I'm no longer a dead man

How will I ever be able to watch the end of Return of the Jedi now that I know mere moments after the cute party with the ewoks, Han and Leia slip off and conceive their son. How am I supposed to find this scene cute? How am I supposed to cope with the fact teddy bears watched them have sex? What if the ewoks cursed Ben?????

You: Mr. Clean, probably a racist. patronizing. Always making people insecure with your smug grin

Me: Brawny Paper towel man, strong. Inviting. Welcoming. A reassuring smile that says nothing is beyond your reach. You can do it.

one of my favourite things in all of star wars is in episode 3 during the fight between obi wan and anakin where obi wans like “ITS OVER ANAKIN, I HAVE THE HIGHER GROUND” and anakin’s like ‘YEAH BUT WATCH THIS’ then jumps into the air, does 3 flips, and gets his legs cut off immediately

TASTE AMERICAN FREEDOM, FUCKTRUCK.

male character: *literally beats another male character to death*

tumblr: wow, can you feel the sexual tension between these two?

best friend: [appears in my field of vision]

me [inside]: my favorite human has arrived. They are cute and smart and my favorite. I must greet them in a manner indicative of my appreciation for their existence.

me: hey nerd

android users be like 

what being alive is like

Things Public School Kids Take Way Too Seriously

Jeopardy

Review Games

Kickball

Spirit Week

A special friend that you fight with casually,

Friends with Benefists

Getting Fallout 4 was an amazing choice

Being 4’11 is so hard sometimes, for real. 

me, a concerned white suburban mom

me: *leans out of my beige Toyota Sienna minivan at the junior soccer practice at Our Lady Catholic School, asking every player that walks by* me: are you the one who taught my son to say “Deez Nuts”

Would you rather fight: Alexander Hamilton or Thomas Jefferson

Things to consider:

Alexander Hamilton’s got a lot of pent up anger; might pretend you are his father

Thomas Jefferson’s exposure to terrible political ideology makes his attacks far less predictable

apparently theres a goddamn pterodactyl in marvel comics named sauron

comics are fuckin wild