suboptimal-xenobiologist
Holy SHIT I Love Aliens
Any pronouns ☆ I'm just here to scream about fictional aliens and fictional alien biology ☆ Multifandom, mostly Homestuck though
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like the one and only reason I wouldn't actually want to end up like faligon is because of her body's poor functioning like. imagine you have to eat food one crumb at a time. or you had to breathe through a straw always. that's the actual horror part of the situation but the rest of it is just hot beach body
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Pet Peeves About Boobs
I'm not going to be mad at you if you're a small independent creator who does this, I just have a personal frustration with some common boob-related design choices and I am here to offer my opinion on the matter.
I happen to be a human who has boobs, I know a thing or two about how they work lol. Fair warning for nudity ahead! it's gonna be a real long post with all the image descriptions and extra explanations so I'm putting it under a cut.
(image description: a page of diagrams showing human breast anatomy, both male and female. Breasts sit on top of the chest muscles, are padded with fat, and contain milk ducts. Even human males have these ducts. Additionally, there is a photo of a horse foal feeding from a mare's udders, and a photo of a cow with large udders. The text on the image reads:
What are boobs and why do we have them?
Breasts are where we keep our mammary glands. That's where milk develops for babies to feed on. And yes, human males also have the ability to develop functional mammary glands.
You don't need breasts if your babies don't need milk.
But we don't actually know why humans have perma-boobs. Some theories are:
Sexual appeal. bipedalism. mimicry of swollen monkey butts (another sexual trait). communal baby feeding.
end description.)
Yeah, boobs do actually have a function, beyond looking very nice and being very squishy. So I think people should really think about that a little more before they just start tossing boobs onto their creature designs. What purpose is the boob serving? Why is it there? Why would lizard people evolve to have females with large round fat lumps? Especially when lizards, like birds, usually put the fancy sexual display parts on the males.
(image description: a page of simple lineart, traced from screenshots of female Argonians from the Skyrim series. They are lizard people with dinosaur-style faces and inexplicably humanoid torsos that include round breasts. A few of them also have visible belly buttons. The text on the image says:
Problem 1: Reptilian boobs. and also belly buttons. Seriously, why.
end description)
Yeah, I hate it. I will ignore the awful shrink wrapped faces and horrible skinny necks for now. It's really obvious they just stuck a new skin texture on a human female model and then replaced the head with these bony lizard faces. Barely any effort, grade F, I know this game company can afford better character models. Here's my solution.
(image description: Three lizard women with different colors and patterns of scaly skin and horns or spikes. They're all wearing jewelry and clothing that leaves their chests exposed, with colorful skirts that allow their tails to show. One of them is missing half an arm. Two of them have folded skin on their chests that can be extended or inflated to resemble breasts with bright color patterns and no nipples. Text on the image reads:
But I want my lizard women to look feminine and sexy!
Well fine, but mammary glands and belly buttons are not the only solution. Belly buttons come from placental birth btw, so quit putting them on your reptiles lol.
First off, stop being a coward. If you really want lizard boobs: dewlaps/air sacs.
end description.)
Alternatively, if you really want to have some fun with realistic lizard anatomy, these could all be males. Anoles are lizards well known for their colorful extending dewlaps, and they have it on both males and females. But most other lizards and birds leave the fancy visual displays to the males. Sage grouse males, for example, have two very large bouncy air sacs in their necks. That's a bird with badonkers. A male bird. No reason you can't give female lizard or bird people fancy visual displays like dewlap boobs, but please consider the flamboyant males.
Onwards to centaurs!
(image description: a centaur woman wearing a strapless bra. Her horse body is a dark grey color. Text reads:
Problem 2: centaur boob placement.
why are they up here? (line points to the humanoid chest)
and not down here? (line points to the underbelly, near the back legs)
I mean I know why. But like. Why.
end description)
The belly button too, I just don't think it needs to be up there on the humanoid part of the body. Most of my pet peeves about centaurs come from the same basic complaint. They're not drawn like cohesive creatures with anatomy that actually makes sense for their whole body. They're drawn and thought of in a way that separates the humanoid upper torso and the equine lower body. And trust me, I know how hard it is to fix that, because wow it is so hard to make centaur anatomy look natural. But we can do a little better than just pulling a Frankenstein and slapping a human torso where the horse head should go, don't you think?
(image description: Title text reads:
But I don't understand why centaurs need horse udders, what's wrong with boobs?
Below this, three colored drawings of centaur moms breast feeding their babies. One looks frustrated and tired as she attempts to lift a baby to her breast while standing up. The baby is falling out of her arms, the horse-like body too big to carry comfortably, especially as the baby wiggles and won't stay still. Next, a centaur mom leaning forward and holding her breasts steady as her baby stands in front of her and reaches their face upward to feed. Last, a centaur mom laying down and holding her breast while her baby stands beside her and leans forward to feed. further text below. end description.)
Source on how much milk human babies need.
Source on how much milk horse babies need.
Hey did you know human babies and horse babies have vastly different needs in terms of how much milk they drink per day? And also horse babies develop a lot more before birth than human babies do. They can walk within a few hours. The extra text in this image, as a TLDR, explains that human babies will consume around 1-8 ounces of milk per feeding, depending on age. Newborns consume less, but more often, and 6 month old babies consume more, but less frequently. A human breast can ideally keep up with that need without too much difficulty.
The second chunk of text is from a guide on formula feeding horse foals. It explains that a mare will produce around 3% of her body weight in milk per day. Reminder that the average horse weighs hundreds of pounds. Foals can also consume around 25% of their body weight in milk per day. That is so much more milk than a human baby. At most, a newborn human baby would need around 72 ounces of milk in a single day. A foal that weighs 100 pounds needs about 25 pounds of milk in a day. To put that in perspective. A gallon of milk is 128 ounces. 25 pounds is equivalent to just roughly 3 gallons. A human baby isn't even drinking half a gallons a day and a horse baby is out there chugging multiple gallons a day. (i did math, the newborn human actually had the highest milk need from the list i found)
If you like centaurs with giant anime badonkers, congratulations, you win this round. That would be the size of boob a centaur would need to feed their babies. But think of the back pain, I'm begging you.
(image description: A colored drawing of a grey centaur mom with a flat chest that shows no nipples, holding her hand out in a thumbs up position. Her baby is standing beside her and leaning down to feed from udders on her underbelly. Above this, text reads:
Centaurs already have such messy spines, don't torture them with giant boobs to feed their babies! Udders work just fine.
end description.)
You can dress up your non-human ladies any way you want to make them feminine and sexy and generally attractive. But please take a moment to ask yourself: do they really need these boobs?
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The living armor in dungeon meshi are mollusks and colonial organisms hhhhhhhhhhgggggg
#this series is also massaging my brain#god i hope i get really autistic about this show really fast i need to get insane about specbio again for my mental health#but as of now I have nothing interesting to say abt it#maybe ill make a beastiary or something at some point. not because id jave anything new to contribute but bc itd be fun
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Started playing Rain World. You can imagine the effect this has had on me. If I ever stop sucking at video games I am going to make it your problem.
#AAAAAAAAAEROUAAUUUURAAAAAGHHHHHHH#FUCK I LOVE THE WORLDBUILDING IN THIS GAME#AND THATS TO SAY NOTHING OF HOW WELL THE SIMULATED ECOSYSTEM WORKS#Catch me spending unreasonable amounts of time staring at the lizard dragging my corpse around just so I can see it interact with the world#i love (semi)realistic explorations of immortality i love playing in the ruins of something unfathomably important#i love fictional biology I love these goofy ass critters falling off cliffs and brawling#i fucking hate the map design
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Religious art leaves out the best part and it’s such a goddamn shame.
Livestock, Agriculture and Food is an integral part of any culture and we all need to be pushing for more realistic sheep in religious art. #FATTAILSFORJESUS
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Here’s a masterpost of all the mimic creatures I deem official.
Lamp Beasts
Showerlegs
Night-bites
Chorses
Mouse
Staplators
Fants
Utensil Spiders
Garbage Crabs
Cat Carrier
Sponge Frogs
Whale boats
Ancient Mimics
Siphonophore lights
Controller Crabs
Remove-odile
Chest Mimics
For other stuff, check #mimics tag.
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Mentally i am at the ceremonial torchlight yaoi festival
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HEY YOU. i just wanted to know if you had any headcanons about carapacians... existing characters or in general or anything really. blinks my eyes at you
HELLO!!!YES!! YES I DO!!!!!! I will put them in bullet points!!!
-Carapacians are most akin to terrestrial crustaceans
-Dersite bones are white and Prospitian bones are black. Same thing with their flesh under their carapace
-Caraps have crazy stomach acid and an insane digestive system to the point where they can digest certain types of metals and inorganic things including but not limited to: Tin foil, plastic, fabric, and batteries. They can also digest bones
-Carapacians have an extremely high bite force outclassing Humans, Trolls, and most Leprechauns but not Cherubs.
-Carapacians like trolls and drones tend to get really attached to certain things or concepts
-CARAPACIANS HAVE CLASSPECTS TOO!!!Every living thing has a classpect even ones generated by sburb, that includes caraps!!
-Carapacians sort of have a molting process like trolls, where when they're at their final stage of growth they molt and shed their old carapace, it's kinda uncomfortable and looks scary to anyone who doesn't know what's happening. This always happens to growing carapacians but can also happen if a carapacian gains weight/ builds more muscle. It's best to give your friend some space after this happens since it's a tiring process
-Carapacians are amazing at adapting and depending on their environment will grow certain features to help them. Like for example a Carapacian in a cold climate will start to grow a thicker shell
-Like Leprechauns and Trolls their nostrils aren't usually visible and are very thin, only visible under certain conditions(kinda like a Meowth situation lol)
-Caraps have nictitating eyelids! It protects them from extreme conditions
Thank you for asking!!!
#yayyyy more of them#im putting this post on my blog like an important reminder pinned to my refrigerator with a magnet#homestuck#carapacians
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Got any Carapacian biology HCs?
Hi... i've been putting off making a carapacian biology post but i gotta make it SOMEDAY so might as well be today.
they have, in addition to the carapace, a rudimentary internal support structure (a partial skeleton). NOTE: they dont have solid bones (slash their equivalent) in their limbs.
prospitians have black teeth! it's because they're more visible. it's like a warning coloration.
no nostrils, they breathe through basically invisible spiracles (or their mouth) and smell through little also near-invisible pits on their face.
baby carapacians have four arms! they have a temporary pair under the permanent ones that they use to hold on to their parent. they fall off once they learn how to walk on their own, and leave little scars that disappear after a couple molts.
they molt! little babies (and they very much are little) molt a whole lot but full-grown adults molt from half a year to every two years. it's a little inconsistent, and their health also affects it.
they can survive without food or water for up to a year and a half, but they'll get very weak. this is how exiles survive in wastelands!
They have an innate sense of distance. This is partially why carapacian architecture is so labyrinthine.
Alright those are the ones that are most likely to stay as they are. Thanks for the ask YIPPEE
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cherubs and gender
we know that our genders are social constructs, with behaviours rising from that which is expected of us based on our gender. however, cherubs are solitary creatures, they don't live in societies like we do. the cherub differences would be more analogous to differences in sex, where they have four different sexes:
green benevolent
green evil
red benevolent
red evil
it is clear that green benevolent and red evil can mate as can green evil and red benevolent, and it is implied that the same alignment ones cannot mate, but we have no idea if the same colour but different alignment ones are able to mate
you could potentially take "benevolent" and "evil" to be genders, but i don't think that's really fair. when we meet godtier!calliope, they seem very different to the main calliope we know, and they don't seem to have the same sort of gender expression nor general socialization as her
it is my conclusion that cherubs are by default what we would describe as agender
calliope and caliborn are exceptions, as they were raised by gamzee and also grew up watching and speaking with humans, who had defined gender roles. this is why i consider both of them transgender (with the exception of meat!calliope, who i consider cis as they ended up being agender again)
#the idea of red and green being completely independent from malevolent and benevolent is an interesting take right off the bat#abt to reread parts of the comic with this in mind#i would absolutely love to read more on this#homestuck#cherubs
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pro lifer blocked me on twitter for asking this but if embryos have souls, and then they're aborted, exactly how sapient are they in the afterlife? Are they forever doomed to float around with no thoughts in their heads? Is it like just animal intelligence like a little happy goldfish? Do they still have an embryonic form? I've always seen an assumption that child souls are still in child form so I guess so. Do the other people in the afterlife keep abortions as little pets? Will they stay in a fishbowl or are they too stupid + intangible and float right out again?
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i think it’s kinda interesting that carapacians have both an exoskeleton and an inner skeleton
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i wanna make my caraps like. At first, when you're just looking at them, They're just like. Myeah. Chess guys. PSYCHE, weird jaws. No bones in their limbs. All the joints move like, independently. Innate sense of distance. Able to survive without eating or drinking for 6-12 months. Get real
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the furby chart
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Some pictures which were used in the dictionary on the old Furby website.
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all tomorrows fakeposting???
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❤️ tailless-girl-cock Follow
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🐬 under-the-sea Follow
I hate having to switch out my breather... especially when I need to get a new one, they're always sensory hell for the first few days until they get used to you.
🔁 motherfucking-molizana Follow
BIG fucking mood OP. I got a new job recently and my new job host is TOO FUCKING TALL to walk on! I keep getting vertigo and falling over!!!!
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🦖 fuckyeahanthropology Follow
Sometimes I get really sad about the fact hamuns used to be sapient like us. Like... imagine what could have been. What was. It makes me sad to look at my pet and think she could be a person, too.
#mod's personal posts
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🐍 shakethesnake Follow
ok but who gave satyriac hardcore vibrations the right to be so fucking good
that shit shakes so hard it makes you dizzy
#satyriac hardcore #ngl it shakes so hard my neighbors lodged a vibration complaint with the landlord ^•m•^ #now i have to feel to it when theyre at work
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🦎 spirit-sallyforth Follow
dios mio... la creatura
#hamuns #hamunblr
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🐦 thewillsandwhimsofsimplerfolk Follow
i think i accidentally made one of my great-great-great grandkids ship clainzy lmao. i was watching the show together with the youngest and she compared them to her and her husband
#txt #stargazer #stargazers #clainzy #clary x dainzy #dainzy x clary
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#LETS GO ALL TOMORROWS FAKEPOSTING#all tomorrows#god i want to experience satyriac hardcore vibrations
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