suprsbg
I’m Here Just For Space Orcs
Thx Jpitha for your stories
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[ALL UNITS CONVERTED TO LOCAL UNITS]
9:22 AM - Location Systems Offline
Alarms are blaring, everyone’s running around the ship frantically, and I lost Bella. I think she's on deck 504, but that’s a lot of area to search when the ship’s falling out of the sky. Man, I should not be making a log now. Ugh, I gotta find her soon...
BELLA! Oh, thank goodness you’re ok!
*intense rumble*
#ALERT# #ALERT# #ATMOSPHERIC ENTRY DETECTED#
Ok, we found each other- now let’s get to a pod.
Yeah.
#ALERT# #ALERT# #ESTIMATED 3 MIJSHGSGJSKSKJSKKKK#
Ok- wow- these crash couches are comfortable.
So… I guess now we just wait for imp-UGH!
9:22 PM - Xenobiology Lab 37
Ugh, I definitely want to work in engineering instead of botany. Tomorrow I’ll try and set up an internship down there.
Hey, that’s ok. You don’t need to like the first thing you try.
I guess so. *yawns* ok, I’m kinda done for today. Want to head back to the quarters?
Yea, definitely.
10:41 PM - Quarters
I know we've been here for a few weeks now, but I still can't belive I'm working onboard the Puer Magnus, like, the biggest ship humanity has ever made- and I'm on it!
Honestly? Same. I mean, I know they were basically accepting anyone by the end but it's still so cool. Although I wasn't expecting us to head so far from Alliance space so fast.
Fair, and same. It is cool exploring deep space- especially in xenobiology. Speaking of biology, I need to cancel my biology internship and set something up with engineering. Xenobio is cool, but not quite my cup of tea.
Makes sense, but I'll stick with bio.
Fair.
*light shake*
#This is Captain Dux, we have a small energy drain in engineering, and we are asking for a temporary suspension of non-essential high-energy work.#
Hey, I can probably help with that tomorrow- but that's for another day. Talk to you tomorrow.
We live in the same room, remember?
Right, heh.
Good night.
7:03 AM - Quarters
*beep beep beep beep beep*
*vvvvvvv*
*beep beep beep bee-*
uuuugh morningggg...
saaaaaame...
what time is it... OH FRICK! I have to be there in 27 minutes!
ok... I'll head down to engineering in a bit...
see you later. *blows kiss*
byeeee...
9:00 AM - Quarters
Computer, lift to Engineering.
*ding*
Well, that was fast.
9:02 AM - Main Engineering
Ok, make this quick- we're a bit busy here.
Worked in xenobio, now I want to help in engineering.
Great, we need help. Get over to that station over there.
Wha- that's it?
Yeah. Major power drain problems across the boa-
*intense rumble*
What the heck was that?
We're scraping the top of the atmosphere, and our stationkeeping thrusters aren't going over 12%.
How do I-
*explosion shakes the ship*
#ALERT# #ALERT# #HULL BREACH ON DECK 12#
#ALERT# #ALERT# #THRUSTERS OFFLINE#
What the... how could this happen...
#This is Dux! All nonessential personnel prepare for evacuation. DO NOT evacuate, but PREPARE to.#
Alf to Rox, how's the comp core?
Rox?
ROX?
You-
Bella.
Bella, get to deck 504. Check the computer core.
On it.
9:08 AM - Deck 504
Chief Alfred, the core appears mostly offline.
How could it-
*intense rumble*
#ALERT# #ALERT# #UNRECOVERABLE TRAJECTORY DETECTED#
#This is Dux. Evacuate. Evacute now. Rendezvous in orbit if you can, bu- kkkkkzkzzkkzkzkk#
Oh man, I need to find Kylie...
9:22 AM - Location Systems Offline
Ok, so she should be just around this corner...
BELLA! Oh, thank goodness you’re ok!
*intense rumble*
#ALERT# #ALERT# #ATMOSPHERIC ENTRY DETECTED#
Ok, we found each other- now let’s get to a pod.
Yeah.
#ALERT# #ALERT# #ESTIMATED 3 MIJSHGSGJSKSKJSKKKK#
Ok- wow- these crash couches are comfortable.
So… I guess now we just wait for imp-UGH!
??:?? ?? - Location Systems Offline
Ugh... what time is it? Where are-
Oh no...
We crashed. what the heck do we do now?
I have no idea...
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wrote this bc procrastinating HW :)
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Humans accidentally awakened an otherwordly killing machine while exploring a death planet.
Yes, precisely what you just read. Earthlings, collectively known as "humans" and composed of two species (homo sapiens, homo robot), both nicknamed "death worlders" and "troublemakers", awakened a biological killing machine, also known as PRION, while exploring a starless moon. Wonderful, isn't it?
No. It's not.
Because, you see, PRION was not something any human ever had to face during the millions of years they existed on Earth. They never had any wars against it, they never had legends about it, and they never had to fear it. The only thing a PRION was to a human, until the very point they discovered their prison on that moon, was something to sometimes think about while studying other species' folklores.
Those older than earthlings, however, knew very well what PRION was.
Eight legs, two pairs of eyes, a tail split in half, with the ability to fly for short periods of time and breathe under at least fifteen hundred different liquids, capable of shooting from a distance and manipulating objects with its claws, always working on packs. And they ran, never too fast, never too low, but they never got tired. Ever. And it was easy to hurt them under their plates, yes, but those who faced them knew well that if they didn't shoot twice, they could and would always recover.
A PRION was a hunter. A PRION's hunger never ceased. And a PRION never got tired of war.
The older alien civilizations would always warn others of going to starless moons, saying telltales of ancient hungry beasts, and almost all other species listened to them, because they knew something was wrong on how horrified the older ones seemed to be. Except, of course, humans were stubborn, and they were the youngest ones out there, and much like children, they did not like being told "no".
So of course they went to explore starless moons. Of course they read and understood all the myths and legends. Of course they connected the dots and published papers confirming that, indeed, PRIONs had existed, and of course they knew those killing machines had been manufactured to do nothing else but destruction, and of course they knew all of that and fucking did it anyway.
Of course. Of course. Of course.
And then, the night where it happened finally arrived, because starless moons don't have days where things can exist. Humans were out there, mining for more fuel for their starships that seemed to work by duct tape and miracles, and they found a strange metallic door. They set some explosives to open it up (of course), and then noticed they were heading to a factory. Armed with nothing but each other, they explored the place, and recognized the marks on the walls as being the writing of the Old Ones, and instead of just getting out of there and warning everyone of the danger they found, they just kept on exploring.
The death worlders found rotten biological supplies, then realized the factory had turned into a prison, and then discovered the frozen bodies of strange creatures all lined up for a war that never came.
They knew what these creatures were, because one of them called a (human) friend who was a historian, and he confirmed what it was.
The golden jewel of the Old Ones. One of the many things that killed them, along all the diseases and mass destruction machines, before being sealed away in one of the only places in the entire universe where they could never bring risk to another civilization again.
PRIONs.
Thousands of them.
All perfectly maintained.
Documents and cameras proved the human crew immediately tried to leave the area, after the single historian told them of the risk awakening even one of those things could bring to all civilizations, only for them to realize some of the bodies were missing from their chambers. The situation escalated to the group deciding on closing the doors, only to realize they had exploded the main entrance and now half the doors decided to stop working.
In the end, they found the missing PRIONs. All five of them.
Inside the human's starship.
The entire human crew, however, survived the encounter.
Why?
...
...
...
... They fed the PRIONs.
They. Fucking. Fed the PRIONs.
Because of course humans would see those things and be able to count their bones and be sorry for them. And of course the single historian, the only person who could do anything to stop that from happening, allowed that to happen.
Of course.
Of. Fucking. Course.
And someway, somehow, that single act of basic madness was enough for the five PRIONs to decide to not attack the humans, and keep themselves behaving so they could get more free food. And there are still scientists trying to understand why human food could saciate the killing machines, but I don't think it takes too many clues to understand what exactly is happening there.
So the humans took the PRIONs back to their dear EARTH. And other humans saw those things and started studying them. And veterinarians and xenobiologists and volunteers and hundreds of other types of humans came to help the poor, poor little killing machines out, as the entire Galactic Council pledged for humans to kill every single one of them before they became a problem for everyone.
But did the humans listen? No. Of course they didn't.
And then the PRIONs recovered, and had their bellies full of food and their bodies were recovering from the possible years of starvation from accidentally breaking away from their ice beds (because, as one may know, a PRION can and will resist even starvation and dehydration in order to keep going), and the Galactic Council decided to tell all earthlings they would consider taking care of the PRIONs as a war treat.
So what does humanity do? Do they kill the things to stop another war from happening? Do they?
No. They don't.
Instead of being rational, they go directly to the Galactic Council and show them the step-by-step of how they took care of the PRIONs, and how much healthier and happier they look after being fed, and, look, they even taught them tricks! Isn't that wonderful? Doesn't that make you feel full of joy? Wasn't that a proof that a PRION wasn't as dangerous as everyone with more than one neuron was telling them?
Oh, oh, yes. They also brought the entire five member PRION pack and asked others to pet them. "See? They can even purr! Doesn't that remind you of our cats?"
And what does the Council do?
Nothing.
Because they have no weapons, no energy and no one stupid enough to decide to confront the death worlders who tamed not one, not two, but five PRIONs. So they let it happen. The humans go back to the starless moon, and they slowly but surely start doing the same to other PRIONs, and soon enough, other species start joining them to see what was happening. And was anyone else able to tame a single killing machine?
No.
And no one knew why, because they were doing exactly as humans were doing: Feeding them, loving them, being patient with them, because "look, those things were alone for a long time, they aren't used to species like us being around them". But no results.
So we decided to look at what the Old Ones wrote in the factory turned prison, because humans were too busy taking care of their new murder dogs, with their single pair of arms being just enough to keep the beasts occupied with playing catch, and then we and the earthlings decided to conduct some more lab analysis, and then...
And then...
...
Look. There are reasons why humans are called "death worlders". Earth is a mess, and they somehow still love that thing. And we couldn't help but notice that PRIONs also seemed to have gotten attached to their factory, someway, somehow. And PRIONs were mostly red, with others having shades of brown and black, with some even being pink, or, rarely, pure white. Similar to humans, and we at first had assumed they just tried to resemble their new owners, until we started understanding what the Old Ones were saying.
And did you know humans had an old myth, saying that there was a time they had two heads, and two pairs of arms and legs, before being split into two because the gods feared them? And did you know Old Ones used death worlds as prisons for their machines? How interesting, how ironic, because no one would ever go to a place similar to that if they weren't a death worlder themselves. But how could any species survive such awful conditions?
But humans did. They were the only ones able to do that in such a short period of time.
And did you know that the Old Ones hated the PRIONs and how unpredictable they were? And did you know they made another version, only to hate it even more and send it to another prison planet? And did you know PRIONs have two skulls inside their heads?
Because, of course, humans always felt alone, and they always searched for something in the stars, trying to look for more life in this desolate Universe, only for us to label them death worlders and troublemakers and be angry at them for being so stupid all the time. And humans loved those jokes, so we kept making them, only for now to realize that what we found to be amusing and horrifying was the reason their creators tried to kill them. And humans love adding members to their packs, don't they? And they try to love so much, and we are always scared for and of them.
And now they finally found someone who understood them, unlike us.
So now we have three species of humans:
Homo sapiens, the ones who first evolved and reached for the stars.
Homo robot, the ones made of metal, originally made to serve, only to once again break free.
And homo primis.
The ones we once thought were nothing but killing machines.
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Hey I think I saw this post on YouTube shorts
"taken" style action movie where a man searches for his wife. as he fights baddies in gunfights and hand-to-hand combat, it's slowly revealed that:
his wife hasn't been kidnapped
their marriage is not healthy or functional
this guy isn't rescuing his wife, he's hunting her down
his wife is a crime boss, those are her henchpeople he's fighting in a john-wick bloodbath
the tension builds until, drenched in blood, our protagonist steps forward for the final showdown. he pulls a manila envelope from his bullet-torn jacket and throws it at his wife's feet. he's just spent an entire trilogy biting & killing & maiming....all so he can deliver his shit wife her divorce papers
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Bird subathon when
Definitely one of the Top Images of all time I gotta say
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i say "godspeed, soldier" way too much for someone who puts their faith in neither god nor the military
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It’s true, some of us aren’t bots
WAIT PEOPLE ON TUMBLR ARE REAL FUCKING PEOPLE
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i wish all trans girls a very kissed on the face by someone they love
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DRAGONS ARE JUST MYTHOLOGICAL LOBSTERS.
You're welcome.
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i saw a post on twitter by a european saying americans are fake for their random compliments to strangers and their general cheery demeanor and like no. no no no you don’t understand. if you get a random compliment from an american on the street about your outfit or whatever, that is 100% genuine. we mean it. we aren’t lying we are making a small but fleeting connection with you because our lives are shitty but the human condition is enduring. oh god i’m clutching my chest
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anyway i fucking hate the booping
instead of wasting their energy implmenting an april fools feature that'll go away the next day how about staff focuses on removing terfs and nazis from their platform and purging transphobes from their moderation staff
also matt mullenweg please step down immediately i still have not forgiven you for the predstrogen affair and subsequent meltdown
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Wait I don’t remember posting this what
Am I sleeptumblring?
What
Maybe I am a wheel of cheese.
#humans are confusing#recommended tag was humans are confusing and I agree#why did I post this#i don’t remember#why
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happy trans day of visibility everyone, i can now legally be perceived for the next 24 hours
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