"It's not a surprise, Vika. It's something old people say to younger ones. And actually some people never grow wiser or grow out of their childish beliefs. We have been blessed with a grandmother who forced us to grow." She looked at her younger sister sadly, "We do not mean to make you feel as such, Vika. Sometimes it is hard to see how much another has grown.

She stared at her sister for a long moment. She was right, but Karolina did not know how to be a different version of herself. She did not know how to be more accepting of something she never trusted in.

She whispered, her voice barely audible, "I'm frightened."

Karolina was the oldest and she out of all of them could remember the best how their father had been. She remembered, not from what people told her or by foggy memories of a distant past, but from her own startlingly clear images. It had not always been abusive. She remembered her father would come visit...he would fawn over her mother, loving and doting. He'd even pay attention to Karolina herself. It started with an argument, then turned into harsh words, and then to fists flying. And her mother had allowed it...not out of true fear, though she knew she feared her lover, she had the training to stop him. No, her mother allowed it for love. And Karolina had always been terrified that whatever made her mother stay was in her as well. She was terrified that she would let a man treat her with such cruelty and allow her children to watch. That was why she so meticulously chose the men who shared her bed, why she dated for years at a time before truly giving herself over, why she now was so reluctant to let any question of infidelity go by as just simple jealousy. Karolina was uncertain if she could ever give herself over to any man. She was uncertain if that was a price she was willing to pay. She sniffled a little before going into the kitchen, begining to clean, not bothering to answer her sister.

Annoyed || Vika & Karolina

The Last Days of Disco (dir. Whit Stillman, 1998)

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale

Photo by Daniel D’Errico

Kate.

Kate Beckinsale @ kn0wy0u.tumblr.com

http://chicksintightfit.tumblr.com

Karolina chuckled, amused. "If you could understand him at least you could insult him back." Zoya's exclaimed in Russian quickly before switching to English. "You have pretty eyes! Pravil'no, mama?" Karolina chuckled, "Yes, he does, Zoya." "I want my kitty to have pretty eyes like you. Mama, can I have a kitty? Pleasssssseeeeeee."

" Ah don’t worry about it - I am used to your brother mumbling russian to himself that was probably about me so.. " He shrugged before looking down at the little girl." A kitty huh? You sure your mama and grandma got room for a kitty bright eyes?" He asked as he knelt down in front of her before looking up at her mother." Though I have been doing a little reading on it… since I came to russia…

She shrugged, smiling, "I guess you should start learn. Especially since that's my sister's first language and she will be using it quite often to talk about you while you are in the room. I said, "A handsome fox for a beautiful kitten." "I want a kitty!" Zoya said, running around Adrian's feet.

He flashed a small smile.” Sorry Ms Belikova, my russian does not expand past asking where I could find a drink or a restroom.”

Karo: *eyes Adrian* Krasavets lisa dlya krasivaya kotyonok.

She shrugged, neither confirming nor denying that she had snooped through her sister's things. "I must be thinking of someone else." She looked at her younger sister for a long moment. "You have grown very wise, Vika." She placed a kiss on her sister's forehead. "But, I am not sure what love is anymore. And love cannot be true if respect is not there. Or at the very least trust." Karolina always worried that she was settling and worrying whether she really truly could love any man. She was not sure of her choices. She had not been for a very long time. With her children she had known her path. With her work she had know her job. But, her love life? Karolina did not understand the first thing about it. She had her parents to thank for that. She had seen them, a couple in love in a relationship that one did not associate with love and she would never allow that for herself, esepecially with her children in the mix. No...more often than not Karolina believed it was best for her to be alone. She did not know what she wanted more, love or respect.

Annoyed || Vika & Karolina