stellaria-system
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Stellaria System. Adaptive. Autistic. Neurodivergent. AgReg. Adult Bodied. Minors DNI.
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Brain Freeze
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Brain: I have decided to erase all your bad memories to protect you
Me: But I get to keep my good memories right?
Brain:
Me: I get to keep my good memories, right?
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positive catgirl affirmation: your claws and teeth are SO sharp. you CAN destroy anything you want. you DESERVE headpats. you ARE full of incredible CHAOS and VIOLENCE.
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The wildest part about being a system and having known you are a system for a while (6+ years for us) HAS to be seeing people who are just figuring it out fall into holes that you've long left behind.
Like. Yeah. We also thought we needed to keep tabs on everyone to increase communication. In the end it became too unwieldy. Especially since DID evolves with what you experience all the time.
Microlabels are cool and I fully support anyone who uses them, but figuring out what to call every single structure in your system isn't for us anymore.
Another thing we notice is people who try their best to know who is fronting at all given times. A lot of that comes naturally to us nowadays, but it's also... OK not to know. Especially if you're not focusing on anything system related at the time.
I guess a lot of this boils down to, it's okay not to care. It's okay to go with the flow of things and figure out at your own pace. Identity is fluid, especially if you have a dissociative disorder. You don't HAVE to have everything figured out 100% of the time.
It's okay to take it slow. It's okay to not know. It's okay to just exist for a bit. It's okay to live and experience things beyond being a system.
To all the people who are just starting to comprehend this. You do not need to know and label exactly what is happening in your head all the time. Fuck, we sure don't. And we're happier for it.
It's okay to just be you.
#we've settled into this#I do still think about our roles because its relevant to knowing why someone is around but I dont try assigning them to everyone#we try and keep tabs on tells so its easier for us to know only bc it helps us but not tabs on everything#we struggled with the fluidity but now its like meh inconsistency is kinda part of the deal isnt it?#75% of the time we dont know whos fronting until someone has Something To Say
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its hard using a app you dont usually use, i know this is a source of entertainment for us but I keep forgetting to tag things
-Haze
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dissociative amnesia haver: wow i wish i remembered shit
dissociative amnesia havers when they remember:
dissociative amnesia havers when the memories then get taken from them:
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chronic fatigue from mental illness and neurodivergency isn't something you can just will your way out of. your nervous system is part of your body. your brain is an organ. the fatigue is real. you're not lazy. so be kinder to yourself. be gentler with your bodymind.
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No, no. I can have one more shot, I swear. I won’t start behaving like a flamboyantly gay pansy stock character in a pre-code film again. I swear. You can trust me. Darling, you must trust me.
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