Papa, i really really really miss you. I want to see you again, hug you, and spend more time with you. Can you go back again? It's so hard.

What's the best life advice?

I don't know either. I'm also confused and a little bit scared🥹.

I guess I have so many thoughts in my head that I couldn't sleep. I just went back from my 6 days vacation in Batangas. We celebrated inay's 76th birthday and it was a blast. I've been anticipating this occasion since January and it finally happened. It was happy and sad at the same time thinking that inay and tatay are both aging so fast. It's a constant thought of mine and will always be one of the scariest things. This kind of celebration is also one of the happiest, we get to celebrate and bond with the entire family. The laughter's, jokes, and all the fun stories were always like a treasure.

I remember when I got home on Thursday, inay greeted me with so many tears because he remembers papa. I wanted to cry with her actually but of course, I needed to hold back. We had sinigang for dinner, the most requested dish of Precious. Ate happily with the entire family, filled the night with laughters, and slept with peace (though I was bitten with so many ants).

The entire vacation was another great memory to remember. The hardest part after all is when I needed to get back already. I travelled early this Monday morning because I need to work later tonight. I can't sleep because my heart is so heavy. I am overthinking almost everything. Papa has been running in my head, I miss him terribly. I miss inay and itay. Get so worried about my siblings and how terrible our situation is. Lastly, I don't want to work anymore.

I hope everything will be bearable again. I don't really want to think about these things. I wanted to rest my mind and just look forward to the family gathering. I hope I'll sleep well after this.

I just finished taking my licensure examination for teachers today. Had so many struggles, sacrifices and money that was spent and I am looking forward to seeing my name on the list of passers 2 months from now. I am already claiming that I will be a licensed professional teacher.

I was just trying to contemplate whether I will be needing to buy the bedding set and then a little voice inside of me said that it will be heavy when I move out. This made me have a rush of thoughts about where I am right now is not permanent. I might end up needing to move out and carry my stuff all alone. I got scared thinking that I have nowhere to go because we don't have our own house. My family is not even in one place where I can just go home whenever I want to. I'm actually in the middle of a life crisis where I need to slowly establish a life for myself. It's no longer a child's play where I can stop and go home when I'm tired and scared.

For this year, I don't have a certain plan for myself. Will I be staying here? Or is there any other kind of life that's waiting for me? Everything seems so blurry and scary. I just wish that similar to what happened to my life last year, I'll have another surprise from God once again. Lead me to the place where I should be.

Started my first day of LET review and I'm really proud of myself. After my work at 7am I rushed to the bus station hoping to be on time on the 8 am review. It wasn't easy and nerve wrecking hence I still survived. When I came, it was not yet starting so I felt at ease. Happy for the friend who will save a sear for you. I settled down fine and review finally started. I was thinking if I need the right thing but then I thought I should really make sacrifices and hard efforts to be certain that I will achieve my goal of being a licensed teacher. Surely the success will be sweeter too since I am having real time hardship. I finished the review without sleeping in the hall. Got to learn and become satisfied with my score in the drill. I hope I'll get better next time but it's a great start. Cheers to the next weeks of this review, cheers for my license. Aja, goodluck 🫶

It's the beginning of the year. I feel like I have a lot of things to achieve and to work on.

I know that this could be a tough and long journey once again but from the reminder of last year, everything happens for a reason. There could be a moment where you fail but remember that those are just God's way of telling you "that's not for you" or "this is not yet the perfect timing". Work hard and always have a genuine heart. If you truly want to achieve something, work and pray for it, if it's meant for you, that will be yours, certainly!

Knowing how to make sacrifices also contributes to having a more heartfelt success. It's like tasting all the sweetness after all the bitterness. So for this year, if you truly want to achieve a goal, make sure to have a fair share of sacrifices, don't be petty. Work hard for it. In addition, one of the prominent things that you should work on is your license. I know that what you're gonna face toward that achievement can wear you out, you can cry, and you may question yourself at some point, hence, just right now, I want to congratulate you already. Big hugs and just be happy knowing that this journey will be another remarkable milestone of yours. After getting your license, I think you should also work on honing your path towards the life that you really want for yourself, the stable career. Take things slow and certain. Fighting!

For 2023, I am very grateful and happy that I am able to achieve all things that I never imagined that I could. I had the opportunity to finish my internship and demo. I GOT MY DEGREE, Y'ALL. I moved out and became an INDEPENDENT GURL. I got my place, paid my rent, bills and food. I am earning more than I should be and somehow, I am able to buy the things that I want. One of the highlights of this year as well is I get to give some money to ninang and inay and they have the same reaction. I wasn't ready for the tears but I am happy. Papa is missing out a lot especially the comfort that I can offer but hopefully, he is in a better place right now, happily watching above. This year is also his first death anniversary, one of the tormenting event in our lives. Got to celebrate Christmas and new year without him for the second time and we all still have the what if's. We are moving on and still suppressing all the pain but getting better. So for everything that I will work on for this year, surely, I'll always think that papa is just beside me, cheering me on. I also know that he is the greatest reason why I was able to survive this year, every time I am alone, I am just thinking that he is with me, walking with me and comforting me every time everything feels heavy. Lastly, I celebrate the new year with my siblings and I feel like we are all closer. Looking forward to spoiling them.

I achieved a lot last year and certainly, I will be better for 2024.

I just started this to-do list and I hope I'll have a more organized life. I'll be a Licensed Professional Teacher with just one take on board exam.

Just wanna share how happy I am at work. I don't know if I'm just really good at adapting or my environment is just indeed perfect. I am happy with my workmates, with my bosses, the management, and I think, even with the salary. Thanks God for fulfilling my wish to have a great working environment. I can function, enjoy and still become excited while working. I hope this feeling will never vanish.

Papa, I miss you. Thank you for always visiting me on my dreams and reminding me how it feels like to be with you.

Time really flies so fast, now, we are about to celebrate your 56th birthday. I hope you are here to get drunk and dance along with your friends. I wanted to see you again getting busy for the preparation of your birthday. I just really hope that you are still here just so we could celebrate better and I can treat you with anything using my salary. I missed a lot of chances. I never thought that I would miss a lot of opportunities because I thought we would all be together for a long time. I have so many regrets, honestly.

Your death anniversary is also approaching. I think, I can't make it but I'll really come and visit you this time. Wait for me.

First time receiving calls. It was certainly scary at first, I had my share of mad customers but it doesn't really affect me. It was such a fun experience, I am making great progress and in fact, I was applauded for maintaining the required aht whereas not everyone, even those who had an experience was able to achieve it.

I can say that my first day is far better than my expectations. I look forward to seeing a better performance of myself. I hope to maintain the applause that I received today.

Currently on my second week of training. Everything seems fast but it was exciting, a little scary but I know I'm ready for everything that is about to come.

I was really excited when I got my first atm card and today, I got my first salary. It may not be much yet but considering the fact that I am now paying for my bills and shouldering a lot of expenses I realized that I am truly an adult now. I am also happy and I feel great knowing that I can contribute to Papa's death anniversary expenses.

I think I am ready for adulthood, I can cope well with every situation so long as I am surrounded with great people. All in all, I enjoy the life that I currently have. I just hope that whatever is coming, I'll learn from it.

Papa, I know you're proud of me. Just watch me there conquer the things and places where God is leading me to. Rest well and achieve all sorts of happiness. I super miss you and I love you. Guide me everyday and be with me whenever I feel lonely.

Today is another first time but unlike the other company I can feel that I totally belong here. I experienced and learned a lot of things from our orientation. I've seen how far better it is when you are part of a more systematic, organized, and well-established organization. I felt the security that I will certainly learn a lot from here. I met another set of people and I am amazed that I wasn't shy to approach people because usually I would really be very very scared and timid in a new environment. I got to "kalabit" strangers, said "hi" and asked their trait and name. I was not even hesitant when I voluntarily spoke and share my ideas during the group activity. I get along with people. I was not awkward and just a little shy. I think, I am being comfortable and challenged here and probably that's a good take for my development.

During the meeting and another contract signing, I met my workmates. They all seem so professional, competent, and serious in life which made me think that probably the environment will really really pressure me. But then, I already told myself not to get afraid of failing and having mistakes. After all the struggles that I have faced I certainly learned a lot of life lessons about it.

Let's not complicate things by thinking too far and creating all sorts of what if inside your head. Just let things unfold on its own, embrace the consequences, laugh about it, learn and tell a great story to inspire others. Every journey is certainly filled with rocky roads but holding on and having the patience and strength will certainly help you to reach a goal. I hope that even though the journey is hard, I'll survive and get to travel continuously. Mabagal man ang usad ay makakarating din sa paroroonan.

Congrats, Gurl. Go and make a lot of great experiences 🥳.

Adulting 101

The moment you remove the veil of being a student opens another chapter of your life. It's the moment of blurry visions and vague steps that you have to take because you feel like everyone around you is in a hurry and you have to go along with them too. You may say that you finish a degree therefore it is not really hard to get yourself a job. But as days pass by and you are left with nothing but your thoughts, you will start to realize that indeed life after school is terrifying. You don't know where to go or what path to take. You question your capabilities, your choices in life, and even God himself for putting you in such an agonizing situation.

This gap, this moment of being troubled about your next move in life could just be level 1. It's more of your decisions in life, knowing what you want and which step to take. It's hard because there is actually no tutorial or lesson at school about this preliminary journey. This is also when you will start comparing yourself with others. You will see that some of your batch mates and friends are already getting their first job. They are earning and most importantly, you will envy them because they already realized what they wanted in life. They already get to see the direction that they wanted for themselves but you, you are still in the middle of crisis, stressed and confused about everything.

I hope you will pass this journey filled with realization, lessons, and great memories that you can share. Just think about it as soon-to-be great story that you will tell. You don't know, maybe you can inspire too.

I just overcame another fear.

I feel so heartbroken from all the wrong decisions that I've made. I thought of these things long and hard and still, they backfired on me. Please Lord, let me correct them all. Give me the chance to stand on my feet and pursue the things that I want.

Things are getting harder and way more complicated.