SURVEYs

01. What do you hope you grow out of? I hope to grow out of my need for reassurance when it comes to my decision-making. I don’t have a lot of self-trust and I rely on the opinions of others too much sometimes. 

02. What is the healthiest and unhealthiest thing you do on a regular basis? I think the healthiest thing I do is take care of my diet and exercise regularly. This helps my body and my mind stay sane. Unhealthiest would be the negative self-talk that I sometimes engage in, and my habit of binge-watching TV.  03. When looking for a SO, what three things are most important (besides looks)? Actually, looks aren’t too important for me when I’m looking for a partner. For me, it’s really important that we can talk about the big stuff and the little stuff. I want someone to sit and wonder with me. The other two qualities would be open-mindedness or kindness. And someone who doesn’t take life too seriously and makes me laugh.

 04. How much do you judge a person by their appearance? It helps to inform initial opinions, or makes someone stick in my mind. I try not to judge people’s appearances but I can’t help my ego place them above or below me according to their attractiveness. 05. What is the most embarrassing thing you own? Probably a JLS book....actually two of them. The other would be a long soviet-style leather jacket that I rarely have the balls to wear out. 06. What is the strangest habit you have? Um. I’m quite a disordered person so hard to say. I guess my habit of finishing people’s sentences with the wrong word. Like, I’ll guess what someone’s about to say and it’s usually wrong. Quite ludicrous.  07. What movie made you cry the most? Honestly, I cry a lot more than I used to when watching films/series. Requiem for a dream makes me cry a lot. More recently, the movie Train to Busan. Which isn’t even that sad a movie so I don’t know why I cried. I don’t tend to watch movies multiple times though.  08. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood?  I had quite a happy childhood. I think it was days that I spent with the rabbits and kittens at my grandparents house. It would have been with the whole family, a really positive environment. I would have spent the day in the sunshine playing with the bunnies. Or maybe it was the countless days we spent at the beach, having picnics, playing in the sand. Hanging out with family friends, playing hippos and exploring the rock pools and building beetle farms. Then going to the port and jumping in the sea and eating fried crab sticks and ice cream sandwiches.  09. What was the worst date that you’ve ever been on? I haven’t gone on too many dates (with new people - with boyfriends, yes.) I mean I went on a pretty shit date with Ted once. It was the day before I left Thailand for the first time. I nagged and nagged him to take me to the National Park, which was a two hour drive away. We woke up too late, which meant when we arrived the park was closing in an hour. We went all the way to the top but all the trails were closed. Ted and I got into an argument about it and he said some hurtful things. Then we spent the entire journey home in sullen silence. It wasn’t too great as I had a lot of anxiety about leaving and what the state of the relationship would be after we left.   10. What’s your favorite vacation memory from when you were a child? Going to Alton Towers with my Welsh family. I remember I really wanted to go on the tallest ride. It was one of those that fell down really quickly. My cousin didn’t want to do the ride because he was scared. I was so chuffed with myself. Then I ate cotton candy and churros and managed not to vom everywhere. 11. What belief do you have that most people disagree with? I have some rogue New-Age sorta spiritual ideas that most people I know dismiss. I believe in something called universal consciousness, which is the idea that everything is conscious, including the birds, the rocks and the trees. I think our view of consciousness is so limited and human exceptionalism places us above other creatures. I don’t want to see the world that way. I think we lack the understanding to know how other beings experience the world. I also believe in some paranormal things. Mainly that there are other dimensions we can access through meditation and astral projection. I once had an out-of-body experience that opened my mind to things I’d never considered before.  12. What impression do you try to give when you first meet someone? I don’t know, that I am non-threatening? I just try to be nice. It takes me a while to be myself with people. If I’m drunk it’s a different story. But it also depends on the person, with some people I will try to be more opinionated but with most I’m quite gentle. 13. Who or what inspires you to be a better person? My sister. She is just so funny and considerate, so smart. Teddy as well. He always pulls me up on my bullshit and he’s really the only one who does in a way that makes me listen. I’m trying to change my mindset but it’s hard. 14. What’s the TLDR description of your last relationship? We had such fun together, especially at the beginning. He made my life just so much fun with all the drug taking, the trips away, the friend group. He was very kind. But we enabled each other. He let me get away with shit. I was too immature to understand how toxic I was being. And he couldn’t talk about it. He had his own difficulty with emotions and mental health. Eventually I began to see him as a burden. I pinpointed his lack of ambition, of direction, as being at fault for the things that were going wrong in my life. And I broke up with him and sorta regretted it. Now i’m dating someone pretty similar in a lot of ways. 15. If you found out your current life has been just a dream, would you choose to wake up? (You don’t know if your real life would be better or worse.) This is interesting. I got really into recording my dreams over lockdown. I think dreams are fascinating in what they can reveal about what goes on in the subconscious. But I think I’d want to wake up, to see what ‘real life’ is. I’m just too curious. Stay woke and all that.   16. What dumb thing did you believe for a really long time? When I was a kid, I believed actors didn’t actually kiss on screen. I thought they did some CGI shit because I couldn’t believe they’d make the actors actually kiss each other.   17. What are some things you would you like to achieve before you die? I want to delve deeply into learning different martial arts. I’d like to spend some time in South America learning BJJ, in China doing Kung Fu and Tai Chi. In Japan doing Ju Jitsu. I’d also like to a silent retreat in my lifetime and meditate regularly. I want to travel to many different places and learn about regenerative agriculture and volunteer at different farms around the world. Eventually I’d like to have my own farm where I apply permaculture and agroforestry techniques and grow my own food.   18. Where would you like to retire? I think I would like to retire on a Greek island or Greek countryside. That would be a nice life.  19. What brings you the most joy in life? Movement, being active. Spending time with the people that I love. Being outside in natuuuureeee. 20. What is the best and worst part of your personality? I think the fact that I don’t hold on to things. I’m forgiving. And I want to nurture people, help them take care of themselves. I know being non-judgmental is a big part of that. The worst might be my indecisiveness. It makes me quite unreliable. And I can be quite negative sometimes which is depressing to be around. Or perhaps it’s the fact that I expect too much from people sometimes.  21. How would your perfect partner treat you? I think they would be giving and kind towards me. I’ll admit, I like being babied by my partner. I like them to make my life easier.  But I don’t know if that’s what is best for me. Maybe I’d be better with someone who knew what they wanted, a go-getter who worked hard and inspired me to be the same.  I’d also want someone who was funny, who helped lighten things. Someone who wanted to explore the same things I do and was willing to travel the world and do it with me. 

Where are you located at this moment? On a couch in a cafe called Hillcup in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

How exactly are you feeling right now? A little pensive. A little excited. In a light, distracted kind of mood.

Is there anything bothering you? Just the fact I’m still a little sick and sore from training. And the fact I haven’t got a job yet.

When was the last time you talked to a close friend? Maybe a few days ago? To Jerrid on facetime.

What did you talk about? How I was finding Thailand, why he was a bit depressed, and about my fight. Just a general catch up.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how interesting has your day been? Why? Today maybe about a 4, not particularly interesting but I’ve been feeling engaged all day.

Are you nervous about anything at the moment? I’m nervous about my upcoming fight and how I will fare. And what I will do if my money runs out before I find a job and a cheaper place to live.

What was your most recent reason for smiling / laughing? Teddy cracking a joke. 

Are you attracted to the last person you talked to? Yes, very much so.

What color are the eyes of the person you love / like? Blue.

What was the last thing you talked about, with the person you love / like? About how he lost all this writing he’d recently done for his novel. 

What if you found out your ex was having a child with someone else? I might be a little shocked. It would amuse me a little unless it was Jiggles, then I suppose I’d feel a little sad.

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? I don’t have one.

Have you cried at all today? Nope.

Are your toenails painted? Nope.

Has anyone called you “sexy” today? yes.

Have you bought any new clothes in the past week? No.

Where are your parents at this moment? I think they’re both at work.

At what age do you think you’ll be ready to have children? I don’t know if I ever will be but I suppose at some point in my 30s.

How many children would you like? Depends on my career choice. Maybe 2?

When was the last time you couldn’t stop laughing? Why? The other day lying in bed with Teddy. I don’t even remember what he was joking about but it had me in tears. 

Is there anyone in your friendship group that your parents don’t like? Yeah I guess. One girl called Irene. And Isabella because she really hurt me.

Can you recall the last time you were extremely disappointed? No. Sometime before Thailand?

You see someone you dislike crying. Do you still feel bad / sorry for them? Yeah probably.

If you get a one-word response like “lol”, do you still bother to reply? Not usually.

Any ways in which you’re very different from the person you love/ like? We’re actually quite similar in a lot of ways. But he’s a lot darker than I am (metaphorically speaking). More cynical and prone to depression.  Who was the last person to unfriend you on Facebook? Don’t know, don’t care.

Do you know why he / she decided to unfriend you? I would have no way of knowing if someone unfriended me unless I regularly checked. Actually the last person to unfriend me was a love interests ex girlfriend who he cheated on me with but it was over a year ago now.

How have things changed for you since January 2016? A lot of things. Finished uni, made new friends, lost some old ones, changed relationships, moved countries. I’ve grown and become more independent. I’m quieter than I used to be, a more private person.

Are there any food wrappings, boxes, containers etc. in your room? yeah

Have your grandparents ever asked you about your love / sex life? My welsh grandma asks me sometimes when I see her and I usually don’t mind sharing. Not about the sex but about the relationship generally.