oops I haven’t been on this account in a while 🥲

that’s going to change though! expect me to be obnoxious now that I remembered by password. I think that it might be good for me to post a binge help post? I think that’s what I’ll do soon. <3

i hope you all know that I’m VERY proud of you. <3

even if you binged today. even if you restricted today. even if you purged today. even if you did nothing but lay in your bed because you didn’t have the energy to do anything but that.

i’m proud of you. you’re doing so well. keeping yourself alive is hard, especially when you’re battling mental illness. i think you’re very strong and brave for persevering even though you’re struggling so hard right now. i hope it gets better for you soon. if you need to talk, i’m here for you.

i love you. stay as safe as you can. take care of your wounds if you have them. try to eat something, or get some electrolytes in if you haven’t eaten yet. try to relax or soothe your body if you’ve binged, the pains afterwards hurt and you sure as hell don’t deserve that. taking care of yourself only a little is still something, and damn do you deserve it for the hell the world has served you. i love you. you’re doing so well, okay?

keep on going, honey bee. i believe in you. <3

restricting harder again. i hate it but i know the guilt will be unbearable if i stop. i hate this stupid illness.

Let's talk about the anorexia-stereotype of doing everything perfectly

They typical anorexic is shown as the perfect, smiling student, studying the whole night, getting perfect grades, doing workout after workout and never eating

And while that may be true for some, in my experience most people are totally different from what's known as the perfect anorexic.

For me it's struggling the whole day and night, if I should eat, what I should eat.

It's struggling to even get up because your body can't take starvation anymore.

It's sleeping the whole day, because you're missing nutrients and you were kept awake by your thoughts the whole night.

It's being freezingly cold, which results in you not being able to do anything with your fingers for example writing.

It's the time consumption taking everything away from you. Your family, your hobbies, your school work.

It's binging that makes you feel like you failed as an anorexic.

Not only your organs failing but also your will to live, your energy, your grades, your hygiene, your hobbies, your friends, your family.

Stop expecting perfection from someone with an eating disorder.

tw ♥ depressive thoughts, self-hate, stressing out, binge mention

cw ♥ swearing

I’m so fucking tired right now. Not actual tiredness, just the overwhelming sense of my brain not working and hurting. I can’t force myself to do anything right now. I have only enough energy to do my stupid compulsory exercise and sit and scroll thorugh the internet. I don’t even get any fucking serotonin from the shit I look at. I’ll play a game and feel nothing. I’ll read a story and feel nothing. Maybe I should unplug but even then I can’t goddamn focus and non of that shit brings me happiness anyways. At least on the internet I have people reacting to me and CARING for me without forcing me to do things. It’s why I love online communities so much -- but that’s a vent for another day.

To make everything oh-so much better (/s), I have SO MUCH FUCKING SHIT TO DO for my theatre show. We’re putting on Legally Blonde, and I’m the stage manager. I have to create all the props, and do the blocking art, and take notes, but I just don’t have the energy to do it. I’m so tired. I know I should do it. It’s doing me no good to just avoid it, and I know that my ADHD meds should be making me do things now. But I can’t. I’m so tired. I do nothing but binge and sit on my ass nowadays. I’m lazy. I’m horrible. I hate myself.

I might detach and just do nothing once I post this. I’ll unplug and probably consume half my kitchen </3 then lay down for a bit and just,,, be. I might force myself to meditate. I like it. I think.

Comp exercise hurts so much. Why can I do this but NOT actual exercise that would help me tone muscle n shit. My legs feel like gloop because I overwork them. I want a nice bath but I don’t have the energy to do anything but sit and stare at the wall. :/

Anyways, this is a reminder that you should take breaks when you exercise, ESPECIALLY if or when you restrict. Fatigue, muscle and joint pain, sickness, and brain fog are not fun. Please, eds are already hell enough, try to take care of yourself just a little bit.

I don’t think enough people talk about the social hierarchy of eating disorders.

So, this is simply a reminder that Bulimia is NOT “failed anorexia.” Binge-Eating Disorder is NOT laziness and voluntary lack of self discipline. OSFED is NOT any less valid that anorexia. ARFID is NOT just “being picky.” And, Anorexia is NOT cute or desirable.

These are all horrible and deadly disorders, and there is no way to “fail” at having a mental illness. We are all suffering is different ways and that is always valid and deserving of help.

i’m definitely 6, with a lil 7 & 10 on the side. <3

tag urself <3 part 2

As someone who missed out a lot when I was younger (mind you I was 111lbs and I’d pay to weigh that much now) because I was so insecure about how I looked, I’d say if you’re ever invited somewhere, go.

You can always come up with an excuse why you’re not wearing a swimsuit or are wearing any sort of cover up-goes for any gender (you’re on your period, recovering from some wicked sunburn etc. google it if you have to).

The movies and ridiculous amount of snacks/soda or even choice of clothing: the sugar makes it hard to sit still, popcorn makes my lips blister etc. let’s say you’re wearing oversized clothes or long sleeves: I get cold at the theater etc.

But try not to miss out on any experiences with your friends/loved ones.

I’ve just,,, unrelapsed. I hate it so much. I want to get worse but I know that that’s so unhealthy. I just want people to see me and worry for me. I want to know that people will care. I’m so sick inside! Why can’t I be sick outside?

Tips for people who struggle with binge eating ✨

• don’t skip breakfast ( eat something what fills you up like oatmeal) if you don’t you’ll be more tempted to binge later

• eat a light lunch with volume like a salad or an apple

• when you want to eat diner. Eat your vegetables first and only eat one portion. If you eat more you probably feel guilty and get the fuck it I just eat it all mentality , you can only eat greens for seconds

• make sure their are enough safe foods. If you do binge try to eat them so you stay local. Or try to eat just a whole cucumber and drink tons of water

• don’t fast because you probably ruin the days of not eating with days of binging

• keep raw greens in the fridge like carrots or tomatoes. You can eat unlimited vegetables (as long as they are raw no added shit) without gaining weight or stop losing weight. And the crunch makes you satisfied (like eating a whole bag of chips) so when you can’t prevent a binge just binge on vegetables 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

• DRINK ENOUGH

Most importantly stay safe (and skinny hehe)✨

If anyone has more tips drop them in the comments

i get its really hard to feel valid in such a competitive disorder but everyone here deserves help if they eventually want it. and i dont know who needs to hear this but you ARE sick enough to reach out, to recover if thats what you want. stay safe everyone <3

hello. this is my pinned post and introduction.

this blog is a vent blog mainly for my eating disorder, but I will also talk about my mental health and trauma. any vents that I post will be put under a ‘read more’ divide, so that you can skip over them if you feel they would be damaging to your mental health. trigger warnings will be given as well. i may reblog triggering memes, vent art, or other posts, but I cannot promise those will have trigger warnings as well. please proceed on this blog with caution. block me if you must; your mental health is important.

anyways, about me. my name is cassius, and I’m eighteen. i am genderqueer (trans misogyny exempt) and diamoric. i’ve had an eating disorder for about five to seven years now, I can’t remember how long it’s truly been. it’s gone through multiple cycles, but at the current moment its presenting more as moderate bulimia (or potentially BED?). i don’t really have a lot of hobbies, but i do game sometimes. if you want to play something together, i’m totally up for it! :3

if you need someone to talk to, i’m here for you. i’m online about 24/7 and i am totally okay with you coming into my dms and just venting or asking for advice. i’m also here if you just need a friend! i like talking to people. <3

CONJUGATING MY PRONOUNS

they/them/their/theirs/themself

Cassius is the person who runs this blog. They have bulimia, and have had it for many years. Their favourite game right now is minecraft, because it lets them be creative. They struggle with taking care of themself, and they hope you don’t struggle as much as they do. This blog is theirs.

au/aurum/aur/aurums/aurself

Cassius is the person who runs this blog. Au has bulimia, and have had it for many years. Aur favourite game right now is minecraft, because it lets aurum be creative. Au struggles with taking care of aurself, and au hopes you don’t struggle as much as au does. This blog is aurums.

mym/mym/myms/myms/mymself

Cassius is the person who runs this blog. Mym has bulimia, and have had it for many years. Myms favourite game right now is minecraft, because it lets mym be creative. Mym struggles with taking care of mymself, and mym hopes you don’t struggle as much as mym does. This blog is myms.