hi im dram • she/her • fuck terfs • 🍉 || chronic sayer of bro and bad speller. ao3: sinematicslut(on a hiatus ish)
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#I want to be a 6AM awake girl#my peak sleep cycle is sleep at 11 wake up at 6 but I need 9h of sleep min so… oops#maybe a nap is possible
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Words can’t describe how fucking weird I think dick grayson should be.
How overwhelmingly intense I want him to be in normal meetings with authority figures because he’s been talking with police officers and FBI agents since he was 10 and is now somewhat incapable of turning off that switch when he walks into conference rooms and shit.
Like he needs to be the most intense mf in the dmv line.
He is physically incapable of not making unblinking eye contact with people in suits
When he walks into a conference room he has to restrain himself from sitting at the head of the table (titans team leader) or the chair to the right of the head (Batman’s partner).
His teachers were weirdly charmed when an eleven year old dick immediately went from laughing hellion to tiny “business man” when they asked to speak to him after class (more like tiny crime fighter used to giving Batman debriefs but they don’t need to know that)
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god didn’t give me a dick because I’d get hard at warm paper that’s just come out of the printer and everyone would make fun of me
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I hate bitches who judge a stranger's morality based on their looks so much it's unreal
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okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.
Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."
Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red
Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."
J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"
Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"
Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."
*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*
Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."
Ollie: "For ice cream?"
Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."
Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."
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Bruce hates when Jason says something like "you are not my real father" because a) it does hurt b) when Alfred tries to comfort him, he reminds Bruce about the times he said the same thing to Alfred himself but didn't mean it, and Bruce wants to sink into the ground.
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Cigarettes were unhealthy as shit but at least they made you look fuckable. people looked fuckable. now everytime someone takes a hit from their vape, we lose more of our eroticism
#as a smoker I approve this but this is not an endorsement of smoking pls don’t shorten ur life for fuckable-ness#you’re fuckable just the way you are baby#I’m posting this with an is anti-vape sentiment not pro smoking vibes
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Do you guys remember this, literally what was it for? it feels like a fever dream because there’s no explanation
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No idea if there is a canon explaination but as far as I'm concerned, Damian Talks Like That because obviously the League was only going to get the best English teacher with the most experience for their heir. Which led to them flying in a 75 year old retired professor from London who specialized in linguistic analysis of Early 19th century who thinks contractions are the modern day plague and mourns the loss of cursive pensmenship like a grieving widow.
Damian, of course, was utterly devastated when he showed up to America and could understand NONE of the gibberish they were saying. Tim tells him he needs to "cool it" so he brings a thermos. He "hit the books" just like Jason told him too and Damian still hasn't been forgiven.
Eventually Damian learns perfectly well how Americans speak and now refuses to change out of pure, unadulterated spite.
Alfred is the only sensible person in the entire house.
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I think the funniest dynamic for arranged-marriage royalty would be a queen who came here 100% prepared to murder her future husband and rule as a widow queen in her own right, only to discover that the king is autistic as hell and responds to her wish to rule with "oh thank god please do, I don't want to be bothered by these people. I can just tell them to go bother you instead, if you really want that. I've got beetles I wanted to study."
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Tim: wait, you quit smoking?
Jason: I quit smoking when I became Robin.
Tim: Ok,That Is Not True. I've seen you smoke recently, don't gaslight me!
Dick: You didn't really quit smoking when you were Robin Jay, you used to take my cigs sometimes
Duke: wait,, YOU used to smoke??
Dick: Yeah, back when I was Nightwing
Duke: You're /still/ Nightwing ???
Tim: He means back when he was Discowing
Duke: What's discowing???
Jason: The reason I used to smoke.
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