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endogenic doesnt mean that someone is not disordered from having a system, it just means that their system didnt form from trauma. in the same vein, traumagenic doesnt mean that a system is disordered, only that their system formed from trauma. endogenic systems can be diagnosed with osdd and did.
im tired of seeing posts about a disorder i have that people dont want me to interact with because of the -genic label i choose to use. the -genic label i chose to use, mind you, because people wouldnt stop taking posts i made about being disordered and adding anti endo tags to them.
honestly i think -genic labels are silly anyways. they tell you zero information about a system past how they formed, which in the grand scheme of things is much less important than how that system might be functioning now.
I think I get where you're coming from. My main question is, how would an endo system get diagnosed with did/osdd? cuz the definitions of those is having a system formed from trauma, so how could you have one of them and still be endogenic? (genuine question, I'm not trying to attack you, just confused)
anyways, I think you have a good point that -genic labels are too broad and don't tell you very much about the system itself. however, I do still think it's fair for people to want traumagenic only or endo only spaces. the -genic labels have a lot of issues, yes, but they do hold *some* meaning.
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DID and The Grand Unified Theory
Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.
Written by Oliver.
As the host of a system of quantum, particle, and nuclear physicists, I have found comfort in relating our disorder's elements to physics concepts. These concepts help them feel less scary and more manageable to accept. Today, I will discuss the Grand Unified Theory and how it has helped me interpret, understand, and come to terms with the ideas of Splitting and Fusion in our system. However, this is not an educational post on splitting and fusion in (Dissociative Identity Disorder) DID systems. Those will be separate posts. This post is my symbolic interpretation of these concepts in a simplified way to aid in acceptance. I want to share what we have done, as it may help other systems do the same with topics they are interested in and help them come to terms with their disorder.
So, what is the Grand Unified Theory?
Simply put, it attempts to combine three of the four fundamental forces in the universe into one singular force at the start of the universe.
These forces are the Electromagnetic force, which acts between charged particles (such as two protons with a positive charge), the strong nuclear force, which holds the nucleus of an atom together, and the weak nuclear force, which is responsible for types of radioactive decay. The fourth fundamental force is Gravity, which acts between any two objects with mass regardless of distance. The ultimate goal of the theory is to combine all the forces into one singular force at the start of the universe, and then model when each force splits off into its separate fundamental force. This would combine classical physics (gravity) with quantum physics.
How do I use this theory to bring comfort to myself?
The idea of unity:
Even though these forces are now very distinct and have grown more distinct as time went on, they all have an underlying unified and linked identity. In the same way, dissociative identities in DID are distinct but not completely separate personalities; they are fractions of one whole. So, even when things are tough or unmanageable, or when people do not get along (similar to how gravity does not fit into the theory right now), there is something that will hold us together ultimately, and there is a chance of unification.
Splitting over time:
In the theory, if gravity can be combined into it, it is believed that gravity split from the electronuclear force at the end of the Plank era. This is so early in the universe that not even subatomic particles existed yet. The Electronuclear force split into the electroweak force and strong nuclear force, and then split again into the electromagnetic force and the weak nuclear force. This initial split at the beginning of the universe could represent the initial split the brain must undergo during early childhood to develop DID. However, the theory also represents how those splits may change or not change. An alter may not split again after their initial split; they would be, like gravity, and remain the same but develop more distinctly over time. Or, they may split again, just like the electronuclear force did. These splits can occur later in life if trauma is experienced again.
Fusion:
This theory brings both the comfort that fusion can work and that it is also okay if it does not. The theory is not perfect and cannot combine all four forces; similarly, a system, may not be able to fully fuse, perhaps only fuse into two or three final forms, because of trauma, or may not have the skills to do so yet, and that is okay. Some may also strive to reach the stage where they can form a final fusion, but this does not have to happen right away and can take a long period in therapy.
Energy conversions and fusion:
Fusion can be a scary concept because it will change the alter and the way the system will function later on. As dissociative identities fuse, it begins to restore the unity of the psyche, it coalesces experiences, memories, and feelings. This mirrors the principle of energy in physics, where it states that energy cannot be created or destroyed but transferred from one state to another. This means that even though that alter appears to be gone they will forever exist even though it is in a new form. Their experiences, memories, and work they have contributed to survival will always remain within the individual unity.
Written by Oliver.
Personal Post. Mentions of Fusion and Splitting.
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also,, wanting to reach final fusion isn’t a bad thing or killing alters,, it’s alright to want that for yourself <3
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I've said this before and I'll say it again: it's more important to know and understand fully why something is harmful than it is to drop everything deemed problematic. It's performative and does nothing. People wonder why nobody has critical thinking skills and this is part of it because no one knows how to simousltansly critique and consume media. You need to use discernment.
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It's not "anti-recovery" to acknowledge your parts, to give them names and to figure out what feelings and memories they hold. You cannot heal without acknowledging your parts or communicating with them.
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Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.
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i hope you remember it’s very human and normal to crave affection, human interaction, attention and love. you’re not “too needy” or “too sensitive” for wanting to have your emotional and social needs met accordingly.
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Hey, you! You who suspect you might have PTSD, DID or another trauma disorder, but you think you didn't experience trauma "bad enough" to have developed a mental disorder from it? Let me suggest looking at it differently:
"If there's smoke, there's fire"
Do you experience symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, trouble sleeping, flashbacks, memory problems, dissociation, ect? Then yes, it was "bad enough". Maybe you don't remember anything "really bad" happening or you don't "feel like" it affects you, but listen to your body. The body remembers and the body doesn't care if you think it is "stupid" or "weak" to have a panic attack when someone touches you or that you still have nightmares about that thing you saw when you were 4 years old
Trauma isn't what happened. Trauma is the reaction to what happened. So what I'm trying to say is that if the reason you think you can't have PTSD/DID/OSDD/ect is because you didn't go through anything horrific enough for that, then maybe forget about what happened to you for a moment and just look at the evidence your body and mind are showing. And then, most importantly, be compassionate with yourself. You're going through a lot and it's gonna be okay in the end. Take it easy, okay? <3
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Kind reminder
Your emotions are never anything to be ashamed of
They're yours and they're real, even if they're not always appropriate or rational
Take care of yourself and your emotions-- you still deserve to feel better, regardless of why the emotion is there
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we dont have privileged access to our own intentions. you might say or do something, and only later come to see what you meant by it. you might even need someone else to show you.
i have found this particular reminder endlessly useful in managing my low self-esteem and obsessive thoughts, because i always assume i acted like i did for the most selfish or dangerous reason i can come up with.
fixating on your intentions often relies on an underlying assumption that you are fully transparent to yourself and with love, you are not. for better and worse! being able to admit your fallibility about your self-interpretation also makes you more receptive when reassessing your own behaviour in light of other people’s feelings. and if youre going to fixate on being “responsible”, thats a much more healthy (and actionable) way to so do than assuming the worst
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The silly strikes again!!
Why did the anti-endo howl at the moon?
Oh, you didn't know? Syscourse is turning people into werewolves now.
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i didnt know people were insecure about their eye colour until i came on this website
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I have a very bad headache so not a big post.
Something something “people need to learn the history of syscourse spaces before they start saying something has never happened before.”
Examples:
Asking for proof of doxxing bullshit (2021 iirc)
“There aren’t any endos in the disordered tags, that’s an anti-endo lie” (2015-2020, the OSDD tag was uninhabitable)
“Nobody uses the term traumascum” (that one was before my goddamn time and I’ve been in these spaces for nearly 10 years at this point)
I’m not an expert in syscourse or the happenings but I at least know not to spout bullshit absolutes. Plz understand that the arguments people make about their own experiences probably aren’t bad faith. They’re probably more akin to venting.
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I kind of miss the days when all people knew about DID was Sybil or "oh, that's like that Split movie". I'd rather have someone jokingly compare me to Split than genuinely doubt my condition because of what they've seen on social media.
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