SOMEWHERE UP AHEAD OF YOU your sister has pulled to the side of the road and she is waiting for you with a lug wrench clutched in her greasy fist. Oh how she loves you, darling girl. Oh how, like always, she invents the monsters underneath the bed to get you to sleep next to her, chest to chest or chest to back, the covers drawn around you in an act of faith against the night. 

                       independent, private and highly selective original character. written by bea.

      ❝      please  leave  me  alone,    will  you    ?      ❞       her  mood  is  entirely  arbitrary,    snideness  coating  delicate  features.    her  friend  looks  hurt  and  for  a  moment  she  thinks  about  apologizing    ————-    the  need  for  COMFORT  almost  winning.        ❝      for  christ’s  sake,    leave  me  alone.      ❞

@cathydoll

divinewax:

                  he  stares  at  her,  trying  to  see  through  her  words  if  she  was  LYING.  after  a  few  seconds  icarus  thinks  that  if  she was  lying,  she  was  a  good  actress.         ❛     uh  ———  SURE,  let  me  check…     ❜         a  hand  travels  to  his  pocket,  taking  out  his  worn-out  wallet.         ❛     this  is  all  i  have.     ❜         he  shows  her  a  single  dollar,  slightly  ripped  at  the  edges.  he  wasn’t  in  his  best  moment,  financially  speaking.

❝     LOOKS  LIKE  WE’RE  IN      the  same  position.    ❞     with  a  humorless  laugh  she  shows  him  her  coin  purse,    almost  empty  save  a  few  pennies.    ❝      wanna  pretend  we  have  some  talent  and  busk  on  the  streets    ?    i’ve  got  a  mean  dance  routine  down.    ❞

RULES: answer  20  questions  +  tag  20  of  your  followers  you’d  like  to  know  better.  TAGGED  BY: @nottingale  ( light of my life ) TAGGING: @ensavaged, @tsuyoius, @didntkill, @leonherz, @daisyspat

NAME:  bea / lex NICKNAME:  bea, lex, lexi, whatever SIGN:  pisces HEIGHT:  5′4″ NATIONALITY:  american ORIENTATION:  i like everything & everybody FAVOURITE  FRUIT:   cherries,  strawberries, raspberries & blackberries FAVOURITE  SEASON:  fall / autumn. FAVOURITE  FLOWER:  rose FAVOURITE  SCENT:  rose FAVOURITE  BOOK:  lolita FAVOURITE  COLOUR:  dark green, black, red FAVOURITE  ANIMAL:  wolves COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE:  coffee in the morning, tea any other time AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP:  2-6 hours CATS OR DOGS:  luv both NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH:  one but i have 13 pillows DREAM  TRIP:  i wanna stay in a lighthouse for a few weeks BLOG  CREATED:  damn like ?? 2013 ?? NUMBER  OF  FOLLOWERS:  1000 somethin’ lmao im too lazy 2 look

place in society.

FINANCIAL.     wealthy  /  moderate  /  poor  /  in poverty  (verse dependent) MEDICAL.     fit  /  moderate  /  sickly  /  disabled  /  disadvantaged  /  deceased CLASS OR CASTE.     upper  /  middle  / working  /  slave  /  unsure  (verse dependent) EDUCATION.     qualified  /  unqualified  /  perpetually studying  /  still studying  /  never been to school

family.

MARITAL STATUS.     married, happily  /  married, unhappily  /  engaged & devoted to a fault  /  partnered  /  single  /  divorced  /  widow or widower  /  separated  /  it’s complicated  /  verse dependent CHILDREN.    has a child  /  has no children  /  wants children  /  adopted a child  /  verse dependent  (she dies during childbirth so ? don’t know) FAMILY.    close with sibling(s)  /  not close with sibling(s)  / has no siblings  /  sibling is deceased AFFILIATION.     orphaned  / adopted  /  disowned  /  raised by both parents  /  other

traits  &  tendencies.

disorganized  /  organized  /  in between close-minded  /  open-minded  /  in between cautious  /  reckless  /  in between patient  /  impatient  /  in between outspoken  /  reserved  /  in between leader  /  follower  /  in between sympathetic  /  unemphatic  /  in between optimistic  /  pessimistic  /  in between hardworking  /  lazy  /  in between cultured  /  uncultured  / in between loyal /  disloyal  /  in between faithful  /  unfaithful  /  in between

sexuality  &  romantic inclinations.

SEXUALITY.     heterosexual  /  homosexual  /  bisexual  /  asexual  /  pansexual  /  demisexual  /  none SEX.     sex repulsed  /  neutral  /  sex favourable  /  uninterested / (she’s a child) ROMANCE.     romance repulsed  /  romance neutral  /  romance favourable  /  uninterested SEXUALLY.   sexually adventurous  /  sex experienced  /  naive  /  inexperienced  /  curious  / uninterested / (i don’t feel comfortable answering this as she is only experienced by force)

abilities.

COMBAT SKILLS.     excellent  /  good  /  moderate  /  poor  /  none LITERACY SKILLS.     excellent  /  good  /  moderate  /  poor /  none ARTISTIC SKILLS.     excellent  /  good  /  moderate  /  poor  /  none TECHNICAL SKILLS.     excellent  /  good  /  moderate  /  poor  /  none

TAGGED BY  @fictionpersona  (   thank u angel :*  ) TAGGING  @nottingale, @leonherz, @daisyspat, @tsuyoius

  ❝     HEY    ----    MISTER    !      you  got   a  dollar  and  dime  to  spare    ?    m’ awful   hungry.    ❞     as  if  to  prove  her  point,    a  pang  of  hunger  nearly  doubles  her  over    -    hot  flashes  turning  her  face  red.     ❝      promise  i  ain’t  tryin’  to  scam  ya.    ❞

@divinewax

 DAINTY  LIMBS  SLOUCH,     legs  draped  loosely  over  the  end  of  the  love - seat  she’s  essentially  claimed  as  her  own.    she’s  left  a  small  space,    appropriate  only  for  another  child  her  size.  the  gaze  she  adopts  is  nothing  less  than  juvenile,    age  blatantly  showing.

   ❝      ---------------    WHY  should  i  move    ?    i  was  here  first.    ❞  

@didntkill

 STARTER  CALL    !     lo  is  going  to  be  my  main  priority  from  now  on    —-    so  you  can  expect  these  to  get  done  in  the  next  few  days.

Shot a rabbit from the back seat window Sat and watched the summer corn grow Ate ice cream in a desert dream And got lost in father's singing

 WE  HAD  BEEN  EVERYWHERE.     we  had  really  seen  nothing.    and  i  catch  myself  thinking  today  that  our  long  journey  had  only  defiled  with  a  sinuous  trail  of  slime  the  lovely,    trustful,  dreamy,    enormous  country  that  by  then,    in  retrospect.    was  no  more  to  us  than  a  collection  of  dog  -  eared  maps,  ruined  tour  books,    old  tires,    and  her  sobs  in  the  night    ----    every  night,    every  night    ----    the  moment  i  feigned  sleep.

Quotes from Lolita that prove it’s not a love story part 2

So a while back I wrote a post quoting some text from Lolita that focused on the darker parts of the novel where it was easy to see that it’s not a love story, and Dolores is not the “nymphet” Humbert fantasized about, but an abuse victim. It got quite a few notes with people adding some more quotes to expand on the point, but I also started to get messages, and comments were getting added saying things like “Of course it’s a love story” “You can pick out bad points from any book and make it seem worse than it is” (which is true, but not all books are about pedophilia and child abuse) and “But he loved her” so I decided to make a part 2 :)) see part 1 here  

From the thought that around 1950 I would have to get rid somehow of a difficult adolescent whose magic nymphage had evaporated- to the thought that with patience and luck I might have her produce eventually a nymphet with my blood in her exquisite veins, a Lolita the Second, who would be eight or nine around 1960, when I would still be dans la force de l'âge; indeed, the telescopy of my mind, or un-mind, was strong enough to distinguish in the remoteness of a time vieillard encore vert- or was it green rot?- bizarre, tender, salivating Dr Humbert, practicing on supremely lovely Lolita the Third the art of being a grandad.    

I knew of course, it was but an innocent game on her part, a bit of backfisch foolery in imitation of some simulacrum of fake romance

I would park at a strategic point, with my vagrant schoolgirl beside me in the car, to watch the children leave school- always a pretty sight. This sort of thing soon began to bore my so easily bored Lolita,and, having a childish lack of sympathy for other people’s whims, she would insult me and my desire to have her caress me while blue-eyed little brunettes in blue shorts, copperheads in green boleros, and blurred boyish blondes in faded slacks passed by in the sun.

Never did she vibrate under my touch, and a strident “What do you think you are doing?” was all I got for my pains.

I remember the operation was over, all over, and she was weeping in my arms; a salutory storm of sobs after one of the fits of moodiness that had become so frequent within the course of that otherwise admirable year!

Lo treated me to one of those furious harangues of hers where entreaty and insult, self-assertion, and double talk, vicious vulgarity and childish despair, were interwoven in an exasperating semblance of logic which prompted a semblance of explanation from me.

(swell chance…I’d be a sap if I took your opinion seriously…Stinker…You can’t boss me… I despise you…and so forth)

I now think it was a great mistake to move east again and have her go to that private school in Beardsley, instead of somehow scrambling across the Mexican border while the scrambling was good so as to lie low for a couple of years in subtropical bliss until I could safely marry my little Creole.

 I did not mind where to dwell provided I could lock my Lolita up somewhere.

Apart from the psychological comfort this general arrangement should afford me by keeping Dolly’s day adjacent to mine, I immediately foresaw the pleasure I would have in distinguishing from my study-bedroom, by means of powerful binoculars, the statistically inevitable percentage of nymphets among the other girl children playing around Dolly during recess.

That kindly and harmless woman had, thank God, a rather bleary eye that missed details, and I had become a great expert in bedmaking; but still I was continuously obsessed by the feeling that some fatal stain had been left somewhere, or that on the rare occasions where Holigan’s presence happened to coincide with Lo’s, simple Lo might succumb to buxom sympathy in the course of a cozy kitchen chat.

You would give me one look- a furry, grey question mark of a look: “Oh no, not again,”

“She seems quite happy and normal to me,” I said (disaster coming at last? was I found out? had they got some hypnotist?)

‘Can you remember,’ she said, ‘what was the name of that hotel, you know [nose puckered], come on, you know- [noisy exhalation of breath]- the hotel where you raped me.’ 

She kept her wide-set eyes, clouded-glass gray and slightly bloodshot, fixed upon me, and I saw the stealthy thought showing through them that perhaps after all Mona was right, and she, orphan Lo, could expose me without getting penalized herself.

I held her by her knobbly wrist and she kept turning and twisting it this way and that, surreptitiously trying to find a weak point so as to wrench herself free at a favorable moment, but I held her quite hard and in fact hurt her rather badly.

All the while she stared at me with those unforgettable eyes where cold anger and hot tears struggled.

”Foolishly, I asked her what’s the matter. ‘Nothing, you brute’, she replied. ‘You what?’ I asked. She was silent.

An ominous hysterical note rang through her silly words. Presently, making  a  sizzling  sound  with  her  lips,  she  started complaining  of  pains,  said  she  could not sit, said I had torn something inside her.

But if this still isn’t enough evidence, you could always remember that Dolores was 12 years old when she first met Humbert, who was in his late thirties. Or that he paid her for sex, then stole the money back when she was at school. He also tricked her into taking sleeping pills in the Enchanted Hunters hotel so he could fondle her in her sleep. Before moving to Ramsdale, he got into trouble with the police for trying to pay for underage prostitutes, and was admitted to sanitariums. Yes, Dolores may have had a crush on him when they first met, but she quickly saw his true nature and wanted out. It was only in the end that Humbert realised he truly loved Dolores for who she was, not because she was his idea of a nymphet (and to be honest we can’t even be sure if that’s true, because he was such an unreliable narrator and wanted people to sympathize with him). He was obsessed with her, it wasn’t love. Real, true love should be mutual. He destroyed her life and even admitted himself that all he did was wrong, and he should have been charged for rape. Lolita is probably one of the most beautifully written novels I’ll ever read, but just because the language is pretty doesn’t mean we should be fooled into thinking that it’s a love story when really it’s about child abuse. 

How to win an argument with success and poise by Scarlett O'hara | Gone with the wind 1939

      *&.      I  CANNOT  GET  OUT,      SAID  THE  STARLING.

    ‘ It was   going   to hit me ! ’  If the clumsy help would’ve been paying attention he wouldn’t have bumped it  &  they would have never been caught … then again they shouldn’t have been   here   in the first place.  ‘ You don’t think it will be big trouble, do you ? wasn’t like we were being rotten.’ 

❝    the  only  way  it  would’ve      hit  you  is  if  you  would’ve  DIVED  -  ROLLED  underneath  it.    ❞    deep  sigh,    chest  lifting    &    falling  heavily.    she  can’t  stay  mad  for  long,    not  when  it  was  her   idea  in   the  first  place.       ❝    no,    i  don’t  think  we’ll  be  in  too  much  trouble.  i’ll  take  the  blame.    ❞      they  might  not  be  in  trouble  with  the  school,    but  with  her  step - father  is  a  complete  different  story.

Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you’re really doing it to them. Know what I mean? If someone wants to do fucked-up things to you, and you let them, you’re making them more fucked up. Then you have the control. As long as you don’t go crazy.  ||  adelyn belrose  &  dolores haze

@ensavaged

     *&.      I  CANNOT  GET  OUT,      SAID  THE  STARLING.

  ‘ It wasn’t    my fault    we got in trouble, you know.’ 

 ❝    well,    i  certainly  wasn’t  the  one     who  screamed  when  the  janitor  knocked  over  the  broomstick,  you  were.    ❞

 ❝    you  look  100  percent    better  when  i  can’t  see  you.    ❞