my dad was saying how he thinks that at every birthday after 18 more and more things should become legal. so by the time you’re like 60 you finally get your meth and arson liscence

Me to my anxiety : can u like calm down these people don’t even think about you Depression : ever Me: that’s not what I meant

im so ready to be in a relationship so whenever the universe is ready hmu with a keeper

sometimes I’m like “my therapist doesn’t really tell me anything I don’t already know” but then I remember that I used to eat scrambled eggs every single morning because I hated them but I hated them less than I hate all other breakfast food on weekdays (don’t @ me waffles are a weekend food and they Do Not start me on a productive path) and my therapist said, “why not eat a lunch food?”

and I said, “explain”

and she said, “you know you’re allowed to eat whatever food you want in the morning. you are not bound by law to the traditional american breakfast.”

my father’s insurance pays a hundred dollars an hour for a woman to give me permission to eat a pb&j at six in the morning 

God you really know its 2AM when you look at the clock and it is

“Love and forever are two words that mean such different things. You can put them together, but they don’t always fit. One day you’re at her house picking her up for the first date and she’s wearing that lacy black dress that puts stars in your eyes, and another day you’re telling her you love her for the first time and she starts crying because no ones ever told her they loved her, and then you’re swearing to her that it will last, you promise you’ll be there forever. And then one day the word love and forever fell apart, like a puzzle being crumbled from the hands of a toddler. And the next thing you know, you’re sleeping on your best friends couch crying into bottles until both your eyes and the bottles turn empty. And she’s laying in the bed you two shared with nothing but the wind in the curtains to keep her company, soaking your pillow with her memories of the love you two shared. “Dear love, Where did forever go?” Love left first, and forever carried on behind. His promises broke, and so did her heart when he couldn’t look her in the eye and say that he truthfully loved her. He wanted everything in him to be able to love her again, but love had left, and love wasn’t turning back around. He tried to put the puzzle back together, but he was missing the pieces. And in one day, two people lost all the years they had spent together, just because love left, and forever had to follow behind.”

— it’s about the love, not the years spent.

“Do they really make you happy, or are they just a distraction from your sadness?”

— unknown

who wants to haunt local streets at 3am with me

I feel like one of the biggest misconceptions out there is that all fanfic is written by 12 and 13 year olds

Like the other day I read a fanfic where Jason Todd is remodeling his kitchen and is concerned about wooden countertops because what if you get raw chicken on your wooden countertop?

You think a 13 year old thinks about countertops? Think again my friend that fic was written by an Adult

i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado

@ the water that drips down my arms when i wash my face and makes a big ass mess: fuckin fight me

Music is just wiggling air

Cardi B - “Bickenhead”

I’ll kill a spider for my girl but if she under attack by a raccoon then that’s not my business. You pissed him off not me

what happens when you park illegally

please watch this john mulaney bit from snl of him complaining about how computers ask us if we are robots it is hilarious 10/10 would recommend