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silverlark2 · 2 years

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i agree with absolutely all of this, but want to add that i dont feel like Eddie was gatekeeping D&D fron Erica.

Speaking as a woman who plays D&D and has been on the outside of the gatekeepibg personally, i think Eddie's demeanor at her arrival to the session was to make sure she could cut it. She is young, still in middle school, coming into a high stress game that everyone else at the table is VERY invested in as a substitute.

i think he put on the tough act to see how she reacted. if she could stick up for herself when he questioned her, then she could stick up for her choices in game against the other players and handle the fallout if things went poorly. i think it was the fastest/kindest way for him to make sure SHE would be ok at the table, not bevause he thought she couldnt (i assuke Mike and Dustin bringing her in the 1st place ley him know she knew how to play, thry know how seriously Eddie takes the game) but because a good DM makes sure everyone at the table will be ok with whats happening at the table, and after how she handled him? He knew she could handle whatever else he threw at her.

which adds to the 'Eddie isnt an asshat' argument.

p.s. i do wonder if Eddie would have reacted differently to rescheduling if Lucas had bothered to ask himself instead of sending Mike and Dustin to ask for him. 🙃

Yes selling ketamine to a vulnerable teenager is bad but Eddie is a worse person for the way he treated Lucas and encouraged Lucas' friends to act.

Even if you hate jocks and hate sports and hate parties and whatever.... it's pretty obvious Lucas didn't have friends outside of Hellfire Club and the fact Eddie scheduled the campaign final specifically on the night of the championship game (he wouldve known the exact date, there wouldve been posters and announcements for months prior and hes not stupid) had to have been on purpose. And if he was trying to make Lucas choose a side? That's fucked up. Let a kid have a hobby outside your realm of interests you gatekeeping prick.

If by chance he genuinely didn't know the date? He could've postponed. People postpone D&D campaigns all the fucking time and it's not like Eddie had a job so he had to worry about scheduling issues. It's clear why you can't just move the date of a championship basketball game for 7 nerds to play a boardgame. No, he did this on purpose. To weed out the jocks in his nerd club. To ostracise Lucas specifically.The way Eddie interacts with Mike and Dustin shows he knows the people in Hellfire Club. He would've known who Lucas is. He wouldve known he loves D&D as much as the rest of them but because he also has a different interest that Eddie dislikes (not even for a moral reason but just because its popular), he's forced out. A group supposedly for outsiders is excluding one of their own for *checks notes* being an outsider? It's fucked up and just plain mean.

And Lucas will never forget that none of his friends NOT A SINGLE ONE went to the championship game that he won.

What say you, Kiki The Maiden?

Okay first of all, a disclaimer: I disagree with about everything you said. I love analyzing things, and everyone has different headcanons and interpretations, but the writers took great efforts to canonically exclude these arguments. I mean if it were like you said, I'd agree, but it canonically isn’t. I rewatched the key scenes for this reply and transcribed the relevant dialogues for the following analysis. Again, this isn't meant to be rude - you asked about my honest opinion, I'm giving it.

1.”Eddie selling ketamine to a vulnerable teenager”:

The scenes:

Eddie bumps into Chrissy in the woods, sees her obvious distress and asks whether she's okay, obviously concerned. From the context, it's obvious Chrissy initiated the deal and made him come to the woods because that's how most drug deals work and Eddie himself is obviously surprised that Chrissy asked for this deal.

They sit down, Eddie takes off his leather jacket and denim vest, his "shield" against the world as the costume designer Amy L. Forsythe calls it, thereby taking off his guard like he did in the D&D sequence. He canonically makes himself less intimidating because since people think he's mean and scary because he's a metalhead who plays D&D and deals drugs, and he wants Chrissy to see she doesn't have to be scared.

Chrissy asks how the deal works, Eddie explains it. His tone is neutral, the little quip about "and for obvious reasons...no receipts" meant to set her a bit at ease by making a little joke. He then proceeds to ask her whether his conditions - 20 dollars for the half - are okay, giving her control over the situation.

Chrissy stays jumpy and distressed. Eddie relates it to himself, takes the drugs away, out of her line of vision, avoids eye contact as he tells her "we don't have to do this. Just say the word and I'll walk away." He's defensive that she sees him as a danger because that's obviously how most people conceive him and it hurts. And since he doesn't want to pressure her into anything, he offers her a way out - no consequences, no questions asked; he puts Chrissy in charge again. He moves to go to show her he means it - and he does mean it, what he sees is that Chrissy obviously doesn't want him there from his POV - until Chrissy says: "No, it's not that. I don't want you to go."

That's where Eddie realizes she isn't scared of him, and does what she asked him to: he stays. He tries to build a connection, a common ground to talk about and set her at ease. He does. He yeets himself off the bench, making her laugh AND giving her more physical space. He's a little self-deprecating in a charming, sweet way (the yeeting off the bench and rolling on the ground, "we actually got a crowd of about five...drunks") and they get along well. Whether you ship them or not doesn't matter: they both are at ease with each other and laugh together, both sides have their guards down and the interaction is genuine and void of any ulterior motives, as the Duffers as well as Grace and Joe confirmed in various interviews.

Eddie offers Chrissy a 25% discount, which reaffirms he's not interested in the money. I mean, yes, he deals because he needs the money, but he wants those deals to be consentual and in Chrissy's case, he likes her. Again, no matter whether you ship them or not, he wants to be nice, no ulterior motives.

Chrissy asks him "do you have anything maybe...stronger?"

Eddie reacts shocked/surprised.

Chrissy is smiling very hard when she steps out of the van and follows Eddie into the trailer, which implies she didn’t seem nervous on the way or anything like that. (she only starts to get nervous/panic when she starts hearing Vecna’s clock - and even then, she doesn’t try to escape the trailer, but she tries to get to Eddie)

At the trailer, Eddie stars searching for the ketamine, which implies - as well as his "no, no, no, I got it. Somewhere." - that he doesn't often sell other things than weed. His confusion as to where he placed the ketamine is genuine.

Chrissy dies. Another thing: even while Chrissy is in her trance, Eddie respects her boundaries. He stays a few feet away, dancing, snapping, clapping to wake her up and only when she doesn't and he realizes she's in actual danger from something, he crosses into her personal space to grab her shoulders and as a last resort pat her cheeks to wake her up. If we compare the whole scene with that of Eddie and Steve in the UD, we can see the glaring contrast: Eddie sways in and out of Steve's personal space.

Ketamine isn’t classified as a hard drug, btw; its risk of causing addiction/dependency is as high or low as that of weed, and the risk of a deadly overdose is so low there’s not even a statistic for it.

Yes, Eddie sells ketamine to a vulnerable teenager (bear in mind that Chrissy is canonically 18 and Eddie is 20, there is no power imbalance, they're both seniors) - but he doesn't know Chrissy is vulnerable. We, the audience, know it, because we see Chrissy's POV, her ed, and we see her getting targeted by Vecna and we even get a glimpse at the abuse she suffers through her mother.

Eddie, from his POV sees: Chrissy Cunningham, the Queen of Hawkins High, from a good middle class/upper middle class family, the most popular girl of school, on top of the hierarchy. He doesn't know she even has struggles. We see the picture Chrissy paints for everyone is a perfect one (the little kiss she blows Jason at the Pep Rally symbolizes that). For all he knows, Chrissy is the Queen of Hawkins High who wants to be a bit rebellious before her graduation in one and a half months, the good girl being nervous about her first drug deal, or she’s simply having a bad day. The last time they canonically interacted was in middle school, and Eddie doesn’t know her. He doesn’t know how she usually acts or how to tell that she’s vulnerable.

Chrissy asks him to do the deal in the woods, Chrissy is the one who tells him she doesn't want him to go vehemently enough to make sure she means it, and Chrissy is the one who asks him for something stronger than weed (he never offers it!). Chrissy is initiating things, and she's her own autonomous person capable - at least from Eddie's POV - of making her own decisions, having her own agenda; she’s not some helpless little vulnerable girl. She’s a senior, just like Eddie. Stop vilifying Eddie in this situation. It wasn’t a good thing to do, it’s a flaw, but he never had ill intentions or ulterior motives and he had no way to know that Chrissy was vulnerable.

And selling drugs is what he does. It's a flaw, and one that makes him a complex character. He's a person, and sometimes people do stupid things. It be like that.

2.Eddie not postponing the campaign:

I'll sum up all four scenes relevant for this because again, what we see in canon and what is obviously canonically implied are the facts.

The Pep Rally: At the pep rally, during Jason's speech, we find out that the Hawkins tigers won the game "last night" which means that they're in the championship finale "tonight". Dustin and Mike react shocked that the championship game is "tonight", and Max explains "they call it a tournament. you win one game, you go on and so on until only one team is left." It's canon that they only knew 24 hours beforehand that the championship game would take place because they only won the final game to enable it the night prior.

Walking back from the rally, Lucas tells Dustin and Mike to "just talk to Eddie", which they both at first refuse, instead trying to coerce Lucas into not attending the championship game but the end of the D&D campaign, a campaign which has gone on for the "past semester" as Dustin points out, "we need you." To which Mike adds, "Yes, and the Tigers don't. You've been on the bench all year."

Lucas tells them that the point isn't only the game but "I'm getting good with these guys. I'll be in the popular crowd, and then you guys will be, too. Mike: "Has is ever occured to you that we don't want to be popular?" Lucas: "So you wanna be stuck with the nerds and freaks for three more years?" Dustin: "We are nerds and freaks." Lucas: "But maybe we don't have to be. Look, I'm tired of being bullied. I'm tired of girls laughing at us, I'm tired of feeling like a loser. We came to high school wanting things to be different, right?" - Dustin and Mike nod. Lucas: "So now we have that chance. I skip tonight, that's all out the window. So I'm asking you guys, as a friend, talk to Eddie. Get him to move Hellfire. Come to my game. Please."

The cafeteria scene begins with Eddie reading out the article linking D&D to satanism, sodomy, suicide and murder, poking fun of it before launching into the table speech during which he shows and states that he's tired and defensive and angry at his hobby being not only labelled as "less" than band, science, parties or basketball, but as evil, once again painting him as mean and scary, a freak "because we like to play a fantasy game."

When Dustin asks Eddie to postpone the campaign in the cafeteria, ALL the rest of Hellfire protests before Eddie yells "STOP" so he can speak and say he won't postpone, telling them to find a sub for Lucas.

Those are the relevant scenes. Now, on to your comments:

Even if you hate jocks and hate sports and hate parties and whatever....

he resents them for kicking him down, for having hobbies which are deemed good while his own, absolutely harmless hobby, is called less and even dangerous. The resentment of someone who got bullied and still gets bullied and scorned upon all his life simply because he dresses differently and his hobby is different. We see what those little pricks in season 1 did to Mike and Dustin and Will for being nerds and playing D&D - we all know for Eddie, it hasn't been any different. He jusged people the same way he gets judged and doesn't realize it, which, yes, is a character flaw, and one he very quickly strips after his encounter with Erica who, rightly so, absolutely roasted him to which he realized he didn't act nice and did the shitty thing people were doing to him and owned it and did better, genuinely welcoming him to Hellfire even though he just got roasted and insulted ("long-haired freak", the name freak something Jason calls him and which in the cafeteria scene is revealed to be a very sore spot for him) by her in front of his friends. Flawed? Yes. Learning and doing better? Yes.

it's pretty obvious Lucas didn't have friends outside of Hellfire Club

Canonically wrong. It's not obvious. It might have been if he and Eddie were close, but they aren't (later a bit more on that but bear with me.) The canon facts:

1.The costume design already shows Lucas, at the start of ST4, belongs more to the jocks than the nerds: he wears his basketball attire while Dustin and Mike wear the Hellfire Club shirts. It's the game of the pap rally where everyone wears their club's outfits (the Cheerleaders, the Jocks, the Nerds) so it's not the common outfit but it already separates Lucas from the rest of Hellfire/his friends Mike and Dustin.

2.Lucas is sitting with the basketball players.

It is canonically implied, in two instances, that Lucas started sitting with them regularly, leaving Mike and Dustin to sit alone with each other even before they joined Hellfire/met Eddie. a) in the cafeteria scene when Eddie remembers the moment he invited Dustin and Mike into Hellfire: "You were sitting on that table right there, looking like...looking like TWO little lost sheep" and b) in the scene where Dustin tells Max that Eddie has to be innocent: "When we got to High School, Lucas made all his sports friends. Mike and me? I mean no one was nice to us. No one except Eddie." -> Lucas had started leaving Mike and Dustin behind for the jocks long before Eddie invited them to Hellfire. Implying that Eddie as Hellfire's leader invited Lucas, who was already starting to join the crowd of jocks Eddie dislikes, into Hellfire despite him becoming one of the jocks.

3. Lucas canonically never hangs with Hellfire and Dustin and Mike because the jocks didn't know Lucas was friends with Eddie or anyone in Hellfire. They didn't even know he was friends with Dustin and Mike.

At Benny's when Jason rallies his mob:

When the mob shows up at Corroded Coffin's band practice:

Lucas: "Hellfire isn't a cult. It's just a D&D club. D&D? Dungeons and dragons? It's like a...it's like a game. It's fantasy."

Andy Warren: "And how exactly do you know all of that, Sinclair?"

Lucas: "Uh...well. It's my sister. Yeah. She's like...she's like a total nerd."

DISCLAIMER: Lucas lies here because he wants to find out what the jocks plan, not because he means it. He's a double agent already if you will, I'm only quoting this because obviously the jocks don't know Lucas is in Hellfire or even affiliated with any of its members, canonically implying that Lucas takes care not to be seen with anyone in Hellfire at school. When Jason attacks Garreth and forces him to tell him where Eddie is and Gareth says "Dustin Henderson" there's no indication that the jocks know Lucas is even friends with Dustin, else, they'd have asked Lucas about him.

Gareth: "Lucas? What are you doing with those douchebags?"

Jason: "You know these freaks, Sinclair?"

Lucas: "Uh. They know my sister. They tried to recruit me to their club, cult."

Lucas has friends outside of Hellfire, and he chose them, and it's canonically implied that he doesn't even hang around with Mike, Dustin or the rest of Hellfire during school. His reasons are totally relatable, I'm just saying your point is canonically wrong.

Eddie scheduled the campaign final specifically on the night of the championship game (he wouldve known the exact date, there wouldve been posters and announcements for months prior and hes not stupid) had to have been on purpose.

As per the dialogue in the episode with Max, Mike and Dustin didn't know, and Eddie had no way of knowing since he wasn't at the pep rally where it was said. There can't have been announcements etc because as I said, it's canon that nobody knew until 24 hours prior that the championship game would take place that night. If anybody had known that the game might take place at that date, it would have been Lucas, but since Mike and Dustin didn't know, I don't think Lucas thought about telling them, if he even knew. Canon is only that Mike, Dustin, Eddie and the rest of Hellfire didn't know because the whole school didn't know until 24 hours earlier.

And if he was trying to make Lucas choose a side?

Eddie never threatened to kick anybody out of Hellfire and as we got to know him in the later episodes, he never would have. It was about ONE night, the finale of the campaign, not generally about being part of Hellfire. Plus, Eddie never put Lucas to the test to see which side he'd choose, and he never even implied that he would've kicked Lucas out of Hellfire. It was about one single night. Again, petty and definitely selfish - but there was no ulterior motive, no mind games or power play going on.

That's fucked up. Let a kid have a hobby outside your realm of interests you gatekeeping prick.

Everything in canon implies that it wasn't Eddie's intention. He didn't know the date. He learned that day in the cafeteria. There were loads of equipment for the game and the setting - candles, chalices, all that stuff, and since Hellfire shares the room with the theater club (which is canon by the scenes and the lightning etc. that it's the theatre room) it means he needed to book the room to make sure it was free, meaning that it took work and time to organize everything so the campaign could take place. It never once is even implied that Eddie tried to gatekeep - and from everything we know, the one time when he did try to gatekeep D&D with Erica, he realized the mistake and stopped gatekeeping immediately, holding no ill will.

If by chance he genuinely didn't know the date?

He didn't know the date, that's canon, as I pointed out.

He could've postponed. People postpone D&D campaigns all the fucking time and it's not like Eddie had a job so he had to worry about scheduling issues. It's clear why you can't just move the date of a championship basketball game for 7 nerds to play a boardgame. No, he did this on purpose.

Eddie is the leader of Hellfire, but he's not the only one calling the shots.

The three others - Gareth, Jeff and Freak#3 as he's called in the credits - protested VERY loudly and vehemently as soon as Dustin asked to postpone, before Eddie even got to react. Eddie called them to stop protesting, and it was evident that out of 7 people (Eddie, Lucas, Mike, Dustin, Gareth, Jeff, Freak#3), 3 had already made it clear that they were firmly against postponing, Mike and Dustin wanted to postpone, and Lucas - who wanted to postpone - didn't even go to the trouble to show Eddie the courtesy of asking him himself whether he could postpone the game. Yes, Eddie is Hellfire's leader and DM, but it was 3 against 2 without Eddie and Lucas and 4 against 3 with them, a clear democratic decision not to postpone.

Part of Hellfire are Dustin and Mike who never, not once, asked him to postpone because they wanted to be at the championship game to support Lucas, but because Lucas couldn't be there because of the game. Eddie never knew it was important, Mike and Dustin never voiced that they wanted to support Lucas at the basketball game because they didn't want to and they made it clear with Lucas, only being swayed briefly. It's easy to point at Eddie and say "he didn't want to postpone, we had no choice!" when Eddie didn't even know Mike and Dustin wanted to go to the basketball game (which, again, they didn't make clear was something they wanted).

Had they told Eddie they wouldn't make it to Hellfire alongside Lucas, because they wanted to support him, Eddie and the rest of Hellfire would have had no choice but to postpone, with three missing players. Dustin and Mike had a choice here, and they chose against Lucas.

About the 7 nerds...yes, Eddie doesn't have a job. But what about the other three, Gareth and Jeff and Freak#3? We don't know whether they had jobs, other scheduling issues. You tend to forget that Hellfire isn't just Eddie, but 5, (without Dustin and Mike 3) other people who are included in scheduling decisions. It doesn't work this way that the DM is calling the shots and everyone else follows - no club works like this, except when it's a cult.

To weed out the jocks in his nerd club. To ostracise Lucas specifically. The way Eddie interacts with Mike and Dustin shows he knows the people in Hellfire Club. He would've known who Lucas is. He wouldve known he loves D&D as much as the rest of them but because he also has a different interest that Eddie dislikes (not even for a moral reason but just because its popular), he's forced out.

No, he wouldn't have, because Eddie wasn't close to Lucas, canonically, he didn't know him outside of the D&D games where you play and don't talk a lot about anything outside of the game. It's already been established that at school, Lucas was with the jocks, never with Eddie or Hellfire because else the jocks would have remembered seeing one of their own with one of the "freaks". And Lucas left before Mike and Dustin joined Hellfire, which implies Eddie never ostracized anyone, he never was responsible for Mike and Dustin growing apart from Lucas. They simply had different interests, like teenagers do. People grow apart, interests change. Lucas (and Mike) didn't show much interest in D&D in ST3 - that was Will's whole storyline! - and it is in no way implied that Lucas is sad to miss the campaign (he's sad that Mike and Dustin would miss his game, not that he wouldn't be able to play D&D, judging by the entire dialogue) or that he still loves playing D&D as much as he did. We don't know how he was during the campaigns when there were no jocks around to criticize Lucas and Lucas was free to be himself at Hellfire, but since Lucas never stayed Eddie and the rest of Hellfire during school, while Mike and Dustin did because Lucas was with the jocks and they didn't want to be with the jocks, it's canon that Lucas and Eddie weren't close, and maybe not even friends before the events of ST4. Another proof: Lucas at first actually believes Eddie killed Chrissy (which is relatable since everyone not knowing Eddie, Max included, came to that first conclusion until learning of Vecna and getting to know Eddie):

Again, relatable and Max showed the same reaction but Dustin knew Eddie didn't do it because Dustin was very close to Eddie, much closer than Lucas was.

Lucas: "You guys know he (Eddie) killed Chrissy, right?"

Dustin: "That's bullshit. Eddie tried to save Chrissy."

Lucas: "Then why do all the cops say he did?"

Not once was it implied that Eddie didn't want to postpone because he didn't like Lucas having other interests. It was, however, implied in several instances that it was the moment a whole semester-long campaign had been leading to.

A group supposedly for outsiders is excluding one of their own for *checks notes* being an outsider? It's fucked up and just plain mean.

It would have been, would it have been the case, yes. Canonically, it isn't the case, and Lucas is no outsider. He is an insider with the jocks (Jason: "I should've never let you in." - Lucas:"I shouldn't have knocked."), albeit within the circle of jocks, he's an outsider. We don’t know whether Eddie knows that.

And might I remind you that Eddie's last breath, the last moments of his life after sacrificing himself "for a town that hated him", were spent to make Dustin promise he would look out after all the lost little sheepies because he couldn't anymore? Yes, he did gatekeep (with Erica, not Lucas) but he had a lot of character growth during the series regarding his us-vs-them perspective (with Chrissy not being mean and scary, with Erica being a D&D nerd despite being an eleven-years-old girl, with Steve not being a douche, with Nancy Wheeler having guns, plural, in her bedroom) - but Eddie did never intentionally ostracize anyone. His entire character was written to embody exactly the opposite in the narrative: someone who founded a club for those who'd been ostracised from the rest of high school hierarchy. That was a canon core of Eddie's character and narrative.

That was the canon. Here's my opinion, based on those canon facts and implications I listed:

It was a fucked up situation for ALL of them, and that it went the way it did is their fault, all together, and I'm sorry for all of them that it went this way.

Lucas' POV is relatable: he's tired of being bullied and sticking with Jason and the jocks is his ticket out, and he genuinely believes sticking with the jocks to become part of the popular crowd will benefit Mike and Dustin as well, in the long run, to not being bullied anymore. He never has any ill intent towards anyone.

Mike and Dustin's POV is less relatable than Lucas', in my opinion: They want to play D&D instead of watching the basketball game they're absolutely not interested in even if it's their best friend on the bench and maybe even playing (nobody could have known he'd be playing, he only was because another player was injured, but Mike’s jab at Lucas being a benchwarmer is mean) - they wanted the old times back, they wanted to play D&D alongside Lucas but they chose to play without him instead of supporting him. Eddie never threatened to kick anybody out of Hellfire and as we got to know him in the later episodes, he never would have. It was about ONE night, the finale of the campaign, not generally about being part of Hellfire - they could have opted to support Lucas and Eddie would have needed to postpone. They didn't.

Eddie's POV: He doesn't know Lucas as well as he knows Dustin and Mike because Lucas never spends any time with him outside of the campaigns outside of school. Lucas doesn't even ask Eddie himself to postpone, which, in my opinion, is a bit rude. There has been a lot of work involved for Eddie, preparations for the setting as well as planning of the campaign since he's the DM. By not asking him himself, Lucas didn't show Eddie it was important to him that he could partake in the campaign so no, Eddie didn't know it was important to Lucas, who was sitting with the jocks while he let Mike and Dustin do the talking so he wouldn't be seen with Eddie and the other "freaks and nerds" as Lucas called them. Eddie was petty, yes, but he didn't have any ill intent either, neither towards Lucas nor towards Dustin and Mike - he simply wanted to play D&D and didn't know it was important to postpone because the only explanation Mike and Dustin gave was "we need Lucas as a player", to which the obvious solution was "get a sub". Plus, Eddie never put Lucas to the test to see which side he'd choose, and he never even implied that he would've kicked Lucas out of Hellfire. It was about one single night. Again, a bit petty and definitely selfish and a flaw - but there was no ulterior motive, no mind games or power play going on.

I'm not saying Eddie doesn't have flaws: he has, and that's important because they make him relatable. He acted selfish and ignorant because it was about basketball, and he did gatekeep with Erica until he realized he was and corrected the mistake immediately without being childish about it. Yes, he judges people prematurely and stacks them in neat little boxes just like they do him, and he learns it later on and stops doing it because he’s self-aware. Yes, he was stupid to sell Chrissy ketamine. But canonically, none of these things happened with ulterior motives or ill intent, and the narrative and writers went out of their way to show that because else, they would have failed to depict Eddie as the lovable character he was meant to be.

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silverlark2 · 2 years

Text

“is something wrong with me?” | e. munson

best friend!eddie munson x fem! reader

summary: in which you got stood up, again, and eddie is determined to lift your spirit, even if it means admitting the one thing he’s been able to hide for years…

notes: not to be sad on main but i wrote this based on what actually happened today irl and i needed some eddie comfort so this is a tad bit self indulgent but we all need an eddie pick me up sometimes. im also a sucker for the best friends to lovers trope so- i copied and pasted from notes so it’s unedited, be warned, some insecure thoughts but just know you are loved and very much wanted <3

word count: 3k, i got carried away

it happened again.

you got your hopes up.

you woke up earlier than usual, you took extra time styling your hair and even picked out your favorite outfit. you had work all day and knew you’d be able to clock out and meet this cute boy downtown for a date. a first date.

you hated the dating game. it physically made you ill to admit you’ve been putting yourself out there in attempt to break the record for being single the longest in your friend group. after countless rejections and guys who straight up to your face said “you’re pretty and fun to be around but i just don’t have feelings for you,” you finally felt confident about this one.

you met when you passed by each other at the store. he flashed a smile and asked for your number. pulled all the right cards. this guy actually asked you out on a date. it wasn’t a “hey come over to my house and we’ll watch a movie” which was code for “i just want to get in your pants.”

so when you showed up to the small diner on the outskirts of hawkins at the time you agreed to over the phone the night before, you weren’t expecting to be left stranded. you waited an hour. the waiter took pity over you and gave you a free milkshake which you gladly accepted before making the trek back to your car where you drove home in silence.

it was around 10pm when you heard the ring of your house phone and you picked it up to hear the familiar buzz of metal music playing in the background.

“hello?” your voice gave away your sad mood.

“L/N, i’m in desperate need of a late night drive partner. been itching to get out all day. this final project has been kicking my ass. damn you, o’donnell.” your best friend, eddie, rambled into the phone.

apart of you wanted to nicely decline and continue your sad romantic movie bing with ice cream but another part of you knew eddie would help distract you from your problems.

the only thing was.

you didn’t tell anyone you had this date. you didn’t want it to be another tragic date story. so you kept it to yourself. it explained why eddie was clueless to your abnormal sad tone.

“sure, eds.” a small smile forcing its way onto your face.

“perfect! be there in 10.” he hung up causing the buzzing noise to suddenly drop and you were back to feeling that pull in your stomach.

“you look rough, girl. what happened to you?” eddie playfully asked as you jumped into his van. the linger of smoke and alcohol stained the leather seats. you took in the familiar scent with a long inhale before shrugging.

“finals been kicking my ass too.” you lied.

“it looks like you’ve been crying. seriously, y/n, what happened?” his voice was laced with concern now he turned to face you more in the van. you just continued to stare forward. almost regretting this. you didn’t want to think of the familiar feeling of rejection any longer.

“nothing, i thought we were driving?” you snapped.

leaving it alone and trying to pretend you didn’t practically bite at him, he started the engine back up and drove away.

you and eddie have been best friends since middle school. what started out as a talent show rivalry turned into life long friendship. now, as seniors, or one repeat senior and former junior, you were attached at the hips. you were the rhythm guitar and background vocals in corroded coffins and a current level 15 half-elf bard in the hellfire club. after being friends this long, the idea of being more was off the table. your middle school crush was pushed so far down in your mind, it was almost nonexistent. that was why rejection hurt so much more. no way did eddie see you that way and as it turns out, no one else did either.

eddie could tell something was eating you alive. maybe it was fate that he felt the urge to call you up and invite you for an impromptu late night drive. he missed you, it felt like lately you’ve been avoiding him. now, he realizes something else was keeping you away from him. he could feel you becoming distant.

it was his goal now to make you smile and to hopefully fix whatever was making you upset.

the idea that came to mind was one he should have thought of when you first got in the car. as he turned onto creighton road, trees on each side of you, he rummaged through to find the mixtape you made for these late car rides.

with a quiet aha, he put it in and a smile came to his face when the familiar favorite began to play.

heaven and hell by black sabbath.

you could see his premature head banging from the corner of your eye. the song yet to transition to the part where you both would normally go all out. you knew he was trying to get a reaction out of you.

“nothing? come on, L/N” he began to drum at the steering wheel. “it’s a crime to sit still in the presence of metal. and with dio? that’s just plain disrespect.” he joked around, poking at your leg as he drove.

he screamed the lyrics, occasionally singing in silly voices or purposely being off key which caused you to finally look over at him with a face of disgust.

“you sound terrible.” you laughed quietly.

“ah she speaks!” he exclaimed, taking his hands off the steering wheel for a slight second to applaud.

“shut it, munson.” you sat back in the passenger seat with your arms crossed, starting to relax with a comfortable smile on your face.

the transition you were waiting for took place and you found yourself slightly nodding your head.

“there she is! best part of the song come on now!” he yelled over the music that was way too loud.

“oh what the hell” you shook your head before jumping up in the seat and fully head banging to the black sabbath song blasting from the speakers.

beneath the loud intricate melodies playing in the van were you and eddie’s laughs and off key singing.

a true distraction. for a second, the world stopped and it was just you and eddie.

when the song faded, eddie pulled into the empty parking lot you both would sneak to smoke when skipping class. it was your hang out spot outside of the hidden place in the woods where eddie did his dealings.

there were two sources of light at this hour. a light post and the flickering neon sign of randy’s music shop. the sign flashing green and red making eddie’s car light up like a christmas special.

once parked, eddie turned off the music with a heavy sigh.

“okay, trouble. spill it. what’s wrong?” eddie asked, his voice softer than before.

you went back to your defensive stance, with arms crossed and staring out the front windshield.

he didn’t deserve the attitude. he deserved the truth. he came to you when rebecca rejected him in front of the whole basketball team. he came to you when susan asked him out as a joke and ran off laughing when he said yes. you could tell him about being stood up.

for the third time. hoping he didn’t think it was as embarrassing and pitiful as you felt.

he just looked at you in silence as he saw the hesitation painted on your face. your eyes flickered between your feet and the light right outside the car.

“is something wrong with me?” you finally blurted out after what seemed to be years of silence.

eddie scoffed, “woah what? is something wrong with you? no, why would you think that?” you were his best friend of 6 years, his crush the majority of the time, and the sweetest most amazing person he’s ever met. of course there was nothing wrong with you.

you shrugged, tempted to go silent again.

“i’m starting to think there is. it’s the only explanation.”

“for what?”

“why today was the third time a date stood me up. i'm a complete joke.” you responded, so soft he thought he misheard you.

a date? you went on a date and didn’t tell him? he felt a pang in his chest.

he just looked at you with a sad face as he put the pieces together as to why the past few months you’ve had these small moments. three different times, three different dates have stood you up and you kept it to yourself.

“Y/N… nothing is wrong with you. you are pe-“

“you’re my best friend. i give you full permission to tell me straight forward. what is it about me that makes me seem like a joke?” you asked, genuinely. you stared at your hands that fidgeted in your lap.

eddie’s eyes widened at the question. how could he answer that?

he touched your shoulder to get you to look at him but you couldn’t. you knew if you did, the tears that you were trying so damn hard to hold back would finally let go. with a sigh, he grabbed your chin to force you to look at him.

his eyebrows were raised in concern and a frown appeared in his face, adding to his overall sad puppy look. it was his big sad eyes that got you.

“and no pity” you added, not fighting the small sniffle that came to you.

“sweet girl, there is nothing wrong with you. i mean that, full heartedly. cross my heart.” he ran his finger across his chest in an x-pattern. you rolled your eyes and tried to look away before he turned you back to him, staring into your eyes hoping it showed you he was serious. “those guys… they’re complete idiots. cowards even. and honestly, it’s their loss. they are missing out on one amazing girl.”

“you’re just saying that.” you wiped under your eye, trying to catch the tears before they ran down your cheeks. “you have to.”

“no i don’t, y/n. im serious. ive known you for six years now? im pretty sure i have the credibility to say that. any guy would be lucky to even be in your presence. so fuck those guys huh?” he laughed.

“then why do i feel like i’m never wanted.” you said quietly, the dark fear that haunts you being revealed. “i’m always someone’s second choice or entertainment for when they’re bored or until they find the next thing. i just want to feel desired for once.” you rambled, not caring anymore about the judgement of your best friend.

sure there was a small hint of pain in your voice caused by the boy next to you. the first hint of rejection was in fact the day eddie came home to tell you about this cheerleading captain from your class and how he couldn’t stop staring at her at lunch. but eddie didn’t have to know.

it hurt eddie to know that you have been hanging onto this feeling for awhile now. he didn’t like knowing his best friend was looking at herself in the mirror and telling herself she was undesirable when he in fact have been pushing away his own feelings toward her for years. he even forced an infatuation with chrissy cunningham, the queen of hawkins high, in order to get over you. he himself felt unworthy to be anything more than your friend.

that’s why it confused him as to who and why these boys were breaking your heart.

silence.

eddie cleared his throat.

silence.

when he finally spoke up, he said your name so soft as if it was fragile. as if, spoken at any louder volume, it would break. he mustered all the courage in the world to look into his best friends eyes and hope that what he said didn't make this worse. didn't make you feel worse.

"freshman year, we just started corroded coffins, right?"

you nodded, confused to what he was getting at.

"we played at whatever festival it was that year and that guy came up to us after just to talk to you."

the memory recollected in your mind.

a student, who seemed to be a year or two above you, came up to you clearing not interested in the band as a whole. he just thought it was hot to see a girl play guitar up on the stage. you didn't like the situation one bit.

"you came and wrapped your arm around me and called me babe." you snickered.

"thanks for coming and seeing the band, we appreciate the support."

"well, I was actually wanting to ask-"

"my girlfriend here was amazing. weren't you babe?"

"oh- uh- yeah she was." the dude walked away rolling his eyes and you laughed so hard as you took eddie's arm off you.

"good one, eds."

"yeah, well. if we're being honest tonight..." he started, clearing his throat to stall. "I was jealous."

"j-jealous?"

"I hated how easily the guy came up to you with confidence. I was scared he would sweep you off your feet. I did that not only to save you from a disaster waiting to happen but also because I didn't like the idea of another guy taking my spot."

"eddie..."

guilt from the way you responded that day creeped in, mixed with your own hurt from rejection.

"when you laughed, I told myself that we were clearly just friends. you didn't see me as anything more. so i accepted my place as the best friend."

silence.

he shook his head, chuckling nervously.

"no hard feelings, I promise. Im just telling you that to say..." he was scared to look into your eyes again, afraid he'd melt at the way you stared at him now. "you are very much in fact desirable. I would know, because I've had a stupid crush on you since the seventh grade. i've just been too scared to tell you. scared you would laugh in my face and i'd lose out on an amazing band mate, my best campaign partner, the one person that knows me more than I think I know myself sometimes. it makes me so angry to know that others don't see you the way that i do. god damn it, Y/N, you have no idea how wanted you are. there's nothing wrong with you. not one single thing. every part of you is my favorite. and if I just made this whole thing awkward, im so sorry I just- I hope it makes you-"

"eddie"

"feel better because I hate seeing you upset."

"eddie"

"what?"

"can I kiss you?"

he nodded with his wide eyes and slightly parted lips, wondering how you both got here. he wasn't complaining. not when the girl of his dreams was currently grabbing his face and pressing her soft lips against his.

years of mutual pining and the both of you being idiots led to this moment. a soft kiss that pushed to be more passionate. unspoken feelings being expressed by the way eddie gently grabbed the sides of your face, pulling you closer. you ran your hands through eddie's hair as you tried to get as close as the front seat would let you. pushing up onto your knees causing eddie to moan as you slightly tugged at his curls.

if breathing wasn't a vital part of living, you don't think you would have ever stopped kissing him. there were so many times during your friendship with eddie that you were scared he caught you staring at his lips. now you were able to finally say that his lips were softer than expected.

you pressed your forehead against his as you both slowed your breathing.

"in case it wasn't obvious-" you laughed between breaths, "i've had a stupid crush on you ever since you beat me in the talent show."

"i still think it was rigged, you should have won."

"not the time, munson" you both laughed. everything feeling peaceful.

"we're really big idiots aren't we, sweetheart?"

"i really had to get stood up three times to finally get a kiss from eddie munson."

you sat back in your seat and stared up at your best friend. his smile turned into a sympathetic frown.

"i'm sorry, again."

you shrugged.

"it's alright. it's their loss. i'm no longer available anyways."

"oh really now?" he asked, the biggest smirk on his face.

"mhmm."

"and who's the lucky fella?"

"i'm staring right at him." you smiled, both of you never daring to look away.

"can i take you out on a proper date? I want to do this right. i-i'm gonna get you flowers, i'll even wear a button up and tie. i heard there's this nice Italian restaurant downtown-" eddie rambled again. he swore he would never let you feel rejected or undesired ever again. this meant he would do any and all he could to make up for what the other guys took from you. what you deserved.

you reached over and grabbed his hand to give a reassuring squeeze.

"i was thinking we could go rent a movie and stay at your place." you shrugged. you didn't need fancy dates. you didn't need eddie to change how he dressed or waste his money on flowers and jewelry like all the other guys did to prove their love. you just wanted him. your best friend. "i just want you."

"is it too soon to say im in love with you?"

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