shit-my-asexual-friend-says
The Bi One
She/her This blog is 100% intended to be good fun, and is made in tandem with my beloved @why-are-the-allos-like-this
If you're sex-repulsed, block #TheHornyTag
Bisexual here means all genders. I used to identify as Pansexual, back when I was attracted to no genders but most eligible people.
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CHAPPELL ROAN - Casual (2023) dir. Hadley Hillel with MIKA LESHA as THE SIREN
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Reblog if you want your followers to anonymously tell you one thing they secretly like (or dislike) about you.
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Everyone talks about gay best friends of straight women, but the real heroes are lesbian best friends of straight men. Do you know how hard I work to make him presentable to women? I literally put moisturizer on his face!!!
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We finally did it, y’all! We’re married 💍
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From firsthand experience, significantly older women loved me when I was a beautiful bipolar 19-yo twink and it was amazing, but admittedly some of that was probably just the ambient Obama Era slutwave magic
You should write a memoir and charge 50$ a pop for it, truly fascinating the life you have led
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I wanna be a twink while still being a cis girl.
Me at 18: I'm sure all guys go through a phase where they're intensely jealous of goth girls for looking so pretty and being allowed to dress in a way that is decidedly feminine but in a way that still breaks gender norms
Me today: oh you dense motherfucker
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I honestly cannot believe how far T(W)ERF rhetoric has spread on this site. They used to be the ONLY ones I saw openly mocking the concept of identifying as queer, the ONLY ones I saw referring to people as ‘kweer’ in a mocking way.
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Once while I was at work a grown ass man told me "no matter how tough you act you'll never be a man, just like I'll never be a woman" and I know he MEANT like "I'm tougher than you because women are weak" but I heard it in Queer and went "Oh.... sweetheart" and he just completely recoiled it was insane
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Can they protect me from otherwise fatal body modifications, ex. Can we have a slasher themed horror movie date where my organs are splayed out?
Idea: you're dating a reverse shapeshifter. They can't change form, but they can change other people.
They're bisexual with eclectic tastes and a thing for variety. Who knows what you'll look like tonight?
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REBLOG IF YOU ARE HELLA BORED AND WOULDN’T MIND SOME CURIOUS ANONS.
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Followup question. Can I have a second uterus?
hmmm why does my uterus hurt and why do i feel kinda off. weird. surely these are not the warning symptoms of a predictable biological process that occurs on a regular schedule. anyway. im going to wear white pants today.
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The two funniest things, at least to me, about my "bdsm library" shitpost, are:
* how many people are apparently totally willing to believe that I'm actually in a weird bdsm polycule with so many subs that we need a management system. As a rampant asexual, that is hilarious, because I'm nothing like that in the slightest.
* the fact that if I did, for some reason, find myself in a weird bdsm polycule... Running the library is exactly the kind of thing I'd do. Of course I would! I'm an asexual geek who works in a library! What do you think I'd do if I found myself in a nigh-orgy? The paperwork, obviously.
It's like, it's funny that anyone thinks it's true, given how incongruous it is to my actual personality (if you know me), but at the same time it's funny how true it is: not the polycule stuff, but the "what I'd do in this situation" stuff.
(not to say asexuals can't be into bdsm. I know plenty who are, but I'm just more on the sex-repulsed side of the scale, and for me that includes bdsm. I know it doesn't for all asexuals)
Anyway this whole saga was inspired by by actual library job. I cannot confirm or deny how close it is to this shitpost in practice.
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the part of me that gets a neigh-unto-erotic euphoria from knot theory notation and the part of me that gets standard-issue-erotic euphoria from sexuality treated as a nonsexual commodity have met in the middle and are absolutely having the time of their life with this thread.
My subs have those barcode tattoos, but it's not some kind of slavery play like it often is...
See we're got a complicated poly free-use situation going on with lots of extended polycule members who may drop in and want to borrow a sub or three for a scene or a month.
So we designed our system around the non-kinky institution that most closely resembles our situation, where we've got a bunch of individual "resources" that need to be loaned out to verified patrons and tracked so we can tell where our items are, when they are supposed to be back, if they're late to be returned, and put holds on them.
So we're using a library management program.
You just go to the circulation desk, scan your polycule card, then the subs you want to check out. It's a simple and efficient solution!
We're still having some teething problems with late returns, though. And it's trickier than we expected to fill out the item description pages. How exactly do you categorize a bisexual transmasc painslut with a thing for puppy play into the Dewey decimal system? Still, the work continues.
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Earlier today, talking about queer community security, I said, "Well, you know the saying about butches and bears," and the person I was talking to said "... no?"
So:
No "see answers" option, pick an answer or stay curious.
I don't have enough answers options to add location, so put your location stuff in tags & please reblog to satisfy my curiosity. Thank youuuuu.
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I am looking neither respectfully nor disrespectfully. I gaze without recognition of your form, and without understanding.
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womanhood is stored in those and without it you will die
Hellppp some transphobe found my posts about getting surgery and is yelling in my asks about how I mutilated my ‘perfect feminine body’ . I got my wisdom teeth removed.
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