sorry everyone it turns out gods mercy is finite & i just used up the last of it

this is just my unprofessional opinion but fuck all that shit

It's April 30th!

REMEMBER TO LEAVE MILK AND COOKIES OUT FOR JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE TONIGHT!

(I had to alright)

we used to get prescribed a summer on the seaside. now we just get told to go touch grass. the economy is in shambles

we are going to have to bring back “smex”

april is going to be my year for real

Don't forget to sleep on your neck at a weird angle tonight. I love you

I love saying “of course” instead of “you’re welcome,” like of course I’m helping you that’s what I do, you were foolish to even consider an alternate dimension in which I’m not helping you. you idiot. you absolute buffoon.

the humble "like" is oft mocked despite what it does for us. "like, three people" is a vastly different statement from "three people". "and i was like 'what the fuck'" is vastly different from "and i said 'what the fuck'". i love you "like" and anyone who says you make people sound stupid will be killed on sight

went on someone’s blog who didn’t post in over a year and their last post was about getting married. like your marriage is more important than posting on tumblr? grow up

the sandwich price to minimum wage ratio is getting so fucked up