Customer: THIS IS ME WHEN I VISIT MY FRIEND DMV: THE FRIENDFUL VISITOR

Verdict: DENIED

this is one of the meanest things anyone's ever said about me on tumblr

Gimme a drink bartender

hey don’t cry. trees grow out of the ground.

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

*received phone call from weed cigarette*

Weed cigarette: Please don't smoke me. I don't want to die

uhhh your package just drownded in a water level. it has to start over again

i think i speak for most of us when i say i've accepted i'm just going to be using tumblr until it either shuts down or i die

being a vampire rn is really hard bc of the housing crisis like. older vampires do Not get it. if you were turned in France in 1350 I literally do not want to hear about it from you. do you know how hard it is to lure a young lawyer to your home when you have roommates?? and the roommates aren’t your accursed brides for the record. they’re just some dudes. one of them is a middle school teacher.

not to mention some landlords these days will even just straight up use the basement in the place YOU’RE renting for their own storage?? so you can’t even access the basement so you’re not sleeping in soil down there.

my one friend literally pays $1300 a month for a STUDIO and she just has a bunch of soil in a big plastic tub and she has to sleep with her knees all bent up.

and like at least she can lure artists there pretty easily because it’s like very industrial

but idk. and older vampires will be like “a year of your rent costs more than my entire manor and all of its grounds! why don’t you simply buy an estate?”

yeah dude I don’t doubt that you bought your entire manor and the monastic ruins and its cemetery and the haunted woods for €4,000 in fucking 1708!!! DUH!!! Fuck off

Just seen a bathroom sign that says "Femmes". Unsure if this is woke or not.

The Sorrowful Truth

you know those like really edgy traumacore edits or whatever. can i have one of those but its about eating a cheese when ur lactose intolerant

i think some of you dont like narratives or stories or characters i think you just like fanfiction tropes

life’s worth living