storiesabouthumanandthings
Stories
This is a blog where i put stories i think up. i have 2 wip stories at the moment, The Captain's Log and Punk Rock Princess. For irl stories, please see my main blog @howlingwolf23. Feel free to contact me or leave a comment and I'll try to reply to as many as i can. Stories list is a pinned post. Icon by @pebber-pot
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Hang Tough
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you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy
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How to Bury a Gentile
I wrote a short vaguely historical vaguely spooky ghost story about Jews and burial rites and I have to justify it existing so here it is.
“Are you the leader of the Jews?”
There was no good that ever came from that question. Rabbi Jacob stood in the doorway, one hand on the knob and the other on the frame, ready to yank it closed at a moment’s notice.
“Well, not all of the Jews.”
The man at the door made a frustrated little grunt. He was clad almost completely in dark grey clothing that seemed to fade into the shadows of the darkened street behind him. The collar of his coat was pulled up so high that it was impossible to make out more than a pair of sharp grey eyes beneath the brim of his hat, and the cloak he wore over the top of it concealed most of his body. There could be any number of guns, knives, or angry mobs hidden under there.
“But the ones in this town, yes? You are their priest, you lead prayers and weddings and so on?” the man said impatiently.
“Rabbi. Yes. I’m the rabbi, that’s correct.” Jacob said, stiffening his posture and assuming the most neutral expression he could manage. Being completely ignorant didn’t exclude someone from being completely dangerous–if anything, that heightened the risk. “What can I do for you?”
“Rabbi,” the man repeated, as if to seal it into his memory properly. One gloved hand squeezed the pommel of his walking stick. “And you preside over the funerals of your people, and perform the rites to send them to the next world?”
“Yyyyyes?” Jacob shifted his weight to his back foot, poised to slam the door in his face. This sounded unpleasantly like an opening for a death threat.
“To any of them, regardless of the sins they carried in life?” An eagerness entered the man’s voice.
“Of course. Though sin as a Jewish concept differs from the Christian…mm. Yes, of course.” The scholars of old might have debated the nature of the evil in men’s souls until the crack of dawn but Jacob had no intention of doing so at half-past midnight with a complete stranger.
The shadowed man took a half step forward and Jacob leaned back to maintain the distance between him. “What about a gentile?” the man pressed. “Would you tend to his corpse too?”
“Huh?”
“There is a man needing to be buried tonight who requires absolution. He is not a Jew, but a Jew’s prayers may be close enough for what is needed.”
“Um. It’s not usually a request I get.” Jacob tried to keep his voice calm and soothing. There was some kind of entrapment lingering in the conversation, he just knew it. That or a giant box of crazy that had managed to dress itself stylishly. Gentiles asking Jews intrusive but urgent questions never turned out well for their target–a day-long case of irritation was the best outcome the target could hope for.
The man’s hands pressed together as he completed the full step forward, making Jacob back up into the doorframe. Desperation was in his tone and Jacob was forced back over the threshold just to stay out of his grip “All I need is someone to accompany me to the cemetery to consecrate the body and pray for its soul. Barely an hour of your time. I cannot pay you with anything but my gratitude, but you will have it eternally.”
“And you came to me?”
The man sighed. Even the top hat seemed to slouch slightly as his body slumped. “I have asked every holy man in the city, Catholic and Protestant alike, and they have refused to come to the cemetery,“ he bemoaned. "The last one told me to visit you. Likely a ploy to make me leave faster, but you are all I have left.”
“What did this man do, that so many people refused him? Who was he?”
The man at the door hesitated. The sharp eyes vanished as his eyelids slid down, and then appeared a few moments later.
“Must you ask?” he said quietly. “Is it not enough that it is a corpse which can do no man harm any longer, and you will lose nothing but a half-night of sleep?”
The inside of Jacob’s head was ringing with warning bells like the frantic clanging of gongs announcing a fire. He swallowed and tried to ignore them.
“You say he wasn’t Jewish?”
“He was not…much of anything. He felt God had no interest in him, and returned a lack of interest in kind. Perhaps if he had been more attentive he wouldn’t lie in a pauper’s grave…or perhaps he would have not changed a whit.” The man’s voice was bitter and the sharp eyes briefly looked away from Jacob, to Jacob’s deep relief.
“Who was this man, to you?” he asked.
“Close. I would prefer to say no more. Please, rabbi. It must be done, and it must be tonight.”
Seminary did not prepare me for this, Jacob thought, and then thought again. There is absolutely something in the Talmud about this and I’ve just forgotten it, because I’m an idiot and I’m half asleep and there is a goy on my doorstep asking me to go out to the cemetery with him at midnight to bury a man whose name he won’t tell me.
“Look, I’ll need someone to help dig the grave.”
“Of course.”
“And a coffin. A plain pine box. And I’ll need to get my supplies from the–”
“But you’ll do it?” said the man excitedly, standing up even taller. “And do it tonight, before the cock crows?”
Jacob held up his hands to keep the man from getting even further into his personal space. “Fine. Yes. Give me half an hour and a lazy rooster.”
The cloak almost seem to inflate as the man gasped for joy. He grabbed Jacob’s hands and shook both with enthusiasm, sending Jacob stumbling. “Thank God for you, my good rabbit! Whatever God there is, thank God for you!”
The man ran off into the shadowed streets and was out of sight almost immediately.
Jacob’s hands slowly fell back to his side as he mumbled, “Rabbi,” to the darkness.
My wife is going to kill me if whatever’s at the cemetery doesn’t.
Keep reading
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short comic that i drew on February 14th 👐
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i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday
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writer’s block (dry) = no desire to write, no ability to write (bearable)
writer’s block (wet) = HUGE desire to write, no ability to write (very evil)
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Mycorrhizae - a symbiotic association between plant roots and fungi.
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A disgraced knight wanders the slums after failing to protect the princess in his charge. Astonished by the selflessness of a blind child, he begins to contemplate why knights must exclusively pledge themselves to nobles.
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it’s just me and my 0 note posts against the world
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“Vampire help hotline, what can I do for you?” “I just… I miss garlic bread…”
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Webtoon
Tapas
Global Comix
Soundtrack listing of all the title songs. Spotify
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i wish i had mental stability but all i got are these big tits
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a horror movie about making a horror movie. wait, don't walk away. a horror movie about one of those grueling seventies productions that broke every OSHA rule—long, exhausting shoots in the middle of the woods, presided over by one of those directors convinced of his own genius and certain the only way to get the performances he needs is to relentlessly isolate and gaslight his female lead. the crew are terrified of the director's outbursts and so are going along with it. there's one other woman in the cast but she plays the one who takes her shirt off earlier in the film and then dies, and the director has done everything in his power to turn these two people against each other, the better to keep his female lead unbalanced and unsure, and when the deeply disquieting scary stuff starts happening for real, the female lead has nobody to confide in and assumes it is the director very characteristically going out of his way to fuck with her. one of the camera operators gets possessed and is being flung around the trees, head spinning as he oozes an acidic black liquid and the female lead is like, "i can't let fucking jerry think he's getting to me." and then—this may be too much, idk—the only way the two actresses can figure out what's really going on is to acknowledge that they've been pitted against each other and that they really don't have any reason beyond this not to trust each other, so they compare notes and that's how they discover that hey, this production actually is cursed.
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How to make an archery target using recycled materials!
I’m still on the injury recovery bandwagon, but GOOD NEWS: there’s a massive stock of archery references available on my Patreon so you don’t have to miss out on watching me do cool stuff!
Edit: I found the spelling error, thanks everyone for being snarky about it 😉
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I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.
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