Imagining the various ways Batman and Brucie intersect from Jim Gordon’s POV and the funniest one my brain can come up with is:

Batman, examining the crime scene: “…you can’t do cocaine like that.”

Jim Gordon: “Wait. You can’t?”

Batman: “It’s not — if you try to inhale it like he did, you’d choke. But you wouldn’t die. Not even if it was laced with something.”

Jim Gordon, peering over his shoulder: “Uh huh.”

Batman:

Jim Gordon:

Batman:

Jim Gordon: “Why do you know so much about how to do coke?”

“people in the JL hate Batman because he’s so strict” nah. people in the JL hate Batman because all of their sidekicks wanna hang out and train with the batfamily and come home asking questions like “so when are you going to get a plane?” and “why don’t you know how to do [complex judo move]?”

hey, can we talk for a second? it’s about your girlfriend. yeah, she’s great. no, yeah, I agree. It’s just that… she seems really devoted to you? Like really devoted. Almost as if you were the sole, fragile line mooring her to the shores of humanity. No, that’s not romant—ugh. Listen. Me and the girls, we’re worried you might be the last good thing to happen to her and that were some tragedy to inevitably befall you, she would tear the gods from their thrones and dye the infinite western seas wine-dark with their ichor. Do you think you could introduce her to a new hobby or something? we don’t want to have to argue over what color “wine-dark” is supposed to be

Batman and Superman talking while their kids (hang out/fight/whatever) simultaneously has the same energy as two dads meeting up at a football pre game but ALSO the same energy as two exhausted generals running into each other in the break room of like, the White House after a near-disaster/nuclear event.

Those two guys are in charge of the entire planet. But they’re also so freaking tired, and their kid won’t stop bothering the other kid, and fuck, is that Wonder Woman comming them again—

in love with the way in some superbat fics Clark sees Bruce and his Kryptonian instincts immediately say “mate.” not in an a/b/o way, just a “that is a highly qualified, strong, healthy provider/parent” way. Bruce ticks ALL of those weird little alien boxes Clark didn’t know he had.

Source video

Please reblog and share.

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

A pleasant surprise.

full offense but none of you would have ever survived fanfiction.net in 2009

i hate high-budget star trek you have no business with that. put a unicorn hat on a cocker spaniel. wear felt

Batman secret identity reveal but it’s just someone coming across Bruce after a rough patrol and they put the bruises + the armor together and reassure him that “You don’t have to do this, Mr. Wayne, I’m sure Batman has Gotham handled.”

Like even faced with outright evidence that Bruce is Batman they’re just like “Don’t worry buddy! Batman definitely appreciates the help. Let’s get some ice on that cut. Did you run into a wall or something?”

Bruce Wayne is so much stronger than me, because if I was him I would walk straight up to Lex Luthor at a fundraiser, lean down, and whisper you want to fuck Superman so bad it makes you look stupid in his ear before flitting away with zero context.

I think it's cool to make people not suspect Clark Kent is Superman because of many reasons including the concept that they have WILDLY different personalities. While I can respect and appreciate the Christopher Reeves route of making Clark dopey and bumbling and kind of foolish seeming a la a mix of Columbo and Cary Grant, I'd go a different direction. I think I'd make Superman the embodiment of a nice young lad who'd never hurt a fly and never say a word worse than shucks while Clark is a cunt.

There also needs to be a button for “this is the 5000th time I’ve read your fic because I’m having a horrible day and this is the only thing in the world that always brings me happiness.”

This really makes the Studios costing themselves even more money (and getting more unions involved) by prolonging the strike for the promise of free ai labor even more fucking funny. you dumb fucking bastards lol

i think that the "i do not control the ____" memes are generally tame and do not lend enough credence to the genuine absurdity of the original line that is