sweettalkingshit
Sweettalkingshit
I am just human.
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I've just had the strangest experience.
Yeah, it's about live streaming, I thought people on this one platform was very rude, oh boi was I so wrong because there are many that ruder than ever.
It's not that I am appreciated by it, but it's more like.. Somehow disgusted and can't believe love anymore. It's only lust and if you're a woman you only good when you committed to this one person giving all your body and love, but if you do that to others you're a whore. Instead, if man can get many women as he wants and keep them happy, he's a hero somehow.
Since I don't believe in religion anymore, it really does not make any sense to being loyal just because god told you so. I was always loyal, but my former religion always gave more benefit to man than woman, I think every religion does that to some extent.
It's like religion put man above woman, yeah we're even the second creatures created just so adam didn't get bored to death living in paradise when god said it's the happiest place of all... I can't just fathom it right now. My perspective has changed a lot and I hate myself for that because right now I feel so vulnerable and can't stand for myself.
I wish I could...back then I just waste all my "talents" away because it's all my former god despise. I am nothing and I am just a burden. My father sure right that having son is always better than having girl when your purpose is only to give birth and make your husband happy.
I am not happy. At all. It's sickening these hate when you're just trying your best not to offend anybody but being a girl just like a mistake already. Fuck em all.
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I can’t talk about it anymore.
maybe it’s nice when you can keep your dreams small. when you never be anything so you don’t have the pressure to make everyone happy and just to be yourself but you can’t because back then you’ve been excel on everyone expectations and being so “good” while wondering what you truly want to do and you can’t really do what you what to do because it against all the so called “good” in their eyes.
and now you can just sit here like a failure, wondering if you weren’t that good back then you don’t have to disappoint anyone.
like me disappointed on my own childish grammar that I don’t have much time to watching all the series anymore and now I am sound stupid because English isn’t my first language.
but you get it, maybe.
don’t find me. i am tired. sometimes I wonder why I still here anyway.
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I got tired of waiting, wondering if you'll ever coming around. My faith in you was completely fading now.
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“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you do not have. Remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.”
I need help. To brake all this lonely spending just because they give me temporary happiness and now I am now in a long term mess.
Sam, you're heartless. Yeah you are I feel like charcoal thanks.
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Mind blowing... Guys I've jus watched Midnight Mass and on the entire show I just can't believe how's dogma can really makes you blind and just believing all monstrous bullshit as a salvation.
It's good leaving it all behind for me, I am not saying it's for everyone because truth to be told that is fuckin lonely and sometimes collective minds really help to connect with others on some level but not enough to make all of us going to this so sweet different description of heaven in every religion.
Sorry. I miss you.
V,d,r and me.
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BACK TO YOU
aku merindukanmu, mungkin lebih tepatnya ide tentangmu karena kamu yang sekarang sama sekali aku tak mengenalinya.
aku selalu saja begini, mengawali semua tulisan dengan kata ganti orang pertama- terlihat sangat egois ya begitulah adanya. kau membuatku mengerti tentang arti berbagi dan sekarang kau berada di perjalanan hidupmu untuk menemukan “aku”mu sendiri.
aku tak bisa marah, karena akupun terlepas dari infatuasiku atau ya katakanlah cinta, di akhir perjalanan aku pasti lebih memilih aku sendiri, karena yang aku tahu diriku tak akan bisa berlari menghindar meskipun aku telah berusaha sekuat tenaga tapi orang lain yang katanya peduli belum tentu akan ada di sisimu selamanya, terlebih saat mereka menggenggam alter-ego dan gagasan pribadi tentang sesuatu di hatinya yang mereka yakin benar adanya.
ah, ngga jelas ruwet haha lama ngga nulis jadi kaya gini bukannya kemajuan malah kemunduran sekarang.
kepalaku pusing, meskipun jujur disela-sela waktu aku selalu terpikir tentangmu. kegilaan lalu kehampaan menyelimuti hatiku kembali.
cinta platonik. for someone who crave for emotional intimacy rather than physical ones, this is my hell. I can always satisfy myself, but my heart sometimes longing for a company not always, because too much companionship also another hell for me as I am also need time to myself. I am selfish baby, I know and now you’re on your way to find yourself,
but I don’t hope you come back because it means that I don’t accept you as you are now. I just hope that you understand if I did truly care for you back then because if I am not, I would never open up about myself or being annoyingly silly to you all the time, clingy because I am very much independent. I just being fragile and mad in front of people that I can trust.
now that you broke it, I don’t even know when will I trust anyone ever again.
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Fun fact about me : I mostly talk with my pillow while I am on my bed and kiss it so dearly imagining it was fuckin you, the idea of you, the version of you whom talking sweetly to me back then.
I don't think I can stop this habit. I feel so lonely if I don't talk to your imaginary version, lol it was always ren back then. Ren is my imaginary lover since I was kid, now that I take his name, or her name... English duh needs neutral pronoun but singular ones, too complicated just say it's him
Ren never come again, he's maybe jealous because my pillow's name changes depending on whom I am finally be able to love but they're already fuckin done with me.
Ugh. Ren come back! Hey but I am ren, yeah my pretty fake name. Sorry
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Film tentang gucci membuatku emosi.
Haha gajelas, nangis gajelas. Kalo orang udah cinta emang gitu sih kalo masih anget pertengkaran juga meluap-luap emosi, sayang juga gitu tapi lama-lama pasti bakalan hilang.
Gada yang abadi, sama sekali.
Takut nulis bindo dibully tapi bahasa inggris semakin amburadul lol padahal yang baca entri ini juga cm gue kali lagian kalo dibully udah biasa, resiko sering punya pemikiran sendiri yang beda dari pemikiran kelompok. Padahal aslinya ya pasti ada aja kelompok yang sepemikiran sama lo cuma mungkin ngga deket.. Jauh, jauh banget jadinya lo berasa sendiri.
Makanya dulu orang pasti gaberani menentang kelompoknya nanti ga punya teman, salah-salah bisa dihabisi.. Kalo sekarang berteman sih bisa dari internet walaupun jauh tapi ya resiko sih tetep kesepian kadang... Dan palingan cuma bertahan bentar? Ini masalah klasik gue sih
Gampang berteman tapi ga mempertahankannya, percuma karena manusia juga berubah. Jangan mempermalukan dirimu sendiri kata si Mauruzio argh menohok banget ya jelas elu udah ena enak move on sama yang lain lah si patricia masih cinta meskipun ya kaya gt mirip deh sama kisah gue, semua kisah gue kayanya soalnya ya begitu gue asli ga bisa suka duluan karena gue ga gampang percayaan eh pas udah mulai percaya mereka mulai muak sama gue karena gue nyebelin?
Lah lo kemana aja pas lo suka emang bucin kali kadi ga keliatan. Yaudahlah kaya gini gue cuma bisa nangis
Wkwk tapi habis itu ketawa lagi karena kalo gue terlalu ditempelin juga risih.. Tapi kalo ditinggalin selama-lamanya kan gue juga belum mati kali kejem banget emang.
Ribet lah pengen sayang-sayangan tapi tetep berboundary gak all in, banyak zonknya capek kali patah hati bosen gue. Infatuation fading in and out ya emang bener makanya enak berperasaan sekucupnya... Gue dulu udah gt ya jelas gue belum suka pas sekarang gue suka rasanya pahit lah dia udah capek, udah di blok guanya wkwk.
Shiiittttt. Tunggu 10 tahun lagi, semoga gue ga panjang umur... Lah? Ya terserah gue lah udah dibilang gue emang suka berpikiran berbeda. Baru seperempat abad aja capek banget, gila oramg hidup seabad apa ga bosen 🌞
Tidur... Karena kalo gue omongin yang lain banyak ngerinya disini haha.
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I am sick. I burnt my calves. Stupid and my English getting sucks because I don't have time to swarming around on netflix anymore 😂.
I am 🇮🇩 there are a lot of things I love about here but mostly I despise because there's not many room to be opposition, it's not safe. Lol
I don't miss them anymore, my old friends my memories.
I am too old to sob about broken hearted story, I think I am getting numb with all those empty promises.
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It's cold...
I wish I could hug him right here right now...
Ahhh stop dreaming it hurts.
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New year again... With same kinda of shit going on with my life.
Hahah.
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I am kinda sick.
I don't know what happened maybe omicorn I need it without the omi of course.
Hey... Don't be so rough with yourself! You can do it babe.
Maybe....
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Here we go again, December
Two years ago... i fell in love with this dude. He's my middle school friend. It was okay but I don't believe in him because he's never taken any interest on me before.. And truth to be told.. He's interested on me just because he thought I hold the same opinion about something and he's on journey to forget his own broken heart.. Which I didn't know anything unless I stalk it. Lol sorry but it's just messed up.
It's not love. More like lust and lonely... Passion and anger. But the complicated things happened. My crush since high school is on vulnerable state and I kid you not.. I used to love this fella so much more like a friendhate situation than lovehate.. I mean we pretty much similar.. Weird and not fit in the box but we still have different shapes and sometimes it's just not very good situation back then
He used to like me first or so I thought... That's what happened with all my love story. It's rare.. Almost never have I taken interest first... Because I am very skeptical about love. Then I thought they're just playing games with me because I am lonely and so did them.
Pardon my English. Okay I am still learning and always. It's not my first language as you can clearly see.
Then I made very big mistake that until now I still thinking about it sometimes... Whenever I am with my high school crush I told about this middle school friend.. And so the opposite. But I don't feel any guilt because deep down I know they're also playing my heart too.
I mean they both having a girl but they're always come to me when I am sad. I am the second option.
Then I have the bravery to left them.. And left all my past.. I know it's sound cowardice but I also need peace on my life.. I can't keep hoping for false feeling. Aren't I?
It's just December always make me emotional... Many goodbyes happen on this month.. Now O am grieving for my best friend.. Nah she's not died but I am dead to her.
Mind you own business. Mostly people said that to me.. Because I was too caring and loving back then lol. Now, i am still caring and loving.. But more to myself.
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Being human is hard... Just being human without judge person based on their religion, race or anything else.
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