stcllac - Tumblr blog

stcllac · 5 years

Text

i. ready

snippets lost to the past, all in chronological order.

be strong, he tells himself as small fists collide with a punching bag too big for them.

be strong, he tells himself as he hears the children in the apartment below his sob for their mother.

be strong, he tells himself as police sirens echo down the street for the third time that week.

❝ she’s a mistake. ❞

❝ there you go stating the obvious again. ❞

❝ then i’ll ask the main question: what the fuck do we do with her ?? ❞

❝ the population already knows she exists, so we can’t get rid of her. leave her for now. we’ll deal with her when she becomes a problem. ❞

❝ fine. in the meantime, she should be educated and taught to act worthy of our name. she might be a mistake, but no one else needs to know that. ❞

tiny hands reach up to pull at glasses, a childish giggle leaving an equally tiny mouth.

❝ he wasn’t left with a name, right ?? what should we call him ?? ❞

brown eyes stare into blue. a name comes to the tip of her tongue, a sudden idea, but it feels so right.

❝ levi. ❞

his eyes open blearily, only to close again as the fluorescent lights overhead cause a dull ache between his eyes. he focuses on breathing, almost as if he’s forgotten how to do it, and his senses slowly return. he hears voices nearby and listens in an attempt to forget his own problems.

❝ another success ?? ❞

❝ of course, we never fail. not for the past few years, anyway. ❞

❝ where did you find him, anyway ?? ❞

❝ wandering the streets, rummaging through trash cans. we thought about making him a raccoon for the irony, but decided against it. ❞

vague memories are beginning to resurface in his mind, but just as they’re in reach, he drifts into another round of slumber.

she’s five years old.

she’s being kicked around like a soccer ball, dragged along the dirt like a potato sack, thrown into the lake like a squirming fish. she cries and yells and gasps as the other children laugh and throw sticks at her face. the sun is excruciating against her pale skin, and she finds shade only to be pulled away and tormented some more.

she’s five years old, and she thinks she’s dying.

your entire existence hinges on the stability of this shrine.

she doesn’t know how she knows this. she doesn’t even remember how she arrived here, what her name is, where she comes from. all she knows is that this is the home she must look after.

her lungs are on fire but she can’t stop, her gaze fixated on a single spot in the water, her screams directed at the unassuming ripples her voice makes. the other children stare in horror while the adults are calmer. they understand what’s happening, she can tell, so why aren’t they helping ??

hands gently guide her beneath the surface and against the current, and it’s only when they’ve passed the root maze that she’s able to close her mouth and her fuzzy senses return.

it isn’t until later that she's told what she experienced: on occasion, a nix will sense when a drowning will occur, upon which they will stare at the scene of the impending tragedy and scream for an extended period of time unless removed from the vicinity.

❝ you have a remarkable gift, milady. ❞

she doesn’t understand. no one has ever referred to her as ❛ milady ❜, and she thinks they’re wrong anyway, as she hasn’t been given any presents recently. surely she would know if she had a gift.

her father looks at her and she, a daddy’s girl until this very moment, recoils. there is no love or pride in his eyes, nothing that makes her feel safe in his presence. she feels more like an object than a living being and she curls into herself as a protective instinct.

he surges forward and grips her shoulders, shaking her lightly, and the grin on his face makes her want to cry.

❝ you’re going to have it all, ❞ he hisses.

this, she’ll realise later, is where it truly begins.

❝ hey, knock it off !! ❞

❝ oh, yeah ?? what are you gonna do about it ?? ❞

the bully is three times her size, and far too big to be picking on her, let alone a young child, but she’s ready to take him on. she never lets herself waver, staring him down as she raises her fists -- a decoy.

as expected, she’s laughed at right off the bat.

❝ you think you can land a hit on me ?? you’re a fucking pipsqueak, you can’t even reach my -- ❞

all at once, his feet are swept out from under him, and she pulls her leg back so she and the initial victim can make a quick escape from the scene.

she leaps. she runs. she cartwheels. anything to get away from the droid after her. she’s at an advantage, her small stature making it easier for her to dodge, and her speed is nothing to laugh at, either. it’s only pressure that she doesn’t work well under, but the adrenaline is helping her through.

she beats her record by ten seconds, earning her a grin and a ruffle of her hair.

❝ that’s my girl. ❞

he wakes in the snow, mind foggy, eyes searching. the winter woods are dead silent save for the pained sound that leaves his throat as he slowly lifts himself up, more akin to an old man than an eight year old.

he remembers his name, a term for twilight, a shade before night, but he doesn’t remember who he is. where does he come from ?? who does he come from ?? his instincts tell him that the answers lie through the frosted gates he spots in the distance, but with that realisation comes a sense of foreboding, a strong push that tells him not to follow up.

he steps back, then again, and again, until he’s completely turned and sprinting to a place more warm.

the sound of arguing is something he’s used to by now, though he never admits as much. he pretends he never hears their rows at all when they all sit at the table and discuss their day as though nothing’s wrong, and he knows that today will be the same as muffled voices slip through the crack beneath his door.

❝ i just want to leave !! let me leave !! ❞

he’ll say that you can’t leave.

❝ you can’t leave !! ❞

there it is.

❝ why not ?? what could i possibly have to gain from staying here ?? ❞

he’ll mention the kingdom, the people, and their responsibilities. and me as an afterthought.

❝ have you forgotten about the kingdom ?? our people, our responsibility to them ?? ❞ a pause. ❝ our son ?? ❞

he sighs. if this is what being crowned entails, he’ll pass.

she drags her feet, ready to collapse as she searches for her keys, only to find she doesn’t need them when the door opens without her prodding. her father stands there with a bright smile on his face, and for a few moments she dares to hope.

❝ mini-hyewonnie !! great, you’re here. ❞

her hopes disappear into the void that all her dreams reside in. is it too much to ask to be referred to by her actual name and not a mini version of her ( currently awol ) mother ?? is it too much to ask that she be her own person with dreams and desires ??

unaware of her inner turmoil, her father continues. ❝ i think i have a lead to where your mother is, i’m gonna go check it out. could you make dinner ?? ❞

he says this as though he regularly makes dinner, as though she isn’t the one who slaves over the stove every night after both school and her part time job just to ensure she and her younger siblings are fed. he just smiles down at her with eyes that tell her that he’s already made up his mind. she’s cooking dinner whether she likes it or not.

❝ sure. ❞

❝ thanks, sweetheart, see you later !! ❞

he’s off before she can say goodbye, and for a moment she just stares as the car starts and he disappears down the road, likely to be gone for a week at least. she resigns herself to that fact as she puts on a smile for her siblings and steps inside.

❝ stop it !! ❞

her words fall on deaf ears, but she stands her ground, arms pointing at the two most important people in her life. she’s trying desperately not to cry because this isn’t how things are supposed to be. she wants to act like a normal ( as if she’s ever been normal ) sister and spend time with her family like a girl her age is supposed to.

as if that’s ever going to happen, but a girl can dream.

❝ you’re leaving again ?? ❞

❝ we didn’t tell you ?? we’ll be gone for the next couple of weeks, we’ll be back on the 28th. you’ll be alright to get to school and everything, and you can ask the neighbours if you need anything !! ❞

he leans against the doorframe with a sigh, watching the car ( once again ) being loaded with bags and suitcases. ❛ that’s not the point ❜ is what he wants to say, but he doesn’t bother. he’s clearly the adult here.

❝ we’ll see you when we get back !! love you !! ❞

it isn’t perfect. the curve isn’t as smooth as it could be and the arrows are different lengths, but he’s never done this before, so he counts it as a win.

he leaps through the air, following the wind as he targets the trees, hitting them one by one. his laughter is lost in the breeze when he departs from the glade he’s been spending his time, itching to explore elsewhere. he ensures he collects his arrows on the way.

he avoids the woodland creatures, the only things safe from his sharpshooter eye. there haven’t been many threats as of late, and he craves a decent fight, so it’s no surprise that he whirls around the moment he hears the crunch of the grass behind him.

his arrow is pointed at a girl not much younger than him, and for a moment, all they do is stare at each other. she doesn’t appear fazed at all. is he not threatening enough ?? is his stance too lacking ??

in the end, she says, ❝ can you get out of my way ?? i have to get back to work. ❞

she gestures to a woven basket with various items he can’t make sense of, but it makes him grin all the same, and he bows with confidence.

❝ i’ll escort you, m’lady !! ❞

❝ you’re kinda boring, you know ?? nothing, like, stands out. ❞

he doesn’t think the words are said maliciously. they’re so nonchalant, as if just stating a fact, and he realises with a pang in his heart that that’s exactly what it is. he stares down at his plain clothing and catches sight of his boring black-ish brown-ish hair in the window and wonders how he can seem more interesting.

his gaze wanders the graphic novel lying on his desk and he flips through the pages, wishing he could be a character from some fantasy land instead.

the boys in the photographs are familiar, but she has no interest in any of them, eyes briefly glossing over them. how annoying.

❝ so ?? do any of them catch your eye ?? ❞

her glare is as intimidating as any ten year old’s would be, but she knows her message is received when her father sighs in resignation and leans back against the sofa.

❝ we only want what’s best for you -- ❞

❝ -- i didn’t realise that shoving me into an unhappy arranged marriage and planning my entire life out for me before i’m even a teenager is what’s best for me. ❞

a pause. she doesn’t break eye contact, though he desperately tries to.

❝ your mother and i are happy. ❞

❝ liar. ❞

the word echoes long after she speaks, leaving the weight of her bitterness and indignation for him to see. her eyes don’t leave his until she stands and storms out of the room.

he doesn’t follow.

the rain splashes across the tree leaves and drowns the weeds in puddles, but she continues to dance with her eyes closed, magic flowing from her fingertips. she loves the rain, though that isn’t saying much, as she loves the sun and the snow and the clouds and everything the weather brings.

her companion doesn’t think the same, taking shelter beneath the awnings of her small cottage. all it does is make her laugh, and she wastes no time in scooping the little fox up in her arms and twirling her around as raindrops run through her hair.

this isn’t the first time he’s snuck out of the house, but it’s the most important time, and his hands shake as he clings onto the windowsill. he can jump from the second storey when in a pinch, but that makes more noise. he can’t risk it. he grabs onto the nearby tree and manoeuvres his way to the side opposite the house, staying aware, hoping and praying no lights turn on.

the guilt he’s been harbouring since receiving the offer is still with him as he jumps the fence and heads down the road he knows leads to downtown. isn’t he just abandoning his siblings this way ?? perhaps he’s doing this to earn a living that, hopefully one day, will help them, but in the meantime ??

he’s nothing more than a shitty brother.

she runs through the halls, slamming doors and skidding across the floor until she arrives in the dining room. she leaps onto her sister’s back and giggles despite the lack of reaction.

❝ janiiiieeeeee, where’s baby ?? i wanna show him the new tricks i learned on the bike and the skateboard !! ❞

janie stiffens and she’s forced to slide off. she peers around to see her sister’s face and her own drops at the pure worry she sees.

❝ janie... what’s going on ?? ❞

❝ go-go... i’m so sorry. ❞

her fingers are covered in blisters and she’s sweating under the summer heat, but she has another accomplishment under her belt and that’s something to be proud of. her fellow members think so, too, judging by the way they high-five each other take a selfie to send to their parents, showing off their newly earned patches.

she’s about to join them when she hears a voice behind her and, despite it not being directed at her, she turns. it’s pathetic how she listens for his voice with hearts in her eyes. she’s only young, but she’s always been a romantic, and she wishes and dreams that her life will be like the movies and books she reads.

it’s funny how she can climb a mountain in a skirt, ride a jet ski blindfolded, and save an endangered species, but she can’t tell her crush she likes him.

she quickly shakes the thought from her head and faces her friends, beaming. ❝ guys, wait for me !! ❞

❝ finally graduating, huh ?? ❞

❝ right ?? holy shit. ❞

❝ got any plans ?? ❞

❝ i’ll probably go to the city. ❞

❝ seriously ?? lucky. ❞

❝ you only have one more year, don’t you ?? you can make it. ❞

❝ i think you’re overestimating my academic abilities, my man, but thanks. ❞

❝ i don’t just mean academics. academics who ?? don’t know her. ❞

❝ bitch, i wish that was me. ❞

the tallest tower isn’t high enough, but it’ll do for now. he spreads his arms and closes his eyes, letting the wind gently caress his face, the cold nipping at his nose. he doesn’t mind.

is this what it feels like to fly ?? is this how his father feels ( felt ) every day ??

❝ i’ll find you, dad, ❞ he whispers to the clouds. ❝ i promise. ❞

huddling in the corner between the wall and her bed isn’t the best course of action, but it’s all she can do. she’s paralysed, frozen as she listens to the whispers and feels the chills that travel up her spine.

none of the other kids get this way, so why ??

❝ go away, ❞ she whimpers as she senses a presence beside her, but when she looks there’s nothing there.

she cries harder.

the moment she opens the door, she’s bombarded.

❝ where were you ?? ❞

she dumps her bag in the hallway. ❝ library. ❞

❝ by yourself ?? ❞

heads through the kitchen, doesn’t look at her mother. ❝ yep. ❞

❝ what were you doing there ?? ❞

takes the steps two at a time. ❝ studying. ❞

❝ are you going to answer with more than one word ?? ❞

❛ are you going to stop cheating on dad with some sneaky ass rich guy and buying me presents with his money because you feel guilty ?? ❜ is what she wants to say, but she bites it back and simply says, ❝ nope. ❞

row after row of statues, the smell of dust and grime taking over her senses, her footsteps the only sound in the chamber aside from her laboured breathing. she knew something was wrong, that there was something she was missing, but she never thought it would be something as disturbing as this.

familiar faces are etched in stone, and the further she walks the sicker she feels. it has nothing to do with the state of the room.

she doesn’t react save for unsteady footsteps until she finds the statue at the back of the chamber. it’s like looking into a dirty mirror, and her gaze roams around the oh-so-familiar pose until she feels bile rise to her throat and she’s forced to cover her mouth to keep it in.

❝ why do you keep these ?? ❞ his mother asks, turning up her nose as she picks up one of his old casts. she must have found one of his secret treasure boxes.

he grins. ❝ ‘cause !! it proves how many awesome things i’ve done !! ❞

his mother shakes her head, but he spies the small smile on her face as she does.

she waits until she’s perched on the windowsill to light the match, throwing it onto the documents she's spread across the study. she’s taken everything she needs and refuses to leave anything else for her father and sister, though she’ll miss the days she spent rummaging through the shelves when her father thought she wasn’t around. not that he looked hard enough anyway.

the papers ignite and she drops onto the grass outside, making a mad dash for the forest. her father’s screams moments later propel her forward and she smirks as she disappears into the night.

she’s useless.

she never says as much out loud, knowing she’ll be met with resistance, that she’ll be told that she’s perfect, which is just ridiculous because that isn’t true for anyone.

( well, it is for perhaps one person, but she’s biased. )

if she wasn’t useless, she would be able to stop the crying she hears when she explores the castle. her father would consider her a strong and educated girl instead of something he remembers to see every few months. she would be able to prevent the wounds inflicted on her cousin before a hand is even laid on him.

no hands would be laid on him at all.

but she has always been useless, and useless she will continue to be.

lean fingers spin the ring around, light reflecting off the gold band. she hasn’t seen this particular item amongst her mother’s collection before, and she’s sure she would remember it, even if the last time she played dress-up was years ago.

figuring she can indulge herself just this once, she slips the ring on, staggering back when she’s enveloped in a blinding light.

the moon dips below the horizon. tech finishes fiddling with the audio and he watches the ❛ on air ❜ light flicker on.

he grins.

❝ good evening, listeners... ❞

❝ alright, guys, gals, non-binary pals !! it’s time for a q&a, the final and arguably best part off the night !! ❞

before he can say anything more, his phone pings, and he checks his notifications as questions spam the chat. a message from his sister isn’t unusual, but the message itself has his eyes widening before he can stop himself.

❛ he’s back. ❜

he sucks in a breath. he’s only vaguely aware that he’s still streaming and, barely looking up from his phone, let’s out a rushed, ❝ hey, i’m so sorry, guys !! a family emergency just came up -- don’t worry, everything and everyone’s fine, but i have to be at home !! i’ll make it up to you guys soon, bye !! ❞

❝ the new girl thinks she’s better than us. she doesn’t say hello, barely even smiles, what the fuck ?? ❞

❝ i’ve heard she does sketchy shit late at night, if you know what i mean. ❞

❝ are you kidding ?? i bet she’s never worked a day in her life. ❞

none of these things are said to her face, and she’s sure that she isn’t meant to overhear, but not being a human comes with consequences. sometimes better hearing is one of them.

the only person who says anything directly is a nervous looking boy, and judging from the way her classmates are watching and giggling behind their hands, he drew the short straw.

❝ hey, uh... your parents are seriously fucking rich, right ?? ‘cause people are saying they’re, like, swindlers or whatever -- ❞

she cuts him off with the way she looks at him. it’s a variant of her usual disinterested expression, this time with a fire behind her eyes.

❝ my parents are dead, ❞ she says, loud enough for the entire class to hear.

she rubs her forehead, willing the ache to disappear. she can’t afford to take a break now, not when her deadline is quickly approaching and she hasn’t even begun her search for her parents. there are so many things she has to do and so little time to do it in.

coffee. coffee will make things better.

only when she checks the cupboard, the instant coffee is gone, used up by her sleep deprived self that morning. her fingers clench around the handle as she curses herself for not remembering to pick any up after work. it isn’t a big deal, it’s just coffee, and yet it’s the cherry on top of everything that’s gone wrong lately, and she has to swallow thickly to get rid of the lump in her throat.

she slaps her cheeks and shakes her head. no, be strong.

fire consumes her, but she doesn’t burn. she’s revitalised. any ache or pain she may have felt before is gone, making way for the power she never realised she had. she doesn’t know what it is or where it comes from, but she thinks she can take on the world.

a petty criminal will have to do.

the robber is taken away within minutes and she’s surrounded by strangers, and perhaps it’s the high from the fight, but she feels so in control, so valid.

she answers the call next time it comes around.

❝ why bother learning about your history when you can make your own ?? ❞

❝ what do you mean ?? ❞

❝ i mean that i could tell people where i come from and why i’m here now and all that boring stuff, but why bother when i could give them a story ?? ❞

❝ but... wouldn’t that be lying ?? ❞

❝ not if you make it grand or fantastical enough. ❞

❝ i’m not good with words like you are. ❞

❝ maybe not, but you’re surrounded by history. i’m sure you’d be able to think of something. ❞

❝ hey, i’m not about to dishonour the dead that way. ❞

[ LOADING... ]

[ LOADED ]

[ ACCESSING... ]

[ CONNECTED ]

❝ hello !! how may i help you today ?? ❞

his face is warm where the sun showers him with light. his eyes remain closed, both because he doesn’t want to damage them, but also because he truly can’t be bothered. he’s content where he is. why should he move ??

something -- someone -- shifts beside him and he whines, just a little, wrapping his arms around the moving figure and curling into them.

he could die happy here. he has the sun, some sleep, and his best friends beside him.

❝ everybody hold on tight !! ❞

she doesn’t need to be told twice. her hands find another’s -- she’s not sure whose -- and she clings tightly as the countdown begins, faster than it’s ever been before. these are dire straits. there isn’t time for the usual fanfare that comes with the spell that she’s usually so enamoured by.

this is a fight for survival.

the countdown ends and she shuts her eyes tight as the familiar swooping feeling returns to her stomach. she hears a scream from the opposite side of the room, but doesn’t open her eyes to investigate. she doesn’t want to see them.

#( para )#i'm not tagging everyone but they're all here #some of them share a snippet #also i'm being vague af bc i love being vague #i'm so sorry

3 notes · View notes