Know what hurt me the most? Loving someone that doesn’t love you

Me

No,you just don’t :(

“Yes i hate you, hate for loving you😢”

Your smile

smile that make me feel sad..is it truly happen? how can it be? yess because that smile is not for me anymore... ive look straight into your eyes and i realized that there is no love for me anymore.. i really knew that smile.. that smiile only appears when someone that you really wanted come to create that smile on your face.. its really hurts, really really really hurts to see that.. feel like you wanna sleep for a whole years after seeing that shit...and im like standing between a hell and another hell, just waiting for that fire to hurt me.. which is if i try to fight back for my love and try to win her heart back eventho i know that i still gonna lose my love cause that man are more better than me its will hurt me really bad at the end.. and if i try to moveon from her right now its gonna be a long way to fully moveone, and my inner side of me will always keep thinking why im not tryin to make shes fall in love with me again.. sorry for my bad text, depression hunting me.. psst darling please take a good care of somebody that you love, and i hoping for your love too haha

Wondering

Did you ever feel that youre going to lose somebody that will forever remain in ur heart? What its feel like? Its feel like you are going to lose yourself too.. at that time you will realized that everything around you doesnt matter anymore.. youre going to tie up your heart as strong as possible so its not going to break when what did you think will happen someday..you will tie it up stronger and more stronger until you break your own heart into many pieces.. but with that small pieces you had, youre still tryin to put some hopes.. hoping that negativity thinking just from your bad side of yourself.. what ever happen.. i just dont want to lose her.. id love her so fcking much... babyy if you are reading this please prove me that i was wrong. Prove me i was totally wrong.. Please !

will you promise me one thing, syg ? that whenever i forget that i am loved, that i still have a place in this world, you will be here to tell me that i will always have a place to call home, that your arms are the home to my body and your heart, the home to my soul. will you, darling, be here to remind me that i will still have you even when i have nothing else at all?

Rain

Its raining while im about to start writing for today.. me at the corner of my bed with my laptop beside me.. hearing sad song plus raindrops makes me fall apart.. the melody come into my mind and go through my heart .. but sadly that melody break my heart into smaller part and sunddenly push my tears to go out from inside me.. andd I decided to close up my eyes and hoping for endless sleep.. ameen

To my lovely one

Here is the thing. You will never know how happy you make me by just simply existing. And when you smile, oh God it feels like I am in heaven. I am trying my best to do what I can to be comfortable enough in my own skin. But at the same time, I am dying. Should you know that I will still be entirely yours, no matter where you, no matter whose heart you carry in your arm. Should you know that I will always love you no matter the weather, no matter the time. You woke me up in the dead of the night just to drown me in the mysteries that roamed in your mind. I love sleep but I surely, truly, love you more. And lastly nanie, if I got distracted and lost my way, would you go out of your way just to look for me and bring me back home? It’s just that somewhere under the calm, blue sky, there is a heart that quietly shatters into pieces. It breaks behind a smile, behind a joyful laugh. As the pieces slowly dance themselves away in the wind, and me too, go along with them. Please think of me as the loveliest dream you will ever have and hold me, love me like I am the one and only reality you will ever live in. And oftentimes, we speak of words we are dying to hear from those we truly love, in hopes they will return the very same words back to us. I love you Sayang..🖤

Babygirl

I’m not sure if you’re reading this or what, ever since I met you. My previous hobby as writing came back. And I started to write more. More of my life stories. And here is it. It’s all for you. Even though I’m afraid of losing you. I kept making up myself busy. But you know, I wanted to show my real self. Right before your eyes. Though my existence might cast a shadow into your light. I wish your existence will continue to shine on me. Whether I’m around or not, you are shining right here, right now. If only we could laugh and cry together more but it was too late when I realized my true feelings. I’m always thinking of you. I’ve been searching for you here and there. Wanting to hear your voice right here, right now. Your smile pulled me out of the darkness. However my face might overcloud your smile. Continue to follow the dream you grasped by the palm of your hand. Even if you’re alone. I’m sure you’ll succeed and even if you’re bound and stifled by reality, the dawn will certainly come for you. These words will give a gentle push to your back. Since these feelings I want to convey. Wasn’t conveyed to you by myself. Your smile pulled me out of the darkness. I hope one day, my smile will synchronize with your smile. From the bottom of my heart. I’m grateful for the miracle of meeting you. I hope these words reaches you one day.

Sayang, not a day goes by that you weren't on my mind. Because you always do and it will be you until forever. I'm sorry for my bad side that make you feel broken, heartless or dissapointing.. it was my inner demons and i really hate it.. I'm so sorry that i am full of negativity okay, but you know.. I'm only comfortable to you and that is why i have no shame to share my problems and all the melancholy that lived in me.. I'm just a sadistic guy who loves this girl named nani.. The girl who always smiles everytime she walks down the streets, the way she staring at me oh my godness i dont want anybody to feel that except me.. And her attitude too, at the finest level. .. I've been single for like whole year. Gotta admit 2017 was a shitty year for me until at the of the year when i found this little apple pie.. It was okay because i have someone to share all my sadness and problems with.. Which is you my girlfriend, She's the one that makes me feel happy, appreciated and welcomed. I never feel more home than being with you.. The way she treats me, the way she caresses me is so beautiful and pure. And in one point I've felt this one feeling down my chest. The feeling of love, it comes in waves.. The waves are spinning like whirl wind in the ocean in me.. And every single drop, it's all about you.. All the good things have been happening ever since i met her.. i dont know if you would like to read all this shitty text.. Please dont leave me dear.. i dont want to feel lonely one more time.. thanks for accepting me in your life. I dont know how could someone like me could have been with this fine wine woman.. it is such an honour to be with sayang , i love you

It has been a long time since I last post something on tumblr. Well just to let you guys that I’m doing great atm. And sorry for the pics spamming, it’s okay if you don’t want to reblog or heart it haha. I’m doing it for fun so ya, looking back to my old posts. Gotta admit it’s kinda piercing to one’s another. I’m sorry friends, I’m a little too emotional. And I even thought of suiciding back then. But for now it’s okay. I found someone that I can hold on to. Someone that could be the reason why I’m still living and more importantly. Someone to love. I know it might be hard for some of you guys but, darling. You’ll be okay :))

You know, sometimes i hate myself because i tend to forgive people easily but then i realized that there is nothing wrong for doing a good thing. No matter how bad your heart is broken, how sadistic and cruel people treated you, and how many knives you have received behind your back, don’t do the same thing to them because the hate in your heart will consume you too. The world is lack of nice people, so be one.

There is no such thing as “i treat people like how they treated me” in my dictionary, anymore. I believe in karma, because whatever you do will always come back to you.

Here i am, would like to apologize to those people in my past, as what i have done wrong. If we keep on fighting one another, then the world isn’t going to get better, right?