crime. I don't know or really care what it means, but it's weird.
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I think I want to set up a main system account. it'd be like 5 times as versatile and simple.
#also I want uh. people to be able to find it yknow?#I get very very little follower interaction and its discouraging tbh. it feels like I'm shouting into the void most of the time#it feels whiney even posting this lol
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I still seriously don’t get people that really think DID is a fun thing to have or something you want to have. Yeah maybe the beginning of figuring it out is like “uwu friends” but god, if I haven’t heard every part in the system in the last month or two curse about how fucking stupid and a pain in the ass it is, then I would be lying to you.
Even as much as we are very well adapted to living as a system, managing dissociative amnesia and navigating life and relationships with it, and even with how much we have shaped our lifestyle to accommodate it, some things about having DID are just stupidly and pointlessly internalized in the literal most ridiculous ways and it’s just frustrating.
Growing up with a brain that compartmentalizes and conceptualizes self and trauma in whatever way makes sense to a child’s developing brain and builds it off of that just ends up with some really annoying results.
Now that most of the awe and shock of “oh new parts and figuring out the life style” and the “mystique of having this weird disorder” has pretty much all passed, this disorder is just frustrating, annoying, and a pain in the ass to deal with.
We all love each other, and having alters is not something we hate really. We don’t have much issue with each other and that is all coped with. It is just everything else BESIDES the alter symptom that comes with this disorder that makes us all just so damn tired.
And with that being said, having DID is not just “alters disorder” or “being plural” or “having multiple personalities” or whatever. Its a dumbass chronic dissociative disorder formed from a really pervasive and maladaptive coping mechanism due to really early childhood trauma.
If you think a disorder caused from really early childhood trauma has the main and most important symptom being alters, then you really really do not understand how badly trauma fucks with psychological development.
I’m so over having this disorder right now.
Anyways, feel free to reblog and converse cause god damn am I bitter about how this brain has screwed me over with how it likes to compartmentalize stupidly way too many times.
-Ray (Gatekeeper)
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not this restless "I need to Prepare" thing again... it's probably Theon. he's been on edge lately about cleaning and organizing, and I already know he'll take over packing when we go to our partner's parents place this summer.
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luca: I don't want to front at the partner's parents place this weekend. mint can cover for me
also luca: *gets positively triggered out by playing cards*
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