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Adult children of toxic parents have an especially difficult time with their anger because they grew up in families where emotional expression was discouraged. Anger was something only parents had the privilege of displaying.
Most children of toxic parents develop a high tolerance for mistreatment. You may have only a vague awareness that anything out of the ordinary happened to you as a child. Chances are, you don’t even know how angry you really are.
You probably deal with your anger in one of several ways: you may bury your anger and become sick or depressed; you may divert your anger into suffering and martyrdom; you may deaden it with alcohol, drugs, food, or sex; or you may blow up at every opportunity, letting your anger turn you into a tense, frustrated, suspicious, belligerent person.
Unfortunately, most of us rely on these old, reliable, ineffective methods to deal with our anger. They do nothing to help free you from the control of your parents. It is far more effective to channel your anger in ways that help you define yourself and your limits.
Let me show you some effective new ways to manage your anger:
Give yourself permission to be angry without making any judgments about your feelings. Anger is an emotion just as joy and fear are. It is neither right nor wrong—it just is. It belongs to you; it is a part of what makes you human. Anger is also a signal, telling you something important. It may be telling you that your rights are being trampled, that you are being insulted or used, or that your needs are not being taken care of. Anger always means that something needs to change.
Externalize your anger. Pound pillows, yell at photographs of the people you’re angry at, or have imaginary dialogues with them in your car or alone at home. You don’t have to attack or verbally assault someone to express your anger—talk to people you trust about how angry you feel. Until you get your anger out in the open, you can’t deal with it.
Increase your physical activity. Physicalizing your anger can help release a great deal of tension from your body. If you’re not able to play tennis or run or ride a bike, clean out that overflowing closet or take a dance class. Physical activity also increases the production of endorphins—brain chemicals that enhance your sense of well-being. You’ll find that acknowledging your anger will increase your energy and productivity levels. Nothing is more draining than repressed anger.
Don’t use your anger to reinforce your negative self-image. You are not bad because you’re angry. Guilt over feeling angry, especially at parents, is to be expected. Say out loud: “I feel angry. I have a right to feel angry. It’s okay to feel guilty about feeling angry if that’s what it takes to deal with that anger. I’m not wrong or bad to feel this way.”
Use your anger as an energy source for self-definition. Your anger can help you learn a great deal about what you are and are not willing to accept in your relationship with your parents. It can help you define your limits and your boundaries. It can go a long way toward freeing you from old patterns of submission, compliance, and fear of your parents’ disapproval. Your anger can help you refocus your energies back to yourself and away from the impossible battle of trying to change your parents. Turn “I’m angry because my father has never let me live my own life” into “I will no longer permit my father to control me or devalue me.”
— Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward and Craig Buck.
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THIS. WAS. THE. OTP. I WANTED.
Gods be good, I hope to always serve the rightful king queen.
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Gods be good, I hope to always serve the rightful king queen.
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“if he could have chosen a way to die, it would have been protecting you.”
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I doodled this out a while ago but it’s always at least a little relevant to life.
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But it’s October now, babey! Ha ha ha!
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I'm Asexual and kinda feel the same about Caryl... I ship them, but I always seem to link TV pairings with real life. Like if 2 people on TV care for each other but always have to be sexual in order to 'show' their feelings, I feel like thats real life too. If ya get me... 🤔
Ok um this is really stupid but I am actually kinda scared of Caryl becoming cannon..... like I have struggled with being on the aromantic spectrum my whole life and it’s really important to me when I see people on tv (especially straight men and women) that have a friendship which is treated as just important as a romantic relationship. I really appreciate carol and daryl’s bond because it shows viewers that two people can love eachother without actually being in love with eachother
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“They’ve got you to thank. And not just for saving their butts.”
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CARYL & LIZZINGTON
...aka two of the best fictional ships since 2010 and 2013.
(I’m doing this post almost entirely for myself because I figure most people who ship one don’t ship the other, but whatever.)
Let’s start with tropes that apply to both ships.
Age gap romance (including the fact that people dismiss their possible romance because of their age gap and see a parental link between them) - The 25 years difference between Red and Liz and the, what, 5 years difference between Carol and Daryl.
Everyone can see it : Several blacklisters (Pratt, Berlin, Braxton, Solomon, etc) and even Ressler suggest a romantic connection between Red and Liz. Glenn ask Daryl about Carol, Negan calls Carol Daryl’s girlfriend.
Saving each other : Red saving Liz countless times, Liz saving him in 2x14. Daryl protecting Carol from Richard in 7x10, Carol saving Daryl (and the others) at Terminus in 5x01.
Battle couple (where they fight together) : Red and Liz in 2x14, in season 3A. Daryl and Carol in 5x06.
Unconditional love (putting the other’s good before your own) : Red sparing Tom’s life and tolerating him for Liz’s happiness, Daryl giving Carol his blessing to marry Ezekiel.
Gibberish of love (being unable to speak in complete sentences when around the other) : Red telling Liz "I hope you can find solace in the fact that when I look at you..." and Daryl often feeling clumsy and embarassed in front of Carol, not knowing what to tell her.
Sexual innuendo : Red mentions deep throat and the g-spot to Liz. Carol jokingly offers Daryl to screw around.
Insecure love interest : Red deems himself unworthy of Liz’s help love, see the "I risked my life for you because I care about you" scene. Carol and Daryl both want better for the other than themselves, as they think they aren’t worthy of the other.
Scars : Red and Liz both have physical scars caused by a fire, which possibly happened on the same occasion. Carol and Daryl share some physical and psychological trauma as they were both abused in their earlier lives.
Ennemis/friends to lovers (kinda) : Caryl are BFF to lovers. Lizzington are rivals (I mean, she’s a FBI agent and he’s a criminal so they’re supposed to be some sort of rivals/ennemis in theory) to lovers.
Please don’t leave me : Red implores Liz "please Lizzy, don’t go" in 3x18, Daryl repeatedly asks Carol not to leave on her boat again in 10x01.
Slow burn : If Lizzington ever happens, it’ll be towards the end of the show. When Caryl happens, it’ll have been more than ten years. Honestly, both ships are taking forever to become canon and I’m dying.
One true love : Red and Liz are soulmates, Carol and Daryl are soulmates. That’s point blank my opinion and you can’t change my mind.
Storylines that both ships have gone through.
Love triangle (including lots of jealousy, angst, the other pairing going as far as getting married and raising a child together) : Red, Liz and Tom. Daryl, Carol and Ezekiel.
One believe the other’s dead and is devastated : Red after Liz faked her death in 3x18, Daryl when Carol went missing in 3x04.
Symbolism and metaphors.
Dreams about the other : Liz dreams of Red asking her what she really wants while she’s half naked in her bed, Carol dreams of Daryl being her husband. Both won’t admit the significance of the dream after waking up.
Light metaphors : Red asking Liz "If a ray of light came into the cave, would I see it?" and Daryl telling Carol "follow my light" while in a cave.
Ship metaphors : Red and Liz on a container ship, Carol asking Daryl to leave on a ship with her.
References to the future : Red told Liz "if anyone can give me a second chance, it’s you" and toasted to their future in 1x02. Daryl often told Carol they could start over and that they had a future together.
Just some cute, random moments/facts.
Both ships love to hug (a lot!!)
Both ships had forehead kisses.
Both ships did that "resting my head on your shoulder because I’m exhausted from everything that’s going on in my life and I’m seeking comfort in you" thing.
Both ships held hands.
Both ships had a romantic candle-lit dinner.
Both ships had a "lifting you up to transport you to safety" moment (this one truly breaks my shipper heart).
Both ships love giving each other gifts. Red repairs Liz’s music box and gives her a cuckoo clock. Daryl gives Carol a flower and a matching bracelet, Carol gives him a double capped acorn.
Both ships have literally killed for each other.
Both ships bicker like an old married couple at times.
Both ships are oblivious to their feelings for each other.
Both ships keep getting separated but always find their way back to each other.
Both ships have the man desperately, hopelessly in love with the woman and willing to wait forever for her.
Both ships just need to open up to each other and talk kiss it out and all problems would be solved. Idiots in love.
Both ships are endgame (!!!)
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I just…I feel like I’m never gonna have it…the whole package, you know? That person, that couple life, and I swear, I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman, but…I really want it.. the whole package.
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