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All praise cupid
Slow dance on the balcony
looking out over a stormy sea
the waves they crash, the ebb and flow
im dreaming of your undertoe
caught up in your white knuckle grip
as the water rises up to drown our ship
but we watch here from the quiet shore
as our love is ripped down to its core
I can smell the fire mixing with the salt
in the air tonight you can feel the revolt
our crew is tired, they don't like our commands
but sacrifice is what our god demands
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Distant
everything is pointless now you got me
running out of place
jogging through your memories
and all the poker cards have your face
laying in a bathtub somewhere
cuz i'm up all night making haste
call my mom from a landline i'm fine
but i'm not sure that this is the place
i think i'm lost for the first time, this wine
leaves a bitter drop on my tongue
i figured out after the first line, we dine
alone and afraid let this be done
light the sky with some dynamite
we got a tin can and we got a match
lie down in the poppy garden
its hard to always feel so detatched
climb your way out of a silver cage
you drew your sword, it was only a scratch
we always knew we were born to die but
never thought to build an escape hatch
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Mutiny, or how i finally let you go
Captain no i'm not
oh i think that you forgot
i'm in chains here in the brig
you're the captain of this rig
ships aflame on open sea
while your lieing here with me
watch the burning paint the skies
look at me and close your eyes
I will always wait right here
for your needs to become clear
cuz i just cannot seem to steer
and rocky shores are getting near
drown me way off of the coast
let me stay here with your ghost
the shell of the girl i'll always love
eyes twinkling like stars above
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Porcelain
My hunger was awakened
little drops of sweat beads
temptations left forsaken
i'll follow to where this leads
tip toe down the hallway
silent as the day is long
lose myself in the foray
the hungers never been this strong
eyes just like the cali coast
reflecting off a summer sky
confident but doesn't boast
promises she doesn't lie
skin as soft as angel wings
porcelain that never cracks
smiles even when it stings
there is not much that she lacks
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Angels landing with a thud
Well the water can rise until it covers the beach
we're averting our eyes from what lies out of reach
climbing jagged rocks biting eager for the sky
soaked to our socks the salt stings in my eye
The sky bitter crimson relinquishing day
we stood atop with nothing left to say
i wish you had told me we'd be okay
i bite my lip till i taste blood
let my soul drain out in the mud
you were my last, you are the past
angels landing with a thud
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Don’t ask where we buried the bones
If this is love then,
Why is my stomach in knots
Not just here and there i mean
Constantly
If this is love then,
Why are my ears on fire,
When you smile at me or whisper
Soothingly
If this is love then
Why have i dissolved
Buried myself in the identity of you
passively
If this is love then,
Why are you killing me
You suck the air out of my lungs
Heartlessly
And if this is love
What did we make with it
A rotting hull we filled with shit
Aimlessly
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The world’s loveliest songbird
Where will i be when the illusion shatters
will i go back to thinking that none of this matters
will i no longer pine for a pint of affection
or lose myself when i head your direction
will i stumble on words when they ask how i am
will my antidepressents plug up the dam
that flows from my eyes when i read your old texts
and i reread a message i didn't expect
where will you go when the club lights come on
and you search for your friends but they are all gone
and you stumble outside, and shuffle your smokes
and your heads a replay of our best inside jokes
and your cell phone is dieing
and you swear you're not crying
but your makeup is making its way down your face
and if you could be anywhere it'd be my place
Can we rekindle the light that we lost
i'm sure that we'll try no matter the cost
But is love ever truly worth the stings
i ask myself as i spy while she sings
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Unfinished?
I love to love the unsustainable
The parts of you i hate about me
All the moments unattainable
we dont bring up in pleasant company
I love to love the ones that hurt
Jesus taught me love is pain
So when i'm laying in the dirt
Im simply waiting for the rain
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The last night in rome
I got rid of all our pictures
in a way it felt like a relief
i watched physical memories
fade into forgotten dreams
Endless evenings spent wondering
what our future possibilities were
a thousand outcomes swirling in vain
to fizzle out like fireworks in the rain
I deleted all of our tangible evidence
anything linking us together except
for the unseverable bond we shared
now just an upreserved memorial
Our love is an overgrown relic
a building reclaimed by the forest
a drowned civilization in the atlantic
a pair of sneakers hanging from a power line
the collapse was an eight on the richter scale
my world fell down around me
from a distance the destruction seemed pretty
in the same way as a house fire lights up the night
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i (should have never) tried
I took a chance on you
An immediate feeling of regret swelled in my stomach
It would turn out the same as it always does
Like my life is on a neverending loop
Of all my past mistakes that come back now and then to haunt me
I’ll never forget the way your eyes lit up when it was over
And now as I sweep the popcorn up from the dark cinema of my mind
You seem no realer to me then the famous faces on the screen
When did you start to blend together?
You slip in and out of my mind like a ghost
A silent reminder of a happiness I’ll never see again
Like a lost love that passed on
But I know you live on, just not in my life
You float and waiver in the dark recesses of my silent agony
Only to disappear as the light touches the room I now sleep in alone
Daylight seems to banish everything but the imprint of your head on my pillowcase
And that gut instinct to run
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The night i met the person i thought you were
I wish I could venture back
Back to before we ever met
Before my life went completely off track
Before I was crippled by regret
Before the ties that held us slacked
I wish that I could forget
I wish that I could return when
I first laid eyes on you
The question I had oh they burned when
Of you I had no clue
The mysteries that I learned then
Was left worse then you knew
I wish that I had turned around
The day our souls entwined
I wouldn't have fell so far down
And lost grasp on my mind
And what it was I thought I found
Was not as fate divined
And I wish I never saw your face
Never wrapped my hands around you
Or spent that first night at your place
I smelt misery surround you
That night we swam in lakes of lace
I wish I would have drowned you
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The problem with drowning (is it takes too long)
Perforated bubble
floating towards the sky
but there will be no return mission
there will be no deep sea dive
water cold and cleansing
infiltrates my heaving breath
lack of common introspect
we have danced this close to death
flirting with the ocean
water drifts and then resets
sun forever rising
off the coast of our regrets
final farewells whispered
lost beneath the swells
you who lost your wings it seems
clang your head like funeral bells
caught up in the undertoe
lost along the ebb and flow
if there's one thing that I should know
its okay if i let you go
and drift into an endless night
stars above they look so bright
shining diamonds reflected blue
I will just see this one through
as my head it cracks the surface
breath fills my lungs up inside
deep where all my pain it lies
breath it out into the skies
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Evicting your ghost
I took all of the pictures
miscellaneous articles of clothing
nick knacks from here and there
road maps, destinations still circled in red sharpie
places we never saw, plans we never made
all of the dreams that never grew
like the flowers in our garden
no water to feed them
no sunlight in the recesses of our minds
every plan that we made half awake
in the laughing hours after midnight
where the world seemed so big
with the stars in the sky that now seem so far away
they broadcast the emptiness of everything
how hopeless dreams can be
reality is just a gaping void
the universe's eternal joke
comets laughing their way through the sky
i took down every reminder,the jacket i wore when we first met
the t-shirt i wore when we said goodbye
pieces of you littered here and there like huricane debris
that became so ingrained into normal life
as much a part of me now as a part of us
something nonexistent
now just feels so condescending
i took it all down
in this pile of swirling memories
i can almost see you, your smile
your eyes
i can hear your laugh bounce through this silent room
it's as much a part of you as a part of me
a part of us that no longer exists
a world that both exists, and doesn't
a complete improbability
Schrodinger's paradox
i dragged it all out into the backyard
in the dead of the night like a body
carried pieces of me, entwined
like roots, grown together, the source indistinguishable now
i'm tired of trying to decipher
what parts are okay to keep
and what i'm living vicariously through
i throw it all in one big hole
i bury it next to the dead flowers
Maybe they’ll bloom
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