I’m so stressed and depressed, I feel like my life is shattering and my world is coming apart, I want to both tell everyone and let no one find out.
I feel trapped, I don’t really know what to do so I’m just venting.
Everyday my chest gets heavier and my mind becomes more numb until eventually I’m scared I won’t even recognize who I am. The mirror already tells lies
I put pen to paper to allow for an escape of a mind so deeply obsessed in its own demise.
It’s a chance to allow for the more human side of her to be revealed, allowing the innocence and fear, the insecurities I’ve kept buried over these years.
Though it severely pains me to express
I have to get this off my chest, there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t pray that I die.
Automotive accident with no fault of my own, or even a medical phenomenon where my heart just explodes. Something where I can fade away with the blame being on me, That way in the afterlife my family could still smile at me.
I know this is no way to exist and it’s damn-near impossible to persist if I can’t find a way to change and things keep going on like this.
But I’m so lost in my own mind my future seems completely void, it’s so difficult to work towards something, anything for future purposes because I hope that by then I’ll be destroyed.
Though I pray for my end, my dreams and my nightmares do too. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, it’s what my family wants me to do.
Maybe one day I’ll be able to see the point in living, like they all seem capable of
I don’t want to leave my family with the memory of a Flag and a dove. A casket lowered into a shallow grave, a mother weeping and mourning. These are the thoughts that keep me here today.
I just hope that eventually, on my own free will….that I too, will want to stay.
A good chunk of toxic masculinity comes from straight girls imposing ridiculous and weird masculinity standards on their boyfriends or potential boyfriends but we don’t like talking about that.