i don't know what words to say other than free palestine. links in desc for resources, fundraisers for evacuations/medical aid, esims, and also on the global strike happening april 15th, 2024

(video created for 1. raising awareness 2. a meditation on grief in this current time 3. something i created for my college's symposium)

the weight chokes you. why doesn’t it choke everyone else? why can’t you breathe or at least wheeze like everyone else?

I CRAVE YOUR UNBECOMING.

I think that maybe one of the worst things is to continue living by being remembered, but devoid of context. Stripped of it and used to bolster another.

There’s something about being turned into someone else’s monster, someone else’s mystery, as you get further from home with no way back.

I’ve been writing about time lately.

your pain, measured. your pain, sanctified.

poem from my main blog

a poem on the grief that occurs when you know what you love is going to die soon. collaged entirely from the presentations/lectures/assignments within my online class

facing down the end.

you lay with her,

press your nose

against her fur

and count her breaths.

there’s nothing else to do

than count out the last painfully lovely breaths of hers

and bray your sorrows in the empty air.

Looking at her, I wanted more than anything in the world to take all of her sadness and crush it to jagged pieces in my bare hands. To send it back to the person who caused all of the grief in the first place. The despair was so overwhelming and I couldn’t stop it from settling over them like their weighted blanket or the crush of sleep on their eyelids. I want more than anything in the world to save my friend from despair. It’s all I can do to hope that what I have offered will wrap around her, sit with her in her sadness, and do something. I just hope that things are better. I just hope.

And there I was, stuck in the past with people that I knew didn’t exist, knowing they didn't exist, and inventing them anyways.

isn’t it funny, how you remember the woman on the radio’s mock-singing so clearly, but not the voice of someone who mattered so much to you.

EVERY TIME I LOOK BACK, MY CHILDHOOD GROWS HORNS; ON AGING.

lorde // iasoup on tumblr // alain de botton // jenny slate // katie maria // silas denver melvin // chelsea wolfe

you’ve never fit in the box they tried to put you in. you were always too rebellious, too contrarian, and when they tried to file your claws you gnashed your teeth, and when they tried to muzzle your jaw you threw out fists

the box was small, and quiet, and perhaps your life would be easier if you would just give up and try to shove yourself into its too-small circumference, push the parts of you they don’t want to see into the deepest recesses of each corner

but you would not be you

you are laughter. you are loud. you are the sunlight beating down on the desert and the wind screaming over the mountain. you are wrestling your friends in the dirt and eating summer fruits while fragrant juices drip sticky down your chin. you are a middle finger raised to the gods and a gentle hand on the shoulder of a friend. you are rage. you are joy. you are fury roaring and triumphant. you are mercy, tender and protective

you are far too much for the life they laid out for you at your birth

it’s distant. it’s so so distant that it shouldn’t be a problem anymore but the horizon still flashes with that all too familiar pain

If you grow a forest in your pain, it will forever lie in rotten leaves. The rain will turn sour as the ashen earth snaps its teeth, and the roots of the tallest trees will shrink from the salt in which they are set. Find your shovel amongst the weeds and dig once more– dig through clay and stone and pain until you are at the seed that started it all– and give it love. Give it kindness. Plant it in soft soil and forgive its false springs and withered stalks; it grows in new earth now. Someday its branches will kiss the clouds and taste sweet summer rain; for now, you do not need a forest. You only need time.    

I have no safe place to hide.