literally have not opened up tumblr in years but now that i don't think anyone i know irl has either, it might be the perfect time to use this as a lil online diary again?? i just need to let something out bc it's going to bother me if i don't! and posting shit on private/on my finsta isn't as satisfying but anyway - you know how in fanfiction, the girl goes to a concert, enjoys the show, and then afterwards, she AcCiDeNtAlLy runs into a band member or a band member goes up to her or WHATEVER the fuck? and they hang out and even flirt a little maybe? and you read those things like "no fucking way" bc why would that ever happen??

well! it happened to me! i was in such disbelief because it was literally out of a fanfiction. went to a show, went to buy merch after from one of the opening bands that i hadn't gotten merch from yet, only because i was cold and hadn't brought a jacket and we were gonna be walking to a pizza place after. had absolutely no intention of meeting any band members bc it was a band that i liked, but not a band i really followed on social media or even watched music videos of or anything and i really only knew what the lead singer looked like. i didn't know any names either! so imagine my surprise when i'm waiting in what i thought was a line to buy merch, and the guy in front of me turns around and apologizes for blocking the way of his own merch booth. i literally had no clue who this dude was. but then he started talking to me and asking me if i enjoyed the show and i slowly started to realize that this guy is IN the band lmao but it didn't change the way i talked or acted (aka didn't make me nervous when it usually does) bc he was so nice and down to earth and it didn't feel like he felt he was above me in any sort of way, and it truly felt like he WANTED to talk to me. he even stopped his conversation with another person to talk to me lol so i got my merch and was about to just dip, but he stopped mid-conversation with someone AGAIN to stop me and thank me before i left. after i left, my group went and got food and ended up running into him again. thought he'd just do another casual hello or something but he pulled out the seat directly in front of me and we were chillin and talking for a bit while he waited for his food. the weirdest night of my life.

i guess it's just nice to know that these things actually do happen in real life. i always thought "no fuckin way!" but it happened to me! i mean nothing came out of it, but still! a nice lil boost of confidence never hurt

#then a DORK caught my eye

Sebastian Stan photographed by Dennis Leupold for GQ Romania

4:19 am and all i can think about is how absolutely CRUSHED i was when my high school crush test drove his promposal to another girl...on ME. the boy was in a ceramics class i think? and he made a little ceramic heart with the word “prom?” on it. he and i were pretty close friends i guess. idk. so he handed it to me in one of my classes with zero context. of course i’m there, shook to the max, no idea how to react as he looked at me smiling. my heart was beating a thousand times a minute. “...huh?” i ask. and he laughs in my face and says “yeah that’s how i’m gonna ask ____! is it bad? should i do something else?” CRUSHED. i literally had nothing to say - i didn’t know WHAT to say. so i shrugged as he continued to contemplate on how to ask her. i tried to hand the little heart back, but he told me to keep it. i don’t know where it is at the moment, but i know i still have it, because i’m a hoarder of things and feelings. it’s funny looking back now, but damn did that hurt in the moment. lol as if i ever thought he’d ask me though, right? he was way too cool and i was always a dweeb. a friend of mine always makes fun of me for segregating the “cool” kids from back in high school (she says her high school didn’t have cliques, but i always felt like mine had them deep down under the “everyone knows and likes each other” façade) from everyone else, but this guy was definitely a cool kid. a bad boy. and there i was, lil miss goody two shoes, thinking the promposal was actually for me. hilarious. well now i’m mad because i’m realizing that all my high school life blurbs always sound like snippets from YA novels that just stayed snippets. i never got the full deal lol

I lost it at “2 bread”

Me: hm 2am maybe i should sleep

My brain: you know what, i don’t think your life’s going as well as you think it is. Maybe we should do a bit of overthinking before bed

July 8, 2015

do you have those memories that are really cringey and you never speak of and something triggers the memory and you want to fucking wash your brain out with bleach

he’s so damn lovely