when you forget your backpack

being an ant would fucking suck. there’s an animal called an anteater, that’s not even like a nickname.

A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.

me talking to kids half my age: dude you’re so rad and wise. teach me your ways. we’re bros. i’d let you lead me into battle any day.

me talking to kids one (1) year younger than me: a baby. such a small child. you understand nothing. tiny small young baby child.

*looks in a mirror* you again

Facebook ads : Here is an advertisement about 15% sale on fancy boots which ou were JUST thinking of buying yesterday and HERE is an advertisement about fancy curtains bc you were talking to your friend on your phone about you you need to replace your old ones :)  

Tumblr Ads : INVEST TODAY IN IGLOOS IN ANTRACTICA AND GET A PARKA FREE !! THESE Slugs ARE for you !! Buy them !! AMAZING ideas about things you can do with your old contact lenses after retirement !! Do you have an itch on your left nipple ?? HERE are some rare herbs available in russia which can INSTANTLY cure it !! 

male fragility

How I’m going through 2019:

Bring back the phase of society where having your tiddies all the way out was fine but showing ankle flesh was scandalous

Banksy Painting Spontaneously Shreds Moments After Selling for $1.3 Million at Sotheby’s

You know what? Take my fucking soul Fenty.