Dystychiphobia (n.) - the fear of hurting someone
Synopsis: The side-effects of the SEP program and Reaper's poor impulse control make for a very dangerous mixture.
Warnings: Angst, Cussing, Self-Loathing, Alcohol, Smut, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Dirty Talk
Notes: Talon Researcher! Reader, Slow Burn, Size Difference
Words: 7200, got a little carried away.
"Calm me down with your caress
I'll get off while I watch you undress
Maybe the sex will help me to forget
A precious, transient, schizophrenic bliss
Oh, my god, you're beautiful
Why do you stay with this neurotic fool?
I've lost control, please save me from myself"
- IAMX: Insomnia
There it was - that damned smile again.
Reaper immediately became week-kneed at the sight, sinking down on the chair reserved only for patients at the examination room.
Admittedly, ever since you had joined Moira's research team, Reaper's obligatory visits at her laboratory became somewhat more bearable.
However, the more time passed and the two of you grew closer through the time you were required to spend together, being alone with you felt like bittersweet torture for the lonely man.
"Good morning, Reaper" you cheerfully greeted him, taking place on the office chair opposite to him. "Morning, doc."
It was a force of habit to call you by this title, though you were far away from having an actual medical carreer. Not that you had never thought about it before, but the circumstances of your life just didn't meet the requirements.
Well, one thing about Talon was that they didn't give a shit about your qualification, for as long as you'd commit your duty without question. Everyone had equal chances here if they were willing to prove - and improve - themselves.
Anyways, being adressed this way never failed to make you laugh.
"I've told you to just call me Y/N, right?" you snickered and the man slouched back in his chair, arms crossed.
Fucking adorable, he thought what he would never dare to voice aloud. Your voice was so balmy, he wanted it on tape - maybe listening to it he'd finally be able to find proper sleep.
It was pretty hard to know what someone's actually thinking if you can rarely ever see their face, since our expressions indicate a lot about ourselves - more than we care to reveal, most of the time. At least it was the case with you, being an open book in huge contrast to the man in front of you.
The only thing you could decipher was that while Reaper might be surrounding himself in mystery, his body language was significantly less hostile around you. However he'd always maintain his distance and keep up a defensive position, seemingly tensed.
Well, a medical examination wasn't exactly something to look forward to, so you got the idea.
Lost in his little infatuation, Reaper forgot to answer or react in any other way to keep the conversation alive. Not the first time, though, and you knew he wasn't a man of much words either way.
"We'll start with the usual, shall we? Miss O'Deorain wants me to draw your blood for a sample test." Reyes groaned quite irritated at your request, but an order was an order. "Let's just get this over with."
At least it was not Moira or some of her deranged underlings doing those silly experiments on him anymore.
The scientist's interest in Reaper had faded rather quickly ever since she was able to revive him - or however one wanted to call the atrocity she created in the progress.
Moira was quite the fickle person in general, and nothing could ever keep her entertained for long until she'd bury herself into a new 'project'.
So now that Reaper was able to keep his form and was not considered a general danger anymore, you had been assigned to work with him.
"C'mon, please" you cooed understandingly. It was the same every week, so one would think Reaper was accustomed to the necessary procedure by now - yet that didn't make it any easier for him.
The man huffed in response before he'd finally begin to disrobe his upper body, reluctant still as the heavy battle gear dropped to the floor.
"I promise I won't stare" you joked, but what a lie that was. After all, despite everything there was still quite the handsome person beneath the black leather.
His torso was covered in scars, varying in size and shape and constantly emmitting a black mist. You could practically feel a breath catch in his throat as you dared touching one, a shadowy tendril cautiously wrapping around your fingers.
"It tickles" you giggled all excited, not the slightest bit of fear or disgust present in your features.
Sometimes Reaper thought it was impossible that a person so pure and wonderful was working for the same organisation as he did.
Well, just like most here you had quite the opposite of an easy life. You chose not to talk about the past most of the time, yet once told him your loyality lies with basically anyone that was willing to pay - so you could support what's left of your family back home.
Which doesn't mean that you don't have any morality, but hard times require an even harder will if one wants to survive.
"Still the reckless one, I see" he rumbled with that deep, authoritative voice of his. Still, his former stiffened pectoral muscles now relaxed under your gentle touch and he let out a relieved breath.
"Do I have any reason not to be?" Hesistantly, you moved your hands to cup either side of his mask, removing it only after he gave you a slightly approving nod. "I trust you, Reaper."
This was not the first time that you had seen the person you almost considered a friend of yours without his trademark disguise, but it never ceased to amaze you.
Your smile wouldn't falter in the slightest as you set eyes upon his disfigured face, and you could've sworn to see just the smallest of smirks tug on the edge of his lips as well.
"Heya, handsome" you hummed as you grabbed some tools, and your words made a frown appear on his face, baring his teeth almost as if snarling at you. "Not funny."
"Wasn't meant as a joke" you objected, beginning to examine before he could make sense out of it. "Seems like your hair is still able to grow. I didn't know you had locks!" you noted, letting a hand run through his hair which made him sigh pleasantly.
"Shit...sorry" he mumbled in embarassment at almost moaning because of something so trivial, facing the ground and wishing to be swallowed by it.
But you'd simply wave it off with a bright, lopsided smirk as you continued to massage his scalp slightly with your nails, and he'd lean into your thoughtful touch without second thought.
If only you knew how much even those small gestures of yours meant to him...
"With all the things I am bothering you with every week, I think you deserve a small reward." And he'd soak in every little ounce of affection in like a dry sponge, drowning in the sound of you chanting happily - only until he took ahold of your wrist, voluntarily stopping this rare bliss.
You understood immediately, turning to type something on your computer then acting like nothing happened.
"Pulse 213." A little fast even for his standarts, probably due to your presence. But he'd be damned and confess this just to correct some silly data. Ever since the SEP his heartrate was already faster than that of a normal being to begin with, but now with his enhanced metabolism it usually stayed above 180 most of the time.
"Breathing normal." Actually, it was not necessary for him to breathe anymore, let alone eat or sleep, for his cells would decompose and regenerate at such a high rate, it made all traditional forms of external ressources obsolete. Though he continued doing so, in order to feel at least remotely human.
Reaper's physique worked somewhat parasitic, for his energy income would be maintained solely by draining it out of other living beings.
Talon would provide for lifestock or lab-animals whenever there was a longer period without any fights. Luckily, depending on the quality and quantity of the according victims, he could keep his solid form upright for several weeks.
While he certainly stared you down right now, you knew he meant no harm - that was just his default expression, you think, And you were also deeply buried in thought yourself, before you proudly declared "You've sure come a long way ever since the incident, Gabe."
The name slipped out faster than your mind could catch up on the mistake, and though you meant it as a compliment you caught yourself fearing his reaction...
...however, asides from a clearly puzzled look on his face, he remained silent.
"I-I...we're almost done, Reaper" you blurted out, correcting yourself before he could say something that would make you even more embarassed.
So you quickly drew some necessary blood, the bottle labeled 'Subject 666' reminding you harshly of Moira's lecture. Never adress them by their names, the less you involve with them the better.
See them as nothing but objects, otherwise it will eat you alive.
The red liquid steadily turned into a thin black mist and back, certainly intriguing to watch. Anyways, you'd stay quiet about it, knowing your fascination for Reaper's constitution was quite unsettling for the man itself.
Now to the usual questions - which you dreaded most, to be perfectly honest.
"Last week I gave you an injection." You shifted nervously in your seat, the chair creaking a little as it cut through the silence. "Any new symptoms since then? And most importantly: What about the pain?"
Every single time you were almost ashamed to ask - and just as you expected, Reaper didn't exactly look pleased. "You know the answer already, doc."
It seriously was a miracle how anyone could endure this kind of torture for so long without succumbing to madness - but even if he'd lose the will to continue, there was no way to end his existence in this state of neither life nor death.
And still, he sat across from you all calm and collected, though suffering silently - collapsing on the inside, where he had to die countless deaths over and over again.
Obviously, Talon was not interested in turning their most deadliest agent back to normal. However, you had lately achieved to convince them to give you the financial ressources needed to at least try and improve his current condition, promising him to become even more efficient afterwards.
"It hurts." His voice was cracking and laced with pain, bordering on the audibe and it scattered your heart into a thousand pieces.
The least you could do was continue to work until you'd be able to give that man some hope.
"I know" you whispered, placing a hand on his knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "I'm there, and I'll do what I can to find a cure. I promise."
Reaper let out an almost inaudible sob before pulling away from you, burying his face in his hands before rubbing it frantically to become clear-headed again.
"I don't need your pity" he suddenly gritted, a menacing glare shooting over to you as he tore the mask away from the counter and put it on once again. "And I'm not your pet."
You closed your eyes and released a sharp breath to ground yourself, since you didn't want to say anything imprudent. "No, you're my friend. But I'm sorry if it ever appeared otherwise."
Shocked with himself and his demeanour towards you, Reyes shot up from the seat and uttered an apology as he rushed towards the door.
"It's okay, really." Yet the way you'd treat him with nothing but sympathy and care would only further feed the anger and loathing directed at no one else but himself. "See you next week?"
"Yeah" Reyes spoke in a raspy, distorted voice, already dissolving into his wraith form, almost fleeing from you as quick as possible. "I'm grateful, doc...for everything."
___
The way back to his quarters felt like a walk of shame, one that felt agonizingly long since he was now all along with his thoughts once again.
Everyone he would pass in in the hallways would fall silent and immediately duck down, remaining bowed down and with their heads hung low in respect and fear - hoping to be spared by the eldritch horror's rage.
As soon as Reaper arrived, he'd slam the door shut and let out a horrifying roar that made anyone in the hallway closeby shudder in fear.
Things were like this every week with you, and would end up just the same.
Gabriel Reyes had been the epitome of toxic masculinity - a person to never let his true, inward emotions slip that easily. It was just not how he was raised, in a strict household and as a soldier. He was expected to build a brick wall around anything that could even remotely make him seem weak - suppress instead of process was the mantra.
And while due to this he certainly already had poor anger management issues before, his transformation towards this thing they called Reaper would only amplify his erratic nature.
Right now, he felt conflicted - both pathetic and also so incredibly safe whenever he was close to you.
There was no judgement, no expected role to play for him. You had glanced right behind the facade and still chose to enjoy his company.
Slowly opening up, he realized how effortlessly you could silence the voice inside of his head, how your touch would replace his pain with pure pleasure without even trying.
Deep inside of him a longing had awoken, one he thought to have killed a long time ago - buried along with everything else that chained him to his old life.
A fist of his subconsciously made it's way towards the nearby wall, the impact strong enough to make the hardened steel yield under the force. When he opened his tear-stained eyes again, he realized that his shadow had spread through the whole room, demolishing everything in it's path.
So he could indeed still cry, huh.
Defeated, he fell down to his knees, in midst of the wake of destruction.
No. It could never be. Shouldn't be. This was a line he shall not cross.
As if you could ever think of him as something else than a broken abomination - and even if you'd be crazy enough to actually reciprocate his feelings, being around him would only put you in harm's way.
While he certainly would never direct his wrath towards you, the responsibility of being the moral support of a literal monster was simply too much to bear.
You were so full of light, and Reaper felt drawn to you like a moth that had always involuntarily found itself surrounded by darkness. He'd become addicted, take and take and take from you without anything to give in return - then failing you, eventually.
He must never give in to this desire, for your own sake.
Knowing you safe and being able to be graced with your presence once in a while was more enough - and more than he deserved.
Reyes let himself fall backwards onto his bed, the mattress squeaking under his weight. His mind wandered back and forth to the genuine way you were smiling at him, how your eyes were shining with sheer admiration as if he wasn't a goddamn freak.
The thoughts got stuck on reminiscing the sensation of your touch against his skin, now turning into a burning need that spread throughout his whole body.
"Shit..." he muttered between gritted teeth, palming his erection through his pants. "Y/N, what are you doing to me..."
Before he even realized, Reyes had already discarded his clothes, tossing them away to the ground before plummeting down to the bed once again.
Desperate for some relief, he grabbed his cock and pressed his thumb to the tip, precum already leaking out of it. His eyes would remain closed as he imagined what you'd look like bend over your office desk, presenting the view of what's under that sinfully short skirt of yours.
Reyes' cock twitched in his palm at the thought of rubbing against your folds, what it'd be like if you'd grind against him with that perfect ass of yours.
He began stroking himself at the same time he pictured himself pushing into you, the mental sound of your moans vivid in his head as his pace began to speed up.
Taking the shirt of his that still had your scent of your perfume linger on it, he inhaled deeply before letting out an animalistic groan. Oh, he couldn't put in words just how much he craved to explore every single inch of your body and giving you pleasure no man before him ever could.
His toes curled, his free hand digging into the sheet as the memory of your smile flashed in front of his inner eye, leading him over the edge. Reaper came with a loud shout of your name, his seed spread across his stomach and wavering chest.
It didn't take long to come down from that brief high, all that's left for him now being to curl up under the blankets and claw into a pillow, harshly reminded of the empty bedplace next to him.
Not being able to feel you right now was more torture than his state of being ever could.
___
Asides from the weekly examination and occasional briefings, you and Reaper never really met before - neither coincidentally, nor planned.
You were way too shy to suggest it yourself, and much to your frustration the man just didn't seem to notice your subtle hints and ask you himself.
Yeah, it's not exactly professional to crush on a patient, but you people at Talon were basically villains so fuck the rules, right?
Maybe you were just imagining him reciprocating your feelings and he was plainly not interested, though. Completely understandable, since that man was basically married to his work.
But he could at least properly reject you instead of tiptoeing around you like that.
Today would be an exception however, since Talon would conduct their annual celebration - yes, as odd as it sounds, even an evil organisation made efforts to please their workers.
Sadly, Reaper had been on a mission during your latest appointment, so you weren't able to collect all of your courage and ask him out like you had planned. But at least you heared rumors that he'd attend as well, so even though you were usually not a fan of such trivialities, you thought it was worth to take the shot.
Now here you were, sitting at the shabby make-shift bar and sipping on your third alcoholic beverage in order to loosen up. Still no sign of him, and your patience slowly but steadily grew thinner as you realized how ridiculous you behaved.
Deciding to leave after you finished small-talk with some coworkers of Moira's lab, you emptied your glass in one gulp and let out a small sigh before getting up.
You were almost at the exit when suddenly, an all too familiar figure stepped inside, the unexpected sight making your breath hitch in your throat.
Both of you froze simultaneously, black holes of his mask staring back at you as the tall man towered wordlessly in front of you. His massive frame was almost completely blocking the door, and the people waiting to enter behind him knew better than to speak up.
Reaper had dressed himself in an all-black suit for a change, modified so it would still have a hood and gloves. The long coat he wore above it reminded you of his usual cloak, yet it was made out of silk instead of hardened leather.
"I- umm...hi" you stuttered, unlike your usual bubbly self Reyes knew from the laboratory. Opening and closing your mouth in several attempts to find the right words, you shook your head in defeat and grabbed his wrist out of a whim. "Come, we're blocking the entrance."
There was still not a sound from his side, and you sheepishly tried avoiding to look right at him even though his face was hidden behind the usual mask. Good for him, though, because like this you couldn't see how his gaze stuck on that cleavage of yours more often than not.
"Shit" was the only thing his baffled mind could come up with right now - though he had prayed to see you again, the rational part of his brain knew it was no good to run into you tonight. And now you were standing so close, with a dress whose fabric was hugging every single one of your curves so damn well.
It was hard enough to contain himself during the appointments, all alone with you in a soundproof room and with you always wearing those way too inappropriate clothes underneath your lab coat...
...but this was just too much for him to bear.
"You look...fine." His first sentence tonight was just that, unable to string together any more words than that and mentally facepalming at himself for having become such a socially awkward mess.
You were sheer magnificent and he was both awestruck and astonished - but god forbid that he ever not fucked up every single time the two of you would meet.
Of course you wouldn't mind, instead your face lighted up in excitement that your outfit had succeeded it's purpose of him acknowledging you. "Thank you very much! You also look as good as always - for someone who just returned from a mission, I mean."
Jittery beyond belief that you could finally be close to Reaper in a different setting than the medical office, you shifted your weight from one leg to another before suggesting "Do you want to, I don't know...get some drinks?"
Funny thing to say, considering he wouldn't take his mask off in public any time soon. "Or dance? Whatever? Anything?"
Seems like he wasn't the only lovestruck fool in here, though you highly doubted he'd interpret your clumsy attitude the right way.
"Aren't you with someone?" You could've sworn that sometimes you could exactly picture what kind of face he'd make behind the mask, and right now he probably rose a suspecting eyebrow at you.
It was hard to imagine that such a beautiful and kind woman would attend a party like this without suitors. You were so refreshingly...normal for a Talon member. One of the few that weren't completely inhumane, selfish or straight up psychotic maniacs.
"Not really" you chuckled, rubbing the back of your head as you remembered just how many invitations for tonight you declined. "But I wouldn't mind some company if it's you."
Reaper's good intentions ceased with every minute passing by, mind flooded by possible scenarios of the things he wished to do to you - for you.
Countless times he had made up excuses to leave your sessions early, since the sheer sight of you was enough to urge himself to do something unspeakable. The only thing keeping him from losing himself and just give in to those inferior instincts until now was his concern for your safety...
...because only his affection for you could outmatch even the maddening yearning achieved through a lifetime in solitude.
Whenever Reyes became emotionally instable, he tended to outbursts that would not differentiate between friend or foe, only afterwards being aware for the wake of destruction he left behind...
...so who knew what might happen if he'd let those intense feelings for you take over.
No matter what kind of person Reaper wished to be, it was impossible to escape his own skin.
He was a ticking bomb, ready to destroy everything and everyone around him at any time like so often before - and he certainly wouldn't take any risks.
"Hello, anyone there?" Waving a hand in front of his face, you metaphorically heared the gears in his head turning.
"I'm afraid I have to attend an emergency meeting." As if you'd ever believe some cheap excuse like that, yet there weren't many options to decline your generous offer.
Unwilling to let him leave you alone for the umpteenth time, you stormed after him into the empty hallway and held onto his cloak, effectively making him stop. Reaper harrumphed angrily as he turned around, just for his heart to sink into his stomach as he saw tears dwell in your eyes - built up over time via all this uncertainty.
"Did I do something wrong?" Your voice was small and clearly on the verge of crying, and Reaper would slack his shoulders in defeat. "No."
"Then why do you avoid me like I'm the goddamn pest?" You exclaimed, lip trembling before letting out a weak sob - yet refusing to break out in tears to keep at least a fraction of your dignity.
"Y/N, you're drunk." That was as far away from an answer you wanted to hear as humanly possible, only further feeding your frustration.
"I won't leave you alone until I got a proper explanation!" you snapped back at him, not caring about how pathetic and obtrusive you might be behaving at that moment, or who else might hear you right now. "Reaper, I beg of you...just tell me straight up if you can't stand me and I'll leave you alone."
Maybe it would be for the better to just lie and affirm your theory - but he just couldn't do it.
"Reaper, please..." you sniveled, and he wouldn't pull away when you put one hand onto his mask. "Just give me a reason. I like you very, very much, so...please don't shut me out."
Feeling bold - and probably still influenced by the wine still in your system - you wrapped your arms around the man, pressing yourself against him gentle yet demanding.
Reaper instantly felt his already boiling blood wander to his nether regions at the sudden proximity, lends prickling with lust as the embrace made your breasts press against his abdomen, almost inviting him to an unwise decision.
Goddamnit, why didn't he have any better self-control?!
Overwhelmed, there was nothing left for him than to ultimatively push you away, cussing inaudible curses under his breath. Concerned for the seemingly distraught man, you went a few steps towards him again - yet he signalized you to stay back. "I-I'm sorry, I thought-"
"Touch me again, and I'll kill you."
With those words he fled the scenario, and every syllable of them shot a bullet through your already aching heart.
Hearing your broken whimpers, the reality crept onto Reaper...
...he had succeeded in keeping you safe, even if it costed him the only joy left in his ridiculous existence.
___
Ever since that night, Reaper would cut you out of his life completely afterwards, without ever resolving whatever was the initial issue.
At the very next morning already he had demanded for another researcher to be assigned to him, much to your sadness replacing you just like that and taking the only remaining possible contact away from you.
It was evident that he purposefully destroyed any kind of connection between the two of you, yet the fact that you still couldn't make sense out of his drastic change of behavior was more than unsatisfying to you.
In the end, after several weeks had passed without any sign of life from your former friend and patient, you decided to take things into your own hands.
Reaper on the other hand had fallen into a downwards spiral ever since your weekly meetings - the only thing he had looked forwards to until now - had fallen apart as well.
The fact that you were save the farther he was away from you wasn't really as satisfying as he thought it would be.
His heart was clenching painfully again as he emptied yet another bottle of cheap whiskey - a deed that did not influence his biology in the slightest, but at least the familiar burning on his tongue was sort of a comfort.
And then, a soft knock on his door made him snap out of his self-caused misery.
As forlorn as he was in the moment, he didn't spent much thought about who could be behind that door as the second knock was a little more demanding. Probably an emergency, and he had forgotten to turn on his cellphone...
...yet when it was in fact you who was standing in his doorframe, he almost choked on nothingness at the sight.
You immediately leaped inside before he could slam the door into your face again, gasping as you saw the desolate state of his home. Turning towards the man, who was currently only wearing a jogging suit, he quickly pull the hood over his face.
Still, you could clearly see the even darker than usual circles under his eyes, along with a scruffy beard he didn't care enough to maintain.
"Reaper..." You had no clue what exactly was going on, but seeing him like this hurt nonetheless. Actually, you had prepared to toss all sorts of accusations into his face, to tell him just how sad and confused he had left you ever since then...
...but now, realizing just how much he was suffering himself made your anger for him disappear into thin air.
"What do you want?" he scoffed as your eyes darted across the room, just to pause at the stack of empty bottles. "I-I wanted to...apologize."
Apologize? You? For what?! If anyone should feel guilty, it's him!
You truly were too good for this world...
"No need to" Reyes nonchalantly brushed it off, aimlessly trying to move a safe distance away from you - to no avail. "Yes, I do!"
You wanted to touch him like you'd always do - yet his earlier threat popped up in your mind so you recoiled your hand. Nevertheless, there was still that spark in your eyes he wanted to believe would appear just for him. "I think I get it now. I-I mean, I...had a crush on you."
Had. Past tense. A plain word, and yet such a huge impact.
"I totally misunderstood and thought you liked me too. If I had known the situation you were in I would've concentrated on helping you instead, but I only pressured you further. I am so, so sorry..."
"Shut up" he now growled with a voice you did not recognize, darkened irises snapping back at you. "That's enough. Are you seriously not understanding the danger you're in?!"
"R-Reaper, I don't know what you're-"
The man now took firm steps towards you, with you backing off until your body hit the wall behind. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me all this time, Y/N?!"
Now it was Reyes who had his whole body weight pressed against your much smaller one, and you could clearly feel the outlines of his erection pressing against your chest.
His hands gripped your shoulders, digging into them tightly as he harshly shook you. "I've told you to stay away from me a thousand times...but you just won't listen, do you?"
Sounding woeful like this, he also seemed to be full of remorse - not for what had been, but what he was about to do.
Oh, you think to know even the worst sides of him, huh? No. You haven't even been close to the darkest corners of his mind he wanted to protect you from all this time!
The short period of time without your guidance had only further scattered the peaces of his mind, fed his insanity and drove him farther away from the person he once was.
Right. Reyes had been so patient, restrained himself for you no matter how tempting it was to just give in. And here you were, having come back for him in spite of everything.
You were indeed too naive for your own good, always stubbornly wanting to see the good left in him.
If you were really so selfless, then maybe he should just take what he needed from you.
"Teasing me all this time, acting all innocent..." Reaper grumbled and slammed his hands against the wall on either side of your head, trapping you between his muscular arms.
His voice bordered on desperation, proof of his internal conflict. "You have no idea how often I wanted to throw you onto the next best surface and fuck you senseless until you'd beg me to stop."
Wild eyes were staring at you, softening only when a hand of his slid under the back of your shirt, the contact raising goosebumps on your skin. He cradled you against him now, his palm still resting between your shoulder blades.
"All I ever wanted was to be close to you just like this...and now I've destroyed everything."
The mercenary felt how you slowly relaxed against his body, eyes closing as you nestled your face against his chest. He thought it to be just his imagination, a trick played by his own twisted mind...
...but then you forced him down to your height, faces just mere inches apart as you graced his lips with yours.
"Who said you couldn't?"
As soon as you released him from the kiss Reaper would stumble backwards, his voice wavering as he asked "Y/N...why?"
You cracked a painful yet promising smile, looking at him with those doe eyes he had never truly been able to withstand.
"I've already told you before: I trust you."
Reyes whined at your obvious statement, so close to lose his well-meant intentions - yet he still stepped aside in shame, making way for your escape. "Please...just- just go. And don't come back this time. I-I really don't wanna hurt you."
"You won't." The answer came as quick as a shot, not the slightest hint of doubt in your voice...
...and that was all it took for him to completely lose it.
The soldier's mouth crashed over yours in a desperate urgency, in his almost-undead state literally needing you more than air itself. You moaned against his lips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue entering your mouth and joining yours in an ecstatic dance.
Reaper took his time relishing in the sensation of your delicate skin under his raw fingers, finally able to experience the real deal. His caress was eager yet not less mellow. And surprisingly warm for a reanimated corpse, heat radiating off of him due to the constant cell repair.
You panted heavily as you pushed him away a little, and for a second he was afraid to have overstepped a line. "We don't need to go any further. If you've changed your mind, that's oka-"
"Shh" you hushed him as you kneeled down, smirking mischievously yet not less affectionate. "I think you've made me wait long enough."
Kneeling down in fromt of him, you impatiently pulling down the waistband of his sweatpants. His hard cock sprung up against your face, with prominent veins and an angry red tip leaking precum already. "Oh, dear...you sure need some release."
Actually he would want to object, say that you didn't need to do this for him straightaway, that he could take care of it himself - yet his mind was too clouded by lust for him to have any coherent thought.
"S-Shit, Y/N..." he bit his lip as you unsucessfully tried enclosing your fingers around him, the width of his making you a little taken aback. You could easily use both hands and still wouldn't cover his whole lenght, squeezing ever so little before moving up and down.
"I want to be repayed next time, you know?" You teased his glans as you swirled your tongue around it, making him whimper. "But for now that's enough."
Reyes thrusted his hips forwards to push himself further into your mouth, and you could feel heat rising at your core as well, pressing your thighs together for some friction. "Please, more... oh fuck..."
At this point you had left the man a stuttering puddle of lust, all sorts of pathetic sounds filling the room as you keenly continued pleasing him.
All of a sudden you felt Reaper ball a fist in your hair, shoving his whole member deep inside of you as he finished with a low groan. The first spourts ran down your throat before he quickly pulled out, the rest covering your chest while he stroked himself through his high.
"S-Sorry..." he stammered, gently petting your head as you coughed due to the brief cut of air supply. "I'm usually not the gentle one."
"As if that's news" you deadpanned, looking up to him just for your gaze to be stuck on lower regions again. "It's...still stiff."
"Well, the SEP increases stamina - and also one's libido." Indeed, his cock was still impressively standing upright in all of it's prime. "Don't worry about it."
Reyes thought about offering you a hand to stand up, but instead swiftly picked you off from the ground out of a whim. "Can- do you want to stay?"
"Of course" was your answer as he gently let you down on his bed again, quick to throw himself behind you and clinging to your back.
However, you weren't able to suppress an almost pornographic moan as you felt his erection pressed against your behind, pushing your ass against it out of reflex.
"R-Reaper..." you almost begged, leading his hands to cup your breasts and not stopping to grind against him. "Wha-what if I want to continue?"
"It would be the first time since, well...since I am like this..." Still, he couldn't resist to fondle with your nipples, humping against you as his other hand began circling your clit. "But I'd be damned if I don't indulge you as well."
You rolled around to lie on your back, the man towering over you as he hungrily parted your legs. He licked his lips, unable to refrain from touching himself at the sight. "Such a pretty pussy, fuck..."
Reyes let two fingers run between your already slick folds, scissoring them to reveal your core before he sunk them in. You gasped as more entered you, slowly stretching your insides as he began fucking you on his fingers.
Aroused beyond belief, he soon buried his face in your pussy, making you moan uncontrollably as he found your weak spot with ease. His fingernails dug in the surface of your thighs as he ate you out, groaning deeply at the heavenly taste.
As hard as it was to remained focused with your orgasm building up so fast, your mind was set on one thing.
"R-Reaper...I want you, please..."
He stilled at your words, climbing to settle over your body to look you straight in the eyes. "My love, I'm afraid I can't contain myself."
You cocked your head, furrowing your brows at the man. "I'm already writhing beneath you this whole time, Reyes. I think you have proven your resolve."
Wrapping your arms around your neck, you tenderly brushed your lips against his before engaging in another heartwarming kiss.
And oh, how his heart was soaring for you.
"Let's figure out together."
It was hard for both of you to ever let your lips part again, but if it was to be like that, Reyes would want to have you completely. He ripped apart of what was left of your clothing, leaving both of you fully bare.
"You look like a peace of art" you noted, letting your hand run over his scarred shoulders, slightly emmitting black fume. "A whole life story visible on your body."
And with your whole beauty now revealed in front of him, Reyes was willing to write his own love-letter on your skin - starting with tracing a path of kisses alongsides your curves.
His beard was tickling the skin on your neck, wandering behind your ear and whispering sweet affirmations only for you to hear. "Say my name" he ultimately pleaded, forehead resting on yours as he carefully began pushing into you.
"R-Reaper...ah!" He'd briefly wait for you to become accustomed to his size, pecking more kisses across your face before his thrusts started at a low pace. "No, my real name. Say it."
"Gabriel..." His name sounded so good in your voice, reminding him of the man he once was - as if able to pull what was left of him out of this abomination he had become. "Gabe, please...faster..."
Incited by your filthy noises, his rough touch began leaving bruises here and there as he began fucking you ferociously into the mattress. You'd cross your legs behind his back, allowing him inside impossibly deeper. He felt delirious, this amount of pleasure being too much to bear as you melted against his body - every single touch of yours feeling undeserved for a wretch like himself.
Having troubles to keep his form while being so aroused, he would hide his face in the crook of your neck, wanting to spare you the sight of his true self...
...yet instead you embraced him even closer, one kiss after another meeting his face even as it stopped appearing human.
"I love you, Gabriel Reyes."
Your confession led him over the edge together with you, shouting your name in exasperation as he rode you through your high, finishing closely after.
Shivering and whimmering as you reveled in the aftershocks of your euphoria, you could still feel Reyes pump his seed inside of you - just to grow stiff once again.
Your body was shaking in anticipation as Gabriel continued to slam his hipbone against your sensitive cunt, semen squirting out in the progress. "Shit, Y/N...you feel so fucking good, I can't stop..."
Even as the previous orgasm ebbed down, your nerves remained on fire, every pounding of his sending chills down your spine. You anchored yourself onto his body, fingers ghosting across the skin of his back as you felt yet another wave of pleasure wash over you.
When you came for the last time that night, the sun was alread threatening to rise above the Talon headquarters.
"Well, that answers Moira's question if you're still fertile" you almost choked at your own laughter and Reyes would only groan in annoyance, placing a wet kiss into your hair. "Never mention her name inside here ever again, please?"
"Just saying it's better than finding out her way" you snorted, stirring in the sheets until your lover put an arm and leg around you, trapping you in his hold. "Weirdo."
"You're one to talk." You finally saw him mirroring a genuine smile, his face lighting up brightly as he rubbed his cheek against yours. "Being happy suits you, you know?"
"And I hope you know that I won't let you go that easily again." As if you could even remotely walk after yesterday - not that it mattered, since it was your day off. "That was the plan. And to be honest, it was totally worthwhile."
"Let me take care of you today, alright?" Your lover briefly turned into his wraith form, returning shortly after with fresh water and a shirt of his for you to wear. "I'll even run you a bath if you like."
"Maybe later...mhh...sleep would be nice..." you already halfway dozed off, lolling around on the mattress and patting the empty spot next to you. "Come back?"
Gabe didn't need to be told twice, covering you with the blanket as you slowly drifted away to sleep. Having his whole world in his arms like this, it made himself feel grounded again as well.
Starting now, he wouldn't bother himself with fears or doubts anymore - for his focus would lie on becoming a better man.
Just as you had showed him he could be.
Alongside several disturbing features, Reaper was able to perceive the souls of all living beings...
...and while he adored you resting there all peacefully, he couldn't help but think that he had never laid eyes upon a soul like yours.
"Thank you, Y/N...for not giving up on me."
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your phone buzzes on the couch.
you barely spare it a glance before picking it up, fingers habitually swiping across to answer. your other hand flips through the book you were reading languidly, something about interior design. the images of couches and lamps does little to draw your attention, but your mind remains barely focused on the call when you say a lazy, “hello?”
"hey." getou says on the other end.
you almost drop the book in shock.
"getou?" you switch your phone to your dominant hand, leaning into the screen. "getou? you, why are you calling? i mean, how are you calling? i mean, where are you? tell me where you are and i'll come see you—"
he has the audacity to laugh through the phone. "i have a surprise for you."
last time getou surprised you, he had massacred an entire village and some. panic makes your blood run still and you freeze in your chair. "you're... coming back?"
"i said surprise, not miracle."
it's almost funny. you almost laugh. almost. instead, you swear at him. "fuck getou, where are you? i've been trying to find you, we all have! listen, you know i don't give a shit if you're a murderer just, let me see you? please?"
getou chuckles again, he takes his sweet time doing so. "sorry, you're just so easy to tease. i'm not coming back, i've found my place already and i'm not leaving it a second time."
hurt makes your heart ache. his voice was so soft, so at peace that you believe he was right. in his own, twisted way, he was right.
"okay." you mumble instead, drowning out your rebellious thoughts with spoken word. "okay. then, why did you call?"
"i told you, didn't i? i have a surprise."
"is it a good one?"
"what do you consider good?"
"not murdering a small town's worth of people." you say.
"then you'll like this." he continues onwards despite your targeted words. "because there's no killing people this time around. i found gojo hanging around shibuya."
"uh." your eyes sweep to the clock hanging in your dorm. it reads early afternoon.
you hadn't seen gojo all school day, but then again, that was the typical nowadays. yaga had gained the habit of flinging him out into mission after mission following getou's disappearance, whilst you yourself remained at the academy. you could only watch as he was wretched further and further away.
these day, it wasn't an understatement to say the pair of you barely talked.
still, you understood gojo well enough to know that he'd typically walk the streets of busy cities after each mission's success, letting the bustling atmosphere overwhelm his brain and muddle his thoughts.
"okay? fork in kitchen?" after another thought, you stand from your chair. "wait, you're with gojo? the two of you? together? and you're still alive?"
"not together, i'm watching him from a distance. you didn't tell me he ditched the glasses for a blindfold. i think he looked better wearing the conventional eyewear."
there is so much wrong with his sentences that it takes a few seconds for you to conjure up a response. "first of all, gojo didn't abandon his sunglasses. second of all, how would i let you know? you, you changed phone numbers! i couldn't contact you even if i tried! and i did! so much!"
getou winces at your loud volume. "okay, my bad. but i'm telling you, gojo is walking around shibuya with a blindfold on. and he seems taller now."
"are you sure that's gojo?"
a pause. "do you know another white haired sorcerer who'd walk into an otaku cafe without hesitation?"
"mei mei." you answer. "if the otaku cafe paid enough."
"i think i know what mei mei looks like to confidently say i am not stalking after her right now."
"if you were, i think people would call the cops on you."
"they'd realise this would be the least of my crimes." he laughs into the phone but stops after you don't join him. "too soon?"
"never again." you mutter, then wince. "should i, should i come meet you?"
this time, it's his turn to fall silent. then, softly, "yeah."
"okay." you nod at nothing, fumbling to grab your dorm keys on the way out. it doesn't matter though, because you forget to lock the door as you run out of your room. "okay, okay. i'm coming right now, okay? don't move please?"
again, getou laughs. "i'm not going anywhere this time."
getou has lied to you many times before. he would say things like, "i didn't eat your icecream!" or "i wasn't the one that drew that on your report" or even "i won't leave you" with a smile on his face. you'd eat up every word that left his mouth even if you noticed his grin would never reach his eyes. it was like a circus act, one clear, obvious lie and one desperate acceptance. it was dramatic irony and it was pitiful.
getou leans against the railing in the middle of shibuya.
he didn't lie this time.
"getou!" your legs hurry you over to him. though he turns his head and looks at you, something you once believed would be enough to settle the void in your heart, you realise it simply wasn't. you throw your arms around his neck and bury your nose into his shoulder. "oh my god."
he smells a little different, perhaps he changed cologne along with changing his moral compass, but with a little imagination and effort, he almost smells like your getou, the one you knew.
his arms snake around your back and he holds you close. "hey. i missed you." he says into your hair.
you choke. "then you, you should have let me come with you."
he pulls back first and doesn't reply. anger and something else makes you grasp at the fabric of his sleeve but he eases himself out of your grasp. "i saw gojo over there."
sniffling, you look in the direction of his finger. "huh?"
"we're here to see gojo, remember?"
no, he was here to see gojo. you were here to see him. regardless, you squint your eyes and survey the packed streets. "i don't see him."
getou leans in, voice closer to your ears. his finger sweeps the crowd before pausing on a very familiar figure.
yeah, that was definitely gojo.
"wow, you're right. he is wearing a blindfold."
"you didn't know about this?"
"he and i, uh, haven't really been talking."
getou just hums. "what is he doing?"
"did he, did he get a new phone?" you wonder, observing the sleek shiny device in his hands. you watch as gojo lifts the device up in the air, an universal gesture for getting signal. it seems to bear no fruit and he slumps down, pocketing the phone.
"that's what you're focused on? look at him! he's so much taller now!"
"i hear boys get their growth spurt around that age."
getou looks down at you. "i haven't yet."
you make a face, finding it difficult to look at him. "um, look! he's moving. should we tail him?"
"are you kidding, of course we should."
he grabs your hand and you jolt at the contact before he drags you into the crowds. people bump into you from all sides but getou guides you through.
"he's entering a library." getou tells you because you're too short to peer from above. "i didn't know gojo could read."
you snort, then apologise to the stranger you ran into. "of course he can. he's still a student after all.”
"barely. what's he doing going into a library though?"
"maybe he picked up reading?"
you both laugh at the ridiculous idea.
soon, the two of you find yourselves at the steps of the library. tall windows surround the building on all four sides, perfect for peering into its contents. getou ducks behind the bushes that ran around the library's exterior, pulling you down into a crouch beside him.
he glances over at you before reaching around, pulling you flushed up against his side. you look up with a start, warmth heating up your cheeks as stray strands of his hair tickles your face.
"look, he's actually picking out a book."
you spin around and refocus.
"time travel and its consequences." narrowing your eyes, you state the title. "that's what he's reading? isn't that too hefty for a starting point?"
getou jerks his head towards the door. "let's get a closer look."
you hiss, yanking your interconnected hand back down. "he'll see us!"
"then we can just confront him head on."
you stare at him like he'd just told you he killed another small village on the outskirts of japan. "do you have a death wish? is this what this is all about?"
"i still have things i want to do so no, this isn't a death wish."
"right." you say, disbelieving. "that's what i thought. but what other reason could you have to see gojo again? if you tell me you miss him i will stab you."
his voice turns low. "of course i miss him. i miss everyone at the academy."
his confession leaves you temporarily stunned. "you don't get to say that after you left us."
"i didn't have a choice." he finally says, and the fake smile he's been wearing this whole day melts away. there's that scary look in his eyes, the one you've never seen before up until the moment he left.
"you had a choice. you could have chosen to not leave us."
pain twists getou's features into something ugly. "it wasn't that simple."
"no? then explain it to me using baby terms. i'm sure i'll get it then."
he says your name like it might stop you. it doesn't.
“getou.”
he sighs and lets go of your hand, using it to pinch the brim of his nose. "i don't owe you an explanation."
heat rushes to your face once more, but it isn't overflowing love that surges through you. "are you serious? i'm your friend, isn't that enough?" then, quietly, when he doesn't reply. "i am, right?"
getou looks at you and whatever he sees breaks his heart. his eyes fall from yours, staring instead at your shoes. "i've never once considered you anything but."
"me too." you rush to grab onto his hesitance. "even now, i still think you're my friend. that sounded bad, i mean, no matter what. you'll always be my friend no matter what you choose to do."
when he looks up, he isn't as defeated as he sounds. there's a resolve that lines his eyes and hardens his gaze.
you've lost him, really and truly.
"getou—"
"getou?"
shock renders your body useless as gojo peeks around the bush. he looms over the two of you, the height of his hair making you peer upwards, bending your neck all the way back to hold him in one single frame. most notably, black fabric covers the top half of his face in place of a pair of glasses, and you suddenly miss seeing the weird blueness of his eyes.
"i didn't think i'd see little you today." he says.
getou's eye twitches. "little?"
"he's from the future." you deduce, remembering the book gojo had picked out earlier. "it's okay, i think you're pretty tall already."
gojo’s eyes falls on you. “you’re also shorter.”
“yeah? well, you grew up into a creep.”
“you wouldn’t say that if you knew what you look like in the future.”
“what? what do you mean? hey, don’t ignore me, answer my question!” you reach forward and grab onto gojo’s collar, hoping to shake an answer out of him when his lips remain sealed.
“what about me?”
you look back at getou.
“huh?”
“what do i look like in the future?”
no one says anything.
you place a delicate hand over your mouth at the silence.
it doesn’t look like gojo will answer, so getou drops the topic, shoving his hands into his pockets. “how long are you here for?”
“i don’t know.”
“how are you here?”
“a curse’s technique.”
getou looks at him sideways. "is this all you're going to say to me?"
gojo thinks for a second. “want to stop by an arcade whilst i’m still here?”
the idea appeals to you so you nod. you look over at getou and he shrugs too. “sure.”
“alright.”
the hazy atmosphere of the arcade embraces you in nostalgia. the slot machines lining the left wall, the neon lights blinking from the dance dance revolution device, the aggravated scream from losers and the cheers from winners, that was you once.
you don’t visit the arcade that much anymore.
gojo slides himself into one of those first person shooter games and jerks his head to signal getou into the opposing seat.
“you can’t beat me at psychological warfare so at least try and beat me at this.”
disbelief scrunches getou's face. "i always beat you in psychological warfare."
“what do you think?” gojo asks you. “who will you side with?”
you look between them, caught in the middle. with a sigh, you walk to stand behind getou’s seat. your fingers grip his shoulders to give him a massage. “don’t let me down.” you threaten.
he nods, solemn. “understood.”
of course, things never go in the direction you wish. your failures pile up one by one as the three of you rotate around game after game. you receive no wins, none of them, but with every attempt, gojo’s shoulders raise higher and higher in pride.
you stand behind a ping pong arcade machine.
“addicted to losing?” gojo taunts.
“my parents didn’t raise a quitter.”
“sometimes it’s better to cut your losses before they happen, you know.”
you ignore his smug words and hit start.
gojo starts and he slams his paddle into the moving object, momentum shooting it across the board in under a second. your eyes catch the movement, instincts jerking your hand to the right to block the incoming attempt.
getou leans over your shoulder to watch. “to your left.” he says, and you obey. the ball enters your goal from the right.
he laughs nervously as you glare at him. “my bad.”
“you shouldn’t take advice from someone who still hasn’t won against me once.” gojo says.
“show off.” you mutter, receiving the pong as it slides to your half of the table.
“im just giving you an example on how you can be better.”
getou watches as you lose again. frustration narrows your eyes and tenses your shoulders in a way he thinks is endearing. a smile would look better on your face, though. so he clears his throat. “am i dead in the future, gojo?”
gojo’s paddle shakes, narrowly missing the pong by millimeters. “you—” it slams against the back of the goal slot and breaks in two.
“i won!” you scream. your hands fly up in the air in a physical cheer, palms out to receive a high-five from getou. when the sense of victory fades, your arms droop down to your side.
getou catches them, a grin on his face. “yay!”
“yay.” you repeat, sparing gojo a glance. uncertainty shakes your voice.
“that’s playing dirty.” he says.
“what are you going to do about it?”
a fierce grin cuts across his face. “round two.”
round two never comes because the three of you are effectively kicked out of the arcade, something about ‘breaking the pong’ being ‘disastrous’ and their behaviour ‘was scaring away customers’. instead, you all settle for dropping by the nearest convenience store and buying icecream.
gojo hands getou the red one but the other boy only shakes his head. “i like the purple one now.”
it’s an easy switch so you take the red icepole from gojo’s hand and trade it for the purple one you had taken.
gojo opens his blue one wordlessly.
“so, when are you going back?” you ask him.
“the technique should run out in 24 hours.”
you check your watch. “it’s only been five and a bit hours, you still have ages to go.”
“no, i’ve been here since yesterday evening.”
“oh.”
getou kicks a rock on the ground and it flies uncontrollably from the tip of his shoe. “today was nice.”
“yeah.” gojo says with a grin and he offers out his popsicle. you lightly tap yours against his and wait for getou to do the same.
a pause, and then getou's smiling too. he holds out his icepole. "no hard feelings?"
gojo bumps his against it. "so many."
his expression falls, eye locked with something behind you.
you turn.
gojo, your gojo, stands isolated amongst workers returning from their nine to five jobs. there’s a bag hanging off his arm and your eyes notice the brand belongs to getou’s favourite bakery just down the road from here. the bag slides down his sleeve as he stands there.
time for round two, you think.
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