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H A R R Y S T Y L E S
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To The Man Who Loved Her First
Description: where harry writes a song for y/n’s boyfriend that had died and talks about it in Behind The Album
Word Count: 1,600
Warnings: death
A/N: this is probably confusing, so I tried to add some gifs to hopefully make it a little easier to follow. Idk though it’s prob still confusing but OH WELL I TRIED!! let me know though and ill try to fix it 💓
masterlist:
———-
Harry had not been her first love. In fact, she had loved someone so deeply and irrevocably that the thought of being with someone else had never even crossed her mind. For her, there could be nobody else; for she had found the person that she would spend each day with for the remainder of her life. But although she did not spend the rest of her life with him, he did spend the rest of his life with her, for he had loved her until his dying breath. So when she was left devastated and broken at his departure from the world, she was certain that she could never love again.
But one year later, she met Harry Styles. Falling in love with Harry was slow, for she struggled to open herself to someone again, and she struggled with the guilt of moving on so quickly. But Harry had been patient with her through it all and somewhere along the way; the two had completely fallen for each other. It was a different kind of love than she had before, but it was just as powerful and ran just as deep. Of course, she had opened up to him about the love that she had lost and her continuous grief. She had struggled with balancing the grief for her past lover and the love she had for Harry, for she felt constant grief over the conflicting feelings. Harry, however, would continuously remind her not to forget the love she had for him and to always carry him within her heart.
So two years into their relationship, she found herself living a beautiful life that she had created with Harry, but always holding onto the man that she had loved first. No longer caught in a wave of grief, she could now smile at the memories she had with him, while still moving forward with the immense amount of love she shared with Harry – her life partner and absolute best friend.
“Y/N, love, hurry along!” she hears Harry call from their shared living room, tearing her away from her abundance of thoughts.
Grabbing onto the bowl of popcorn, she flees towards her loving boyfriend, causing several piece of popcorn to spill over the sides. Plopping onto the couch, she nudges towards Harry and feels his arms wrap around her torso. She glances towards the television screen, noticing that Harry had already opened up the documentary on Netflix and is waiting for her arrival before pressing play. Looking at the cover of documentary, her face lights up with a smile at the sight of Harry’s face plastered on the screen.
“So proud of you, my love,” she says through a beaming grin.
A pleased smile falls upon Harry’s face before he leans down to gently peck his girlfriend’s lips.
Only four days ago, Harry had released his brand new album to the world. In this short time frame, the album had reached number one in countless countries, and the songs had overtaken the top of the charts. The world had once again fallen in love with his voice, his lyrics, and his music. Per usual, Harry was also releasing a behind the scenes documentary entitled, “Harry Styles: Behind The Album,” which would provide footage over the past eight months. The documentary would capture Harry and his band mates in the stages of writing, recording the music in the studio, and would even have Harry discussing each of the songs and how they came to be.
Reaching for the remote, Harry presses onto the center button, sending approval to the television to play his newly released documentary. And as soon as the very first image falls upon the screen, she feels her eyes gloss over with tears, for she cannot be more proud of Harry than she is in this moment. Of course, she had been by his side through the entire process to making the album, but all of this footage is completely new to her. She truly feels like the luckiest girl in the entire world, for of all people in this world, he had chosen to build a life with her.
After the documentary proceeds through the creation of each song on the album, the television screen then transitions to a clip of Harry sitting in front of a typewriter, caught in the depths of his thoughts as he poured them into the form of song lyrics. In this moment, Harry had evidently been swept with emotions, as the documentary captures the moment Harry had broke away from the typewriter and lowered his pain-filled face into the palm of his hand. The camera panned forward, focusing on the paper in the typewriter and revealing the title of the song Harry had been writing.
To The Man Who Loved Her First
At the sight of the title, she feels her heart nearly explode through her chest. Of course, she had heard the song. In fact, she had replayed the song thousands of times and had wept to the lyrics each and every single time that she had. So, of course, she has been more than eager to see the behind the scenes footage for this specific song.
The documentary transitions to a clip of Harry in the studio, singing the song into the recording microphone. The atmosphere had been entirely sober, for his management and band mates sat in complete silence at the sound of Harry’s pain-filled voice radiating through the entire room. When Harry concluded with the song, he removed the headphones from his ears and re-entered into the control room to join the remainder of his team.
“I’ve never heard as much emotion in your voice as when you sing this song,” his record producer had commented.
Harry had nodded his head, agreeing with his record producer. “I’ve never struggled with a song as much as I do with this one.”
“That’s because there’s a lot of pain behind the lyrics,” his record producer had explained.
Noticing Harry’s subdued state, Harry’s band mate, Mitch Rowland, had pulled him towards him. Wrapping his arms around Harry, Harry buried his head into the shoulder of Mitch, allowing his friend to comfort him in a moment of vulnerability.
The documentary then flashes to Harry sitting on a chair in a blank room, answering the questions that were being directed towards him by the man behind the camera. This scene had been intended to be a thoughtful moment for Harry to reflect on each of the songs.
“This is the most raw song on the album, would you agree?”
Harry had nodded his head. “Absolutely.”
“And what was this song written about?”
Harry took a moment to gather his thoughts, striving to find the right words to accurately explain the message behind the song. “Ah, let’s put it this way – I love a woman, but before I loved this woman, another man had loved her.”
Harry once again hesitated, glancing away from the camera so that he can find the right words before continuing. “And this man’s life had been tragically taken from the world and from the life of the woman I love.”
“So you wrote this song as a tribute to him?”
Harry shook his head, denying this assumption. “Not as a tribute no,” he corrected the man. “It was intended to be a conversation with him.”
“And what are you saying in this conversation?”
“I’m promising that I’ll take care of her in his absence, and that I’ll love her the way he would have loved her if he still could.”
“And has this woman heard the song?”
Harry nodded his head and lightly smiled. “She has, yes.”
The documentary displays the moment that Harry had first played the song for her. She had been sitting upon the couch in the recording studio, while Harry and his band mates presented the song for the very first time since completing the process of writing it. She had not been sobbing or uncontrollably weeping, but a constant stream of tears had flowed from her eyes at the sound of Harry’s words to her past love. It was Harry’s method of communicating with him, and in that moment, she could not have felt more connected to her deceased boyfriend. It was almost as if he was sitting beside her, conversing with Harry about his love for her. When the song had concluded, an emotional Harry had pulled her into his warm embrace and had left soft kisses upon her forehead.
Flashing back to Harry in his interview, the man behind the camera asked, “Do you think he approves of it?”
Harry’s eyebrows furrowed as his thoughts wandered to think of her past lover, whom he believed was looking down upon them at this very moment. Harry knew that he would have wanted Y/N to love again, but Harry wanted him to know that no matter what, he would always be carried with them.
“I do,” Harry confirmed through his smile.
Y/N pauses the documentary and shifts her body so that she is facing Harry. Tears threaten to fall from the Harry’s eyes as he stares into hers, and he can’t fight the heavy weight on his chest at the sight of her visible emotions. Without a second to spare, she throws her body towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tightly.
“There are not enough words to tell you how thankful I am,” she says.
Harry rests his mouth against her ears and gently whispers, “He loved you until his dying breath, and so will I.”
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