6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

In every single one of my past lives I was a horse who bit someone and got put down

Me, watching any show that keeps disappointing me: Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005-2008) would never have let me down like this.

Coworker: nice day out huh?

Me, who watched a 2hr documentary about the Hindenburg disaster the night before and is desperately trying to share the information i learned: yeah, a real nice day, not at all like May 6, 1937 in Germany.

I'm on the seafood diet. I eat seafood and I eat it.

5 am is the best time to get the drill out and hang stuff up because it's when the walls are at their softest

I never should have taken cobwebs class with professor creepy

Nah why does america have a city called Buston Massivehugetits 😭😭