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slippingthroughmy-fingers · 3 months

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Beneath the Ashes of Our Broken Oaths — Part Two

Pairing: Morrigan's Sister!Reader x Azriel

Summary: After abandoning the refuge of Velaris, you, Morrigan’s twin sister, returned to the forsaken Hewn City fueled by a vision for a better future. Now, your estranged family seeks your help when rumors of rebellion spread at a time of utmost inconvenience. Torn between your anger and a desire to protect the good, you begrudgingly agree and are forced to face memories of a past life and the unsettling presence of Azriel– the first man you ever loved.

Warnings: inner circle being unable to emotionally regulate, y/n being a soft spot for mor, y/n being suspicious, keir (🤮), some necessary build up for future parts, men in general (🤮).

Word Count: 3.9k

Part One

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

It didn’t take long for people to get suspicious. You had planned for this, of course, you knew the nature of your people. It took a few years, but soon enough you had a system in place; a way to get around the skeptical and paranoid eyes of Hewn City– a way to avoid the power your father held. In the worst case scenario, you always planned to take your own life. Set fire to your information, to everything that revealed the acts you had committed. Your work would die with you. After all, you swore to protect it with your life.

You were caught one evening as you returned home, becoming aware of the man trailing behind you within moments of his appearance. Easily, your hand found itself resting on a dagger hidden in your sleeve, and you pulled him into an alley, holding him with your knife against this throat.

You recognized him, recognized his golden brown hair and bright green eyes. A commander. He didn’t struggle against you, nor did he make any moves to fight back. “Please,” He had said, his arms up in surrender, “Hear me out.”

They had spent weeks deliberating their visit to you, wondering if it was worth the effort— wondering if they really needed your help. With the plan underway, Feyre, Mor, and Cassian had stationed themselves, waiting with bated breath for Rhys and Azriel's return. They knew it was unsuccessful the minute both men entered. Rhysand’s usual grace was replaced by visible frustration as he stormed in, the failure of their trip clung to both him and Azriel like a heavy layer of clothing. Mor's gaze flicked between the two, an expectant look ingrained into her strong features. Wordlessly, Rhys moved swiftly towards his office.

"So, by your cheery smiles, I'm guessing it went smoothly?"

Rhysand shot Cassian a piercing glare as he walked past, causing him to recoil in his seat instinctively. Feyre watched Rhysand's retreating and frowned, turning towards Azriel. His hazel eyes met her gaze briefly before looking away. Saying nothing, Az walked to an empty chair and dropped himself down with a deep exhale.

Feyre sighed, and with a resigned glance, she handed her wine glass to Mor, who took it without a word. With a brief look back at her friends, she made her way towards Rhysand's office as Mor eagerly poured the remaining wine into her own cup and took a large sip.

The room remained in a hushed stillness as the mated pair retreated into the office. Cassian and Mor exchanged uneasy glances before they both drew their gaze over to Azriel. His posture, typically erect and poised, now sagged as he curled into himself, his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands as he ran them up and down. There was a slight twitch in his wings as they settled behind him, slumped and slightly limp, reflecting a certain vulnerability– one of a man caught off guard.

It was a rare sight: Azriel, the Spymaster, usually shrouded in shadows and secrets, now laid bare before them. Az wasn’t one to wear his emotions openly, even in front of his family. He’d gotten good at it over the centuries— the practice of keeping his walls up just long enough for him to reach his bedroom, to welcome the sweet release of solidarity before he let his emotions breathe. But here he was, so evidently feeling. The sheer sight of it made Cassian uncomfortable, on edge, as if he should be prepared for an enemy to walk in any second and finish Azriel off.

"What happened back there, Az?" Cassian asked, his voice low and concerned.

Azriel hesitated.

“She called me a dog." He admitted, his voice barely above a murmur.

Cassian, taken aback, let out a sound of surprise that mirrored both a laugh and a scoff. He opened his mouth to respond, a teasing remark making itself to the tip of his tongue, but the burning intensity in Azriel's eyes, which were now on him, halted him in his tracks. Sensing the seriousness of the situation, Cassian chose silence over a misplaced joke, quickly coughing to stop himself instead.

Then, he got up and slowly walked over to Azriel, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it can only get better from here, right?" He said, his voice carrying a hopeful tone as he tried to alleviate the suffocating tension that reeked in the air.

Azriel turned his head to look up at his brother, his expression a bold showing of both disbelief and deep irritation. Cassian continued.

“I mean… theres only up once you’ve hit rock bottom.”

Mor rolled her eyes. Annoyance etched across her features as she huffed audibly, setting her wine glass down with a clatter before making a swift exit.

"Well, everyone's making fun exits today, huh?" Cassian gave a wry grin, gesturing towards the space Mor had just vacated.

Azriel just sighed, sinking further into the couch, shadows swirling restlessly around him. He closed his eyes, and for a moment, he saw you again. Your face. Your eyes, your anger. He ignored the way his stomach clenched as he pushed the image of you away.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Rhysand was beside himself.

Feyre could see it written on his face, felt it even deeper in her chest. His emotions were burning through their bond, hot enough for a heavy discomfort to settle in her own heart. Rhysand wasn’t just frustrated, he was angry, sad, disappointed, and guilty— all at the same time. The emotions were mixing among themselves, swirling inside of him and replacing any ability for coherent thinking. Instead, he was spewing every thought, every irritation.

"She didn't let me talk, treated me like a stranger in her home!"

Rhysand's voice was loud, an icy anger laced in it. Feyre watched as he paced back and forth, his hands clutching into fists at his side as he continued his rant. She hummed slightly.

"Well, did you at least give your condolences? For Caladan?"

Rhys stilled. He turned around and looked at his mate, at her scrunched eyebrows and expectant face. Suddenly feeling as if he was a child just caught in a lie, he looked away in shame.

“No. I did not.”

Feyre released a sigh.

“Rhys,” She said, the disappointed sound of his name falling from her lips. “That was your in.”

She was right, as she usually was. He had rushed headlong into business, seeking favors, and demanding help, and in doing so, he likely sabotaged the entire plan. And any potential for reconciliation, too. The realization gnawed at him and a sense of regret colored his features.

“Come here,” Feyre said, beckoning him to where she stood. He took hold of her extended hand and sat at the edge of his desk, taking in her kind face, the patience in her eyes. Feyre moved to stand between his thighs, her hands gently running through his hair in a soothing rhythm. The quiet, comforting touch seemed to ease some of his tension as he let out a deep breath.

"You went to her as High Lord. Maybe it would have been more successful if you had gone to her as Rhys, her cousin. Cassian seemed to think so as well.”

Rhys shook his head, leaning into Feyre’s touch.

"Cassian wasn’t there,” He said. “He didn’t see how she was, how she spoke to us—of us. She disrespected you, Feyre.”

She looked into his eyes, a dark violet now, pupils blown wide, and gave him a small smile. Threading her fingers through his hair, Feyre spoke softly to him.

"Whatever she said, I’m sure I’ve been told worse."

He shook his head again, clenching his jaw. Then, he gently reached to where her hand lay on his cheek, grabbing it in his own and bringing them to his lap.

"We may have overestimated the connection she still holds to us."

"Let's not make any assumptions now,” Feyre said with a small frown, a crease forming between her brows. “It was only one visit, and a short one at that."

Rhysand replayed the visit in his mind, the memory now a fresh and painful wound. He walked himself through it, wondering what he could have fixed, where he might have been able to mend the fraying threads of the connection you once held to him. His mind fixated on the look etched on your face, the callousness with which you addressed him and Azriel – even Azriel.

The change in you baffled him. He tugged at memories of the girl he had grown up with, the one adorned with a soft smile and bright eyes. How had that radiant spirit transformed so swiftly? The answer immediately echoed in his mind – Hewn City, an insidious place breeding misery. It had claimed you, just as it had claimed the rest.

“I don’t know what I can do,” Rhys admitted. “She was just so…”

“Cold? Detached?”

The sound of Mor’s voice caused both Feyre and Rhys to separate, turning their heads to the blonde who leaned casually against the now open door.

“Sorry to interrupt,” She said flatly. She turned her gaze to her cousin. "So, am I right? Was she cold, detached, exactly like I said she’d be?"

Rhysand shared a glance with his mate but said nothing. He couldn’t find the right words to say, and wouldn’t take the chance of saying the wrong ones. Not when the situation was so fragile, so delicate— and especially not when Mor was looking at him with that hard look on her face. The one she only wore when it came to you.

Mor took his silence as confirmation and crossed her arms against her chest. "I told you," she declared with an air of exasperation, her tone laced with pride. "It’s no use. You’ll sooner find spring flowers in the Winter Court than ever get her to agree."

Feyre felt herself deflate. She wanted to believe you were good, wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it was her relationship with Nesta, a woman that she knew with anger in her veins, similar to how Rhysand spoke of you now. Or maybe it was the few times she’d interacted with you, when you’d surprised her with your sweet tone.

Feyre casted a look at Mor.

“We will figure something out. Just be patient.”

Mor let out a small scoff, shaking her head. She pursed her lips before responding.

“Patience won’t thaw a frozen heart.”

Feyre watched as Mor lingered for a moment and then excused herself. But she didn't miss the subtle shift she saw in her friend's face. Underneath her anger and pride, Mor seemed sad… disappointed.

And Feyre was right. Mor was disappointed.

She had only seen you a handful of times since you returned to the hell that you both had escaped. Each of those times had been worse than the one before, an unspoken tension between you two, harsh glances thrown when you’d meet one another's eyes. Yet, deep down, despite her worst beliefs, a part of her had held onto hope that when Rhysand and Azriel returned, you would be with them.

It was a foolish dream, and now, having heard how Rhys spoke to Feyre about you, Mor felt like an idiot for ever entertaining the idea of you coming home. Well, the idea of you at all.

As she left Rhysand’s office, Feyre’s encouraging words echoed in her head. But she couldn’t feel them, not the way Feyre wanted her too; because Mor knew, deep in her heart...

You were a lost cause.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

You knew about the rumors.

Of course you did.

After all, you were the one who started them.

A part of you found it unnerving, how easily the lie rolled off your tongue. You knew that time had changed you, had hardened you to a certain extent. You wouldn't have been able to survive this city otherwise. And you'd lied a lot since your return. Your entire life was a lie.

But you had been so careful when it came to them-- to your family. You wanted to believe that you were better than the people you looked down on, better than Rhysand, better than Mor, better than the people in your life that were selfish and blinded. But maybe you weren't. Perhaps you had gotten so good at lying that you didn't even realize when you were lying to yourself. You weren't ready to face that reality yet.

Rhysand and Azriel weren't supposed to find you. They weren't even supposed to know- not yet, anyway. You had planned for more time, hoped that Rhysand would be busy with his new babe, that Azriel wouldn't be around to dig into your secrets. They hadn't frequented the Court of Nightmares recently-- preoccupied with their perfect city and the three Made sisters, you assumed. Your own sister was never a worry with her trips to Hewn City being short and far between, usually accompanied by the three men you once loved so deeply.

Azriel's stare lingered in your mind. The hazel color bore into you, made you feel like the memory itself could grab you and drag you back to a past you couldn't escape. You had dreamt of those eyes, of conversations left unfinished, of explanations that never came. Seeing him, when you had been so unprepared, so exposed, was a burning reminder of what you had lost and what you had become in its wake.

You wanted to bury the past even further into your brain, find a crevasse unfilled and stuff every thought of them into it. But you knew it would be a futile attempt. You would never be able to outrun what haunted you, not when those ghosts were still alive.

Your head pounded. You felt the urge to sit and drink your thoughts away, to find Evadne and smoke her specialty herbs. But first, you needed to protect yourself, cover your tracks. Your muddy, messy, and obvious tracks.

The night air in Hewn City was thick with the stench of filth and decay. Dirty alleys echoed with the sounds of bawdy laughter, predatory and wolfish. Occasional sounds of distress from unseen fae pierced through the night, quickly drowned out within the chaos of the city. The ground was layered with grime, and every step felt like wading through a cesspool.

You moved through the twisted streets, a heavy hood on in an attempt to go unnoticed. Still, catcalls and jeers followed. C'mere sweet thing. You continued walking. The man followed. Bet you'd be even more interesting without those pesky clothes, wouldn't you? You grimaced, swallowing the bile that rose a the sound of the grating voice. Quickly, you moved forward, avoiding his sight. Your shoulders fell in relief when you heard his retreating footsteps, followed by loud drunken complaints about how you'd ran off like a tease.

As you approached the hidden building your father had recently taken space in, the atmosphere changed. Your heart instantly felt heavier, and you began to mentally prepare yourself for the interaction. The heavy door creaked open. Keir, surrounded by a select few of his men, looked up from the table where he sat. His eyes, sharp and piercing, bore into you as you entered-- stern gaze irritated by the intrusion.

"Keir," you addressed him with a feigned urgency, "I need to speak with you."

Instantly, anger flashed in his eyes.

"Show me respect." Keir demanded sharply.

"Forgive me," You quickly corrected. "May I speak with you? It's urgent."

Keir's gaze intensified, his eyes narrowing. "How rude of you not to say hello to my men," he sneered, emphasizing each word. "It seems you've forgotten all your manners."

You forced a strained smile, acknowledging the men with a cautious nod. "Hello," you offered.

You casted a wary gaze around the room. Each man looked like a nightmare, their large and intimidating frames were adorned with scars and grimy features that bore witness to countless battles. Some wore smirks that reeked of arrogance, while others openly eyed you up and down, their predatory gazes unsettling and intrusive. Suddenly, you felt 17 again-- bare, defenseless, and vulnerable; subject to the leering gazes of those who saw you as nothing more than an object. It was a feeling you thought you'd left behind, a discomfort that dredged up memories you wished to forget.

You felt dirty, a sense of defilement creeping over you. You were a prize in their eyes, irrespective of any respect they might harbor for your father. These men, loyal or not, saw an opportunity to showcase you as a possession, a symbol of conquest. The thought of how they might do it sent a shiver down your spine, and you recoiled from the mental images that threatened to invade your consciousness. In that moment, you yearned to escape the suffocating atmosphere, to break free from the repulsive feeling that clung to you like an indelible stain.

Keir leaned back in his chair, a twisted grin forming on his lips. "There, that wasn't so hard, was it?"

Your attention fixated on Thorne, one of your father's captains. You despised him-- despised the way he wore a sense of self-importance that trailed after him like a pet, despised how he spoke, even how he walked. His eyes scanned you slowly, sweeping up and down as if assessing your every vulnerability. The strength of his scrutiny ignited a simmering anger within you, and you gritted your teeth, resisting the urge to let your temper flare.

You envisioned an alternate reality – a world where consequences were fleeting, and you could seize control. The image of slamming Thorne's head against the table played vividly in your mind. The satisfying thud, the sudden silence that followed, and the triumph of asserting dominance over the predator before you.

But reality anchored you, and you took a deep breath as your fathers voice pulled you from your thoughts.

"Well? You've interrupted me, and now you've left me waiting.”

"I have news," you replied, a subtle unease settling in as you braced yourself for the next part.

"Well, speak," Keir gestured with impatience, and you sensed the collective gaze of the men fixed upon you. It dawned on you – this wasn't a private exchange. Your stage had expanded beyond just you and your father.

"I was just paid a visit by a certain spymaster," you began, your tone carefully modulated. You decided that you would keep Rhysand’s presence a secret— for now. It would bring up too much, too fast. One presence was enough. Azriel alone would do. Keir's gaze sharpened, and you noticed a subtle tensing in his posture.

"Oh, is that so?" He responded, his tone laced with a disdain that didn't go unnoticed. "And what did that deformed overgrown bat wish to talk to you about?"

You felt a strange primal urge to defend Azriel against his words. He doesn't need your protection, you thought, doesn't deserve it. But the same image from earlier came to your mind; where Thorne once was, your father had taken his place. With an internal struggle to maintain composure, you responded.

"He wished to speak to me about rumors of an uprising."

Your father perked up.

"And what did you say to this?" Keir questioned, his eyes narrowing, probing for information.

"I told him I had heard no such thing," you replied, choosing your words carefully. "That perhaps he had been listening to his shadows too much, started to hallucinate situations where he was needed."

As the words left your lips, an uncomfortable weight settled in the pit of your stomach. Each syllable felt like a burning confession, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. It was a calculated deception, a necessary statement, yet the words felt wrong – a sinister compromise that clawed at your conscience.

You needed to do this to survive, you reminded yourself, they deserve it. But nonetheless, it left a residue of self-loathing. You couldn't help but compare yourself to the men in the room – those vulturous gazes, the filth that clung to them like soil. The realization that you had willingly immersed yourself in their skills, ones of deceit and cruelty, left you feeling dirty-- like you had been tainted by the same darkness you claimed to despise.

Keir responded with a contemplative "Hmmm," and you seized the opportunity to further weave your narrative.

"I told him that there are always rumors in Hewn City." You paused for emphasis before adding, "He asked me to tell him if I heard anything else. I told him no."

Silence. You resisted the urge to look away from your fathers heavy gaze, but the idea of looking at any of the other men surrounded you was a worse fate.

"How can I trust you?"

You felt his skepticism hang in the air like a heavy fog, his eyes scrutinizing you for any sign of deceit.

The weight of his distrust settled on your shoulders, and you took a moment to consider the best way to allay his suspicions. As you looked at him, a twinge of pity tugged at you. Your father, for all of his power, was paranoid and weak. He trusted no one. And you couldn't help but feel sorry for the life he led – one constantly clouded by suspicion. But that pity quickly faded. Keir deserved to live in such uncertainty, deserved every bit of discomfort that it provided.

"I hate them too," you said with an energy that mirrored the intensity in his eyes. "I hope I have proved myself thus far, proved that I want nothing more than to see them get what they deserve."

A pregnant pause lingered in the room as Keir absorbed your words. You could almost hear the gears turning in his mind as he assessed the credibility of your declaration.

"Especially Morrigan."

By the way his face slightly relaxed, you knew your words had done their job, played into his vulnerabilities with a precision that left you feeling both triumphant and repulsed.

"I'll take this into account," He conceded, his gaze lingering on you. "I'm assuming he will not be making any more late-night visits to you?"

"No,” You shook your head. “If he does, you will know.”

"Very well," Keir acknowledged. "Leave us."

He dismissed you with a wave of his hand.

A part of you could have sworn you detected a glimmer of pride in his eyes – a sickening acknowledgment that you had played your part too well. The sense of dirtiness clung to you like a wet blanket as you navigated your way home. The streets felt colder and the shadows more ominous, as if each and every one of them were Azriel’s and they knew what you had done-- what you had become. You wished you could shed your skin, remove the evidence of your life here, become something cleaner, something purer.

In the deafening silence of your home, you curled up in bed and shut your eyes tightly. You tired mind slowly formed it’s own hands and pulled you to images of a life before, you thought of the stars, of Velaris, of Mor, and of Azriel and his hazel eyes.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

a/n: woo!!! its starting!!! im prewriting as much as i can for this so i can get it going but eeek!! im just setting some groundwork down so stick with me babes.

y/n will be the president of the “my father is the worst man alive and i am his favorite daughter” club and the queen of dealing with anger as a form of grief.

tag list (some weren’t letting me so lets hope it works)🫶🏻

@kalulakunundrum @janebirkln @thelov3lybookworm @secretlyhers @nightcourt-daydreaming @sidthedollface2 @gorlillaglue25 @abysshaven @historygeekqueen @acourtofbatboydreams @justdreamstars @darling006 @inloveallthetime @dr4g0ngirl

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slippingthroughmy-fingers · 3 months

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Whispers of the Forgotten | pt. 1

pairing: azriel x reader | type: angst | words: 800 | masterlist

Bloody and broken your body slumps to the ground, his hands, the strong grip he had on you, still lingering like a phantom touch.

Ragged breath whoosh in and out of your lungs, the crisp air burning down your throat, your chest aching, like sharp claws are digging right into the flesh. You want to scream, but your mouth is too dry, your throat hurting too much. There is nothing but an endless void inside your heart and mind, and yet a whirlwind of fury starts to boil within.

The creaking of the door hinges is what makes you tip your head back, eyes burning, vision blurry due to the dust in them. But you see him. It’s not too late. You see his face once last time. The face you will remember forever - loathe forever.

"Azriel," you seethe, but your voice is hoarse and breaks before it can reach him. Or that’s what you think.

The young male‘s head whips towards you. He heard you. Or the swirling shadows always dancing around him heard you. They calm down, almost like they are waiting for what you are about to say.

You brace your bloody fists on the ground, knuckles white from how hard you curl your fingers towards your palms. Your gaze drops for a split second, landing on his scarred hands, gripping the bloody hunting knife tightly. That damn knife that caused you the flesh deep wound on your belly, now dripping with blood and soon puss.

"Yes," you breathe, trying to summon every little ounce of energy you have left. You force ypur eyes to meet his. "That’s right, Azriel." Your eyes lock with his. "And I’ll remember your damn name forever…" You push up, getting on your knees. "Until I do my last breathe. I will personally carve it into your grave stone. And you will remember my name. Forever."

Your teeth are bared, blood and drool running down your chin. "You will remember my name when I rip open your throat with my claws. You will remember my name when—"

"Let’s go, Az. Our job here is done. The High Lord expects us to be back by now."

Azriel is not alone. Someone is with him. Cassian, one of the best Illyrian warriors there are. Right now…his usual confidence is gone. He looks haunted, scared, impatient. He wants Azriel to come with him. Right in this moment.

But Azriel’s lingers. The male doesn’t move. Not even when Cassian clasps his shoulder - tightly.

Azriel's gaze is trained on you, eyes wide open.

"Az," Cassian warns, curling his gloved fingers around Azriel's biceps. "We need to leave."

Azriel snaps out of his trance and finally averts his gaze, without a look back, they leave, wind blowing through the prison, thrashing against the walls, howling.

You are alone. Cold. Bloody. Broken.

A cry parts your lips - full of fury and pain. You thrash your fists against the cool ground, moist with mould and grimy water.

You are trapped in a cell that seems to be suffocating you, its walls seeming to press inwards, the space getting narrower and narrower by the second.

You are locked in. Forever. Until the last day of your immortal life. Or until you go insane and forget even your own name.

Another scream leaves you. Your body is shaking, trembling with cold and hurt. Eventually, you lift your gaze to look around. There is just a small cot draped in a thin blanket and a weathered stool and nothing else. The walls are made of dark stone. Moss and lichen crawl up on them, making decay even more apparent in this place. They bear scars—scratches of beings who have been in this cell before you.

The air is heavy, thick with desperation. And it is cold. So damn cold, making you see your own breath.

You know this a place where spirits are broken, where the very essence of a person is eroded when you go insane. But your spirit won't be broken. You will get out.

Shadows dance across the walls and make you remember him.

Azriel. The shadowsinger. You will remember him forever. Until the day you die. Until the day you personally carve out his heart.

He left you in pieces and the shards for you to pick up with your already wounded hands.

He is going to pay for this. They all are.

Nothing is visible through the narrow, slit-like window that seems more like a mockery than a source of light. But you can hear a storm raging outside, branches and the wind hitting the walls of the Prison and it matches the storm brewing inside of you. You won't die here. You will get out of here. And you will get your payback. This is a promise.

A promise to Azriel. A promise to your mate.

tags (crossed-out I couldn't tag) : @juulle987 @marimorena06 @danikasthings @younxii@nightcourtwritings @mrofontaine @lunalilyf @whor-3-crux @tired-all-the-time @anni-was-here @ummmmmwat @azbracadabra @j-pendragonx @hollyismentallyillhelp @famousbasementpainter @bsenpai @lena-davina @red-highlady @thesugatoyourtae @azrielsbabyg @aroseinvelaris @moony-thoughts @wrensical003 @cherryjain17 @moonfawnx @crushedcloudsx @devilsfoodcake22 @valeridarkness @azrielscertifiedslut @mulansaucey @cynicalpotato95 @hanasakr @high-bi-andreadytocry @eerievixen @feyretopia @moonlightazriel @randomness-it-is @brekkershadowsinger @eliieee23 @girasoli-e-sorrisi @illyrianvalkyriecarynthian @kennedy-brooke @highladyofillyria @theworthlessqueen @marina468 @topaz125 @illyrian-dreamer @azriels-mate123 @eos-princess @courtofjurdan @a-frog-with-a-laptop @insufferablebookaddict @callmeblaire

tags wotf: @goldenmagnolias @chessebookgirl @blackgirlmagicforever @mollygetssherlockcoffee @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @janebirkln @cleverzonkwombatsludge @namelesssav @sidthedollface2 @brujitafantomatico @ruler-of-hades @favsrachz @katherinejess @jesus-is-me @ashbatz @onyx-obsession @mischiefmanagers @thesnugglingduck @wandas-dream @emryb

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slippingthroughmy-fingers · 3 months

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slippingthroughmy-fingers · 3 months

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JEALOUSY, Niko Omilana

(part two)

part one here –> jealousy, niko omilana (part one)

———————————

summary: It has been weeks since you left his apartment, crying and devastated, desperate to know why he never came back to make this all right. You in your own mind, you felt like it was over since he wasn't coming into conclusion that he was in the wrong. You try to move on by going to an all influencers party, and that's when you're met face to face with Niko.

A/N: I had to write this twice because it was deleted TWICE. anyway sorry if this doesn't meet your expectations as my writing skills aren't in store since I havent written in a while 🫶🏻 (it was a little rushed bc of that reason, so you'll see some changes in the future just to make it better)

warnings: bad language? I think, slightly gets heated but no smut

You wipe your tears and walk up to Sharky's car with a wide grin on your face, opening the door and getting inside.

"So, how'd it go?" Sharky questions as he starts driving.

"It went great. I honestly just forgot that we had to postpone the entire hangout for another day." You come up with a lie smoothly.

Sharky seemed to be disappointed with the answer so he just nods. "Alright then, you're okay right?"

"Mhm. Thanks Sharks." You awkwardly say as you look out the window, observing the world passing by.

"Of course." He says dryly which makes you not wanna speak again, which you were thankful for.

You were trying so hard not to cry again, all you could think about was Niko. Whatever that had just happened up there, that was not like him.

He never treated you like that, and mostly, you never thought he would just let you go like that.

—

* present *

"You have to go. It happens once a year and guess what? You we're invited. Which means you have to go otherwise you'd look like you're terrible without your boyfriend." You hear your best friend Aella ramble while you were doing some work on your laptop.

"Ex boyfriend. Don't ever mention him as my boyfriend." You correct her while your eyes never leave the screen.

"Right. You're ex boyfriend. You're fans will make a big fuss over you not going. It'll be obvious. And we don't like-"

" "And we don't like obvious". Yeah I heard this stupid phrase like 10 times this past hour. I get it. I still don't wanna go. " You cut her off, annoyed.

She shrugs her shoulders and grabs your hand aggressively. "What– Aella you have to let me finish this!" You exclaim angrily.

"No you don't. You've been auditioning on different shows for an hour. Can you just let go for once? Now that you're all famous it's your chance to shine and show that you aren't miserable from the break up." She grips both of your shoulders as she looks down at you since she's slightly taller than you.

"Alright. Fine. When is this stupid influencer get together?" You sigh loudly, pinching your nose between your fingers.

"It's in an hour."

"What?! You want me to go without no clothing options? I have nothing appropriate for this event–" Your rambling continues, but then, you realize Aella wasn't even standing infront of you which makes you pause.

"Where'd you disappear off to?"

When she comes back, in her hand, she has a black dress that had gold straps in the back, and it had a huge slit.

"Since when did you get this?" You slightly gasp at how expensive it looks. There was no way you'd wear this. It'd bring too much attention towards me. That's what you thought.

"Well, let's just say I already knew that I would know how to convince you last minute. So I bought this dress when you were asleep. Guessed your size." She shrugs at her last sentence.

"There is no way I'm wearing this. It's too revealing." You refuse and you walk back to your room to see what you had in your closet.

"I mean its a party. Thats how its supposed to be. And you wouldn't reuse the same dresses, would you?" Her voice trails off and she has a slight smirk on her face.

You knew there was absolutely nothing you could wear to this event, and you know there were going to be much more famous people than you. So If you wore anything from your closet, you would look too under dressed.

You sigh when you find absolutely nothing, and you turn around to look at the dress that was in Aella's hand. You anxiously bite the skin next to your nails and you nod.

A shaky sigh falls from your lips when she squeals and lunges forward to hug you.

"I will make sure you're having the best time of your life!" You nod anxiously at her words.

You probably thought you were going to regret this.

—

Y/N Y/L/N

Liked by chunkz, ohnosharky, 178,013 others

Y/N Y/L/N: @aellasterlings girlfriend took this photo on our balcony! And a really fun fact for you, there was nothing in this wine glass because we were running late.

View all 2,834 comments

aellasterlings: I think I have a crush on you.

^ Y/N Y/L/N: 💋💋

ohnosharky: gorgeous 🙏🏾🙏🏾

^ Y/N Y/L/N: thank you best friend ❤️

^ zqzxmark: I think he's trying to get with her 😭 also why is he talking to her? bro code?

^ kennyswife: just because Niko and y/n weren't seen together recently doesn't mean sharky and y/n's friendship is over and it doesnt mean hes trying to hit on her. Get over yourself.

^User021838: LOL. He just got friendzoned.

betasquadd34slover: she's going to the influencer get together and niko is aswell... omg.

^ y/ny/l/nsbiggestfan: @betasquadd34slover you do know it was never confirmed that they've broken up or fought?

^ betasquadd34slover: we haven't seen them together for WEEKS. it's safe to say they're done for. We all know they're always clingy together, but there's no content of them for literally quite a month.

y/nslover: If niko doesn't want her then I do !

—

You both were running late, but there was nothing wrong with being fashionably late, right?

Your head was resting on your hand as you watch the world go by while you both drive to the location. Whenever silence was filled the room or any place you were in, your mind would always go back to him and his accusations.

"What are you thinking about there?" You were startled when you hear Aella's voice interrupt your thoughts.

"Hm? Nothing." She sends you a side glance to tell you that it wasn't worth lying to her because she already knew.

"Fine. You already know who I'm thinking about. No need for details. It's enough you're forcing me to come with you."

She ignores your last remark, "Who?" She asks as if she had no idea who you were talking about.

"Aella."

"What? I just wanna know the name." She says innocently, though you could catch the small smile on her face.

"Niko." You finally speak and you could feel a huge amount of wind leaving your chest, happy that you finally got his name out of your lips.

You hear her chuckle, "Already knew it. You can't just get over someone who you were clingy with. Its disgustingly cute." She scoffs but in a mocking manner.

You slap her shoulder playfully and you couldn't hide the wide grin on your face whenever someone mentioned Niko.

"Well I don't think him and I will ever be a thing again. He's a prick and doesn't care about me anymore." Your voice is barely audible when you speak, hurt that he hasn't reached out to you.

"You gotta be kidding me, y/n." She looks at you like you were an oblivious girl who had no idea what was going on in the real world. You furrow your eyebrows, confused.

"You are one oblivious girl." You hear her chuckle at her own statement. What did she mean by that?

"Me? Oblivious? He ended things–" You were about to continue your sentence, but you were cut off.

"You did, actually. Well he was wrong for what he did, but you're the one who ended things. And for your information, I am so sure he isn't over you. Like at all. Trust me, he wouldn't let his jealousy control over your relationship with him. He knows better than that." She corrects you, shrugging her shoulder as she makes a turn to find a place where we could park.

You felt like you were left dumbfounded by what she meant. How was she defending him? Aella was never really accepting of any of your ex's. She always defended you, even when you were in the wrong. This had to mean something.

"Come on, let's go." She mumbles and gives me a grin, opening the door as we both leave.

The cold air hit your skin once you left the car, feeling too exposed. You couldn't wait until this night was over.

You began walking to the entrance, but Aella grabs your hand before you walk off, "I got to tell you something, but promise me you won't get mad."

"That sentence alone just gets me mad."

"Just please!"

"Alright fine. I won't get mad."

"Niko and the rest are here." She mumbles all these words together, but you immediately understood what she was trying to say.

"And you didn't even bother to warn me?" You whine. This night couldn't get any worse. The dress, how cold it was, now you had to see Niko there?!

"I told you to not get mad. Also, I found out from your comment section before we left." She says with a small smile to convince you to forgive her.

You sigh deeply and nod, "Alright, whatever. Let's just get this over with."

She intertwines your arm with hers and you start walking but a guard stops the both of you. Before he could even say a thing, Aella shows him the emails. He immediately opens the curtains makes an entrance.

"He didn't even know us. He needs to humble himself." Aella immediately tries to cover your mouth because you were still close to the guard but you couldn't careless.

"Be respectful." She narrows her eyes at you.

When you went inside, immediately the warm air hits you. The least you could say is that you were shocked with the amount of people that were here. You didn't even know there was going to be loud music and partying.

"I already want to leave. I don't like this it's hurting my ears." As you're saying this, Aella pulls you into the crowd and you recognize some influencers, but didn't have time to greet them since Aella was pulling you too fast.

She stops you infront of a bar and gives you a look to indicate what she was trying to tell you. You immediately get the message and shake your head, "I don't drink." You say like it was obvious.

She rolls her eyes at you, "One margarita please."

You awkwardly shift from side to side while you wait for her to get her drink, already getting uncomfortable. You never liked big crowds or a place with too many people, you always felt like everybody was watching you.

And the only person who knew how anxious you'd get in parties like these, was Niko. He'd always wrap his long arms around your waist and give you sweet and comforting words that reassured you it was going to be alright, and the music and the rest of the people that would be around you would fade from your mind. You would just be focused on his sweet words and soothing voice.

The words like, "It'll be okay, baby," or, "Im here. I'll always be here." always made you feel fuzzy from the inside.

His touch would electrify every part of your nerve cells and the feeling of fear from being surrounded by people would fade away.

You were suddenly interrupted from your deep thoughts when you hear a familiar voice, "Hey girl, didn't know you'd be here tonight!"

You turn around to be met with Nella which results a huge smile appearing on your face, "Hey Nells! It was a last minute plan." You shout over the music and she hugs you tightly.

Your genuine smile was on, happy to see a familar face here, "You are so beautiful and outstanding! I love the slit." Nella compliments as she breaks off the hug.

"I could say the same thing to you!" You compliment back. She really was killing it.

"Do you wanna come sit with the rest? We really missed you! I don't want you to be all alone here." Your heart immediately drops and you politely shake your head.

"I'm actually here with my best friend, Aella." You point over to Aella who's back was only shown. She turns around and immediately her smile widens.

"Aella! I didn't know you were here! You both are really pretty girls." Nella compliments as she hugs her, Aella smiling at her welcoming techniques.

"Are you sure you guys don't want to sit with us over there–"

"Well the party just started a few minutes ago. We'll let lose and think about coming over!" Aella says and you could feel your heart beat becoming normal once again, happy that she covered it for you.

"Alright then, I'll see you both around!" You nod politely and immediately Aella begins drinking her margarita.

Knowing that Nella welcomed you like that with open arms means that Niko hadn't told anyone or even disclosed the fact that the both of you haven't been seeing each other at all. Nella wouldn't do this to you on purpose.

"This is going to be a really long night." Aella says.

"You're telling me?" You almost say a little too angrily, but she just shrugs.

"Guess you'll have to see him at some point." She says with a huge grin, and walks off to the crowd. You roll your eyes and follow her.

You were damned if you actually see him.

—

You could feel your mind starting to fade away, all the thoughts you had earlier were vanished. Every little thing that made you worried about tonight, wasn't really there anymore. It was all replaced with happiness and joy.

Now you were in the crowd dancing along with the rhythm while Aella was behind you dancing aswell like there was no tomorrow.

"Enough drinking, you're stumbling everywhere already." You yell over the music and she nods while small giggles fall from her lips.

Confusion slips on me when you hear her laugh, "What? What is it?"

"Look behind you." She slurs a bit of her words, but you still understood the message.

You turn around, confused. You furrow your eyebrows as you try to look where she was looking, and your heart drops when you see Sharky waving and giving you a sign to go to him.

"Fuck. You have to come with me." You tell your best friend and you give her your pleading eyes.

"Not my buisness. Besides, this is just sharky. I don't see Niko there." She smiles.

"Fine. Give me the keys. I'm scared you'll lose them." You demand her and she listens without fighting.

"Have fun!" She sends one of her teasing grins and continues dancing.

"Whatever, Aella. I'll be right back." You shake your head, annoyed.

You push yourself through the crowd and now you were starting to feel your anxious state rising again. The music felt like it was puncturing your heart, and the people that surrounded you made you feel like you were close to being trapped. Once you've made it out of the crowd thankfully, a familiar face appears infront of you.

"y/n!" Sharky says and your smile was so wide it started to hurt, immediately engulfing him in a hug.

"Sharky! God i missed you so much." You say againist his black tee shirt. He wraps his arm around your waist and both your arms are around his neck.

You felt really safe knowing that your own best friend was here tonight. Your eyes are shut as you enjoy this hug, but it opens for a moment.

Your heart drops when you make eye-contact with Niko Omilana, who had his jaw clenched, and a distasteful look that he sent. He had some of the group talking to him, but he seemed to not be interested at all.

Instead, his eyes were on Sharky's every movement and on his arms that were laying your waist a little too comfortably. He finally disconnects the hug and leads you to the group, and you could feel your nerves building up by just how his eyes never leave, it was only focused on you.

It was the first time you've seen Niko since the day that you left his apartment, crying and devastated. The anger inside of you began bubbling once again.

"y/n!"

"I'm glad you made it!"

"That dress is super goals. I can't get over it." Nella says.

"Right. Looks like im stealing your gal for tonight. Sorry Niko." Chunkz jokingly says and you gulp, looking over at Niko for his reaction.

But he doesn't even acknowledge his remark, his eyes were too busy scanning every part of your body. You could pinpoint the hunger and the lust swarming in his eyes.

"Not blaming you at all." You hear sharky from your left say.

Niko glares at him, but he knew he couldn't say anything. You weren't his anymore. And that scared him more than he would admit. He couldn't get over that Sharky had his chance, yet he also couldn't get over the day he let you go just like that and made his jealousy control him. That wasn't like him at all.

You grin at everyone hyping you up, a little flattered, but everything felt a little awkward. You hoped the night would just go smoothly.

"Isn't this the part where Niko and y/n exchange bacteria with their mouths?" Aj genuinely asks and Chunkz nudges his shoulders as he laughs like there was no tomorrow.

"I'm not interested." Niko mumbles loud enough for only you to hear, his eyes never leaving yours.

You felt humiliated as no one noticed what he said to you, but you knew he was trying to mess around. And it absolutely broke you.

You felt mad at how you once loved the man across of you, and now you both weren't a thing anymore. You hated standing across of him and not doing anything about it.

You wanted to do everything to him, kiss him, yell at him, flirt with him, and everything else that falls under the topic.

You hated how this night had to continue just like this. But you knew you had to deal with it.

—

You were sat on a barstool as you didn't have any energy to dance or do anything since you hates crowds and loud music. Afterall, you came for your best friend.

You stand up for a little since you've been sitting for an hour and you move around while looking around. Something catches your eye and it was in instinct to look back, because it looked too familiar.

It was him.

Niko Omilana chatting with a stereotypical blonde, his boyish grin on sight, and one inch was left between their bodies. You could feel your body freeze. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

His eyes was intently observing her blue eyes as if if he took his eyes off of her, she would vanish from the face of the earth. You could feel the exact same feeling that you had felt the day you ended things with him.

You couldn't even get over him. You knew you had to, but it was so difficult. Especially that in your eyes you saw that he had moved on already.

Wasn't I good looking enough for him? Or wasn't my personality in his theme? Did he ever love me? Did this relationship even mean something to him? Did he even care at all?! All of these thoughts ran in your head that you didn't even notice the tear that went down your cheek.

He was laughing so hard he almost couldn't breathe. He's laughing with her. Did I ever have the same effect on him the same way she had an effect on him?

He looks around as he's laughing but it quickly disappears when the same pair of brown eyes that you've grown to love, was staring right back at yours.

He didn't seem to look shocked that you were here observing the entire interaction. Infact, he looked like he already knew that you were watching. He wanted to make you feel miserable.

You were completely wrong about assuming that he might've wanted time to come into conclusion that he was wrong. You felt stupid for always assuming the best.

You felt like you were close to falling apart and right infront of him, so you turn around and mutter an, 'excuse me' to two couples that were making out infront of you. You wanted him to run after you and give you his comforting kisses that he'd give you all around your neck and your face. You wanted the same words that exactly had a huge effect on you like, 'It's all going to be alright, baby.' or, 'It's okay, im here.'

But he didn't care, did he?

As you're pushing yourself through the crowd you could feel hot tears streaming down your face and no one seemed to notice at all.

You finally spot the exit but before you actually leave, someone grabs your arm. Of course, it had to be the person that shattered your heart twice this month.

"Let go off my arm, Niko." You say sternly through gritted teeth and shake your hand off of his grip, exiting out of the party.

Your hands were covering your mouth to stop the sobs, but you just couldn't. Choked sobs were heard and sniffling as you make your way to the car.

"y/n–" He sounded desperate and scared , but that could just be you trying to make everything justified. What if he wanted to follow me to mock me again? What if he wasn't desperate?

You couldn't even tell anything by his voice anymore. You couldn't read him anymore.

You turn around hesitantly, "What do you want?" You voice sounded completely broken up by the way it wavered.

He's about to open his mouth, but was completely silenced when you spoke before he did.

"Do you wanna scoff at my face and disrespect me again?"

"No–"

"Or slam the door to my face?" Your voice wavers and that was it. You reached your breaking point.

"I–" He was cut off with the loud cries that was from you and you cover your face from how humiliated you felt.

"Please don't cry. I don't want you to cry." His voice is hushed like he was also about to start breaking down at any given moment. He cups your face with his large hand and you push it away, looking to the side.

"Why are you even here? You clearly didn't wanna speak to me that day." Your voice breaks and when you finally look at Niko, he had a layer of tears in his eyes.

His mouth is slightly opened but no words whatsoever forms on his mouth. "Don't hate me–" He finally breathes out, but his jaw tightens when he hears you interrupt him.

"Hate you? Niko– you aren't serious are you? I'm deeply affected from what you've done that day and you bring this word into the conversation? What the hell has gotten into you?" You're about to turn around when you hear a sentence that stops you in your tracks.

"I'm really sorry for accusing of such thing. I can't bear the thought of you leaving me. Please, i'm begging you to forgive me." His voice wavers and you could tell that he was trying to hold himself infront of you so you couldn't see him falling apart infront of you.

You stood there for a minute, trying to choose whether to leave or not, but you felt your body heat up when you feel a warm body behind you. Your breath catches when you feel the familar large hands wrap your waist, pulling your closer into his back. The sensation makes a sigh fall from your lips. His touch might've changed everything you were close to deciding.

"I'm sorry, for everything." He says in your ears. You know he didn't even mean it in a way, but it drove you crazy.

You turn around hesitantly, his hands still on youe waist. He clumsily pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket and displays it infront of you.

* Forgive me? Ü *

That was what was written on the paper.

"You planned this beforehand?" You ask in shock. He nods genuinely with a worried look. You began laughing so hard, his lips mirrored yours and began laughing aswell.

He wipes the almost dried tears off your cheeks. His eyes were studying each part of your facial features, the way your eyes slightly close as you laugh, and how your cheeks turn into a faint red. God, how he missed it. How he missed you.

When your laughter dies down, there was a comforting silence that lingered in the air. He swallows nervously, and places the piece of paper back in his pocket. "Does that mean we're okay?"

You hum with a slight nod, distracted by how much you missed looking at his face. You noticed that he was staring at your face. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" You chuckle nervously. For some reason, you felt nervous just standing infront of him. You not even knowing it, he was aswell.

He clears his throat and shakes his head to get him off of the trance, "Nothing um– you're just very pretty. I miss looking at you."

Your lips are slightly parted at the compliment, taken aback by his sudden forwardness. You forgot how much Niko used to always compliment you.

"Come here." He sighs out and you comply without a discussion, his hands wrap around your waist gently and yours around his neck.

After a while, he disconnects the hug and the cold air was replaced with his warmth that fell on your body. You almost frowned at the loss of contact, but it was already made up when he cups your face gently and brings his lips to yours.

You sigh out, you almost forgot how good his warm lips felt good against yours. His hands tug on your hips and brings it closer to his body.

You bite his bottom lip playfully and a whine emits from his throat. He smiles and so do you.

He disconnects the kiss so he could hug you again, his arms that made you feel safe were now back, and you were never more happier. You lean more into him as you wanted any warmth.

"I miss you." He says after a few seconds of silence.

You chuckle, "I miss you too."

"Can we not do this again? It was torture." He whines.

"Are you serious? you're the one who started this. You're a man child." You narrow your eyes at him.

"No I did not. It wasn't me."

"Well it most definitely wasn't me–"

"Shush. Let me enjoy the presence of my girlfriend for a minute." You grin so widely your lips started to hurt. You took the advantage of enjoying his presence aswell and the silence that came along with it.

None of you had to say anything, you just both knew that you both loved each other and nothing would ever separate the both of you.

—————————————

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