should i just kill myself?

i want good things for myself now maybe i take it back...

every day i want to kill myself more and more

i want to kill myself so badly, i want to be mutilated

i need to figure out a way to feel the same way i do when im high/drunk/tripping/etc. but like. when im sober.

i self harmed for the first time in a year a couple weeks ago and it didn't even feel that good like i wasn't satisfied at all. i wanted to go deeper and deeper until i reached bone but it seemed like too much trouble. everything is too much trouble for me. even dying. i am so pathetic and careless and stupid and i deserve to be shot to death. i deserve for my remains to be desecrated. people should piss on my grave for all the bad things i have done. i hate myself so much.

kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me please i want to die very very very very badly please put it out into the world i want to die i want to be killed i want to be murdered

i want to be shot in the head executioner style

i just hope the universe send ssome luck my way and i finally die

i want to die very very violently and suddenly

omg i hate my stupid life but i hate admitting that to myself and I don't want to tke responsibility for making it into a life i actually want so i act like i don't care about anything which makes me hate my life even more.

i c 1 u 2 t 3 myself todY

ooohhhghghgg im killing me ooogoghhh

if this keeps up i will have to start making serious plans to well you know :)

I hate you. I forgot to peel my skin off before I boiled myself alive, so it came off in chunks and spoiled the broth. I was falling, falling, falling into the stars, which shone like emeralds and cut like glass. I cut myself open and that is when the wailing started. The muskrat sensed the end coming. I burrowed into a whole and the crows shat all over me. My eyes rolled out of their sockets and he squished them underneath his boot. Not even the most disgusting punishment God could think of would be enough to save me. There will be no absolution, no end, no good story to tell. I will have learned nothing and I will continue to burn. Dante did not want to write about me. There was nothing to learn from my story. It happens all the time. Let me sink deep into the mud and have all my organs fail slowly, so that it is torture. They want nothing to do with me anymore.

I feel myself enterjng a phase of tastes i van never ckme bacm from...