suburgatorism-blog
shut up, karen.
fandomless oc couple, by becks.
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& starter call.
#i'll do these randomly for both of them#;; PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP! (ooc.)#but first sleeps
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"It's impossible for someone's head to actually explode, isn't it?"
seven psychopaths | accepting | @hyacinthsgirl
Sʜᴇ ʟᴀᴜɢʜs, ᴀɴᴅ it’s a warm sound — soft and relaxed, with just the hint of breathlessness in it that comes from being caught off-guard. Something she had perfected, as anything within her appearance over the years — everything to keep the facade up!
“Oh, honey, no. I was merely exaggerating, that’s just cartoonish, isn’t it? — I’m no biologist, but I highly doubt a person’s head will just explode.”
Unless you help, of course. If you give them something a little hard to swallow — well, she should probably tell her husband to pick up some new paint for the basement. And maybe finally that pressure washer they talked about, she would hate to spend another afternoon scrubbing on her knees.
“I’m sure Mr. Jackson will reappear soon, don’t you worry. What do you think of shortbread? I tried a new recipe lately and I could use an opinion.”
#hyacinthsgirl#;; I'M SURE I CAN FIT IT IN MY SCHEDULE. (ask.)#chris don't be dumb you have to put something in their mouth that explodes obviously!!!#and no....those arent cannibal cookies she's genuinely trying to bake
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SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS SENTENCE STARTERS.
❝ What the hell happened? ❞
❝ I set the car on fire. ❞
❝ You’re gorgeous. ❞
❝ It’s their blood. ❞
❝ Where are your guns? ❞
❝ You’re better than me. ❞
❝ Put your hands up! ❞
❝ You’re fucked from birth. ❞
❝ Are you pissed at me, baby? ❞
❝ Why would I be pissed at you? ❞
❝ Of course we’re friends.❞
❝ Come with me. Please. ❞
❝ I wanna jump inside your pants. ❞
❝ Are you looking at something? ❞
❝ Why did you kill all of those people? ❞
❝ What’s with your sour fucking puss? ❞
❝ Are we gonna have a peyote party? ❞
❝ Friends don’t make their friends die. ❞
❝ Are you nervous because we’re killing a chick? ❞
❝ I’m going to be over to kill you on Tuesday. ❞
❝ Maybe the world just doesn’t understand you. ❞
❝ Poodles always look like they’ve been crying. ❞
❝ We all gotta dream, don’t we? ❞
❝ Have some pride in yourself. ❞
❝ Fuck the cops! Fuck them! ❞
❝ You ever shoot a guy in his eyeball? ❞
❝ Sorry if I haven’t been a very good friend to you. ❞
❝ Don’t ever say I never do anything for you. ❞
❝ Seriously, just fuck off! I’m not in the fucking mood! ❞
❝ I stabbed a guy in the ear once. Ice pick, right in his fucking ear. ❞
❝ You think I’m not serious just because I carry a rabbit? ❞
❝ Are you out of your alcoholic fucking mind? ❞
❝ You’ve eaten too many hallucinogenic cactuses tonight, [ name. ]❞
❝ I don’t have a drinking problem. I just like drinking. ❞
❝ Sorry for hitting you in the face so hard. ❞
❝ Sometimes I think God’s gone crazy. ❞
❝ No shoot-outs, no pay-outs. Just human beings talking. ❞
❝ You might want to stop drinking if this is how you’re gonna behave. ❞
❝ It’s impossible for someone’s head to actually explode, isn’t it? ❞
❝ When are you gonna get a job that’s not just stealing from people? ❞
❝ This guy just telephoned a psycho-killer to come psycho-kill us! ❞
❝ God loves us. I know it. He’s just got a funny way of showing it sometimes. ❞
❝ I didn’t mean to break his nose. His nose was just in the middle of where I was punching. ❞
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have you always thought that TRUE EVIL takes form in suburbia? did you ever look at these picture perfect families and thought, well, shit, what deal with the devil did they make to have so much LUCK in their lives? looked at a soccer mom and seen the WORST OF THE WORST? well, look no further, because i present to you, the power couple of idyll, a college professor with a liking for ANCIENT OCCULT RITES and his wife, a literal HELLSPAWN. everything’s fine as long as you don’t forget to bring something to the monthly BBQ, karen!
fandomless oc couple, latent magician history professor & his wife, a demon-turned-soccer mom, written by becks.
#i'm too lazy for a fancy promo so THIS IS WHAT YOU GET.#;; JUST YOUR LOCAL SUNSHINE COUPLE. (self promo.)#i'll reblog this on my other blogs once i don't break tags anymore.
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Tag drop.
#;; A MOTHER'S DUTY IS TO WATCH OUT FOR HER FAMILY. (airla.)#;; THERE'S A DAD JOKE IN HERE SOMEWHERE. (michael.)#[ RE ] ;; YOU'VE DRAGGED ME FROM HELL & I'D FOLLOW YOU BACK THERE. (michael & airla.)#;; I'M SURE I CAN FIT IT IN MY SCHEDULE. (ask.)#;; JUST YOUR LOCAL SUNSHINE COUPLE. (self promo.)#;; THIS GETS A PLACE ON THE FRIDGE! (saved.)#;; MY. LOOK AT THE NEIGHBORS! (promo.)#;; HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE THING ABOUT THE SMITHS YET? (meme.)#;; THREE KIDS A DOG & A BIG GARDEN. (aesthetic.)#;; WHO DOESN'T SING UNDER THE SHOWER? (music.)#;; I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR MY FAMILY. (musing.)#;; YOU THOUGHT A LIONESS PROTECTED HER CUBS WELL? THINK AGAIN. (children.)#;; THERE'S NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT US! (headcanon.)#;; PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP! (ooc.)
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